From the Denver Post:

"I feel me being here and what I've done for this (team) ... (an offer) would have at least been extended, and it wasn't," Martin told The Denver Post. "I don't know who made that decision, but the decision was made. And I ain't happy. They know it. Everybody knows it.

"I'm not rushing whatsoever. The day I come back is the day I come back," Martin said. "Think about it: Ain't nobody in a hurry to give me a contract, so why would I be in a hurry to rush back and risk further injury? Makes all the sense in the world, right? Trust me, I've thought about it plenty.

"I didn't get hurt on my own. I got hurt playing basketball. I didn't get hurt doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. I got hurt playing basketball. Overuse, is what the doctor told me. I got a tear in my patella. I didn't get that nowhere else but playing for the Nuggets last year."

Kinda reminds me of when Shaq waited all summer to have toe surgery, then did it right before the Lakers' training camp started and said: "I got hurt on company time, so I'll heal on company time." That was The Big Lazy's next-to-last season in L.A.

So yeah, I'm sure this thing with Martin will totally end well.

Labels: Kenyon Martin, quotables, Shaq

The Atlanta Hawks: It's a pretty sad commentary when the highlight of a team's second round playoff series is losing by only 10 points in the final match of a four-game sweep. It's like managing to hang on to part of your lower intestines while being eaten alive by wild dogs. In the face of their own postseason doom, the Dirty Birds shot 31 percent from the field (23-for-73) and 15 percent from downtown (2-for-13) while finishing with only 74 points. Included in those dreadful shooting stats were nine blown layups and 41 missed jumpers. And did I mention that Wally Szczerbiak got out and dunked on them. Yep. It happened. On the bright side, they did hit 26 of their 30 free throw attempts. But back to the less-than-bright side, they failed to capitalize on Cleveland's Shaqnopsis (the Crabs were 14-for-26 from the line) and an off shooting night for LeBron James (9-for-22, including 4-for-12 on jumpers and 2-for-7 on layups).

So the Hawks finish the 2009 playoffs with a 4-7 record. And they lost those seven games by the following margins: 15, 29, 28, 27, 20, 15 and 10. That's an average margin of defeat of nearly 21 points per loss. Their postseason point differential was -7.1, fifth-worst among playoff teams, ahead of only Philly (-7.7), Utah (-9.2), Detroit (-15.5) and New Orleans (-24.2). And you'll notice none of those other teams made it out of the first round.

Of course, Hawks coach Mike Woodson was quick with the excuses, which is what you do when you've got a job to hold onto. "It's hard to judge this team because we really weren't healthy in this series. We have to get better personnel-wise, but I couldn't be more proud of the guys than I am. We made some major strides this season."

Oh, I dunno, Mike. I personally think it's very easy to judge your team...


Al Horford: According to league statisticians, Big Al, sprained ankle and all, spent 19 minutes and one second on the court last night, but you hardly would have known it by watching the game. He finished with zero points and had as many fouls (3) and missed field goals (0-for-3) as rebounds. And two of those misses were air balls, by the way. By comparison, he made Zaza Pachulia (9 points, 6 boards) look like Wilt Chamberlain. Okay, that's overstating things a bit. Manut Bol, maybe? Oh, I forgot to mention that Horford was outrebounded 4-3 by this guy...

Mike Bibby: You know, I used to love this guy back when he was playing in Sacamento alongside Chris Webber and Vlade Divac. Now? I hate him. I mean, I loath him like he was a Laker. So, yeah, I get a little wood when the Bibster blows chunks. And last night, the chunks were extra chunky. Think "I shouldn't have downed that burrito as big as my head after doing 12 tequila shots." The line: 30 minutes, 3 points (1-for-6), 1 assist, 1 turnover and 3 fouls. Not bad for a starting point guard...if your starting point guard is Eric Snow.

Mario West: How fitting that in his final game of the season -- and, who knows, maybe the final game of his career -- Mario ended up with a 35-second Mario during which he racked up a plus-minus score of zero. Dude is like Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense"...he's there, but he's not.

Carmelo Anthony: Everything was going so well for the Nuggets. Up 3-0 in the series, ahead by 14 points (37-23) early in the second quarter of Game 4, the Mavs looked ready to call it a season...and then 'Melo did what my buddy Mister P calls "shooting a bear in the ass with a BB gun." Anthony got tangled up with Antoine Wright under the basket, and the officials called a loose ball foul on Wright. But that wasn't enough for 'Melo, who shoved the ball into Wright and threw an open-hand slap that kinda sorta glanced off of Antoine's shoulder.


Now see, that's the kind of thing that can light a fire under your opponent, especially when you pull that crap at their place. And that's exactly what happened. From that point forward, things got more than a little chippy: The next 34 minutes featured seven technical fouls and a couple flagrants. Things got so ugly that Carmelo's woman, LaLa Vazquez, had to be removed from the stands for her own safety. And, of course, extra security had to be positioned around Kenyon Martin's mom, Lydia Martin, due to her out-of-nowhere feud with Mark Cuban. (Of the Dallas crowd, Nuggets coach George Karl said: "I would probably use an uglier word than hostile, but I'm not going to do that right now.")

Anyway, when all was said and done, the Mavericks outscored the Nuggets by 16 the rest of the way to win 119-117 and live to die another day. And despite 'Melo's career playoff-high 41 points (15-for-29), you can't help but wonder how things might have gone if the dude had just been able to control himself.

Kenyon Martin: After Mavs owner and billionaire douchebag Mark Cuban accosted Martin's mom after Game 3 -- he told Kenyon's mom that her son was a thug and might also have called him a punk -- Martin said: "I don't feel I need to call his name in the media and all that, but it's a little personal. And I'm going to take care of it. ... [You] don't say nothing to my kids or my family. If you got something to say, say it to me. But I'm going to take care of it. I'm not going to do the whole media thing, back and forth. That's his thing. I'm more of a face-to-face type of dude."

So what did Kenyon "do" about it? Well, he fouled out in 33 minutes of lacktion, finishing with more fouls (6) than points (2), rebounds (2) and assists (1). That'll teach you, Mark Cuban! But wait, there's more. Martin got all tough with some Dallas fans too. According to Art Garcia of the NBA.com Playoff Blog (via Ball Don't Lie), Martin when all Ron Artest-lite on the crowd surrounding his mom during a second-quarter video review: "'You [expletive] better cut the [expletive],' he shouted, as team personnel tried to pull him back to the huddle. 'You're going to get [expletive] up.' Martin then said to his mother: 'Somebody do something to you, you better tell me. I'm going to [expletive] somebody up.'" Fortunately for the Nuggets, the NBA and the fans sitting around Kenyon's mom, Martin did not have to [word Kevin Garnett says on the Boston bench] anybody up.

Dirk Nowitzki, "please don't make me go home" machine: Connor Nolte of PassersRemorse.com pointed out: "After Game 4, Dirk said: 'We just didn't want to go home.' I'm pretty sure no one is going to argue with Dirk not wanting to go home to that insane lady. Dallas is the new favorite to win. Dirk definitely doesn't want to go home." I don't get it. Why wouldn't you want to go home when your criminal ex-fiance -- who might be preggers with your baby -- looks like this?


Officiating: If you read yesterday's comments section, then you know that Wild Yams is mad as hell about the state of officiating in the NBA, and he's not going to take it anymore! (I'm kidding. He's totally going to take it. But totally begrudgingly.) And his latest beef is with the way the calls were going down in the Nuggets-Mavs game: "The league has got to stop all these flagrant foul calls! Did anyone see the two flagrant fouls called near the end of the first half last night when JR Smith and Linas Kleiza drove to the basket? Neither one of those were flagrant at all. I don't even think they were even very hard fouls. What the hell are the refs doing calling everything flagrant these days? I know a lot of people are clamoring for the NBA to be consistent in its rulings, but honestly I don't care about that anymore. I'd be totally fine if they essentially admitted they'd been wrong recently and starting now you saw players able to foul the way they could during the regular season without worrying that they'll get called for flagrants for every little bit of contact. Also, did we really need for the game to stop last night for 5 minutes so the refs could review the video just because Melo shoved Wright to get him off of him? Whether he made contact with his head on that shove or not shouldn't be relevant: an open-handed shove is not a punch. The refs seem like they don't know how to call things anymore, and honestly I can't blame them. It seems nowadays like the league offices are changing the in-game calls (or worse, officially saying "they blew that call") after virtually every game. Can we just get back to playing basketball already?"

Lacktion report: Chris once again proves that lacktion is like a Hostess Twinkie: Whether or not you like its spongy, cream-filled goodness, it's always there...and always fresh.

Cavs-Hawks: The Dirty Birds met the fryer tonight, but not without putting up a fight through a majority of the game. Al Horford did his part by negating three boards and a steal in 19:01 with a trio of bricks and fouls and a turnover, earning a 4:3 Voskuhl. Maurice Evans bricked and fouled twice for a suck differential of +4 in 12:18. But in a clear example of a player showing the Association he is the world's best at a particular role, THE Mario West spent 35 seconds avoiding Donkey Kong's barrels one last time, to achieve his last Mario of the 2008-09 season (which somehow included a steal!).

Nuggets-Mavs: Even before the end of the game, Erick Dampier proved his non-worth to Mark Cuban with a painfully lengthy 22:54 stint -- where four boards, an assist, and a block were nowhere near enough to overcome a brick, five giveaways, and an Oden-style foulout! Yep, that's an 11:4 Voskuhl, THE worst ratio of the playoffs, and one of the most ghastly ratios in memory.

Luckily, Dirk Nowitzki more than made up for that mediocrity, allowing James Singleton to get back out there on the last play and be a human victory cigar! With the Mavs still alive, James's 1.4 trillion will no doubt help cover some of Mr. Cuban's legal bills.

And while George Karl's team did not end the series there, it wasn't for an absence of lacking it up, as Renaldo Balkman may have scored a late-game Super Mario Galaxy, according to ESPN (but not verified by any other source).

Insane fans: As reported yesterday, Glen "Big Baby" Davis got so freakin' excited over his game-winning jumper at the end of Game 4, he ended up shoving some fat kid who was standing courtside as he shambled his way back to the Boston bench. In a sane world, we all would have enjoyed a nice, hearty chuckle over the sweaty, flapping collision of porky flesh...that would have been that. But we don't live in a sane world. We live on a planet in which our millionaire basketball players are knocking up criminal woman-beasts and a man can't sit down on the toilet without having his penis bitten by a snake. So of course the kid's dad is getting all pissy. According to the Orlando Sentinel:

Ernest Provetti was standing beside his 12-year-old son Nicholas, sitting courtside, when the boy caught the backhand of an excited Davis. Davis scored the game-winning basket in the Boston Celtics' 95-94 Game 4 win against the Orlando Magic at Amway Arena.

Earlier today, he said he sent an e-mail to the NBA league office complaining about Davis' shove -- who many thought to be an accident.

In the e-mail, Provetti said Davis conducted himself like a "raging animal" with no regard for fans' personal safety.

"The NBA makes it clear to not cross the sideline," he said in a telephone interview. "If I cross that line, the NBA will take away my tickets. It's a double standard."

He said neither Boston or the NBA has responded. And he won't be waiting around for that call.

Sorry, Ernest. The NBA has a strict policy of not negotiating with crazy people. But if you take your wacko act to a local Starbucks, you might be able to intimidate the barista (which is pretentious for "coffee server") into a free vente diet triple frapachoco mocha whatever. Oh, and Ernest, here's some advice. Go to YouTube and to a search for "raging animal" sometime. You'll probably find several videos like this one, that will show you what a rampaging animal attack really looks like. And if that doesn't convince you, then here's a quick quiz that may help you to determine whether you have been the victim of a raging animal attack: Is there a pulpy blob of oozing flesh where the fat kid you brought to the basketball game with you was just standing? If the answer is yes...you just might have been victimized by one or more rampaging animal-monsters. Otherwise, you're a crazy, complaining twat.

Zach Randolph: Pablo sent in the link to this awesome "Where Will Amazing Happen This Year?" spoof that features Z-Bo and the worst possession in NBA history. Do yourself a favor and watch this baby seven times.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Glen "Big Baby" Davis, Kenyon Martin, Mark Cuban, Worst of the Night

Nobody farted, J.R. You guys just stink.
The Suns versus the Mavericks: My oh my how things have changed. It seems like ancient history now, but does anybody remember when the Mavs and Suns were tearing up the league just two seasons ago? Their two-team regular season tour de force climaxed in an epic double-overtime showdown on March 14, 2007. Dirk Nowitzki finished with 30 points, 16 rebounds and 6 assists, but Steve Nash showed him up with 32 points, 16 assists, 8 rebounds. More importantly, Nash scored 10 points in the final minute of regulation, capped by a game-tying 3-pointer with 2.7 seconds left. Honest-to-goodness, that was The Game of the 2006-07 season. The regular season, anyway. But, as everyone knows, the Mavs got upset in the first round of the playoffs by the Golden State Warriors, while the Suns got knocked out by the San Antonio Spurs thanks to some untimely suspensions.

It's been all downhill from there.

Both teams have fallen from being the class of the Western Conference to fighting for table scraps at the bottom of the playoff contender dog pile. And last night's 112-97 stinker was yet another reminder that what was once so amazing is now just an awkward, fumbling heap of mediocrity. It's like watching two over-the-hill porn stars making the beast with two backs. I literally couldn't make myself watch the game for more than a few minutes at a ime. Every time I turned it on, something I saw pissed me off. Like as Shaq's lumbering in the post/clogging of the lane. At one point, I flipped to the game and saw Amare Stoudemire blow a dunk and then, on the very next possession, watched Nash dish a turnover on a pick-and-roll. I blacked out at that point and woke up covered in blood with somebody's finger in my mouth. Best not to ask questions.

And kudos to Terry Porter for killing the transition game in the name of defense. The ne attitude sure is working out, isn't it? Dirk blew up on them for 39 (and might have had 50 if the game hadn't been a blowout). Dwyane Wade wacked 'em for 43 and Devin Harris spilled 47. Said Porter: "We haven't done a good job of taking the challenge and guarding their guys. There's no doubt we'll get better." No doubt, Terry? No way. I have doubt. Lots of it.

After last night's game, Nash said last season "feels like six years ago" and added "Right now, we're in a dark place." Thoroughly depressing stuff.

Amare Stoudemire and the Phoenix front court: From Wild Yams: "Amare needs to probably get a mention for tomorrow's WOTN for his 5 rebounds tonight. At least he didn't have more fouls (5) or turnovers (4) than rebounds tonight, but it was damn close. Just like yesterday though, the whole Phoenix frontcourt deserves to be taken to task. For the second straight game, Matt Barnes led the Suns in rebounds (with 6), and Shaq and Amare combined for only 10 boards in 59 minutes of playing time. Not only were they outboarded by Shawne Williams, a SF off the bench (12 boards in 26 minutes), but also by one of Shaq's favorite targets for ridicule: 'Erika' Dampier (14 boards in only 25 minutes). If the Suns keep this up they're gonna finish near the bottom of the league in rebounding; and it's tough to imagine a team that is routinely led in boards by Matt Barnes making the playoffs."

I couldn't agree more, even if you'd managed to insult Kobe in that paragraph of woe. However, you omitted a few important factoids. Like how Stoudemire had FOUR of his shots blocked. Or how Shaq took the previous night off so he'd be fresh for the Mavs game...then shot 1-for-6. Oh, and let's not overlook the fact that Stoudemire -- who regarding Terry Porter's edict that the Suns improve on defense said "We wanted this" -- was the guy defending Nowitzki. If you can call "standing around listlessly just kinda hoping Dirk would miss" playing defense. Seriously, I could not have been more disgusted if Amare showed up drunk at my house and threw up on me.

Robin Lopez: Two words: Four trillion. Another wasted draft pick for the Suns. Too bad they didn't take, say, Mario Chalmers or Ryan Anderson or George Hill or Luc Mbah a Moute (sorry, make that Jean Luc Richard).

Al McCoy, the human pain pill: Basketbawful reader Clifton let's us know how McCoy -- the "Voice of the Suns" for 620 KTAR in Phoenix -- helped him get through last night's debacle:

Re: The Suns, and wheels becoming dislodged. Tonight they had both Nash and Shaq... wonder what the excuse will be this evening? I saw elsewhere that Robin Lopez trillionated tonight. Sigh.

I was listening on the radio at work, and midway through the third quarter, when Dirk Nowitzki scored his 36th and 37th points, Al McCoy dropped this gem (not verbatim, but close): "Novinsky inside, and he scores! Wow. 37 for Novinsky tonight. I tell ya, Tim, it sure seems like the Suns catch a lot of these players when they're having career nights lately," speaking to color 'analyst' Tim Kempton. Tim mumbled some response about bad luck.

First of all, Al has always called Nowitzky "Novinsky." Shrug. But moreover, I've been listening to Al McCoy call Suns games since I was in the womb. On the surface, sure, that SEEMS like a Captain Oblivious statement. However, Al can get bitingly sarcastic when things aren't going so hot for "the Purple Gang," and his tone and timbre change just ever-so-slightly when he's being this way. The above statement was one of these references. S'why I love Al McCoy. He's as big a fan as the rest of us schmoes, and manages to find a loophole in his professionalism to vent his frustrations. I got it; Tim Kempton didn't.

You can also tell when he's making a comment about the officiating -- usually after the Suns have been boned repeatedly in that department -- right when an official is in front of the announcers' table (when they're courtside, anyway); he raises his voice a little and enunciates more clearly, as if speaking to a retard. He'll suddenly change track right in the middle of a thought and blurt out, "But you know, Tim, the Suns have only been to the free-throw line four times tonight...while The Jazz Have Gone Fifteen Times...THAT'S QUITE A DISCREPANCY."

Seriously. Al almost made tonight's game bearable. Almost.

And your comments almost got me through it too. Almost.

Denver Nuggets: Yes, Chauncey Billups has made them better. No, they are not contenders. I'm glad we've gotten that out of the way. Now, to let you know how our readers feel about it, here's Sam Sung: "Alright, I just got done watching the first half of the Nuggets-Spurs game. I think it should be a rule, if your team is down by 20 points you should automatically have to boo. Also, does George Karl ever call a timeout? We were down 18 points and the camera zooms to Karl and he is at his usual spot...on the bench. I think George Karl is the only paid fan in basketball. I don't want my ball club paying for someone to sit in their chair and watch a game. The game is about to come back on and I'm sure Karl never left his seat." Speaking of George...

George Karl, excuse machine: "To me you had a very angry team, a very mad team and we were a happy team. Arrogance, cockiness, happiness, contentment, they're all different, there are very thin lines and tonight we probably thought we were a little bit better than we were and we got embarrassed. Not embarrassed, but we got beat." No, Karl, you were right the first time: You guys got embarrassed. At home, no less. But at least your team is happy. They've got that going for them.

Chauncey Billups, stat curse machine: After the Nuggets extincted the Raptors, Mr. Big Shot said: "Throughout the season you usually get two or three of those games. Unfortunately, you usually get two or three on the other side, those games where nothing really works." STAT CURSE. After his team got it handed to them by the Spurs, Billups said: "I might have talked it up on us, I don't know. That was an ugly game. Games like that you have to wash them off in the shower and just forget about them as soon as possible. They picked us apart. They just outplayed us all over the place." Scrub hard, Chauncey. Scrub hard.

Kenyon Martin: Owned. Owned. Owned. Let me say it again. Owned. As Raza put it: "Since K-Mart said after the Nuggets beat the injury-ridden Spurs the classic quote "I don't let Tim do what he wants to do. Never have and never will," I was hoping you guys would bring up Duncan's stat line tonight (21 points, 12 rebounds, 7 assists, 5 blocks, and a steal) to go with that idiotic quote." Consider it done, Raza.

Mike Dunleavy: Maybe he's just bitter, or maybe he's trying to draw some attention away from his awful coaching, but Dunleavy called Dwyane Wade a cheater the other day. No, really. "His ability to carry the ball right now, he's getting away with that," Dunleavy said. "He [carries] left to right, right to left, but he just does it fast so nobody sees it, I guess." And I guess the Clippers are doing so well this season that Dunleavy can take time off from coaching to campaign against the D-Wade Palming Menace. Thanks for working so hard to make the world a better place, Mike.

Channing Frye, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Brian S: "This quote was so funny it threw me into shock. I was unable to laugh or even respond with anything other than a open, gaping mouth. From Oregonlive, regarding the Blazers loss to the reviled Boston Celtics:

In the second meeting, Feb.24 at the Rose Garden, the Blazers built a 17-point lead in the second quarter only to see it turn into a 19-point deficit that ended in a 112-102 loss. "It was like being at a club and being with [the] baddest chick in there," Frye said. "Then you turn your head and she's gone. It's like, 'Dang, I should have had that! I should have done this or done that.' Because we had them. But I think everybody feels that way. That's why they are the world champs."

"There you have it. Channing Frye is a man's man in that he equates winning basketball games to hooking up with hot chicks at clubs." Yes, Channing certainly is a MAN-type man...even though, to me, that loss was more like an elementary school bully getting beaten up and having the lunch money he just stole from someone get taken away by a high school bully.

Jalen Rose: Basketbawful reader Geert noticed that Jalen thinks Tony Parker is the best point guard in the league. Which has no merit in my eyes, since TP isnt' really a PG at all; he's a tiny SG who handles the ball for the Spurs. And anyway, Jalen's argument is pretty lame: It's pretty much "Because he's on the Spurs." As Geert said: "Isn't that a bit like saying Brian Scalabrine is the best forward because he plays with the Celtics?"

Basketbawful reader Mark G: I received an email yesterday with a subject line of "Luke Walton minus the stalker." Inside was the following unusual request:

Dear Mr. Basketbawful,

I would like to be included in the 'Worst of the Night' section. WHY? Because I just realised I'm the second coming of Luke Walton.

I'm white, I have no range, I'm a small forward but my coach is letting me play UNDERSIZED PF like Luke, my father was WAY better than me (and still is while he's 35 years older), I barely average a point a game and on a positive note, I'm also thinking 'pass-first.'

But to make things worse than Luke's situation: I'm from Belgium, I'm never getting a ring, I'm playing MORE than Walton (but still have the same per-game averages!) and, oh yeah, did I mention that I have to pay to play instead of getting paid to sit??

I never thought I was going to say this but I wish I had a (ugly) stalker like Luke just to make me feel important.

Thank you for reading this.

Wow. Well, congrats, Mark. You're an official Worst of the Nighter here at Basketbawful. If you ever get a trillion, please send me the box score so I can post it. And I'm even going to give you a nickname: The Belgium Waffle. You rock! (But not really.)

The crazy, crazy world in which we live: This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, right? So explain to me why some poor kid had to escape from the couple who had imprisoned and tortured him for a year. Or why some dude posing as a baby sitter used a couple's two-year-old in a porn film. Or why Boy George of all people was sentenced for handcuffing a male escort to a wall and beating him with a chain because the guy wouldn't sleep with him. Or why a Florida man assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. Or why an Arizona man felt the need to attack a speed camera with a pickaxe. Or why Tina Turner had to take a huge, steaming poo all over my awesome Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome memories by appearing in concert as Aunty Entity. Oh yes she did.

Gak. At this point, I'd rather sleep with Master Blaster.
Update! Kobe Bryant: He had plans to steal Birdmas. Fortunately, that's impossible.

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, fan submissions, Kenyon Martin, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Tim Duncan, Tina Turner, Worst of the Night

Andre Iguodala: Philadelphia's leading scorer (19.9 PPG) has a total of 20 points on 5-for-24 shooting in two playoff games against the Pistons. In last night's blowout loss, he managed only 4 points on 1-for-9 from the field. In my preview for this series, I said: "In the two (regular season) games Philly won, Andre Iguodala scored 22 and 25 points...Iggy's got to score for the Sixers to stay competitive." And what do you know? Last night he didn't score and they couldn't stay competitive. Dismissed as coincidence. Seriously, though, Iguodala needs to become more aggressive and really take it to the Pistons in Game 3. This means more drives and fewer jumpshots (seven of his nine FGAs last night were jumpers). Which should be easier, since the Sixers will be at home (which always curtails the opposing team's hands-on defense).

Andre Miller: He did decent job scoring the basketball (14 points, 6-for-11) but not passing it (3 assists, 3 turnovers). I also noted in my series preview that: "Andre Miller has to keep the offense running." He's much more valuable to his team as a playmaker than as a scorer (although his scoring his important too). He can't let Detroit turn him into more of a scorer than a setup man.

Philly's defense: I know they ran into a buzzsaw, because the Pistons were determined to redeem themselves after losing Game 1. But still...no club should be allowed to shoot 55 percent as a team in the postseason. This is the playoffs, man. The playoffs.

Mike Bibby: Bibs played pretty poorly in Game 1 -- 5 points, 2-for-10 shooting, 1 assist, 2 turnovers -- much to the raucous delight of the Celtics' home crowd. His response? Well, Bibby uncharacteristically fired a few volleys at the Boston faithful: "They are fair-weather fans if you ask me. They were kind of loud in the beginning (of Game 1), but a lot of those fans are bandwagon jumpers trying to get on this now. I played here last year, too (with the Sacramento Kings), and I didn't see three-quarters of them. They're for the team now and they might get a little rowdy, but that's about it."

Those were stupid words delivered at the worst possible time, and Boston center Kendrick Perkins couldn't believe it: "He said what? Coming off a 2-for-10 night shooting, you'd say something like that, too." Of course, Bibby -- already on a roll -- couldn't let that one go: "I don't know where (Perkins) got this tough streak from. His stat line was worse than mine. Anybody else, I might take a little (bit differently). Until he does something in his career, for him to come at me like that, it kind of upsets me."

Was he ever. Mikey-boy was so troubled by Perkins and his unfair comments that he went out and shot 2-for-7 and had 1 lonely assist. That'll teach that loser, Mike! Meanwhile, Rajon Rondo out-veteren-ed Bibby for the second straight game (12 points, 6-for-11, 6 rebounds, 8 assists, 4 steals). It got so bad that Atlanta coach Mike Woodson to replaced Bibby with bench monkey Acie Law IV. (And it should be noted that Law hit as many field goals in 21 minutes as Bibby has in Games 1 and 2.) The Boston Bandwagoneers noticed this, of course, and not only cheers for Bibby's return ("Whe-eres Bib-ee?") but also let him know where he ranks in the point guard food chain ("Ron-do's be-tter!" )

And you know what? Bibby still wouldn't shut up.

After the game, Bibs again went after both Perkins ("I thought he tried to hit me a couple of times, but I didn't really feel it.") and Celtics fans ("They know who they are. If they took offense, they must be part of it. I guess they are all bandwagon jumpers."). Keep talkin', Mike. Just keep on talkin'...

Josh Smith: Smith certainly played poorly enough to warrant WotN consideration -- 3-for-13 shooting, 5 turnovers, 5 personal fouls -- but the real reason he's here is because of something that happened less than a minute and a half into the game. Smith committed a hard foul on Paul Pierce in which he took Paul Pierce down, landed on him, and then rolled over his head. And I'm sorry, but you cannot tell me that occurred purely by accident. Pierce had to leave the game for a while, but it didn't effect the outcome. We'd probably have heard a lot more about this play if it had.

Joe Johnson: The Hawks' captain scored 11 points -- about half of his regular season average -- on 4-for-10 shooting, and he had 5 turnovers to only 1 assist. Now he knows how the captain of the Hindenburg felt.

Update! Mario West: Basketbawful reader friesenth gave me the following reminder: "You forgot to mention Mario West and his 31 seconds of zero-for-everything lack-tion." Indeed I did. Sorry.

Tony Allen: The low point last night for the Celtics was Allen's three trillion.

The Enver Nuggets: The Lakers scored 122 points on 50 percent shooting. Kobe went off for 49 points and 10 assists. And the Nuggets' defense -- which relies on ramble-scramble action and forced turnovers -- took the ball away from L.A. only 11 times. I said this over and over and over during the regular season: Enver uses a gimmick defense that cannot work consistently against disciplined teams. Which the Lakers (and most other playoff teams) are. And yet all sorts of people wanted to argue with me because they Nuggets ranked in the top ten in defensive efficiency. So...where are all those people now? Hello? Anybody out there? And for the record: According to Hollinger's latest stats, the Nuggets rank next to last in defensive efficiency during the playoffs (ahead of only Dallas). That sound you just heard was checkmate.

Kenyon Martin: This is what I wrote in my NBA Closer column today: "Assume that you're on a team that barely squeaked into the playoffs. Further assume that your team is perhaps hopelessly overmatched no matter what you do. Now assume you're facing off against the opposing team's best player, and that player is Kobe Bryant. Do you a) Pull a Shane Battier and work your butt off on D while quietly hoping for the best, b) Clothesline his arrogant ass, or c) Talk some smackity-smack to get him mad? Of course, the right answer is a, the righter answer is b, and the idiot's answer is c. Guess which one Kenyon Martin chose?" In other news, Kobe scored 49 points and the Lakers routed the Nuggets. But speaking of Kobe...

Kobe Byrant: Warning!! Kobe lovers should turn back now, or skip ahead to the next entry. If you are a Kobe lover and can't help but read the following criticisms, then please answer the embedded questions before going off on your own diatribe.

Leave it to the Mamba to use a brilliant game as an excuse to exude arrogance and classlessness...again. This was Game 2 of a first-round series. I repeat: Game 2 of a first-round series. Great players on great teams don't freak out about playing well in the first round, particularly in non-deciding games. I mean, other than Michael's crazy jumping-in-the-air celebration after hitting The Shot over Craig Ehlo in Game 5 of Chicago's first-round series against the Cavaliers, can you ever remember Jordan getting all smug about crushing some hapless eighth seed? And even in that example, Michael was at that time a five-year pro who had only ever won a single playoff series. Kobe's a 12-year veteran who's been on three title teams.

Yet there was Kobe, doing his fist pumps, flexing his biceps Hulk Hogan-style, blowing smoke off his fingers like he was poppin' caps, and screaming in primal rage. He also popped his jersey about 40 times after a made shot. Seriously. Watch the video. I know he's excited and everything, but is all that crowing really necessary? Does a (potential) MVP need to act that way? I mean, has any other NBA legend -- Bird, Chamberlain, Hakeem, Jordan, Kareem, Magic, Malone, Oscar, Robinson, Russell, Stockton, West -- ever rubbed a spectacular performance in his opponents' noses this much during an early game of a first round series? That's the exclusive province of guys like Chuck Person. You kind of don't expect that crap from an MVP candidate. Well, unless that candidate is Kobe.

(And for the record, I predicted this would happen.)

Update! Doc posted the following comment to this post: "Those are fair criticisms of Kobe. But why not weigh in against Garnett as well? He spent the fourth quarter pulling the same moves (screaming into the air, raising his arms to the crowd, shaking his head threateningly) against a sub-.500 playoff opponent that the Celtics were beating by 20. This is after Garnett had been shooting around 36% from the field. Kobe at least turned in a dominating all-around performance against a 50-win team, who were within 5 at one point of the fourth quarter. Can't argue with you that he has a real hard time exhibiting class, but those standards should be applied across the board, especially when the other guy in question is your MVP choice."

Those are good points, Doc. I'm slightly abashed to admit that I stepped away from the fourth quarter of that game to do a few things...so I didn't see KG's antics. For the record, I wouldn't have appreciated them. There is one caveat, though, which is tha Garnett has acted that way for most of his career: Winning, losing, up 20, down 20, in big games, in meaningless games. It's part of that whole intense "wildman" persona he uses to amp up his game. It just seems more like a natural behavior -- like a tea kettle letting off steam or a dog humping your leg -- than what Kobe did. You get the feeling that KG can't contain his freakosity; when Kobe does it, he's clearly trying to show his opponents up.

Update! George Karl: Once again, my oversights are corrected by a reader. Rob Mahoney from Upside and Motor had this to say: "Wait, you put Kenyon Martin and the Nugs on Worst of the Night, but no mention of George Karl? No love for the mastermind who decided Martin and Edward Najera were good covers for Kobe? I honestly think his Karlness would be offended that you wouldn't feature him in a post about the worst of the NBA." Far be it from me to offend somebody who took the "D" out of Enver.

Steven Hunter and Ira Newble: One of the hidden subplots of the Nuggets-Lakers series is the duel between lousy roleplayers. Hunter and Newble each had a one trillion last night.

Reggie Miller: Rob S. let us know that Reggie continues to give color commentary lessons in the Knave's English: "I'm just watching the Lakers-Nuggets game and there's about 4 minutes left in the third and Reggie Miller just said, 'Kobe garnishes a lot of attention,' like Kobe is a sprig of cilantro or something. One might suspect he meant to say Kobe GARNERS a lot of attention, but at this point I really don't think Reggie even knows what he means to say. Awful." As a long-time Pacers fan, I officially have no comment. (Although my unofficial comment is, "Gak.") Update! Another Miller-related tidbit from Austen: "How about an extra 'Worst of the Night' bit for Reggie Miller for that idiotic bit during the Nuggets-Lakers game regarding the Celtics/Lakers Finals Matchups. He went through three minutes worth of stats only to have his final point be 'so as you can see, having that #1 Seed is a real plus!' No s***, Sherlock!"

Update! ESPN, TNT, NBA TV, and ABC: More from Austen: "Another Worst of the Night should go to ESPN/TNT/NBA TV/ABC for completely ignoring the Jazz/Rockets series once the Jazz won that first game. Ever since then (and I noticed this last night), whenever the commentators would remind everyone of the games coming up the next couple of days, the next in the Jazz/Rockets series would be conveniently left out. The commentators wouldn't mention it, and there wouldn't be a line of text about it on the screen, either. I know the Jazz have this series sewn up and the league despises the Jazz in general for being a small market team knocking out big market teams, but this series still has 2 games left! I wonder if this is as insulting to Rockets fans as it is to this Jazz fan."

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Andre Miller, Denver Nuggets, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Kenyon Martin, Kobe Bryant, Mike Bibby, Philadelphia 76ers, Reggie Miller, Tony Allen