First, a little business: I will be out of town on vacation the rest of this week, so I won't be writing BAD posts for Games 2 or 3. Thankfully technology will allow me to post comments or tweet so I can share my smart-ass musings if I feel like tapping something out on my phone.

In today's absurdly ridiculous NBA legal news update, JR Smith got busted for illegal scootering. I can't shake my head discouragingly enough.

And finally, I hope you appreciate these last few games. It's probably the last NBA action you'll see for over a year.

Worst of the Eastern Conference Finals Press Conference in Pictures:







Game 1 of the 2011 NBA Finals:
Mavericks at Heat, ABC, 9pm (Series tied 0-0): Here's a cool but probably meaningless stat from the Elias Sports Bureau: "Dallas has won its last 14 regular-season games against Miami, the 2nd-longest winning streak teams to meet in the NBA Finals. The other 4 teams to enter the Finals with at least a 5-game winning streak against their opponent have gone on to win the title."

Why do I say this stat may be useless? How often do you see a team in the Finals that looks as completely transformed as this year's Heat? Right now they're hotter than Tabasco Family Reserve. But during the regular season, they were at times more dysfunctional than a sitcom family. And of course this stat is also useless because it goes deep back into previous seasons, with different players and coaches. Remember Miami's 2007-2008 team? Dwyane Wade played in only 51 games. Shaq gave them a mere 33 games. Ricky Davis was the only player to play in all 82 games for that team. (For the love of God, Smush Parker was on their roster!) Amazing how much the times change, eh? How did they turn it around so much? I need to think about this one for a few minutes -- if you need me, I'll be in the Chamber of Understanding


Okay, I figured it out: Dwyane Wade is really good at basketball. So while we talk about LeBron this and LeBron that, don't forget the other guy he's going to have going to the foul line approximately 1,847 times during this series.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, JR Smith, Lebron James

Cleveland Cavalier's D: Just like you expected, The Crab's 13-game win streak came to an end against the Wizards Generals. On the season, Crab opponents average 90.9 PPG and 42.8% on FGs (1st and 2nd best in the league). But you would have never known that by watching them allow 109 points and 51% shooting.

Caron Butler was the Wizards General's leading scorer with 25 and, by no coincidence, LeBron and Delonte West had the two lowest plus-minuses on the night (-13 and -15). LeBron frequently left Butler open on help defense, and Delonte West made the mistake of being undersized and inattentive. For some reason, they also didn't have an answer for the drifter Darius Songaila, who dropped 17 points in 24 minutes.

ESPN said this was the biggest regular season upset since the 17-win Clippers ended the Lakers 15 game win streak back in 1988. Wait..the Showtime Lakers couldn't stop Michael Cage?!?

Mike James and Javaris Crittendon: Both missed Thursday's win over the Crabaliers. The result? Their rusty, injured replacement (that Gilbert Arenas guy) led the Wizards Generals to the biggest regular season upset in 20 years.

LeBron James, diss machine: When commenting on the boos laid on him Thursday, King Crustacean said, "I'm hated in all 30 cities. Uh, 29. They love me in Cleveland. They hate me everyplace else. Uh, I forgot about New York. They love me there, too." Never forget where you came from. Unless you wish you were from somewhere else.

Unintentional motivation: Jay Cutler's departure from the Broncos has energized the entire city, including the Nuggets. There were several "Jay who?" signs spotted in the crowd. As a result, the Jazz were on the receiving end of a JR Smith god-mode night against the Nuggets Thursday. JR had 21 points in 15 minutes in the first half, and finished 8 for 13 behind the stripe. And this was no fault of the Jazz D. JR Smith was draining threes in transition, off the dribble, off the floor, off the scoreboard, off the backboard, no rim.



Chris Andersen: Had a career-high 8 blocks against the Jazz, but he will forever have to live with the pain of being the the other Birdman, ie. the one that's not in the WWE Hall of Fame. Oh, it hurts. It must feel just like a piledriver. Chris...8 blocks is fine by some, but have you ever brought an Amazonian gold-breasted macaw to courtside with you? I think you know what to do.

The Utah Jazz frontcourt: In a completely unrelated story, Boozer, Okur and Kirilenko shot a combined 10 for 45 against the Nuggets, including Boozer having 6 of his shots blocked. Insert gratuitous "Paul Millsap was playing awesome until Boozer came back. Will Boozer be back next year?" comment here.

The NBA "Going Green": I have nothing against environmental awareness, but green jerseys for everyone? On the greenization of the Nuggets, George Karl said, "The only thing I don't like about that is they remind me of the Celtics." Just a shameless scheme to trick channel surfers into thinking the Celtics are on TV every day. I only say that because it totally worked on me at least twice yesterday.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Cheesed away a 13-point lead and lost to the Sixers by 10. These things tend to happen when you score 36 points in the second half and get outrebounded by 16.

Reggie Evans, unintentionally dirty quote machine: When commenting on a limp first half against the Bucks, "The second half was almost like a wake-up call, 'Let's tighten up a little bit. Let's focus in even more and get into it.' We slowly grinded it out." It becomes much more worster when you remember that Reggie Evans is the guy that did this.

Pittsburgh Pirates, epic fail: Their preseason squad lost a game to Manatee Community College. The folks at bwe.tv summed it up better than I could ever hope to: "Granted, the Pirates started a split-squad assortment of minor leaguers, but they’re still professional baseball players and they not only lost to a college, and not only lost to a community college, they lost to a community college that shares its name with a docile sea cow." Season tickets are still available.

Lacktion report: We now return to Chris and his regularly scheduled lacktion report:

Bucks-Sixers: Keith Bogans hunted down lacktion successfully with a +2 suck differential in 3:11 via giveaway and foul.

For the home team, Theo Ratliff's contract got nearer to expiration with a 5:3 Voskuhl (three fouls and two turnovers against a field goal and a rebound) in 8:24.

Cavs-Wizards: In bizarro night at the Phone Booth, the Crabs were boiled by the Washington Generals. So it was no surprise that JJ Hickson and Tarence Kinsey rested their pincers in favor of Sasha Pavlovic, who nefariously crawled his way to a +2 via fouls in 4:13.

Jazz-Nuggets: Matt Harpring plucked a turnover and a foul each en route to a +2 in 5:08.

Update! Kobe Bryant: Paid the $165 million in AIG bonuses out of his own checkbook, just to see the employees lambasted and threatened by the rest of the country. Then the checks bounced.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, daily Kobe, Gilbert Arenas, JR Smith, Reggie Evans, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Night