"Our interior presence! It's hideous!"

Lots and lots of picture bawfuly goodness from this weekend to share, so I'll try to keep this one short.

Here's one from Basketbawful reader Will: "After reading this article, I've come to the conclusion that Isaiah Thomas is actually the world's foremost character actor and his ongoing role is a delusional nutcase. See what he says about the sexual harassment suit the Knicks lost because of him."

And as linked on Deadspin: NBA Player Visualization. Cartoon caricatures of NBA players are created with the size and shape of their legs, arms, heads, eyes, etc. based on different stats. Once you look at it, the whole thing makes sense. It is far more entertaining than I ever anticipated. It's also great proof that Chris Duhon is a terrible basketball player.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Thunder Celtics Basketball
Caption this!
What's going on with The Big Facemaker?

This poor lady (right) just could not be consoled after her husband was tragically crushed by Baby's fat ass
(Caption via the Anonymous reader in BAD comments)

Big Baby really looks like he's listening to whatever expletives KG's dishing out

If only Hedo Turkoglu was still with the Craptors, this could have been one of the best "Ball" moments of all time

How long until an usher comes by and kicks Sonny Weems out of that seat for not having a ticket?

Thunder Celtics Basketball
"(insert your expletive of choice here)"

Cavaliers Hornets BasketballMagic Pacers Basketball
It's a battle of awesome coaching faces! Which do you think has been more successful this year? (If you answer Jim O'Brien, you are either Jim O'Brien or Jim O'Brien's mom)

Suns Bobcats Basketball
Speaking of success... these guys have no idea what that's like

"I am so fired..."

Rockets Raptors Basketball
Air guitar solo!!

Cavaliers Spurs Basketball
Pops approves with an air high five!

Nationally Televised Games:
Magic at Spurs, NBA TV, 8:30pm: The Spurs are off to their best start ever, and averaging 107.8 points per game. Are people still throwing out that cliché that the Spurs are a boring team to watch? Just curious.

All The Other Games:
Celtics at Hawks, 7pm: Rajon Rondo's expected to sit out this game. Noooooooooooooooo!! Not another loss!!!

Pacers at Heat, 7:30pm: Udonis Haslem's ligaments. Dwayne Wade's hand. The Countdown to Failure continues to escalate! Like the Jelly of the Month Club, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Timberwolves at Thunder, 8pm: So, wait a second. Kevin Durant, the team's star player, gets injured and suddenly the team wins two straight games?? Ewing Theory overload! Ewing Theory overload!! Someone go check on Bill Simmons and make sure his head hasn't exploded Scanners-style.

Suns at Rockets, 8:30pm: Two broken, beaten down teams with uneven rosters that can't play defense enter, one team leaves with a victory. It's like the lamest version of the Thunderdome ever.

Kings at Jazz, 9pm: The Jazz are averaging an NBA-worst 44.1% in the first half, and an NBA-leading 48.8% in the second half. Does ANYBODY on this team realize that an NBA game is 48 minutes long? Do they need to hang posters in the locker room to remind everyone? I mean, it's not like the NFL's concussion posters where you expect everyone to forget things. (Because they have concussions, you see.)

Nuggets at Warriors, 10:30pm: I just always find it entertainingly goofy when a team can average 3.7 fewer points per game than they allow, yet they have a winning record. The Golden State Warriors, everyone!

Hornets at Clippers, 10:30pm: Let me get this straight. The Hornets shot 32.2% from the field and won a game?? I don't care if it's against the Purple Paupers, that's still unbelievable. A middle school team wearing blindfolds could put up a better shooting percentage than that against Suckramento. And yet they still won that game! This has to be a sign for the kind of season New Orleans is going to have. You might as well put money on them to make it to the NBA Finals at this point. (NOTE: not liable for any and all gambling losses you will undoubtedly suffer if you listen to my advice. If I knew anything about gambling, 1) I wouldn't be working a 9-to-5 job, and 2) I wouldn't share my knowledge on a blog, especially one that pays me $0 a year)

Oh, and just for the record, the Clippers are who we thought they were, and I am sad for Blake Griffin.

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Blogger AnacondaHL said...
via basketball-reference, the Suns are the most underachieving team this year, so, yea.

Blogger Unknown said...
Caption!: Swing your partner. Now, do-si-do.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Here's JC with the guitar. Thanks for the idea!

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Dampier close to signing in Miami (again). I should be happy yet....I feel like Spo will not start him. Ilgauskus is a few starts short of breaking into little pieces

Blogger Will said...
These folks put together a visual display based on each player's stats. It makes a lot of players look very weird. My favorites are Jason Kidd, Dwight Howard, JaVale McGee, Rajon Rondo, and Rasheed Wallace.

Anonymous Aaron said...

"It's time for Erick Dampier"

enough said!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@ Will: I bet you haven't seen Pops Mensah-Bonsu.

Blogger Paul said...
hahaha, those are really fun player's stat displays.

Bawful mention to ESPN Heat index.
They're talking about Erick-a Dampier as the Heat's Messiah.
All of a sudden the "Big Three" needs a Savior, a shiny armor knight named "Erick Dampier" !

Simply bawful.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
It's time for Miami to lose again at home to a crappy Eastern conference opponent. OK, the Pacers are arguably the best of the dregs of the Leastern, but still, a so-called "elite" team should be destroying them.

But fear not, as we all know John Hollinger will felate them with reckless abandon regardless!

Anonymous Nightdreamer said...
Haha Pacers has less FTAs combined than Lebron James. And they still win by 16 pts.

Blogger Jason D said...
Two losses in a row for Miami? To Memphis and Indiana? The countdown to failure continues!

It doesn't help when Wade shoots 1-11 and LeBron goes 4-10. I suppose that could be fixed if they had a bench, but, well...

Anonymous kazam92 said...
basketbawful I ask, nay DEMAND you advertise firespo.com and participate in voting. If he isn't fired soon, I'll surely be the one to kill that buffoon

Anonymous kazam92 said...
On the bright side, Damp to heat done

Anonymous Anonymous said...
After the Heat got outclassed by Indiana including D.Wade's basketbawful game of the year stat line (3 points, 1-13 shooting, 1-5 FT, 5 turnovers), maybe Dampier is just what this team needs.

If Miami is going to play this bad, is it even fun to make fun of them anymore?

Anonymous Aaron said...
Pacers 93 Heat 77

Heat lost AT HOME to the pacers.

Erick Dampier can;t rescue them soon enough.

Blogger Will said...
I humbly submit Dwyane Wade for the Worst Player of the Night. My evidence: 1-13 FG, 1-5 FT, 5 Pts, 5 TO. He was outscored by Tyler Hansbrough, Solomon Jones and the All-Star himself, Jamaal Maqloire.

Blogger Will said...
anonymous- how could I forget about the human technical (apparently that's all he did)
O yeah, when I say Wade had 5 points, I meant 3.

Blogger Jason D said...
Can I ask why people think Dampier is going to make a significant difference? He's a perennial underachiever that got a bloated contract and that's it. I can definately see how just him being on the floor will help, but I don't think he'll do anything offensively and he isn't exactly Dwight Howard defensively.

Then again, I could be completely wrong.

Blogger Paul said...
On a night were the Heat was awarded 27 more free throws than Indiana, Twenty freakinng seven more free throws than Indiana they still lost by 16!
We can't discard King James great contribution to tonight's epic fail as he led the Heat's turnoverapalooza with 6 misgivings followed closely by fellow "Big 3" members Dwade and Chris Bosh with 5 and 4 respectively.

And is not even like the Pacers were lighting it up from the floor as they shot a modest/decent 44% and 37% from three point land.

Oh and in case you were wondering how did the Heat fared without their best rebounder. The Pacers were only +5 on the boards and grabbed 10 offensive rebounds to the Heat's 6.
So what went wrong? The Heat just looked completely discombobulated.
At one point in the third quarter things got really weird for the Heat.

Dwade gets a tech for arguing a call. And you could see it, He was PISSED.
A couple of possessions later, he is wide open waiting for a LBJ pass, Lebron instead looks for Ilgauzkas but his pass gets intercepted.
One possession later Ilgauzkas turns the ball over and on the following possession Wade is --again-- open waiting for Lebron's Pass, again Lebron gives the ball to Ilgauzkas on the elbow for a missed 18 footer.

At this point you could see it. Dwade was in FUCK THIS SHIT mode. One possession later Wade has Lebron open but he jacks up a contested 3 instead.
On the next possession Lebron takes the FUCK THIS SHIT to a whole new level and retaliates by launching three consecutive 3 pointers.

The whole sequence was kind of surreal, it was my dream come true. Watching the Heat destroy itself against a sub-par team!
Take that Monday night Foot Ball !!!

I can't believe this could potentially get worse as soon as they signed Dampier, muahahahaha

Memo to Lebron, instead of colluding with two other superstars try colluding with 3 superstars and make sure one of them is really tall and strong but not too strong because that would be like pushing the "easy button" and we know you don't like pushing that button.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Reality check regarding Erick Dampier:

- Dampier is only 40 days younger than Big Z

- Dampier has actually played in 76 more NBA games than Z has

- Z has been in two All-Star Games while Dampier has never been in one

- Last year's stats for the two players: Z - 7.4 ppg, 5.4 rpg, .8 bpg Dampier - 6.0 ppg, 7.3 rpg, 1.4 bpg

I don't think Heat fans should think that Erick Dampier is the solution to the solar-system sucking vacuum they've got at center. He'll help a little bit, but Miami needs more than just a little help at center.

In any event, it's not like Miami's frontcourt woes explain why they got drilled by Indy tonight. Roy Hibbert and Josh McRoberts combined for only 9 points and 8 boards tonight for the Pacers.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
"If Miami is going to play this bad, is it even fun to make fun of them anymore?"

The worse they play, the more fun it is.

Maybe LeDouche can have a TV special to talk about his feelings, and how mean it is that they don't just give him the NBA title.

Anonymous Patrick said...
At the beginning of the season, if I would've told you Miami Heat fans would be unbelievably excited about their team, would you have guessed it was because Eric Dampier was on his way?

Word Verification: dimand

"It's hard to believe that on a team with James and Wade, Eric Dampier's skills are in high dimand."

Blogger Rich Muhlach said...
Seriously, is Spoelstra gonna be fired soon?

Blogger stephanie g said...
The refs tried really hard but the Miami cheat sucked too bad even for their usual extra bench to be of much use. LeFraud Shames and D-Whistle are just unintelligent clowns who don't know how to play basketball -- maybe they lost out on their HGH connection? LeCrab's "goto" move is an offensive foul. He's one of the biggest front runners ever. STD Wade is hurt I guess. But if he's that off why is he playing? He looked like he didn't even care. Maybe LeBrick's winning attitude is rubbing off?

And is Bosh really gonna chuck 20 footers and look like a wounded giraffe all season long? If so, that's a flagrant foul against the game of basketball. Too bad LeBron never developed a post up game, huh? Or off ball movement. Or a pullup game. Or...well, anything that doesn't involve him holding the ball for half the shot clock and sponging stats from his team.

OK, OK, I'm sorry. That wasn't very adult of me. But seriously, they had a 38-13 FT advantage. And we just clobbered them despite the fact Hibbert only played 21 minutes because of foul trouble, Collison didn't play much because of his injury, and Granger went 6-21 (played some nice D though). The Cheats had the game gift wrapped for them and they STILL wilted.

I might be enjoying this Frankstein experiment a little too much, especially if they do somehow end up turning it around. But you have to admit, this could potentially be an ALL TIME bawful story. I mean, LeBron and Wade are (supposedly) premier talents, but they just disappeared this season in their prime. They may as well have died in car crashes, as far as Stern is concerned. Well, I guess everyone will be tuning in to root for whoever they're playing, so maybe he doesn't care.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
The Magic's execution in th e last few minutes was Bawful at it's finest (well no, the Heat losing two at home to poop and crap was Bawful at it's finest, let's say second-finest.) If memory serves they went from being up 95-94 to losing 97-106.

Manu is still Manu, and I'm starting to think the Spurs are legit.

Paul Westphal has been giving Tyreke the same treatment LeBron got in cleveland. Let's hope for Tyreke's sake something about that dynamic changes.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Enough with the Bosh bashing. He's been the only playing worth a shit the past few games. LeBRICK and Wade can't score on isos anymore to save their life (IRONIC BECAUSE IT IS ALL SPOTARD RUNS). Bosh can at least score with his jumper or get to the line.

As for Damp, we simply need a big ass to grab rebounds and block. Z is a different change of pace center, he can't survive an 82 game slog, admirable as he's been.


Blogger Clifton said...

"We're not having fun right now," James said.

... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS7nqwGt4-I

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can't wait for you talk about the awful new Melo Air Jordan ad, I can't help stop laughing when Melo can't even play defense in his own Ad

Anonymous Czernobog said...
NO have a Q. Pondexter on their roster? Quincy? Why wasn't I informed?

And why isn't he playing with horn-rimmed glasses?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
The cHeat loss to Indy might get upstaged if the Clippers can hold onto this late lead against the Hornets. The Other LA Team is up 2 with 25 seconds remaining.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Eh, I rather think that even if they win this, the Hornets' hot streak is over. They're just not that good.

And there's a limit to what CP3 can do after dribbling out the shot clock on every possession.

Blogger Austen said...
Matt Harpring, Unintentionally Dirty Quote of the Night: *referring to Krylo Fesenko* "He really clogged up the Middle and got his hands on a lot of balls."

Blogger LotharBot said...
Trevor Ariza is clutch for the Clippers tonight!

(Yes, I typed that correctly.)

Blogger Wild Yams said...
The Clippers are horrendous, but they beat the Hornets! Is this the most bawful night of the season so far?

Blogger Benway said...
The Miami Heat reminds me of a Dan Brown novel:
Overhyped bullshit that gets really old and tiresome in the middle.

Anonymous Sorbo said...
The Clippers won! Cue Chris Griffin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35Lt4bIXyrY

As far as the Dampier signing, who else were the Heat going to get off the wire? They don't have any assets worth trading either. Dampier makes sense, but then again, not signing Bosh and making a move for a Marc Gasol, Al Jefferson, or similar inside player would have made more sense. Bosh plays on the perimeter too much for a team that needs inside scoring and defense.

Blogger LotharBot said...
This years' Miami Heat remind me of the 2007-8 Denver Nuggets.

Two offensively-minded players who dominate the ball, play a lot of isolation, and don't complement each other offensively (Iverson-Melo, Bron-Wade).

An overrated big whose stats are bigger than his actual impact (Camby, Bosh).

A bunch more bigs who are undersized or gimpy or just not that good (Kenyon Martin-Nene- Najera, Z-Joel Anthony-Dampier-Haslem).

A veteran starting PG who contributes little to the game (Anthony Carter, Arroyo).

A handful of one-dimensional bench guys (JR Smith-Linas Kleiza, James Jones-Eddie House-Mike Miller).

A ton of hype about how their star power will make them win a lot of games (people were saying those Nuggets would win 60, and the Heat could challenge 72), but they don't really equal that on the court, and will likely be playoff fodder for a better-constructed contender.

Both teams even had an early season loss to the Pacers...

Blogger Wild Yams said...
So, after Jeff Van Gundy said the Heat wouldn't lose two games in a row all season, they've now done such a thing twice not even a month into the season. And it could get worse as their next game is in Orlando on Wednesday against the Magic (who will probably be looking for some payback).

Here's a great article from Matt Moore on what a mess the Heat are: Erick Dampier will not solve the Heat disaster

Anonymous Sorbo said...
New Orleans had a bad night, but like the Heat, they're adjusting to a few new guys on the court, so they'll get back to playing good ball.

It kind of sucks to see the Heat play with no rhythm. I want to dislike them, but I also want them to be as good as advertised. Who wants to watch Wade and two front runners Jack up thirty-footers all night?

Anonymous Czernobog said...

One major difference (aside from a bunch of others) is that Wade and LeBron are both top-notch perimeter defenders. AI and Melo couldn't keep a fat kid away from the cookie jar.

Honestly, that team's glaring flaw isn't in it's roster, it's more a matter of character. They have the tools it takes to be a contender for the eastern title, it just doesn't have the mentality.

Blogger Rich Muhlach said...
I have a feeling Pat Riley is just waiting for James Posey to come back, and maybe a washed-up PG looking for redemption (maybe AI or BD?) before he starts coaching again.

Anonymous Trajan Langdon, Superstar said...
@kazam92: Somewhere on the NBA TV set, Mike Brown smiles ruefully at all the ISOs the Heat are running. Then he goes back to listing shrimp products to David Aldridge.

Blogger Cortez said...
"LeFraud Shames and D-Whistle are just unintelligent clowns who don't know how to play basketball"

Get this woman a prize!

"OK, OK, I'm sorry. That wasn't very adult of me"

Sure it was. A very cynical adult who loves basketball and an ability to think of puns on the fly.

I only hope the collapse continues.

LeBron James: Upscale Role Player
Erick Dampier: The Savior
Eddie House: Go To Guy


I nominate the Hawks starters for WOTN. It was a truly embarrassing performance. And Zaza Pachulia gets a nod, too, for being the only player for either team in that abysmal debacle of a game to fail to score. he was blocked from behind twice on fast breaks.

Said Coach Larry Drew after getting blown out by Rondo-less Celtics at home the night after the Leprechauns lost in Toronto: “This was very, very embarrassing,” he said. “If I had to sum it up in one word: embarrassing. To come out with that type energy; that type urgency. What I see with our team right now I don’t feel real good about.”

Anonymous RRR said...
Jazz and 48 minutes.

Last year and probably more, i wished for games to last for 5 qtrs, because the Jazz did ok the first two, failed to show up the 3rd and by the 4th realized they wee still playing a real game!

I'll take the current change of thought process for now. Even if it is taking years per game off my life!

Oh has anybody noticed the three musketeers have not yet gelled in the image of the medias super star team? I guess it's tough with three of five yelling FEED ME ME ME!

Anonymous Hgh Supplements said...
These types of things in match happen commonly and therefore it makes a lot of players look very weird. My favorites are Jason Kidd, Dwight Howard, JaVale McGee.