Don Nelson
It's another night of BAD. Sorry, but I'm still sick and miserable, so let's just keep things moving. I haven't even gotten to play NBA 2K10 the past couple nights. (Gasp!)

Worst of the Night in Pictures
Hey, Jordan Farmar, that trick only works if she's wearing a skirt.

John Kuester
Considering how bad his team stinks, I can't blame John Kuester for holding his breath

"So France is that way? Really?"

The Notorious VDN
(Tick, tock, tick tock...)
Believe it or not, The Notorious VDN won a game minutes before this

Lacktion Report:
As always, Chris is on top of the bottom of the Assocation.
Thunder-Generals: Dominic McGuire returned to form with a foul and brick in 3:06 for a +2 suck differential.

Crabs-Hawks: Joe Smith had a not-so-mighty 2:0 Voskuhl in 5:52 by negating an assist with two bricks, one giveaway, and a foul.

Hornets-Rockets: Marcus Thornton sharply missed one field goal to give the buzzers a +1 in 8:47.

Warriors-Lakers: Phil Jackson must've been pretty confident that Golen State's non-defensive play would show up in a timely fashion, as he brought out Josh Powell in the middle of the game (with the Lakers still having to fight their way back) for a 3.7 trillion (3:43) take that would prove celebratory!

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Suns: Okay, we finally get a "nationally televised game" that I really, really want to see... and it's on NBATV instead of ESPN? What? ESPN would rather show the "Pacific Life Holiday Bowl" instead?! Fuck you, college bowl season. That is all.

Okay, that's not all. I just read this article about the injuries the Celtics are dealing with right now, and I'm even less happy. Sigh.

All The Other Games:
Hawks at Crabs: We just witnessed the Hawks getting beaten down at home by the Crabs last night... and now they get to do it all over again on the road? Cruel scheduling, Mr. Stern.

Grizzlies at Pacers: Z-Bo continues to go insane on the stat sheets, but good God the Grizzlies look ugly on the road. Not only are they 4-11 away from home, but they're giving up 109.5 points per game away from Memphis. Are they exhausted from staying four-people-to-a-room at a Motel 6 whenever they're on the road or something?

Bucks at Magic: According to the Stats LLC preview, "The Magic are 20-4 when Howard attempts at least seven shots and 19-3 when he scores 13 or more." Hmm. Maybe taking a couple fewer bad threes per game and moving it inside more would be a nice start. Oh, and maybe if Superman had more than one post move in his arsenal. That too.

Bobcats at Raptors: You know that variant on the traditional facepalm where you rub the bridge of your nose between your forefinger and thumb while sighing? Take one good guess at what I did when I read this matchup.

Knicks at Nyets: Okay, you know what? I have nothing to add here other than sharing a link to ESPN's Worst Teams Tracker.

Heat at Hornets: I'm completely confused by this year's version of the New Orleans Hornets. They're dreadfully bad on the road, and almost unstoppable at home. There is no excuse in going 2-13 on the road when you're 11-3 at home, guys.

Jazz at Timberwolves: Speaking of teams I can't figure out... how in the hell has Utah managed to drop both its games against the Timberpups so far this year? That's just embarrassing. But, good news everyone! The T-Wolves are on the second night of a back to back!

Clippers at Trail Blazers: Mike Dunleavy on Chris Kaman: "[He] is an assist waiting to happen." And yet he isn't even leading the team in assists this season. I guess he's still waiting?

76ers at Kings: I'm not going to pretend I expected Tyreke Evans to be a ridiculous beast of a man in the NBA. All I can do is enjoy the ride and be amazed that our own Sac-town resident Chris actually has decent team to watch for the first time in ages.

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Blogger gordon gartrelle said...
Mike Dunleavy on Chris Kaman: "[He] is an assist waiting to happen." And yet he isn't even leading the team in assists this season.

I think Dunleavy is talking about Kaman as the assistee, as in, you hit him in position and he'll finish.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"...Chris is on top of the bottom of the Association."

Unintentional dirty quote?

Blogger chris said...
It's scary how your description of the Hornets could honestly fit the Kings - dreadful on the road (save for the lowest moment of Vinnie Smallz' career) but somehow pretty good at home, and even competitive against teams they theoretically have no business hanging with.

Blogger 49er16 said...
I'm going to the Sixers-Kings game tonight. Wish me luck gents.

Anonymous Barry said...
We should start a "Z-Bo for MVP campaign". Hats, mugs, the lot.

At least some "MVP" chants!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Attention Basketbawful readers and Kobe-haters!

I found a video. Ahahahahaha the Warriors' announcers make it even better. kobesuxkthxbai

Blogger chris said...
Grr, Tyreke the Freak still unlikely for tonight due to the ankle...

Blogger chris said...
From those same game notes, interesting stat:

• Sacramento defeated Northwest
division-leading Denver, which entered
the game with a 20-11 record,
106-101. The Kings are 7-3 in games
decided by five points or less. Last
season, the Kings were 5-21 in games
decided by five points or less.

5-21. Ouch. Yeah, last year's purple paupers were poor on ability for sure...

Blogger Bakes said...

I give Turiaf full credit for that, it was one hell of a block to be sure. There's something about Ronny I've always liked since I first saw him on the Lakers. I think it's his obvious enjoyment of just being out on the court at all, considering his heart issue at the beginning of his career. He's always having fun. Kobe even went up to him after the block and laughed about it a bit cause there's just no way you could be mad at a fun-loving guy like Turiaf.

Oh, and please don't use the "kthxbai" phrase ever again, you've demonstrated that you're far too smart to use that insipid format even in jest. All it does is lower people's comments to youtube status.

Also, a guy with a hurt elbow and a broken finger (which got hit hard directly on top during the game) still dropped 44 for something like the 103rd time in his career. Man, he sucks.

Blogger Ash said...
As much as your comments make sense Josh, remember, I could probably drop 40 points on the Warrior defense.

Blogger lordhenry said...
In the Mountains of L.A......
In the Citadel of Minas Mamba, on a throne of frozen tears sits the Dark Lord Kobe "Bean" Bryant, the Black Mamba, The Golden Child, And He of the Gimpy Finger, contemplating a recent loss.
With a vicious steely-eyed glare normally reserved for officials calling fouls, the Dark Lord surveys his troops.
"So can anyone explain just what the f*ck happened on Christmas?!"
Darth Vega, AKA Pau Gasol, the second in command, steps forward. "First of all my Lord, we shot only 35% as a team, while they shot more than 50%."
The Black Mamba eyes Gasol warily, "I suppose this is where you try to once again question my shot selection."
Gasol blinks in surprise, "Not at all my Lord, actually I was going to point ou--"
"He WAS TOO POWERFUL!!!!!" Sobs Sasha from the back.
"He WAS SO FAST!!!!" squeals Farmar from next to him.
"We are merely Sith Lords--WE CANNOT STAND BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE CHOSEN ONE!!" Whines Darth Sweet Tooth, AKA Lamar Odom.
"SILENCE!" Roars the Mamba. "WEAK SITH LORDS--ALL OF YOU!" "Scared of a man too scared to shake hands after a game! What is he afraid of?! GERMS?! Scared of a man who confiscates dunk footage?!"
"FOOLS! I have four Championship rings--The chosen one Lebitch has none. We have the Mandarin, Phil Jackson as our coach, who will lead us to victory, and we now have Darth Crazy, Ron Artest as our enforcer. WE WILL NOT FAIL!"
(Looks over at Ron Artest) "Right, Darth Crazy?"
. . . "RON!"
Artest looks up, bewildered. "Huh, what? I'm sorry man, I don't remember a muthaf*ckin' thing you just said."

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Josh: I take it you've never looked at the ESPN Lakers forums, huh. If you need it spelled out for you, yes, my post was satire.

Watching Kobe perfectly sink those free throws late in the 4th, even after his finger had been hit again, pretty much mentally and literally killed the Warriors' chance to win.

Blogger Dan B. said...
gordon gartrelle -- You're probably right. As noted earlier, I'm sick, so my reading comprehension probably is a little lacking at the moment.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Oh my, the Nets dominated the Knicks. The David Lee vs Brook Lopez battle was kinda fun, like mild salsa.

Blogger Bakes said...

Very true, the Warriors have no defense whatsoever. I can't even dribble and I could score 40 on them. My only point was the injuries Kobe has and that he's done it 7 other times this season against teams that actually do play defense (at least more than the Warriors).


Nope, don't read ESPN Lakers forums so I guess I was mistaken. If I came off as snarky, that wasn't my intent, I just loath that particular phrasing and get up in arms whenever it's used so apologies there if any are necessary.

That being said, it *would* be nice to see the Lakers decide to play some defense of their own. What happened to the highly praised "new defense" we were seeing earlier in the year? The Warriors have a team full of shooters and they had so many open looks last night it was obscene. When LA doesn't play defense, teams shoot 56% on them. When they DO decide to play defense, teams only score 6 points in an entire quarter, 2 of them being a non-contested concession basket with only seconds left in the game. Seems like a mixture of laziness and overconfidence and that doesn't bode well.

Also, I'm getting really tired of Farmar. Sure, he stepped up last night (the whole bench actually did for once) but he takes so many stupid shots. It's as if the moment he gets the ball it's one-on-five and he has to shoot no matter what. LA is nearly unstoppable when they run their offense, especially with two 7-foot big men under the basket, but Farmar just runs in and chucks up 3's. Jackson needs to address that with him, ASAP.

CAPTCHA: "Pinester"

If Farmer keeps chucking up 3's and not running the offense when he's on the floor, he's gonna go back to being a pinester real quick.

Blogger chris said...
Wow, the Kings are offering as part of some special ticket package for the upcoming game against Phoenix...a free Jon Brockman shirt.

I don't know whether to be impressed or not.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yea, don't read the ESPN Lakers boards unless you are in some dire urgent need to find Internet stupids.

Speaking of awesome, if you haven't subscribed to Nash's videos by now, here's Nash ruining a Shaq shoe, not wasting time, and being just like you, only 10 times better

Anonymous Adrià said...
AnacondaHL: Nash just beats me. HE'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. Forget MJ, let's just be like this awesome guy :D

Great script by lordhenry too!

And finally, one idea to Bawful and whoever else posting in this blog:

Would it be possible to make a ballot in this blog, asking those great questions that are always in our Evil minds?

Something like: "would Allen Iverson and Knee-Mac be playing together some fine day to keep bawfulness at the top?" and options to vote:
a) Sure.
b) Possible.
c) Only for five games until AI retires or Knee-Mac "gets injured".

And then see the statistics to measure the average cruelty of the reader.

In Ball we trust. (cough)Sometimes (cough)

Blogger Bakes said...

One of my mottoes in life is "Never underestimate the stupidity of people." It's held fairly true.

And those are awesome, I love Steve Nash, that crazy Canuck. However, I think this one tops them all

Blogger Orlando C. Harn said...
"Ail Blazers" should be "Frail Blazers". That's all.

Blogger Drew said...
@Orlando C. Harn - Totally agree.

Blogger Unknown said...
I just noticed in the ESPN Worst Teams tracker, that Antoine Walker was the leading scorer for TWO of the worst teams in NBA history.