Take off!

Merry Christmas everyone! (And to those who do not celebrate Christmas, happy every-other-day!) Get ready for an abbreviated WOTN, plus the usuals.

Oh, and sorry, but I'm getting lazy on the previews for this weekend's games. Consider it a Christmas gift to myself. You are still more than welcome to stop by all weekend and post in the comments section though! We'll be around.

Your Quick NBA 2K10 Update:
My improved play has helped carry my Spurs onto a nice winning streak, and we recently added victories against the Nuggets and the Timberwolves (who are much better in my game than they are in real life, since they traded for a magically healthy Greg Oden). The Nuggets game was tough -- their guards are some of the quickest in the game, and it made driving the lane difficult. I had a very poor shooting performance, but dropped dimes like a madman, and blocked their last-second shot attempt to seal the game. And we just blew the holy hell out of the Timberwolves after I scored 18 first quarter points and ended up shooting over 80% for the game (two blocked shots under the basket, made every other jumper and layup). I spent most of the second half playing the perimeter and racking up assists, so I didn't really score many points, but it was enough to win by 25 points.

The best news of all? There's only one game left in the regular season, and we've already clinched a playoff spot.

Worst of the Worst of the Night:
The New Jersey Nyets: As noted in the comments by The Dude Abides:
Good God, the end of that Minny-Jersey game was epic. But only on the Jersey side, as Minny made their free throws.

Jersey with the ball, about 22 seconds left, down four: they go for a quick two, but the Minny defender cuts off Harris, who passes out to the 3-pt line. One more pass around the arc and there's about 12 seconds left. You would think that at this point, the Nets would realize that you can't go for a quick two anymore. But Yi gets the ball and tries to drive, gets cut off, then passes back to Dooling beyond the arc, who pump fakes, tries to draw a foul, gets off balance, then passes while in the air to Yi for the corner three. There are now three seconds left. It's taken 19 seconds to get to this point. Yi shoots the corner three, and it hits the top corner of the backboard and caroms all the way back out to Dooling (or whoever is standing at the wing), who tries and fails to get the shot off before the final buzzer.

Even if he had managed to make a three before the final buzzer, the Nets still would have lost by a point. Hilariously epic fail.

The Detroit Pistons: John Kuester's team got a golden opportunity to turn things around by playing against the NBA's second-worst defense. And they pissed away that golden opportunity in a golden shower of failure. The Raptors were more like the Tyrannosauruses (Tyrannosaurii? I hate pluralizing words like that), and the final score ended up being an embarrassing 94-64. The Pistons shot 27.9% from the field, and made only one trey. By contrast, the Raptors shot nearly 54%, and drained 8 from downtown.

John Kuester, Self-Blame Machine: "That was a terrible, embarrassing loss. I'm taking the blame on myself, because we didn't look prepared, and that's my job." Keep losing games like that, and it won't be your job much longer.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Carmelo rocking a Snuggie
I made a Snuggie joke yesterday... Does Carmelo read our blog???

John Kuester
The face of scoring 64 points in a game

Devin Harris
Devin "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" Harris despair
(Playoffs??? We're talking about playoffs???)

Don Nelson
Don Nelson despair

Atlanta Hawks
Atlanta Hawks despair

Michael Redd recoils in horror as Nick Young sharts all over himself

Man Love
Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy approves of this public display of man love. Speaking of which...

Stan Van Gundy
The Hedgehog shows his team his "manual stimulation" technique.
(Hey, as soon as Ron Jeremy jokes stop being funny, I'll stop making them)

Tim Duncan, The Extra Terrestrial
When did Tim Duncan switch bodies with ET?

LeBron subtly hints that he wants a Viewfinder for Christmas

Nationally Televised Christmas Friday Games:
Heat at Knicks: The Knicks have won three of their past five games. Those opponents? Bobcats, Bulls, Clippers, Bobcats again, and Bulls again. Really? Really?? It's not quite playing the Nyets and 'Wolves every game, but it's pretty damn close.

Celtics at Magic: Paul "I'm the best player in the world" Pierce will miss this game after having his knee drained. I wonder if he was taken away on a wheelchair after that procedure?

Crabs at Lakers: Finally, the puppets face off! Wait, this game will be played by actual people and not puppets??? Oh, darn.

Clippers at Suns: Well, I hear that Blake Griffin is only three weeks away from resuming basketball activities. That's nice. I wonder if the Clippers can reacquire Shaun Livingston and give his knees another shot? He needs the work.

Nuggets at Ail Blazers: Here's a quick "nugget" of knowledge (bad puns are awesome, sorry) for you: JR Smith went off for 41 against Atlanta on Wednesday. In doing so he attempted 17 three pointers. That's about as many as he attempted in the previous four games combined.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Wizards Generals at Timberwolves: Again, why does the Basketbawful Game of the Night get national TV coverage?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Grizzlies at Mavericks
Hawks at Pacers
Rockets at Nyets
Hornets at Bulls: How long can the Notorious VDN hang on?
Bobcats at Thunder
Spurs at Bucks
76ers at Jazz
Lakers at Kings
Suns at Warriors: Holy lack of defense, Batman! This has all the makings of a 130-110 final score, EXCEPT the Suns are on the second night of a back-to-back, and might wear down in the second half.

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Spurs at Knicks: I can't believe I actually think the Knicks have a very good shot of winning this game.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Pistons at Raptors: Could the Pistons repeat their 64 point offensive output from their last game against the Raptors? I hope to God not, just for the sake of preventing mass suicides.
Rockets at Crabs
Pacers at Heat
Mavericks at Nuggets
Celtics at Clippers

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Blogger AnacondaHL said...
DanB: Might want to start editing/adding gun jokes to the Wizards entries in this BAD.

Agent Zero gun possession report, suspension likely incoming.

Also, I'm going to the Knicks-Spurs game, give me ideas on what a Suns fan like me should yell at D'Antoni.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- So, when are they renaming them the Bullets again?

Off to visit family, gotta run. For ideas on things to yell at D'Antoni, go re-read Seven Seconds or Less. There's bound to be something in there you can use.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
No Heat Jazz bawful mention? The score was 32-30 at halftime....

Blogger Dan B. said...
kazam92 -- I didn't have time to look at more than a couple games and try to hit the high--erm, low points. But a 32-30 halftime score? That is, indeed, bawful.

BTW, you asked the other day how to turn off the 2K Insider guy on NBA2K10... It's under the Presentation options menu.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Oh thanks. I'm tired of having my man light me up for 6 points

Anonymous Petey said...
Z-Bo for MVP!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Blogger Unknown said...
Thanks for the nickname Knee-Mac. It got my sign significant air time on the Jumbotron at the Magic-Rockets game.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Orlando with 27 points. At the half.

Blogger Dan B. said...
This Boston/Orlando game is almost unwatchable. If it wasn't for Rajon Rondo, it WOULD be. Horrific. Fouls galore, turnovers galore, and poor shooting from everyone. The Magic scored EIGHT POINTS the entire 2nd quarter.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Blogger chris said...
Fernando: I SO want a photo of that sign now. (I owe everyone a view of my "Sign Ostertag" poster soon!)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
To everybody who masturbates to the Lakers' games and claims "Kobe>LeBron":

Suck my hairy balls! Also, watch the Lakers get pounded in the ass by LBJ.

Blogger chris said...
Sweet stat curse action:

Commentators (rightly) mention that Shaq running the offense "isn't working" because of his ineffectiveness at the charity stripe.

Shaq's at the line at that moment. Guess what happens next.

That's right, the opposite of masonry!

Then one of the other ABC booth guys comments that "now when LeBron or Mo put their head down and drive to the basket, since LA is in the penalty, they'll get to shoot free throws thanks to O'Neal drawing those fouls!" I've never seen THAT spin on it before.

Blogger chris said...
LOL, Jamario Moon/Globetrotters references never get old apparently.

Anonymous Mladen said...
Hey, he likes to refurbish old cars! That's vital to his game.

Also, even though I don't approve the language somebody used, I think this should shut the Kobe lovers up for a while.

Blogger chris said...
Foam fingers getting thrown out on the court as Lamar Odom gets T'd off the floor and Phil Jackson receives one for delay of game!!!!

Anonymous Mladen said...
Way to stay classy, L.A. fans!

Blogger chris said...
Water bottles!

Anonymous Adam said...
chris: When they're getting as jobbed as possible by the officials that's going to happen. Does Kobe need to have an arm broken to get a call?

I've seen few games as horribly officiated as this one.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@Adam: You're not Adam Morrison, by any chance, are you? Seen you on the bench, man - you don't look happy.

Blogger chris said...
Adam: As I always say...someone PLEASE clarify, someday, the difference between a block and a charge. Certainly at Arco two nights ago, I had no clue which was which!


Hehe, I just noted to my dad as the Crabs made it to the century mark..."No free tacos tonight!" Yeah, I know that only applies on a win, but still.

Blogger Unknown said...
chris: If LeBron is heading to the rim, it's a blocking foul. If Fisher's defending, it's a charge. Seems pretty easy to me. :)

But seriously. The way the Lakers were playing they didn't deserve to win. But if the refs had been given seeing eye dogs before the game it would probably have been a lot closer. If replays in slow motion from three different angles aren't enough to see somebody's arm and arm only getting hacked - throughout the ENTIRE game - I just don't know what to say. I don't believe in conspiracies - just plain incompetence. The refs earned another merit badge there.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What the hell, not even 6 minutes into the game, Clippers start the game by out-rebounding the Suns 14-1...

Blogger Unknown said...
Anonymous: Good old Allergy Eyes? He never looks happy.

Practice trolling a little more, you might just amount to something some day.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Holy crap Steve Nash's youtube page is awesome.

Anonymous Ray said...
Good god ... LA gettin' jobbed on their homecourt on christmas ? ... Did wee watch the same game ?

What about Gasol, Bynum & Odom combining for 21 Points & 17 Rebounds with each playin more than 26 minutes ? ...

Yes, Bryant did get some pushes & maybe he should have gone to the line more often ... but maybe takin 32 shots while playing with a broken finger isn't that much of a good idea ... (especially when you're hittin only 30% from the field)

Besides that, the lakers certainly had their part of cheap plays ...

With all due respect, but the Cavs just played way better than LA did. Who cares if it were 20, 15 or 10 points. In no way, LA was going to win this game today.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Who the hell was yelling that during the free throw? That ruled.

Anonymous Karc said...
Not surprised the Cavs won this game. Superior point guard (Mo Williams with 28), Shaq still bitter about getting thrown out by the Lakers (5 dunks), Cavs bench miles ahead of the worst bench in the NBA (31 to 17, and most of the 17 was in garbage time), Bryant taking 32 shots and shanking 21 of them.

What did surprise me was the Lakers getting 5 technicals. This is a team that the media brags about being cool under pressure, yet Odom got tossed for the second time this year. Guess he wanted consolation sex with Kardashian a little earlier than usual. Byrant should have been tossed for that cheap shot on Mo Williams (here's hoping for a fine at the least).

And stay classy LA fans. The mark of a fanbase isn't how they react to winning, but how they act to losing. And this was totally classless by Laker fans. It's not even like James and company started dancing in the third quarter. But throwing foam fingers onto the court, and a water bottle? Booing is one thing (the Lakers stunk out loud tonight), but now you are going to get compared to Detroit, and you deserve it.

And ESPN/ABC, burn in hell. Mariah Carey lost her relevance in 1998, and appearance forgot to take her weight gain with her. Yeah, I went there. And we get it ESPN. You're owned by Disney and you're in Orlando. Did we really need a shot of Disney World EVERY time you went to commercial? Thank god the Lakers were destroyed, otherwise we would have had to endure Randy Newman every fifteen minutes. This was just an awful day of TV. And there is no TNT coverage to balance it out. Just disgusting.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Grant Hill RIDICULOUS 60 footer at the half buzzer

Blogger Dan B. said...
I'm getting sick (running a nice 100 degree fever today, woke up with my sinuses packed full of crap and a sore throat), and therefore have no energy. I fell asleep during the Cavs/Lakers game, and woke up just in time to witness the foam fingers flying onto the court while Jeff Van Gundy started bitching. I smiled, then rolled over and went back to sleep and woke up with Pirates of the Caribbean playing on ABC. I just switched over to the Suns game, and remembered just how much I love watching Steve Nash play, even if his defense is decidedly nonexistent.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Wow! Stoudemire with two consecutive offensive rebounds! I guess he got some motivation after yelling "SHIT! DAMN!" into the mic as Kaman jumped over him for the offensive board and putback.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
meh I'm not a fan of Mariahs music but she reentered relevance (based on album sales) sometime in 05-06 and I still say Nick Cannon is a lucky bastard. I'm tired of the commercial with her though

and whoda thought Heat Knicks would be the best game so far?

Blogger stephanie g said...
Youtube of the foam finger fracas:


What a lovely Christmas gift. Thank you LA!

Also, I want a clip of when Orlando missed like 5 point blank shots and then Rondo/TA killed it on the break. That was the true spirit of basketbawful.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
You know I was a big Mariah fan, I always defended her hotness. But these commercials are just sad, or unnerving at best. Like a Photoshop disaster. Combined with her trying too hard, like a stripper that's been in the business for a few years too long who operates on experienced wit and traps.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ahaha, did you guys see the graphic on Portland's Injuries? They couldn't even fit all of the injuries on one picture, notably missing Przy and McMillan.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Knicks stat is a bit of cherry picking. You could have easily said they've won seven of the past nine and included wins over the Hornets and Hawks.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
BTW, foam fingers, water bottle, and according to Shaq, wet peanuts were thrown. Go Lakers.

Blogger Glenn said...
David Stern. Please next year, 1 Christmas game. That way, we'll be succumbed to hearing Mariah Carey only a couple times, not the whole f'n day. X_X


Blogger chris said...

ESPN showing more and more love to Sactown!!!


Blogger Kcan said...
woo hoooo!! JAwad williams and Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson had a super mario brothers christmas special! 22 and 11 seconds, respectively...

Blogger chris said...
Kcan: AND Boobie Gibson turned on his Game Boy for 7 seconds, too!!!!!!


Looks like Knee-Mac doesn't like not getting more playing time (so that he can risk reinjuring himself) -


Blogger Drew said...
@AnacondaHL- McMillian is on there, second from the bottom on the left. Three of those guys are playing since their injuries and hopefully we can have three more guys back by February (Mills, Batum, Fernandez).

Bayless got rejected roughly four times by ze Birdman last night with a few painfully obvious as j-bay was driving to the hoop. Ended up with a bunch of nice assists and a nice dunk out of traffic at the end.

Blogger Bing said...
First time i have stopped watching an LA game before the finish.
Horrible horrible stuff (altho sitting thru the bullshit celtics game prior may have shortened my fuse.)
Missed the classy crowd action live, yay for Youtube.

Anonymous Karc said...
And the meltdown begins...


So Artest, after losing his matchup with King Crab, conveniently falls down the stairs to avoid a four-game road trip. Maybe the box was a gift from Boston, or a 24-pack of beer from Chicago.

Yes, I think this injury was self-inflicted, and yes, I think there was alcohol involved. He's called Crazy Pills for a reason, although given the scenario, this would be somewhat clever and calculated so it maybe was a total accident.


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Wow, Josh Smith 1 steal away from a 5x5. (22/6/5/4/5) why the fuck did I draft Elton Brand ughhh

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Just picked up on the YES microphones, in the Deuce Bigalow movie voice:


Yi goes 1-2 from the line.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ahahaha chris are you at this game? Are you having a heart attack? I turned on ATDHE at the start of 2OT, just to see Kobe sink 2 3's.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: No, I was NOT at Arco for that Second Straight Loss That Isn't As Bad As Others (Right?!?! wait, we're still 3 games under 500 now.). :p

The first one was painful enough!!! Maybe if K-Mart was there, we get the scoring option we need to prevent Tyreke the Freak from being double-teamed at the end of regulation against the Crabs.

Or maybe, if we have a defensive stopper who can assist us when "Other team giving up, Vinnie Smallz Style" isn't happening, this would be a two game winning streak instead!!! Gah.

I bet you that if the Kings are somehow in contention come spring, they'll have learned more in these two heartbreakers than they did in watching the technical collapse of the Notorious VDN and his posse of merry fools.

Blogger zyth said...
just watched the bulls/honeybees recap...so,to summarize :
"he says nokafor!"
"if they can get production out of that with him the bulls can make a playoff run here" < a little curse,maybe?
thomas = point forward? wtf are they thinking?

Blogger Kcan said...
daye just had a 3 second mario vs. Craptors, whom countered with a 43 second Mario of their own, Mensah-Bonsu!!

Anonymous DKH said...
Pretty sure Shaq just committed an epic travel en route to a breakaway dunk (brought to you because Shaq didn't get back on defense). Happened around eight and a half minutes left in the second half. I'll watch for a video. Oh well, at least it got the Cavs two points.

Blogger chris said...
DKH: Any epic travel from "Coach" Mike Brown's crustacean squad, of course, has to be noted as...a...CRAB DRIBBLE!!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Troy Murphy had a +/- of -40 in 23 minutes of action. How is that even possible?

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
Surprised I haven't seen anyone mention Rondo Larry Hughesing 2 free throws to close out the bawful clinic that was Celtics/Magic. Easily one of the worst displays of basketball I have seen this year, and that includes the last time these 2 teams played on Nov 20 as well as the double dose of Clips/Pacers back during Thanksgiving week. What a shitfest.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
@ BW in Cleveland

Slick move getting your games mixed up over the weekend. I think watching 4 terrible performances on xmas must have fried my ability to care/remember how much suck was had during xmas week. Still, Rondo bricking a few and allowing the Clips to score 5 in 8.5 seconds trumps any fail I had in the previous post.