WotN - Griz

And now, Part 5 of this year's NBA Worsties. We've gotten through March now. Only three long months and several more reader nominations to go...

Dwyane Wade calls out...Reggie Miller?!: With the Heat sucking and D-Wade clearly not playing up to his pre-injury standards, Reggie suggested during a TNT broadcast that Wade was playing at about 60 percent capacity. This illicited unexpected rage from Pookie, who said: "Tell Reggie to meet me at the gym in Miami and see what percentage I am. We'll go from there. I'm not 100 (%), but I'm not 60." Sure, Dwyane. Because (as I said at the time) going one-on-one against a 40-something retired player whose body looks like a bunch of wire hangers covered in Saran Wrap is going to prove that how exactly?

Jason Kidd opens mouth, inserts foot: After scoring a season-high 21 points against the Kings, Kidd tried to explain why he doesn't score 20 every night: "My brain is wired differently I guess. Scorer's have more of a tunnel vision. Maybe I should get blinders like horses wear and be more of an 'I' guy, in a good way." However, Basketbawful reader flohtingpoint was quick to dispell the myth of Kidd's selfless non-shooting: "Riiiightt...as it stands right now, Jason 'Jumpshot' Kidd has more career three-point attempts (3962) than Mad Max (3931), Glen Rice (3896), The Rifleman (3370) and Dan Majerle (3798). If anything Jason needs to shoot alot LESS. The only person who launched more ill-advised shots over his career than Jason was 'Toine Walker." Update! According to Basketball-Reference.com, Kidd finished the 2007-08 season with 4,025 career three-point attempts...only 239 behind Antoine Walker!

Dirk Nowitzki and Erick Dampier do the Dance of Dumb: If you want to know why I haven't finished the Worsties yet, it's because I spend at least 17 hours of every day rewatching this video.


Kobe hits an old lady in the face with a towel: Sure, it was an accident and everything...but isn't it funny how so many of these "accidents" happen in Kobe's approximate vicinity?


Kobe fans take over Basketbawful for a day: And it will live on in infamy.

Kyle Korver plays -- giggle! -- defense: This was shameful. Truly shameful. But hey, at least he's dating twins...

poster boy

The Heat's worst weekend ever: The weekend got off to a rough start with a 35-point home loss to the Golden State Warriors. Then, on Saturday night, they lost not once but twice to the Atlanta Hawks in a matter of hours. And I'm not even exaggerating. First, they replayed the last 51.9 seconds of the infamous "dispute game" and lost 114-111 (and since they lost this game 117-111 the first time, that means they lost the same game on two differenct occasions). Then they went out and lost their regularly scheduled game to the Hawks 97-94. So that's three losses in two nights, including one game they got to lose for the second time. That could be considered a four-loss weekend, which has to be some kind of NBA record. Yay team.

Joakim Noah loses touch with reality: I'm going to go ahead and assume that Joakim Noah was suffering from a serious headwound after the Chicago Bulls' 116-109 loss to the Detroit Pistons...at least that would explain his bizarre post-game comments, which were ridiculous in any and every context imaginable: "With our style of play, there's no reason we shouldn't have beaten that team. I think Detroit's a great team, but I still think we are better than them, really. I feel like we're a better team." Ooookay. I guess Joakim didn't learn very much in that extra year at college. No time for class. Too sleepy.

Chris Duhon puts the "Me" in "Team": C-Du was fined and suspended that Bulls loss to the Pistons I mentioned one paragraph ago for missing the team's morning shootaround. Now, you'd probably assume that a roleplayer who's trying desperately to cling to the remains of his NBA career would be at least somewhat humble and apologetic after an incident like this. But you'd be totally wrong. Said Duhon: "It wasn't my fault. I didn't get my wakeup call." Now there's a heaping helping of personal responsibility for you. But it didn't stop there. "I haven't been playing the last six or seven games," said Duhon, conveniently forgetting the 25 minutes he played the previous Friday night against the Celtics. "Ususally, I don't play anyway, so it doesn't have that much of an effect on me." Of course, Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordan both picked up two fouls in the first six minutes of the Pistons game, and Thabo Sefolosha was still out with a strained left groin. In other words, the Bulls needed Duhon, but Duhon wasn't available. Of course, he was available to fly to North Carolina to watch Saturday night's Duke-North Carolina game, which didn't end until 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And the daylight-saving time changover made the night an hour shorter. Duhon chartered a flight to Detroit, but he still got in pretty late, which, you know, might have made him a little sleepy. Keep in mind, though, it's still not his fault. He didn't get his wakeup call. And he hasn't been playing anyway. So get off his back. (Sidenote: He is going to fit in so well with the Knicks this season...)

Kiss fight!: Who would have seen this coming? I mean, a kiss fight during Washington Wizards television broadcasts? Oh yes. It started when Steve Buckhantz (play-by-play) kissed Phil Chenier (color commentator) on the arena's Kiss Cam during a game, and Phil responded by kissing Steve back during a pre-game segment. Here's the first kiss:


And here's Phil's insideous revenge kiss:


Mark Cuban wages a one-billionaire war on the great Blogging Menace: Cube Steak officially banned "bloggers" from the Mavericks' locker room. And in a move that was more ironic than having 10,000 spoons when all you need to kill Alanis Morissette with is a knife, the announcement was made on his blog. This was, of course, a response to the "Fire Avery Johnson" campaign. A petulant and immature response, but a response nonetheless. And it wasn't the first time Cuban pooped on bloggers. Why does Cuban hate bloggers so much, when he, himself, is a blogger? I can only assume it must be a sign of his own deep-rooted self-loathing. Or, I dunno, maybe he's just a big douche.

John Hollinger's stat wizardry: In his review of the Bulls/Cavs/Sonics trade, Hollinger made it seem as if Cleveland GM Danny Ferry was making off like some kind of cartoon bandit: "This one works, big time. Answer me this: Would you rather have Hughes (12.0 player efficiency rating) or Szczerbiak (16.0)? Brown (8.5) or West (10.1)? Marshall (8.5) or Wallace (12.1)? Gooden (12.8) or Smith (17.4)?"

I thought this assessment was a wee bit bogus, mostly because Hollinger fiddled somewhat with the comparisons. After all, juxtaposing the PER of Shannon Brown and Delonte West didn't seem particularly fair, considering that Brown had appeared - and briefly - in only 15 games while West had played in 35 and gotten more minutes. Furthermore, Marshall was a seldom-used reserve who had made a mere 11 cameo appearances for the Cavs, whereas Ben Wallace was a starter who had played 50 games at a rate of more than 32 minutes per. And wouldn't Wallace versus Drew Gooden had make a better one-for-one comparison anyway? I guess what I'm saying is that, at the time, if felt as though Hollinger arranged the player matchoffs so he could use his PER numbers to support his "Cleveland won this one" argument.

But here's a little post-script to Hollinger's "This one works, big time" declaration. Wally's PER plummetted from 15.7 to 10.3 while Larry Hughes' initially soared from 11.3 to 15.3 before eventually settling at 12.4. Oh, and Drew Gooden's PER went from 12.7 to 17.4 with the Bulls...which is much better than Wallace's 12.4 PER with the Cavs. So, based on these numbers, was Hollinger wrong, big time? Particularly since the move didn't really do much to improve the Cavs (or the Bulls for that matter)? PER is just another number, folks. And like any other stat, it only tells part of a much larger story. Sorry.

Basketbawful (gak) praises (vomit) Kobe Bryant: And it will live on in infamy.

Phoenix Suns bench flees in terror: Shaq goes running after a loose ball, and the Suns bench...well, I'd say they fled in terror like a bunch of little girls, but that would be an unfair insult to little girls everywhere.


Antoine Walker defies logic, refuses buyout: Kevin McHale may be an idiot, but he proved he wasn't stupid enough to pay Antoine Walker's for doing nothing. And 'Toine wasn't happy about it. "Obviously, they're rebuilding, and obviously I'm not in the future plans, so I felt like maybe there was an opportunity for me to leave. They wanted money back that I wasn't willing to give back. It didn't work out that way. We'll just have to play it out, six weeks, and then we'll see what happens in the summer." Walker, who was averaging 8 PPG on 36 percent shooting, was making $8.5 million for the season. He said that the team "low-balled" him, offering a buyout he felt was unreasonable and "ridiculous, actually." The only thing that would be ridiculous would be offering Walker anything more than cab fare and a swift boot to the butt.

The Clippers prove they are who we thought they were: First, they let Sam Cassell bully them into a buyout. Then they replaced Sam-I-Wasn't with...Smush Parker! Wooooow. Basketbawful reader Wild Yams, who drew my attention to the signing, uttered prophetic words when he said: "Are the Clippers trying to get Elton Brand to opt out this summer or something?"

Rafer Alston versus Sasha Vujacic: Near the end of the Rockets 104-92 win over the Los Angeles Lakers -- Houston's 22nd win in a row -- Rafer Alston went all NBA Street on Sasha Vujacic, Sasha hacked him for it, and Rafer responded by sticking a finger in Sasha's mug before getting restrained by a referee. It's kind of a shame that Alston had to transform back into Skip 2 My Lou at the tail end of his best game as a pro. It's also kind of a shame that Vujacic is such a douche.


Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor accuses Kevin Garnett of tanking: Sometimes the best way to draw attention away from your crappy stewardship of the crappy team your crappy GM assembled is to take a cheap shot at your former stuperstar player. That way you're not a bad judge of basketball talent, you're just an idiot. And boy oh boy did Taylor let his stuperosity take center stage when he suggested that Kevin Garnett laid down on the job last season. In responding to a reporter's suggestion that the T-Wolves had tanked last season, Taylor said: "I don't think that. I don't like that so much. I don't like that. It was more like KG tanked it (for missing the final five games of the regular season). I think the other guys still wanted to play. But it sure changed the team and didn't make us (as good)." Now, some people think that experts and fans baby Garnett, and maybe we do...to a degree. But in this case, I'm going to let KG's intensity and work ethic speak for themselves. I mean, Garnett missed only 23 games in 12 seasons as a Timberwolf. Dude straight up brought it.

T.J. Ford freaks the hell out: Looks like the Pacers landed a real "character guy" this summer...


Drew Gooden's ego goes crazy: After a 31-point, 16-rebound game -- Gooden's ninth double-double in the 16 games since he was traded to the Bulls -- Drew was asked whether he could keep it up. Said Gooden: ''Yes, I can. And I will continue to work to get better at it. This is something that's not new to me, but I've got to brush off some of the old tools and put them back into use. Because I have had a couple years [playing with LeBron James] where I was the guy that goes out, works hard and grabs rebounds and becomes a defender with offensive capabilities." In case you need a Gooden-to-English translation, that means playing with LeBron was holding him back, and not that it's easier to put up big numbers when you're on a lousy, lottery-bound team. But Gooden's mouth wasn't finished. Not by a long shot. "I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes." No, not done yet. There was more. ''I believe that I can do it all. And confidence is the number one factor when it comes to offense. I can score in the post; I can score with my back to the basket, face up.'' You go, Drew. I look forward to watching you win the MVP next season. Look out, NBA! (Sidenote: Gooden had 2 points on 0-for-5 shooting in his very next game.)

Dirk auditions for a broadcasting job: The best part is near the end, when he says "Short bus!" in response to a terrible shot.


Andrew Bogut high-fives himself: One truly is the lonliest number.


Shaq versus Pat Riley: Ever notice how often Shaq always gets in these little Quote Feuds with former coaches and teammates? The latest War of the Words came after Shaq made the following statement about his new home in the Valley of the Sun: "I love playing for this coach and I love playing with these guys. We have professionals who know what to do. No one is asking me to play with Chris Quinn or Ricky Davis. I'm actually on a team again." Of course, these comments only served to depress old Sad Sack Riley. "It's sad that he says those things. We shared so much here, together, for three years, good and bad, 3 1/2 years. I just think it's sad that he's got to do that." Sadder than making Shaq spend his golden years playing alongside Ricky Davis and Mark Blount? I don't think so, Riles. When told of Riley's response, The Big Expletive-slinger said, "I don't give a shit how he interpreted it." After being reminded that the reporters couldn't use that quote because he cussed, Shaq said, "Sure you can. You can quote me, brother. You can put an 's,' then the tic-tac-toe, the 'at' sign and then the other symbols." He may no longer be the MDE, but he is and will always be the MQE (Most Quotable Ever).

Chris Webber wimps out: Why did he finally decide to retire? In Webber's own words: "Rehab is so hard. So monotonous, so boring. I really didn't want to try to rehab and come back this season because I don't think that's possible." And doesn't that statement just sort of epitomize the most frustrating aspect of Webber's career? The idea that there was more there and he simply didn't have the heart and/or strength of will to make it happen. Maybe rehabbing the absolute living hell out of his knee wouldn't have changed anything, but mabye it would have...? But we'll never know. Just like we'll never know whether the 2001-02 Sacramento Kings might have won the title if only Webber wouldn't have gotten a case of the yips during all the close games. Sometimes playing The What If Game can be fun. But as it pertains to Webber and his career, it's just painful. And kind of depressing.

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23 Comments:
Anonymous Nick F. said...
You have the Dirk vid twice instead of the high five.

Blogger Brad said...
I don't know if you missed this one, but during the all star weekend, Barkley said something negative about Wade, and Wade (Who is probably pissed about giving Barkley commercials etc. and then to have Barkley do what Barkley do, namely speak what3ver comes into that fantastik mind of his.) Got up and went behind Barkley said some choice words and then took his ball and went home. Seriously he left the event, and who knows where he went.

Anonymous brandon hoffman said...
Long live the worsties.

i missed the drew gooden comments the first time around. that is some funny shit.

Blogger Sven said...
Dou know this one from Doerk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9dduIMecPo
Pippen is an arrogant ass!

Anonymous herman said...
Is anyone else having trouble accessing the youtube clips? I can only get about 2 seconds worth before they freeze up on me.

Anonymous your favourite sun said...
What makes Antoine Walker an even bigger douche is that the last two years of his contract are completely, 100% unguaranteed. So if the T-Wolves were offering anything near the value of his salary next season, they were being more than generous. If he expects to see any of the other $20 million then he's just being dumb.

Blogger Dick Sullivan said...
Cuban's blogger ban was in response to the Dallas Morning News blog, not the Fire Avery Johnson blog and it was completely justified. Do your research.

Also, how is Dirk's foray into broadcasting a worsty? "Short bus" will live on as one of the best moments of the season. With any luck Scott van Pelt will incorporate it into his Sportscenter commentary.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
dick sullivan -- Tell you what, Dick...why don't you do your research before telling other people to do theirs, huh? The ban was "in response to the Dallas Morning News blog"? What does that even mean, anyway? Thanks for the illumination you provided.

The fact is, Cuban's ban first affected Tim MacMahon, a writer/blogger for the Dallas Morning News. That much is true. But MacMahon had been covering the Mavs blog-style for quite some time before the ban. However, Cuban instituted the ban -- which everyone knew was specifically targeted at MacMahon -- immediately after MacMahon posted a link to the Fire Avery Johnson campaign. MacMahon mentioned this himself. Sure, Cuban spouted a bunch of other BS reasons for it...but a noted Mavs blogger talked about the Fire Avery campaign and then all of a sudden he (and all other bloggers) were banned from the Dallas lockerroom.

Thanks for your advice though, Dick. I'll keep the whole "research" thing in mind.

Anonymous Nick Pagano said...
Honestly, I think youre a douche. What are the chances you would have stayed on the bench to catch shaq? -100%? And who cares is Rafer Alston was dribbling like that. He was excited he had a good game. great. Youre probably just mad that you suck at sports so you made this god-awful joke of a website. I'm sorry I wasted my time.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
nick pagano -- Wow, Nick. I'm sorry your mommy didn't hug you more as a child. But don't feel bad; it was only because she doesn't love you.

Blogger cretin said...
it's a surprisingly large segment of the online population that doesn't truly understand the concept of humour.

Blogger cretin said...
it's a surprisingly large segment of the online population that doesn't truly understand the concept of humour.

Blogger Dick Sullivan said...
Basketbawful,

I have done MY research. Or rather, Mike Fisher, who's a little closer to the sources, has with his article Blog Fog. Basically, you fell for the hype that DMN was feeding you. Sure, I guess it boils down to whose story you believe, but I find Fisher's analysis of the situation a little more thorough. Plus, the DMN hasn't necessarily been the model of integrity around here.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
dick sullivan -- I'd already read Mike's take. Honestly, it's like you say...it boils down to who's story you believe. Mike's take is, like everyone else's take, full of interpretation, assumptions, jumps of logic. Take, for instance, his throwaway statement that Cuban "owns, like, 43 companies" and therefore probably isn't aware of all the minor, trivial details. Only Mark has proven, again and again, that he is aware of such details, or is made aware by people he (presumably) pays to make him aware of them. He's also shown on more than one occasion an ability to be petty or this or that slight, either real or imagined.

I'm sure there's some means of parceling up the blame for all of this, but the reality is, no one -- not you, not me, not Fisher or MacMahon -- is ever going to have all the honest details from all sides.

Anonymous Nick Pagano said...
See, there's funny, and then there's not funny. Jon Stewart, Colbert, Chapelle, Simmons, Southpark, this website being funny... all funny. You, not so much. For you to create a website about basketball, you must kinda like the sport right? So why all the disdain for people who are good at it? A wee bit of jealousy? You said in one of your articles that Jason Kidd could have been greater with just a little more effort. A little more effort? The man has 100 triple doubles!! I'm fairly certain you cannot accomplish this feat with out giving maximum effort at all times. Read me the list that he's on in 3-2's. I dare you. Some people just aren't good at certain things. Jason Kidd isn't a good shooter. You aren't good at writing funny articles. Were not all perfect. And my mom hugged me a lot as a kid. And she also thinks you're kind of a tool. Respect.

Blogger Mladen said...
Damn you, Basketbawful! You should have warned me that I must never eat while watching "the Dance of Dumb"! I almost choked on a breadstick =) You gotta love Dirk =)

Blogger Basketbawful said...
nick pagano -- Hm. I'm sure you're trying to get a point across, but, darn it all, I left my Idiot-to-English dictionary on the train. However, I did ask a homeless person to translate for me and he tells me you said very nice things. Good luck in life!

mladen -- I'm pretty sure I put a disclaimer somewhere on the site that specifically states "Do not eat breadsticks while reading Basketbawful." Please remember this for the future.

Blogger Dick Sullivan said...
My question is, if no one has all the honest details, why is Mark's blogger ban granted a Worsty with extreme prejudice? You seemed pretty certain when you said the ban "was, of course, a...petulant and immature...response to the 'Fire Avery Johnson' campaign," when there seem to be manifold skepticisms raised by such an assertion.

Anonymous Nick Pagano said...
It says it all right in the title "Basketbawful". You are looking for the worst in something you love. How useless. Thanks for your time. And good luck to you as well sir.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
dick sullivan -- Meh. I just typed out a ridiculously long response to this and deleted it...in part because I really didn't feel like rehashing the whole stupid situation again in the first place, which is why it got a blurb and I left it at that. We'll just have to agree to disagree on this point. I think Cuban was a huge prat about this situation for a great many reasons.

Anonymous pk smyth said...
The worsties have been the highlight of my work week for the past month or so keep up the good work .

Andrew Bougt is the biggest dork in the NBA how gay can one man bee I bet he likes the A** slap

And Vujacic is a douche and he wears a cafeteria lady hair net

I went to the lakers game on Sasha Vujiacic hair net night lmao

Blogger Brandon said...
The sad part about the Korver foul is that he was still called for the foul. After twisting as far away from any contact as he possibly could, the offensive player jumped into him and got the whistle.

This has got to change.

Offensive player creates contact that would have not existed otherwise, offensive foul.

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