Cleveland Cavaliers: This was not a weekend to remember for the Cavs. On Friday, they lost to the Bulls 100-95 despite Lebron's shock-and-awe first quarter (24 points on 10-for-10 shooting). On Sunday, they struggled to beat the Washington Generals Miami Heat in Cleveland. In point of fact, the Cavaliers were trailing by two going into the fourth quarter of that game and had to rely on Daniel Gibson to save them. I think Gilbert Arenas might have known what he was talking about.

Fun fact: Do you know who holds the United Center record for points in a single quarter? If you answered "Michael Jordan" or "Scottie Pippen" or even "Ben Gordon," you were wrong. It was Jalen Rose, who (according to his NBA.com bio) scored 25 points in the fourth quarter to lead a come-from-behind victory over the Pacers on December 21, 2002.

Dallas Mavericks: Just when you thought it was safe to believe in them...just when everybody was starting to call them "scariest seventh seed ever"...they drop back-to-back games to the short-handed Trail Blazers and the soon-to-be-in-Oklahoma Sonics. So much for that amazing defense, huh? Portland shot 59 percent against them on Saturday and Kevin Durant burned them with two clutcht hoops in the final minute of Sunday's game. And if they don't win their final game against the Hornets, they'll end up as the eighth seed...and get a first round appointment with Dr. Buss and the Lakers. Wah, waaaaaaaah.

Darko Milicic: He's officially taken the lead in the "Worst Taken Too High Draft Pick" suckoff. He was yanked after only 9 minutes of lack-tion on Friday (zero points, 1 rebounds, 1 turnovers, 1 foul) and got benched on Saturday in favor of...Andre Brown! Even Kwame Brown got 14 minutes of PT on Saturday! With only a couple of games left to go on the Grizzlies' schedule, I think it's safe to say Darko will not be breaking out any time this season.

Dikembe Mutombo: I really hope he doesn't retire, because I'm going to miss his "I can't believe the call went against me" looks. Like, a lot.

Denver Nuggets: Who are these guys? Lose by 27 to the Jazz one night, beat the Rockets by 17 the next. Even Dr. Jekyll thinks these guys are a little schizophrenic. And their in-game entertainment sucks. Okay, well, not all of it.

DeSagana Diop: He worked his way into the starting lineup and rewarded the Nets with a Jason Collins-like zero points (0-for-1) in 28 minutes of lack-tion against the Raptors on Friday.

FedExForum: Uh oh. "Three people were injured Saturday night before a game between the Minnesota Timberwolves and Memphis Grizzlies when a small section of the stands at FedExForum collapsed. One man was taken away on a stretcher and two others were treated at the scene, arena officials said." Wow. I guess everything about the Memphis franchise is falling apart. Steve Zito, senior vice president of arena operations, said: "This has surprised us. We're going to find out what happened and make sure it never happens again." Gee...thanks, Steve. [Hat tip: Hardwood Paroxysm]

Kobe Bryant's titanic ego: Humility never was Mamba's thing, was it? When asked about the possibility of winning the MVP award after Friday night's win over New Orleans, Kobe said: "The MVP nowadays is not an individual award, you really have to make your teammates better and elevate your ballclub. I think for me to be nominated in that race is a tremendous honor because that's really been one of the criticisms people have had of me, how well I make my teammates better. From that standpoint, I feel like I have already won." Then, on Sunday, his wife and kids showed up to the Staples Center with adorable little homemade signs that said "Daddy for MVP." Maybe it was just a display of loving support from the people closest to him, but then again, this is the same guy who spent years mimicking Michael Jordan's mannerisms and recently wanted people to believe he jumped over a speeding car. Let me put it this way: Do you remember Larry, Magic, or Michael's families showing up to home games and campaigning for them to win the MVP? Yeah. Didn't think so.

Mario West: Super Mario's season-long ego-ectomy continued this weekend: He played 9 seconds on Friday against the Knicks and had a DNP-CD on Saturday against the Celtics. This is his month of April so far: DNP-CD, 3 seconds, DNP-CD, DNP-CD, 9 seconds, DNP-CD. What did he do to piss off Mike Woodson?

Memphis Grizzlies' biggest fan: You poor kid. Note: I am not picking on the kid. I'm pitying him.

Milwaukee Bucks: It almost doesn't seem worth mentioning that they went 0-for-the-weekend and lost both games by a combined 29 points. What? I said "almost."

New Orleans Hornets: All the Hornets had to do to hold onto the top seed in the Western Conference was win one of their two games this weekend. And they didn't do it. They fell behind by 30 in Friday night's 107-104 loss to the Lakers and then laid an egg in Saturday's 94-91 loss to the Kings. Not only did they lose the conference lead, they cost Chris Paul the MVP. Bad weekend. Baaaaaad weekend.

Orlando Magic: Sure, they obliterated the Bulls on Sunday to reach the 50-win mark for the first time in 12 years. But that impressive feat is somewhat muted by the fact that they're only 5-6 in their last 11 games, with losses to New York and Minnesota (on Friday) in that stretch. And their loss to the Timberwolves? It happened in Orlando. And, as always, the team's Achilles' heel has been its guard play. Minnesota's guards killed the Magic: Randy Foye scored 25, Rashad McCants had 19, and Corey Brewer added 12. Said coach Stan Van Gundy: "Their guards destroyed us. That's troubling with the guards we're going to play in the first round of the playoffs." You've got that right, coach.

Philadelphia 76ers: America's Team went into a mini-slump this weekend, losing at home to the Pacers on Friday and then dropping a game in Washington on Saturday. One win would have moved them into sole possession of the East's sixth seed and away from the dreaded "Pistons First Round Buzzsaw."

Philly's bricklayers: Why'd the Sixers lose to the Pacers? Because Willie Green (2-for-14), Louis Williams (2-for-12), and Rodney Carney (1-for-11) shot the ball like somebody had replaced their hands with rusty wirehangers coated with Vaseline.

Philly's trillionaire club: Shavlik Randolph had a two trillion against the Pacers, while Kevin Ollie and Louis Amundson each had a one trillion against the Wizards.

Phoenix Suns: Friday night's loss to the Rockets cost them any shot at having home court advantage in the first round of the playoffs. On the bright side, it might have ensured them of a first round matchup with the Spurs. Yes, that's the "bright side."

San Antonio Spurs: Hm. Let's take a look at the Spurs last five games: Two wins over the Blazers and Sonics, and three double-digit losses to the Jazz, Suns, and Lakers. If Spurs fans are feeling a little worried at this point, they should be.

Toronto Raptors: There's no shame in losing to the Pistons in Detroit. There is some shame, however, in losing to the Pistons' bench in a game that might decide your team's playoff destiny. Which is exactly what happened yesterday, when Detroit's "Zoo Crew" outscored Toronto's starters 26-21 en route to a 91-84 victory. The loss dropped the dinos into a tie with Philly for the sixth seed in the Eastern Conference. Another slip-up could drop the Raptors into the seventh spot and a first round date with the Pistons. Bum-bum-buh-buuuuuuuuum, bum-bum-ba-da-da-dum!

Washington Wizards: Agent Zero and the Wizards are openly lusting after first and second round matchups with the Cavaliers and Celtics. Notice how they haven't been talking any smack about the Pistons? Good plan, guys. The Wiz received the prison bitch treatment on their Friday night visit to Detroit, as the Pistons held them to 27 percent shooting and beat them by 28 points...while resting their starters.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Kobe Bryant, New Orleans Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Weekend