I received a few e-mails asking why I ignored the Milwaukee Bucks in yesterday's Worst of the Weekend post. The answer I gave was that the Bucks have fallen so far from grace this season that they'd have to do something really bad -- maybe even historically bad -- to get mentioned here. Well, I was wrong. Here's an e-mail from Basketbawful reader AirCanada:
"I was pretty disappointed to see that in yesterday's post there was no mention of Miwaukee's big (or more like forced) summer re-signing! None other than Sir Mo Williams, who missed the game against the Pacers with pubic symphysitis. (Editor's note: That's an injury to the pubic symphysis, which is a cartilaginous joint above the man region.) Here's a little Wiki-research: In males, the suspensory ligament of the penis attaches to the pubic symphysis. In females, the pubic symphysis is intimately close to the clitoris. Which could lead us to confirm what we've long suspected: Mo is like a lot of other NBA players (Jason Williams, Vince Carter, etc.): Just another big pussy!"
I don't know what to say. Uhm...wow? I would, however, really like to find out the exact details about how Mo injured his "pubic symphysis." Not because I'm some drooling pervert who wants to discover the dark secrets of an NBA player's groinal activity (I'm strictly a non-drooling pervert). I'd just like to avoid injuring my various upper-penile cartilaginous joints. It sounds wicked painful.
Update! More super-sleuthing from Basketbawful reader Mithat, who -- unlike me -- can read an entire Wikipedia entry in one sitting. "I think Mo is not a pussy but his dick is small. Check the second paragraph below (from Wiki by the way)."
From the Suspensory ligament of the penis entry: "In males, the suspensory ligament of the penis is attached to the pubic symphysis, which holds the penis close to the pubic bone and supports it when erect.
"Surgically cutting [the pubic symphysis] allows more of the penis to hang outside the body, thereby increasing its length. The ligament is then encouraged to heal in an extended state, promoting a longer penis overall. Until this ligament is properly healed, the penis cannot achieve a high angle of erection when engorged."
Well, there you have it. Mystery solved. Mo just wants a little more length to please the ladies with. (Or the boys. We don't judge or discriminate here, unless you're named "Kobe.") There's no crime in that. Although I'm sure the Bucks would have preferred for him to wait until after the season was over. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a surgery to schedule.