Houston versus Atlanta: Who knew 20 in row could make me feel so nauseous. I already described this nightmare once...and I'm not sure I have the iron will necessary to do it again. So here's another take on it from Matt (via email) at Hardwood Paroxysm: "7:10 in the third. 43-43. Rockets shooting 28%, Hawks shooting 33%. Scola goes up, gets blocked. Goes up again, miss. Misses the tip. Misses the tip. Misses the tip. Dikembe grabs it. Goes up. Misses it. Is fouled. Rafer Alston drives, goes baseline, runs out of room. Jumps, goes nowhere underneath the basket, and somehow manages to underthrow on the pass to a guy under the basket. It's like watching paraplegics play tether-ball. Make it end."
Jeremy Richardson: A mere 9 seconds of playing time. He must be the new Mario West. (Mario got 7 minutes and 37 seconds. Go Mario!)
Al Thornton: I like this kid. I really do. But I don't like the fact that he scored 17 points on 24 shots. I like my big men to be like my high-priced call girls: Fast, efficient, and discreet. Or the first two, anyway.
Dwight Howard: Mr. Butterfingers had 7 turnovers (to 1 assist) against the Clippers. It was Dwight's 14th game this season with at least 5 turnovers. May I suggest some Stickum?
New York versus Miami: I didn't think a Knicks/Heat game could possibly be any harder to watch than it did in the mid to late-90s. Hoooooo-boy, was I ever wrong! Ricky Davis and Mark Blount combined to shoot the ball 35 times. That's pretty much all I have to say about this one.
The Trade Gang: Paging Mr. Hollinger, Mr. Hollinger to the front desk please. Here's what the "new guys" did for the Cleveland Cavaliers last night: Ben Wallace had a DNP-CD (back spasms). Delonte West scored 5 points (1-for-3), dropped 2 dimes, and lost the ball 5 times. Wally World was 3-for-8 from the field, and 0-for-2 from The Land of Three. Joe Smith scored 5 points (2-for-6) and had 7 rebounds. Update: And, as Basketbawful reader Coonejrj4 reminded me: "Don't forget, Joe Smith also managed to give up an offensive rebound to the always hard-working Vince Carter off a free throw late in the game that essentially locked up the game for the Nets." Remember, that trades was a "big time win" for Cleveland. Just sayin'.
Sasha Pavlovic: Welcome back, Sasha. I think that Mike Brown was hoping for more than zero points (0-for-3) and a turnover, though. But I'm sure you'll get your rhythm back. Pretty sure.
DeSagana Diop: He was the hidden gem in the Kidd trade, but the Nets are still waiting for him to shine. Last night: 2 points, 2 rebounds, 1 assists, zero blocked shots, 2 personal fouls. This situation kind of reminds me about how Ike Diogu was the hidden gem in that Pacers/Warriors trade last season. And we all know how that's turned out. (Actually, nobody follows the Pacers anymore, so you probably don't.)
Seattle SuperSonics: They got routed so thoroughly that Boston's Big Three each played only 25 minutes or less, and everybody on both teams got some PT. Even Donyell Marshall and Francisco Elson. (They combined for 4 points on 2-for-8 shooting.)
Sam Cassell and P.J. Brown: You can't spell "veteran" without "old." Actually, you totally can, but that's not the point. These guys are creaking louder than the Tin Man before Dorothy lubed him up. (A combined 9 points on 4-for-13 shooting.) Brown you can kind of understand, because a few weeks ago he was watching NBA action from what I'm assuming is a large, luxery sofa. Sam-I-Am has been playing all season, hasn't he?
Detroit Pistons: That home loss to Philly was kind of inexplicable for a team that everybody and Bill Simmons thinks is going back to the NBA Finals this season. Here's hoping their Playoff Alarm goes off a few weeks early.
Kevin Ollie: Thanks, Kevin. I haven't handed out a one trillion in a while.
Craig from The Association: This is just a little good natured ribbing. But we were exchanging emails yesterday and he was pretty hard on the New Orleans Hornets. Seems he doesn't think they're really a "top team" in the West, despite the record and despite the fact that they've beaten every other Western Conference playoff team at least once. Well, if last night's 25-point spanking of the defending champs doesn't convince him, nothing will. (Unless they beat the Lakers on Friday.)
The San Antonio bench: They contributed 12 points on 6-for-27 shooting, 4 rebounds, and 4 assists. And those numbers were split up among seven guys. That's what I call the opposite of depth.
Utah Jazz: They scored 114 points - including 40 in the first quarter - on 52 percent shooting and had 30 assists (to 12 turnovers) and still had to rally to beat the Bucks in Milwaukee. Why do the Jazz struggle on the road? Do they miss their teddy bears that much? What's the deal?
Bobby Simmons: He crawled back into the starting lineup and then slithered back into his dark hole after only 13 minutes. This is probably because he scored zero points (0-for-3) to go along with 2 boards, 2 assists, and 2 turnovers. Oh, and 5 personal fouls.
Darko Milicic and Jason Collins: These big men combined for a sum total of zero points on 0-for-3 shooting in about 30 minutes of PT. But we know how mighty the Nuggets are on defense...wait...they gave up a season-high 12 points to Brian Cardinal...
Denver Nuggets: They gave up a season-high 12 points to Brian Cardinal.
Update!! Elgin Baylor: The Clippers found a replacement for the recently bought out Sam Cassell. And his name is Smush Parker. Wooooow. Well, I guess the Clips finally got a former Lakers guard, but I'm pretty sure this isn't exactly what Donald Sterling originally wanted. Basketbawful reader Wild Yams, who drew my attention to the signing, said: "Are the Clippers trying to get Elton Brand to opt out this summer or something?" It makes you wonder...
Update!! Bruce Bowen: Congrats on 500 consecutive games played, Bruce. I also like to celebrate special occasions by kicking Chris Paul while he's on the ground. What a coincidence. Dick. (Thanks to the mighty Farfa, who kicked my butt for not including this earlier.)
Bizarre and passive-aggressive complaints: We recently received what may be the strangest letter in Basketbawful history. Here's one version of it. In case you don't have eagle eyes, you can go here to read a larger version. Now, I don't know Tank McNamara, I've never spoken to him, and I have no idea why he has a beef with our site, but I think his complaints are groundless and, frankly, pretty lame. So yeah, I think we're just gonna ignore this one.