Desmond

Bobby Simmons and Charlie Bell: I know that I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: Simmons was Milwaukee's big free agent signing in the summer of 2005 (5 years, $49 million), and Bell was resigned - against his will, no less - by the Bucks last summer (five years, $18 million). I'm no financeologist, but the Bucks aren't getting much of a return on their two huge (and seemingly foolish) investments. Last night, Bell scored 6 points on 2-for-10 shooting and Simmons barely missed a seven trillion by bricking a shot and grabbing a single rebound. Memo to self: Contact Bucks management and ask if they'd like to invest in some rural Indiana swamp land; describe as a nice "fixer upper" opportunity.

Nick Young: The Washington rookie scored a career-high 22 points on, like, nine dunks in a win over the Bucks. But he decided to give the stink-eye to Milwaukee center Andrew Bogut, who -- according to the Associated Press -- "knocked the rookie guard aside like a rag doll." Here's some advice, rook: Guards should not challenge big men. Unless it's Shawn Bradley, and he's not even in the league anymore.

Seattle SuperSonics: I know the Sonics aren't exactly defensive stalwarts -- they're ranked sixth in the league at 105 PPG allowed -- but last night they let Mike Dunleavy Jr. beat them with 32 points on 10-for-16 shooting. And he had an ankle injury! I have a few simple rules that I live by, and one of them is this: Never trust a team that let's Mike Dunleavy Jr. pull a Willis Reed on them.

Donyell Marshall and Francisco Elson: When you're traded to a really lousy team -- in this case, the 16-win SuperSonics -- and you still can't get any PT, chances are you're about 18 games away from being out of the league. Here's hoping D-Marsh and Geico both both invested in a nice 401K plan.

Jarrett Jack: Somebody must have replaced this kid's shooting eye with a glass marble, or maybe an old radish. JJ hit only one of his eight shots last night. He's 13-for-41 (31 percent) in the month of March.

Antoine Walker: You might have missed this -- I know I did -- but Kevin McHale didn't buy out Walker's contract. That means Employee #8 is still a Timberwolf. And it might shock you to discover this, but he's not happy about it. "Obviously, they're rebuilding, and obviously I'm not in the future plans, so I felt like maybe there was an opportunity for me to leave. They wanted money back that I wasn't willing to give back. It didn't work out that way. We'll just have to play it out, six weeks, and then we'll see what happens in the summer." Walker, who's averaging 8 PPG on 36 percent shooting, is making $8.5 million this season. He said that the team "low-balled" him, offering a buyout he felt was unreasonable and "ridiculous, actually." The only thing that would be ridiculous would be offering Walker anything more than cab fare and a few Rainbow Brite stickers. But here's some good news for 'Toine fans: His official Web site is coming soon! Personally, I can't wait.

Antoine Walker

Utah Jazz: One of the most dangerous obstacles in the NBA is what's known as The Trap Game, where a good team plays poorly and drops a game to an inferior team on the road. And that's what happened to the Jazz last night against the Bulls. Utah shot 42 percent, got outrebounded, and turned the ball over 17 times (to 18 assists). Said Jazz coach Jerry Sloan: "They beat us with points in the paint (48-34). They drove down the middle. We got out of the way and let them shoot layups. They were the aggressors from the beginning and we never did get to that point. We just tried to outscore them." Not good. The Jazz can't afford many more of these brainfarts. One loss is the equivalent of three or four losses in this crazy Western Conference playoff race.

Jim Boylan: Despite the constant and open rebellion of crappy players like Aaron Gray, Chris Duhon, and Tyrus Thomas, Boylan is, amazingly, still trying to keep his job. Personally, I think he should just resign and try something a little less stressful, like poisonous food taste tester, or wild animal masturbator, which, according to Popular Science, can be accomplished in a variety of ways, from ramming an electric probe up an animal's rectum, shoving an artificial vagina onto the animal's penis, or simply doing it the old-fashioned way...manual stimulation. All I'm saying, Jim, is that you should probably keep your options open. Anyway, Boylan obviously took a course in Coaching Platitudes 101, which enabled him to make the following statement after the Bulls inexplicably stunned the Jazz: "When people question our team, I respond that we have guys in the locker room with a lot of character who care about their craft and work at it. The guys were hurt the last couple days. There were a lot of things swirling around our team, and no one likes to see that stuff in the paper. This is a basketball team, not a soap opera." Too bad. At least all the drama would actually make sense on a soap opera.

The "ironmen" on the Phoenix Suns bench: Even though this video is sure to appear on every basketball-related Web site and blog in the universe, my favorite Phoenix Suns fan asked me to post it...and I never say "no" to a Suns fan. (Don't get any funny ideas, starang.) Quick explanation: Shaq goes running toward his team's bench in hot pursuit of a loose ball, and those dudes scrambled out of the way like a bunch of 10-year-old girls. Actually, I take that back, since it's an insult to 10-year-old girls everywhere. Now, here's the video:


Vladimir Radmanovic: The Radman finally cracked the Lakers' starting lineup and immediately proved why he hadn't already been in the Lakers' starting lineup: Zero points (0-for-5) and 1 personal foul in 19 minutes. Don't worry though, Vlad. Coby Karl saved a nice spot on the end of the bench for you.

Ginger Grant: Fans of Gilligan's Island probably already know this, but the "Ginger versus Mary Ann" debate took a stuning turn in the Mary Ann direction yesterday when Dawn Wells, the actress who played the hillbilly hottie, was arrested for reckless driving, possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, and driving under the influence. Wells' official cover story is that she picked up some hitchhikers and then kicked them out when they started smoking something, although a friend of hers also told her lawyer that he left the drugs in the car when he borrowed it earlier that day. Whatever. There's no shame in being a party girl.

Center for Disease Control and Prevention: Don't you just hate it when a federal health organization has to rain all over the free love parade? The CDC just released a study which found that at least one in every four American teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. This means that we can no longer trust our naughty teens to be clean and innocent. Turns out that they're only naughty. And here's another shocker that's based on nothing more than my own personal observations during random Internet searches: Some, if not most of them, aren't even teens!

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18 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What actually happened to Nick Young? Was that during the game or after?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
anonymous -- During the game. He tried to get in Bogut's face after a dunk, and Bogut knocked him aside like he wasn't even there. Kid was excited and a little trash-talky. Bogut was having none of it.

Anonymous Shrugz said...
lowball him ? he's not even worth a minimum contract LOL

a 37% shooter who scores 8points a game provides very little D usually isn't in the league...unless your jason kidd

Anonymous manic said...
1 in 4 girls, dang. Basketbawful is sure putting in the work these days!

Blogger Alex Hopper said...
An obvious ommision, The Raptors. One could agrue that Rasho was there best player last night. Any time that happens i cry my self to sleep, counting down the days till bosh's knee get better.

Blogger Ravi said...
The Grizzlies, or at least Darko/Kwame(for being Darko and Kwame) should be on this list, they got embarrassed last night.

Anonymous Farfa said...
Why is TJ Ford glowing in today's Around the Association on www.nba.com?

http://www.nba.com/aroundtheassociation/080311.html

Is this an indication that he left this material world after that Horford spanking, and has been replaced by DaJuan Wagner in disguise (did you notice that he's taking way too many shots?)? Is this like the (in)famous cover of the Beatles' "Abbey Road" with McCartney without shoes?

I'm seriously puzzled.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Are you stupid or something ?

Ohh sorry - Saying Tyrus Thomas is a crappy player answers that one by itself !!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
anonymous -- Tyrus? Is that you again? Dude, it's okay, you can sign your name. Nobody's judging.

Okay, Mr. Big Huge Throbbing Brain. Prove me wrong. Prove Thomas isn't a crappy player. Show me had amazing and indispensible he's been this season. And using his athleticism and "huge upside potential" as examples don't count.

Because, see, from my perspective, Thomas is an underachieving big man with no offensive game (6.3 PPG on 41 percent shooting) whose court skills and basketball IQ are so low that he can't stay on the floor for more than 17 MPG because his coaches don't trust him. The last one didn't even think the kid knew he was supposed to sprint up and down the court. And this is the same player who skipped practice - and drew a two-game suspension - because he was throwing a fit over playing time.

So please, pretty please, use what is clearly a keen and rapacious intellect to explain to me what are virtues Mr. Thomas possesses that make him a not crappy player.

Anonymous Shrugz said...
for a second I thought you were describing Joey Graham....but then he doesn't complain and throw fits and I don't believe he's ever been suspended LOL
that's what you get when you are clearly drafted too high and it goes straight to your head

Anonymous Shrugz said...
for a second I thought you were describing Joey Graham....but then he doesn't complain and throw fits and I don't believe he's ever been suspended LOL
that's what you get when you are clearly drafted too high and it goes straight to your head

Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're just jelous because tyrus can jump really high

and then look really angry

I bet you can't do it like that

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i saw a comment on youtube about the shaq clear out video which goes "dats f*cking hilarious...dat the most the Suns bench has moved in months... " funny and quite sad at the same time. hehe.

Anonymous Rainbow Bright said...
Hey! Rainbow Brite > T-Boner Walker. He's not even good enough for cab fare and a pack of Big League Chew. Damn the NBA for letting him get a title ring

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Actually, I take that back, since it's an insult to 10-year-old girls everywhere."

Ah! Such a feminist moment for you! I'm so proud!

~LJ

Blogger Basketbawful said...
shrugz -- At the risk of going all man love on you, I always seem to get a nice chuckle out of your comments. Thanks.

anonymous 1 -- I'm also jealous of the smooth slickness of Tyrus' head. It makes me warm. And tingly.

anonymous 2 -- You know, I hadn't even thought of that...but it's totally true.

rainbow brite -- You know what? You're absolutely right. I take it back. How 'bout Strawberry Shortcake stickers?

LJ -- Hey! I'll have you know that I took three feminist studies classes in college, actually considered a minor in it, and tried to start a Men Against Rape chapter at my university (with my feminist studies prof as the advisor...but nobody showed up to the callout). Women's issues are very near and dear to my heart. I love women. They have boobies. Damn. I was so close...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
SHOCK!!!

And aw(ful)...

Better luck next time!

~LJ

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You also forgot to mention that the space cadet Radmanovic bricked a wide open lay up and airballed a three in the first quarter.

For lakers fans everywhere, someone mail him a lift ticket and hope he gets his snowboard on again.

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