Shooting like this is a very niiiiice!

"Joe, you're wearing the ugliest mask I have ever seen"

Well, that's the last time these two fall asleep on the team plane: Billups and Del Negro react to a siamese twin surgery prank administered by Dr. Mo Williams

Rick Adelman carries the world's largest invisible apple across the sideline during the NBA's Gay Pride week

Russell Westbrook realizing that he's late for his shift to H&M

 Zaza and Josh Smith hold up the number of turnovers they expect to have in tonight's game

"Well, that's what the money is for!!"

Boston Celtics: Of all the great games on last night, this matchup between the Spurs/Celtics excited me the most.  I was eager to see if the Spurs could keep their win streak alive, and what better test than a streaking Boston team that had one of the best records after the all star break?
But before I get to the game, I want to say one thing.

There are fans.  There are homers.  And there are the mentally unwell obsessed.

And then there is Tommy Heinsohn.

I respect the hell out of the guy for commentating on some of the most legendary games in Celtics history, but man does he crack me up during the games.

The best has to be when a Celtic player drives in the lane with minimal contact, and then Heinsohn has a hemmorage over the lack of a foul call, only to watch the replay in complete silence (which is something he should practice more often)

He totally comes off as one of those super drunk dads at their son's youth league games. 

I would go on about him a little more, but this Bawful post sums it up pretty nicely.

As for the game, I have to give it up for the Celtics.  The Spurs were on a back to back, in the middle of a stretch of 16 games in 23 nights.  The Celtics, being the gracious hosts that they were, immediately made the Spurs feel at home after tipoff by turning up the lights, rolling out the red carpet, and giving the Spurs limo service to the rim throughout the entire first quarter.

And in case you need further proof, every single one of the 27 points the Spurs had in the first quarter were in the paint.

To make matters worse for Boston, the Spurs continued their hot streak in the second half, ballooning their lead all the way up to 17.

In the third quarter is where things went all Charlie Sheen for San Antonio.

Looking completely discombobulated in their offense, San Antonio stumbled their way into a mere 9 points in the third quarter, as Boston rallied back.  This is the same team that is 3rd in the league in PPG mind you.

Boston went on to take the lead late in the fourth, but then the great savior for the Spurs came in and helped put the Celtics away for good.

Sandwhich enthusiast, as well as the most sought after man on Google for missed dunks:

Ginger Face

With the shot clock about to expire, Bonner got his shotput on and drained a jumper with just 45 seconds left in the game to seal the victory. He also ended up with a double double, grabbing just as many boards as Rondo and Garnett combined.

When Tim Duncan was asked about what went through his mind during that possession, he gave quite the diplomatic reponse:

Tim Duncan's face of the 4 stages of Bonner taking the final shot:

1) Anxiety and fear at what is about to unfold
2) Brief Acceptance of the inevitable
3) Blind Rage since everyone has seen this film so many times, and hates the ending.
4) Grateful that pigs can now fly, hell has frozen over, and Bonner makes a basket with less than a minute to go.

Actually, I'm not sure what the hell that was, but I'll take it.

Oklahoma City Turnover:  A big game in Miami, the Thunder were looking to expand their lead as the West's top seed.  Instead they opted for 20 turnovers, blowing an 11 point lead and losing their hold as the best team in their conference.

Durant played well in his 43 minutes (30 points, even if he did manage 9 turnovers), but Russell Westbrick was having a field day chucking shot after shot after shot after shot.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Despite all that, the game was pretty back and forth until the Thunder opted to have their crunch time plays consist around a failed Ibaka jumper, and another classic Scott Brooks "Let's give Durant the ball as far behind the 3 point line as possible, and hope that something can happen".

He's about 3-26 on those type of plays.

As for the cHeat, talk about a one man show.  LeBron shot 50% from the floor, while the rest of his team shot a combined 33%.  I don't know if it's scary that the Heat pulled off the win while getting no help from anyone besides James, or if it's just plain scary watching the Heat outside of James period.

Maybe a combination of both, to go with those Darth Vader uniforms.

Memphis Care Bears:  A 10 point lead, a surge in the playoff standings, and life is good.

But then Memphis remembered who they were, and proceeded to let their game go to hell in the fourth quarter, as the Mavs stormed back and grabbed a 95-85 win.

The Grizz allowed the Mavs to shoot 50% from the floor while having the big 3 of Gay, Gasol, and Conley combine for a whopping 12-39 (suck on that Westbrick!)

As for newcomer Gilbert Arenas, well he wasn't so kind in the post game recap:

Maybe if Gilbert spent more time dropping 3's as oppose to dropping deuces the Grizz would have been in better shape.

Charlotte Bobscraps:  Lost 9 in a row and counting.  Heck, they've lost more games during this streak than they have won all season.  

It wasn't all bad.  I mean the Bobscraps did have a lead in this game.  It may have been only a lead of one point, and lasted all of 10 seconds, but hey, it's something to build on.

The Hawks led by as much as 32, and no one was happier than Josh Smith who got to relax in the fourth:

"It was real important," he said. "It just feels good to get some rest and watch the Bobcats play a little bit.  But my God, are they just awful.  Makes for great comedy though"

Cleveland Cadavers:  The Cavs had lost their last two games by a combined 72 points, but progress was made as they only allowed themselves to get down by 19 against the Bucks.

Baby steps people.

It's gotten so bad for the Cavs that even the opposition has given up on being polite about them in the post game quotes:

"We came out, played well in the first quarter and then they won the last three quarters," Bucks coach Scott Skiles said. "It's a team, you feel like, we should handle a little bit easier than we did. But we won the game, which is good to see, and made some shots."

Yikes, this is coming from a team that wouldn't even be in the playoffs had they started today.  Lord knows the rest of the teams are thinking when they see Cleveland on the calendar.  

The Cavs weren't taking the loss any easier than the previous ones:

"Against this team, you're going to have to score," Scott said. "They just have too many guys that can flat out put the ball in the basket. We missed 30 shots inside the paint. That makes it real tough on you."

Pretty sure against any team you're going to have to score, since I don't know, isn't that the main idea of how to win a basketball game?  I'm sure Coach Scott will figure it out sooner or later.  I mean there's always next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.

"We had some great looks," Anthony Parker said. "Unfortunately, it was one of those days where some of the easier shots that we usually never convert on just weren't falling."

Another day in the life of a Cavs player.


Philadelphia 1776'ers:  Forget The Exorcist, if you wanna see you something messed up and terrifying, try forcing yourself to watch the performance this Philly team put on against the Craptors last night.

They shot a measly 25% from the 3 point land, got only 8 free throws, and allowed the Craptors of all teams to run the lead to as many as 23 points in Philly's own building.  

I haven't even gotten to the fact that the Sixers scored just 7 points in the fourth quarter. 

 *face palm*

But when you're the same team who also falls to the Wizards, and have lost 8 out of your last 12, you know things aren't going right for you.

"I really don't have anything," coach Doug Collins said. "I don't know what to say."

You're not alone Doug.

Forget burning the tape, they should also burn all the fans, players, and coaches who witnessed this game.  

But maybe that isn't even enough.

Los Angeles Flippers:  Ah yes, those schizophrenic Flippers.  Lose 3 games one night, then go on an absolute tear and win 6 in a row the next while many were calling for the Lakers as the second best team in LA.

Like Roger Sterling in the latest episode of Mad Men, I asked "When are things going to get back to normal?"

Well, last night they did.

The Flipps allowed the Lakeshow to get 63 first half points, and let Bynum errupt for 36 points.

He didn't even have to hit a single 3 to get to that total either.

Bynum and Kobe (of all people) combined for an astonishing 26-39 from the floor.  

Chris Paul and Blake Griffin struggled, as they both missed over half their shots as the Lakers built a lead of 15 points.

Del Negro looked completely lost out there, but then again, that isn't any different than any other day he's been alive.

The Flippers are now 3 games behind the Lakers for the top spot in the Pacific, and judging by their Jekyl/Hyde performance this season, this loss could put them in another tail spin.

"It was exciting," Chris Paul said, "but at the end of the day, we lost. Who cares?"

That's the Clippers season in a nutshell.

Pau Gasol:  For being Blake Griffin's bitch.  I mean wow:

And before I end this post, I just gotta give props to Mohammad El-Akkari, who had 113 more points than Kenyon Martin did last night.

Of course there is no video evidence of this game, and it was played in Lebanon of all places, but still.

Even on default settings in NBA 2K12, getting a 113 points with a player in a single game would be considered an achievement.

Unless you're playing against the Nyets.

Also, feel free to "like" us on Facebook.  Tell your friends, your family, even your exes (who knows, maybe it'll be just the thing to get you guys back together!).

Have a great long weekend everybody.

Chris's Lacktation Report:

Craptors-Sixers: Philadelphia's Lavoy Allen bricked once and lost the rock as well for a +2 in 185 seconds.

Pacers-Generals: Lance Stephenson bricked twice (once from Union Station) and also took a foul for a +3 in 261 seconds.

Ronny Turiaf tarnished two rebounds and an assist in 15:26 with two bricks, one lost rock, and four fouls for a 5:2 Voskuhl.  Norris Cole took a rejection and three pieces of masonry in 328 seconds for a +4, and James Jones hit a jackpot of 1.95 trillion (118 seconds).

Andris Biedrins banished two boards to the wrong side of a Voskuhl ratio, earning a 4:2 via fouls in 11:47.

Suns-Jazz: Enes Kanter improvised a board in 8:27, only to brick twice and take two fouls in a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Nyets-Frail Blazers: Joel Przybilla poked at a singular rebound in 11:26 with two fouls and turnovers each for a 4:1 Voskuhl.

Labels: ,

Blogger kazam92 said...
Tommy Heinsohn, Stacey King, and Sean Elliot are the 3 guys I have to mute if they're on NBA TV. Insufferable.

Anonymous JJ said...
Raza, great post usual! Thanks.

And Griffin's dunks.. oh WOW. That's just criminal. How many players' manhoods has he pulverized just this season? Not sure Gasol had a manhood though.

Blogger Fishy said...
Raza... you're awesome. Also one of the words I have to provide below to prove I'm not a robot is "tittinga".... it made me laugh (I don't pretend to be mature) and I felt like sharing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Another great post from Raza.

But seriously, what happened to Bawful? I hope he's alright.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Another great post from Raza.

But seriously, what happened to Bawful? I hope he's alright.

Blogger Raza said...
kazam - Yeah those 3 are pretty brutal. The Rockets announcers also get on my nerves.

JJ- Thanks buddy, I can't think of a single player in recent years who has posterized others as often as Blake Griffin this season.

Fishy - That's amazing, if we could set our own captcha's the results would be hilarious

Anonymous - 'Bawful himself is running the Bulls blog, and busy with work.

Anonymous Rik Smits Mullet said...
Hey guys.
Maybe some of you guys already read it. But there is a bacstory about the rollerblading toronto Craptors mascot on the basketball jones

Offcourse reading the backstory of a mythical moment in sports might make the event lame. But this will still go down as one of the most bawful events in mascot history.

Blogger Raza said...
Rik Smits, AWESOME find.

That is definitely one of the most legendary moments in mascot history, and lame or not, I still laugh my ass off at that clip.

Thanks for sharing.

Blogger stephanie g said...
The aftermath of Blake's second chaos dunk:

The sea of o-faces and the hands on head guy are awesome but Bynum's grimace cracks me up.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"That's what the money is for!"

Doug Collins is Don Draper. Great post

Blogger Raza said...
Glad somebody picked up on that.

Love that line, love that show.

And steph - Bynum's face in that picture needs to be added to the 'Bawful banner

Blogger chris said...
A nice angle of Gasol:!/stackmack/status/187987958945689600

Blogger Dan B. said...
Raza and Anonymous -- I cracked up at the Mad Men reference. Well done.

Anonymous grizzly said...
Great dunks, but I thought both were offensive fouls.

First was over the back, Griffin had his knees in Pau's back.

Second Griffin lead with his forearm to clear out Pau.

Admittedly like traveling, and carrying the ball, the NBA refs will not call it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It is time for someone to lay Griffin out on one those offensive fouls dunks. The old school basketball players would not have allowed such a d@ckhead move to be a re-occurring event.