The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals seemed to catch a break when the Hornets' Emeka Okafor -- who averages a double-double (11.1 PPG and 10.1 RPG) and nearly 2 blocked shots -- went down with a left oblique muscle strain.

Enter: The Dragon Jason Smith!

Going into this game, Smith's scouting report read something like "tall white guy who does Chris Paul's laundry and passes out Gatorade during timeouts." Well, Smith hit his first nine shots, scored a team and career-high 20 points, and finished with a better plus-minus score (+6) than CP3 (0).

That dude must on a steady diet of powdered toast, because launching into the air with the power of VITAMIN F!

Washington has now lost six in a row and [GRIM REALITY ALERT!!] and are 0-25 on the road. That means the Generals are a mere four road losses from matching the 1992-93 Dallas Mavericks' all-time worst 0-29 start on the road.

Am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me!

Said Andray Blatche: "We're not giving in and we're not giving up. We're just playing scared. It's tough when you fight the whole game and you come up short. ... I'm sure that if we keep playing like we're playing, we're going to pull off a road win."

John Wall: 4 points. 2-for-10. His lunch money stolen by Chris Paul. That Rookie of the Year award keeps slipping further and further away...

Monty Williams, backhanded compliment machine: On Smith's big night: "He brought the right kind of energy tonight. Sometimes, Jason will go for offensive rebounds he doesn't have a chance to grab or foul someone for no apparent reason, and tonight he was knocking down shots, he was attacking the rim, he made the right cuts and got to the free throw line. Defensively he didn't get exploited as bad as most people would have expected."

Way to throw a wet blanket on your boy, coach.

The San Antonio Spurs: I have a question for the Frail Blazers:

I'm kidding, but, seriously, how are they doing it? These guys have been left for dead more times than Jonah Hill's genitals. Greg Oden: Out for the season. Brandon Roy: Out indefinitely. Marcus Camby: Out indefinitely. Joel Przybilla: Seriously considering retirement.

If you think about it, they have no business being 16-9 without Brandon Roy (versus 10-13 with him). Or, for that matter, taking down the league's best team. But that's what they did last night. Pretty convincingly too.

How'd they do it? Well, the Spurs are 5th in both FGP (47.0) and eFG% (52.0), but Portland held 'em to 42.7 and 47.6, respectively. The key was limiting San Antonio's transition opportunities. According to, the Spurs rank 5th in fast break points per game (15.6). Last night, the Men in White and Black were held to 2 points in transition.

Beyond that, the Spurs didn't do much defensively. LaMarcus Aldridge had a career-high 40 points on 16-for-23 shooting and Portland finished with an Offensive Rating of 118.1 despite going 2-for-13 from downtown.

Said Frail Blazers coach Nate McMillan: "To go toe-to-toe with most teams, we can't do that. We've got to outwork you, we've got to be smarter, execute. And if we do that, we play hard, we're going to give ourselves a chance to win. Tonight, we beat the best team in the league."

Random bizarre story from the AP game notes: "A helicopter that was readying to pick up Blazers' owner Paul Allen and take him to his yacht went down in the water off Argentina this week. The two pilots were rescued from the water by Allen's crew and treated for minor injuries."

The Sacramento Kings: Okay, seriously, nobody thought they were going to beat the Lakers, Hornets and Celtics back-to-back-to-back, right?

By the way, what's up with those band-aids on the back of Ray Allen's calves. Does anybody know what's up with that?

Kevin Garnett, selective memory machine: In case you missed it, there was a bit of a dustup between Garnett, Rajon Rondo and DeMarcus Cousins last night. Basically, KG ended up on the floor after diving for a loose ball. Cousins tried to stand up over him and Rondo shoved him away.

Said Cousins: "It was all in the game and it wasn't nothing personal or dislike. That was the Celtics, and I was standing my ground. But it was really nothing."

Uh, standing your ground, DeMarcus? Standing is one thing. But the video shows Cousins walking toward KG when the play was clearly over. That's not "standing your ground"...and it's not surprising either.

Anyway, dig was KG had to say about the situation: "We're a very proud team. We don't really do that to other people and just want hold up some decency in this game and respect. We all have each other's back. I guess [Rondo] felt he was standing over me, which is inappropriate to us."

Wait. What?

As always, I'm just sayin'.

The Los Angeles Lakers: As Wild Yams put it: "Lamar Odom with the animal style double double tonight, Kobe with 32 points and 11 assists, and Pau with 26 points, 16 boards and 4 blocks... and the Lakers need overtime at home to beat the Rockets. Dunno if missing Bynum is enough of an excuse to account for this."

I should also point out that L.A. couldn't do anything with Kevin Martin (20 points, 12-for-20, 10-for-11 from the line) or Luis Scola (24 points, 12-for-20, 15 rebounds). Oh, and get this, K-Mart was the only Houston player to attempt a single free throw. The Lakers, unbelievably, managed to avoid giving up a single freebie to 10 other Rocketeers in a game that went to overtime.

Huh. Weird. ( that mom's homemade apple pie...?)

Random factoid: The Lakers seem to be pretty good in most areas, except they rank 21st in Defensive Rebound Percentage. Last year they were 9th. Dunno if that means anything, but...

The Houston Rockets: At this point, the Rockets seem to exist solely to be a pain in the ass to other teams. They're good enough on offense to keep things interesting (5th in O-Rating) but bad enough on defense to lose a lot of close ones (24th in D-Rating).

They've lost 13 of their last 20 games. That includes three overtime losses (to the Jazz, Hornets and Lakers), a six-point loss to the Heat, a three-point loss at Portland, a six-point loss to the Thunder, a five-point loss at Memphis and a five-point loss at Dallas. They're 22-28, but their point differential is +0.1.

Said Shane Battier: "Our margin of error is so small because we're a small team. As you saw, the rebounding game is something that continues to hurt us, especially when it's tight. We were right there, played good defense and forced tough shots, but we have to maintain concentration and discipline and really get five guys rebounding for the entire game."

Kobe Bryant, quote machine: "When I'm out there being aggressive and doing my thing, he needs to follow suit and just be just as aggressive which is hard for him because it's kind of against his nature. But I think tonight was a good step. Even when he was in Memphis and he was the go-to guy, he was always very nice. Very white swan. I need him to be black swan."

And you've gotta love this follow up from the AP: "Less Natalie Portman. More Mila Kunis. Gasol got the point just in time to help the Lakers avoid another embarrassing fall in their treacherous midseason dance."

I want it noted that I didn't make the girl joke this time.

Chris's lacktion report:

Generals-Hornets: Quincy Pondexter can certainly buy himself quite a bit of king cake for Mardi Gras this year, after a collection of 1.4 trillion (1:24)! DJ Mbenga made himself noticed by belaying a board in 3:26 with a foul and turnover for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Rockets-Lakers: Jordan Hill climbed into the ledger tonight with a one-brick +1 in 2:46.


Anonymous kazam92 said...
Tom getting a speaking part in the cartoons were always epic. I love that clip

Anonymous RipTheJacker said...
Props on the Ren & Stimpy reference.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Damn, but those Sactown commentators are homers.

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
Did you see this article?;_ylt=Ajc7s1zDm.TsPdrSCx9c5ja8vLYF?urn=nba-315403

Here is the highlight
"Most NBA players these days wear a compression tank top under their jersey. So why not just skip the jersey and wear the compression undergarment function as the uniform top?"

Don't a lot of players also wear those compression/under armor shorts as well? So naturally they don't need shorts either anymore.

I can't believe someone as stupid as that is making millions of dollars. Everyone has underwear whats the point of clothes?

Blogger Dan B. said...
Sorry guys, probably won't have a chance to do a BAD post today. However, to make up for it, I present two links:

1) Yesterday, we got a great piece on the Cavs and their losing ways. Today, we get a great piece on the Craptors and their losing ways.

2) Unbelievable: McBain: The Movie.
So it turns out that, if arranged in chronological order, the McBain movie clips shown on The Simpsons form a four-minute excerpt from an action film in which McBain “hunts corrupt drug kingpin Senator Mendoza and tries to exact revenge for his murdered partner while battling red tape at police headquarters.”

Today is a good day.

Blogger Caleb Smith said...
That KG video is funny but they missed a good one. I don't remember which season it occurred in but KG did he "get down on all fours like a dog" thing to David West, who promptly scored on KG.

Anonymous Marc d. said...
That National Post article made me throw up in a mouth a bit. Losing is never ever ever ever ever ever a good thing. The draft is such a crap shoot that even a number one pick isn't necessarily going to jettison a team to the top of the standings. More importantly, tho, once a young team starts losing, they get used to losing, and they keep losing, forever. Fuck tanking and fuck you National Post!


Blogger @huynhjeff said...
Does anybody else think that David Andersen looks like Chris Kattan from A Night at the Roxbury in that picture?

Anonymous Marc d. said...
David Andersen looks like a lot of things; none of them good

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
The draft is such a crap shoot that even a number one pick isn't necessarily going to jettison a team to the top of the standings.

Isn't *necessarily* going to jettison a team to the top of the standings??!? I direct you to:

A. Kwame Brown
B. Greg Oden
C. Andrea Bargnani
D. Michael Olowakandi

The best player of Bargnani's draft is quite clearly turning out to be LaMarcus Aldridge. Although it would have been Brandon Roy if his knees weren't made out of old newspaper.

Anyways, the future in Toronto looks.. exceedingly dim. We bottom out in years where the draft is terrible. In other words, we can't even tank right. Go.. Bayless and Davis?

Why do I pay for a share of season tickets again?

Anonymous Tree said...
Bawful - I've been a loyal, daily reader of this blog for years now (no idea when I started, but I know it was due to a link to the site referencing Vince Carter being a heartless pussy) ... and now, I have a request:

We are witnessing some of the greatess bawfulness ever; to wit:

- The Cavs (Cadavers)
- The Raps (Craps, Craptosaurs)

- The Wizards (Generals)

we're entering dubious history territory: longest road winless streak, longest losing streak, and the general terribility. When these milestones are hit, it stands to reason we need an in-depth review of the NBA's general level of bawfulness in 2011.

Just an example of the putridity that could be noted: half of the teams (half!?!) have losing records, and an overall record of 250-460. Or, another look: the bottom 20 (aka 2/3's of the league) have a combined record of 383-568.

Is it possible that a lockout would be the best thing to happen to the NBA in decades?

Anonymous Bryan said...
im guessin the rockets shooting 38 3pts had more to do with their lack of fts than home cooking did. But speaking of the Lakers, Marc Stein reports that Artest wants out of LA. Good luck finding someone who wants you, Ron-Ron

Blogger Basketbawful said...
When these milestones are hit, it stands to reason we need an in-depth review of the NBA's general level of bawfulness in 2011. may have a point...

...would you be interested in contributing to such a review or reviews?

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@The other Chris: I'm convinced that if Andrea was drafted by an organization like the Spurs, Jazz, Or Rockets he would now be an All-Star.

The Raps are atrocious at developing talent. Even Chris Bosh, as good as he is, can be considered an underachiever since he's not really any better (or even stronger) than he was when he came into the league.

And on the other hand, look at the strides SA's slew of late first-rounders have made under Pop's direction.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not sure if I read your comment right, but you seem to have said: "half of the teams (half!?!) have losing records"

Now, last time I checked, if half of the teams have losing records, then the other half of the teams have winning records. I don't really see anything wrong with that. Since every time a team wins a game, another team loses the same game, it's normal that half the teams in the league have a losing record.

Anonymous Ben said...
Would it be possible to do an entire segment discussing how awful it is to have to listen to Cheryl Miller.....for any reason....ever? I have yet to see her get properly clowned on. Before this season, she was only on TV a few times a year and was generally pretty standard in how excited she was. Now, she is overtly attempting to be animated and has quickly drifted into Mark Jackson territory with the brutal cliche riddled speeches....its not a woman hating thing here, Cherly Miller is simply awful. I wouldnt mind Jamele Hill....however, that may or may not have to do with a secret crush....women in sweaters are just cute

Blogger Robby Boydstun said...
Seriously, if you look at what Portland has done with all of the injuries in the past three years, you'd see that the team is deep. They all play to their strengths to counter their weaknesses' then they outwork the hell out of the opponent. Simplistic, yes. But, that's Nate McMillan's style of basketball.

It's not rocket science. They just have multiple guys that are able to step up on any given night and they aren't so reliant on superstars that they become lost when one of them goes down. After three years of the same old thing happening you have to figure they'd be really good at it by now. And they are.

Sure, they are still on track to screw up in the playoffs like usual, but Portland is the definition of a team you don't ever underestimate, especially at home.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Realistically the Pacers are the only opportunity for Cleveland to avoid the historic catastrophe. Come on yellow and gold! This game will ring throughout history! Make us proud.

Ben: To me the funniest thing about Cheryl is she has the same speaking cadence as her brother, especially when they're excited. Does their entire family speak like that? Those family get togethers must be...interesting. Just imagine a herd of little googly eyed alien headed Miller kids running around and talking like that.

Anonymous Reignman said...
As a Spurs fan, I've nothing but praise for Portland. Without Roy, Oden (though that's part of the usual), etc. they still managed to give us one hell of a beating.

@Czernobog: Bargnani would have been an even bigger bust under Pop, it's the Pop effect, mentally tough players thrive with him, while the weak-minded are beaten to death with bats...or traded to the Paupers (see Udrih, Beno)

As a side note, DeJuan Blair, 37th overall pick, to the Sophomore All-Star team...Gary Neal, undrafted, to the Rookie All-Star team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Blogger stephanie g said...
I meant blue and gold. This game is coming down to the wire! This is the Pacer's championship right here.

Blogger Bing said...
What is up with reporting "trade rumours" AKA shit ESPN journos make up, as fact?

Ron wants out of LA.
Oh, no he doesn't. Oops.

This is not how news should be treated.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Crisis averted. Pacers play slightly less sucky than the Cadavers in the final two minutes to eek out the win. Whew.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I knew the Pacers, or, well, the dead coach bounce would come through. Bawful history, here come the Cadavers!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
From the ESPN/AP recap of the Mavs-Knicks game:

"... Singer Justin Bieber was at the game and was loudly booed when shown wearing large pink glasses on the overhead scoreboard."

What a Nancy.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Steve Nash just one point and one t/o away from a triple bumble (13ast, 9pts, 9t/o)

Seriously though. If Nash was Chinese, he would be a perennial starting all-star. Then again, so would Marcin Gortat... or Mario West...

Anonymous EuroGuy said...
I don't know whether is was a fairly good game or it was the Pacers _efense that made the Cadavers look alive. But with that effort it looked like Cleveland could actually win another game this season.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Happy Chinese New Year. Wonder if we can get a special on Yao, Yi or any of the Chinese ballers since this is now the year of the rabbit?

Anonymous Marc d. said...
It'd be interesting to see how certain players would do if they ended up being drafted by different organizations.

Pop certainly would have either turned Bargnani into an all-star or broken him down and traded him away. He would've done the same to Bosh as well.

I hate watching my team mollycoddle young talent (see: DeRozan, Demar). Put them thru the wringer and if they can't take the heat then you ditch them. That's how you build a great team.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Would someone please photoshop a chinese nash. My mind is exploding as we speak.

Anonymous lechuck said...
i dunno if this has been mentioned before, but anyone heard about durant calling out bosh for being a "fake tough guy". we all here know that bosh is entitled to be called such thing, but really KD? do you need to say that?

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
@Marc d, @Czernobog, @Reignman

Agree that these thought experiments about "How would a player like Bargnani have turned out under a real coach like Jerry Sloan or Pops?" are interesting. Given the ego-ectomy that was applied to Milicic in Detroit under Larry Brown and Kwame Brown in Washington, I don't think it would have ended well.

But it seems to me that these organizations tend to draft and bring in players that they think will be a good fit for their system - that play hard, play hard-nosed defense, are good character guys, and so on. These teams would have been 2000% more likely to draft Aldridge instead of Bargnani, IMO.

Blogger Wormboy said...
God, I love it when pro athletes try to act artsy. Nice film allusion, Kobe. But the basic story has been around since Russia was a monarchy, err, czararchy? So you can't act like a renaissance man when you just got Hollywood spoon fed a concept viewed by millions of your fellow Americans.

Anonymous Resigned Canuck said...
Bargnani would stink everywhere. He played for a demanding coach at the beginning of his career, who was unable to reach him. It would be the same anywhere. He only plays 40 mins a game due to his organization being embarrassed at drafting him at #1 and hoping against hope that he gets it someday. He won't.

The rest of the Craps roster is 12th man scrubs on a good team. Colangelo has destroyed an already mediocre team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Resigned Canuck: Schlemitchell was a demanding person, perhaps, but he was never a coach. Not in any meaningful way.

Agreed about Colangelo's incompetence though.

Anonymous Very Resigned Canuck said...

True..not a coach. But I still think we'll see the scenario of "Bargs" sucking for another, better coach in another town someday.

Even your namesake wouldn't be able to revive this team.