Sundiata Gaines sings about his love of man love

Is your life missing something? Do your friends and family not respect you? Do you not have a contract with the LA Clippers worth $12.1 million this year alone? Do you not have a friendship with Cash Warren? Have you ever wondered why? Well, now we know. It's because you aren't Baron Davis, and perhaps more importantly, you don't have Baron Davis's beard.

But I have good news! Now you CAN have Baron Davis's beard to help enrich and improve your life! Just watch this commercial and learn how you too can have B-Dizzle's magic facial hair.

This article is a must-read take on defense: "A new way to look at basket protection." This article includes a great breakdown of opponent shooting percentage at the rim plus the opponent free throw rate to determine which teams do the best job of preventing easy points in the paint and don't allow many free throw opportunities. It makes me look bad for complaining about Dwight Howard's defense, but remember that limited statistics don't always tell the whole story. His high emphasis on ego-ectomy blocks that fly into the stands still don't help his team as much as he thinks, for example. However, it does validate that Golden State is just atrocious at defense. Swish!

In news that certainly is of high importance to any Basketbawful reader, Greg Oden update!! As noted by JE Skeets: " 'Greg Oden slowly jogged on an anti-gravity treadmill ...' is already my favorite line of the day." Also from the article:
"You have to be able to stay loose about everything that's going on with my injury problems," Oden said. "With this happening twice and the amount of time and games I have missed, the No. 1 pick pressure, it's tough. You have to be able to look at yourself and have fun."
Good stuff. You've always gotta listen to the advice of your elders. And hey, he's got a new haircut!

And in a little footbawful crossover, the bastion of news reporting that is TMZ tells us that Ben Roethlisberger is being accused again of sexual assault. Ugh. Some people are saying "He's been accused before, and now it's happening again. Two women can't possibly both be wrong/lying!" I have no opinion yet since we haven't heard anything, so all I can say is...

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Moments before this picture was taken of Chicago Blackhawks player Patrick Kane, he punched Benny the Bull for shorting him 20 cents

Look out kids! Jerry Sloan will tickle the shit out of you with The Claw

When it comes to getting a hand in the face on defense, We'll give Rudy Gay an "A" for effort for this one

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Pistons at Crabs: We are all witnesses... to the further demise of Joe Dumars' credibility.

Hornets at Spurs: The last game the Spurs played was Monday... against these very same Hornets. Now the Spurs play 15 games in the next 25 days, including five back-to-backs. Good thing LifeAlert is always there for them just in case.

All The Other Friday Games:
Celtics at 76ers: Whenever I think of Zombie Michael Finley suiting up for the Celtics, I think of Weekend at Bernie's 2. Will they have to constantly play music over the PA system to keep him moving?

Bucks at Bullets: Hey, doesn't it seem like these two teams just played? Oh, that's right. They did.

Bricks at Raptors: You are now entering a defense-free zone. (Wait, the word "zone" implies a kind of defense. Nevermind.)

Lakers at Bobcats: The 'Cats show up for big games, and the Lakers might be tired from a grind-out OT loss. Good game.

Warriors at Hawks: The Warriors have lost 16 of 17 on the road. I wonder if that is somehow related to not only being coached by Don Nelson, but also being composed of benchwarmers filling in for other injured benchwarmers?

Magic at : As noted by AnacondaHL "BBref's Playoffs Probability Report has the Nets winning 10+ games. I don't want to believe." Neither do I.

Kings at Mavericks: The Mavs have to play the night after this as well. Good thing they can get plenty of rest in this game!

Pacers at Nuggets: Back in the day, Indy dominated Denver. But then Indy remembered "hey, we're in Indiana, we should suck so we fit in with the rest of the state," so now they've lost 9 of the last 11 to Denver. (Hey, I live 20 minutes from the Indiana border and go in that state frequently, I know of what I speak.)

Thunder at Clippers: Whenever you need a little pick-me-up after a couple bad games, there's always the Clippers to cheer you right up.

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
at Bricks: Oh no. The only thing that could possibly be worse than this is if they made Police Academy 8. Wait, they ARE making Police Academy 8??? I need Michael Winslow to come make sounds for me so I can accurately mime shooting myself in the temple.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Warriors at Bobcats: Another Warriors road game, another Warriors loss.

Hawks at Heat: Okay, so the Heat looked pretty darn good against the Lakers Thursday. However, I'm still not buying into them being a good team.

Mavericks at Bulls: According to that defensive stats analysis article I mentioned earlier, the Bulls are a decent defensive team. Now watch the Mavs crap all over that idea.

Rockets at Timberwolves: I don't really have anything interesting to say about this game, so I'll just link to this awesomeness by the Onion instead. Who wants to spoof Mutombo? (h/t Jonah Keri for retweeting the link)

Spurs at Grizzlies: Did you know Hasheem Thabeet is the 2nd highest paid player on the Grizzlies?

Crabs at Bucks: Watch out, King Crab! The John Salmons Era is in full force! (Sorry, couldn't say it with a straight face.)

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Lakers at Magic: When I first read "Lakers" and "Magic" next to each other, I got all excited and thought about the Showtime Lakers with Magic Johnson dueling with the Celtics. Then I remembered we'll see Kobe versus the Pumaman in this game, and I died a little inside.

Bullets at Celtics: On second thought, perhaps Zombie Michael Finley will be more like the zombie in Zombie Nightmare. Now, we just need to find Adam West and that guy from Thor...

Frail Blazers at Nuggets: Another quality Western Conference game, and it's on national TV. Love it.

All The Other Sunday Games:
76ers at Raptors: Not so much a quality game here...

Rockets at Pistons: The Discount Store era isn't going so well in Houston. I wonder if the Sactown fans still are bitching about trading him? Chris?

Thunder at Kings: Speaking of the Purple Paupers... Well, at least they do have Tyreke the Freak putting up insane numbers. Case in point... the Reke-o-Meter!

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Blogger Brian said...
"I need Michael Winslow to come make sounds for me so I can accurately mime shooting myself in the temple."

Or you can ask Gilbert Arenas to actually shoot you in the temple.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Man Love: http://insider.espn.go.com/nba/features/rumors#14832

Blogger Unknown said...
So excited for the prospect of Oden getting dreads. Also, Camby hurt again, WTF?

Blogger Brian said...
Rodney Stuckey gets taken to a hospital after collapsing in the Pistons' bench. Damn, I hope it wasn't anything serious.

Anonymous winnetou said...
If I remember the formula correctly, Adam Morrison earned 3.32 trillion in the loss at Air Charlotte. Remarkably, his +5 was his team's highest and there was only one other player finished with a positive +/-.

Blogger chris said...
winnetou: Yep! And he was only one of three trillionares at Time Warner Cable Arena In Uptown Or Whatever It's Called This Week.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I'm amazed that I can watch the NJN-NYK game on both MSG and YES. I'm amazed someone out there is watching this on NBATV.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
fuck you Nets.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow. The Nets and Knicks are somehow in a race to show LBJ who is the suckiest team EVER. No, no just this season. EVER.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Fucking Nets.

Then again, I think the Knicks are definately to blame here:

The Knicks missed all 18 attempts in the most futile 3-point shooting night in league history.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the 18 attempts were the most ever without a make.

According to research by STATS, LLC dating to the 1986-87 season, the previous most attempts without a make was 16 by Washington against the Celtics on Nov. 2, 2007.

Sonofabitch, that's BAWFUL.

Blogger chris said...
Dan B. - I saw the score while working on tonight's lacktion report, and sighed.

CAPTCHA: "suphit," as in what Josh Howard says at parties: "Sup? Hit?"

Anonymous Eric said...
One night without Lebron and the Crabs already sucked. I could imagine how they'd fare out next season without him.

Man, it's a wonder how one man can make or break three teams (Crabs, Bricks and the Nyets). Ain't Lebron a bitch? WOW.

Blogger JerryT said...
Well, Devin Harris prooves, that Nets really are a playoff team... well not. they still suck, but bricks just do it better.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
anybody saw lebrons comments after stuckey was wheeled off the court?

he started wishing all the best to stucks family, but than went on to wish all the best to HIS family, friends etc...

this guy just has to talk about himself

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Things just keep going in the wrong direction for the Spurs. Now they have to go without the one established guy on the team that doesn't collect social security pensions for 6 weeks, which for the Spurs is pretty much going to mean he's not playing again until next year. All that karma from Jason Richardson blowing that dunk is just haunting us now.

Blogger Unknown said...
Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you, Blonde Ron Artest!



Blogger Trevor Paxton said...
Credit to Max Simbron for the Kirilenko photo.

Blogger Trevor Paxton said...
Want to see a truly bawful picture? It's of Andrei Kirilenko, of course.


Anonymous Czernobog said...
Getting trampled at home by the Seventy Suxorz with Chris Bosh. Just great.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
lakers are going down down down down down...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is it too early to start the "Lakers are done" talk? I mean, there were a myriad of reasons before. Lamar Khardasian, the crash of "The Machine," losing Ariza to the Rockets, Kurt Rambis to the Timberpoops, Kobe shooting blanks on four fingers, the living statue that is Derek Fisher. But now Crazy Pills has decided to channel his inner-Rodman by bleaching his hair (yeah, how did that work out in 1999), and the Lakers have lost three in a row for the first time since they got Pau Gasol. Miami and Charlotte are at the bottom half of the East bracket, but Orlando is a contender.

Although, to be fair, the Lakers lost the same three road games last year (at different times of the year), and that ended up not mattering. But watching LA squirm in panic is always fun.

Blogger chris said...
Ahhh, Jordan Farmar's +6 suck differential (in 16 minutes!!!) really aided Team Mamba to a Loss That Wasn't As Bad As Others. LOL.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@Trevor Paxton - Wow, Kirilenko is not aging gracefully.

Blogger Andy said...
Why is Rasheed Wallace still getting minutes? He's single-handedly keeping the Wizards in this game with Pillsbury doughboy defense, fouling guys at the rim and not stopping anybody outside.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
What the heck was with the scorekeepers at the end of the game there, messing up on tracking how many timeouts the Lakers had left? While the Lakers certainly deserved to lose that one with their brickapolooza, you think they might have appreciated having that 20 second timeout restored before it was too late for them to realize it? After the Magic called a timeout following Kobe's not-3, why didn't they resolve the dispute first?

Blogger Anish said...
Jim O'brien supplying us with a great unintertionally dirty quote.

"He said, 'Well, the first year we're go to work on getting it up. And the second year we're going to work on getting it down.'

That's more potent that Viagara!


Blogger Unknown said...
The curse of the portlands big men follows them home and showers with them, as Joel Przybilla the Vanilla Godzilla just found out.


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Here's a youtube of Matt Barnes' ball fake in Kobe's face tonight. Gotta admit, that was pretty smooth of Kobe not to flinch.

Blogger LotharBot said...
Following some links on youtube, here's some bawful I didn't remember seeing here just after Christmas (but then, I had a baby on Christmas day, so I may not have been paying attention):


six misses in five seconds! EPIC!

Blogger Silva said...
That's some serious ego-ectomy.