Despite his best efforts, Nellie just can't quite pull off the Vulcan salute

Happy Wednesday to you! Some quick links to pass along...

Did you know Yao Ming's unborn kid might be the source of an international incident?

I saw this on my own this morning, but had it passed along later by multiple people, so that should tell you how remarkably bawful this is: A very special breaking news post on NBA.com. Here's a screenshot just in case they decide to go back and fix it:


I wonder what kind of tacos? Are they part of the Taco Bell NBA Box?

The "Drew Gooden dunks all over Steven Esparza's head" picture caption is just the icing on the cake. Not to mention the article itself has nothing to do with the Clippers.

When I checked my e-mail this afternoon, I read through my daily NBA.com newsletter, and was greeted by comedy of the highest level:



The day I go to a D-League game specifically to see draft bust Hasheem Thabeet is the day I give up on life.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:


"Maybe nobody will see me playing for this awful team..."

"Shoot the trey! You're open! Shoot the trey!! Shoot the trey!!!"

"They're playing Hack-a-Ben again?! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

Ron Artest will not take kindly to you trying to look up his shorts, Jordan.

Nationally Televised Games:
Warriors at Magic: If the Pumaman can't drop a double-double on this shell of a Warriors team...

Also, per Chris: "So despite the Heat's recent suckiness, the Warriors blew their chance at a rare road win by enacting one of the most bawful late-game possessions (2:13 in this video recap) I have ever seen. I'm not expecting Team Nellieball to shock the world again, not when they have six times as many road losses as they do wins away from East Oakland!"

All The Other Games:
76ers at Hawks: Hey, did you know Allen Iverson isn't playing the rest of the season? Seriously. I know, it hasn't been all over the news or anything!


Bobcats at Celtics: The Bobcats have a very good chance of playing well in this game since, you know, it's not against the Nyets. Speaking of whom...

Crabs at : Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!

Pistons at Bricks: Oof. This game is ugly. Sam Cassel ugly.

Grizzlies at Hornets: Both of these teams are in ugly funks right now. The good news for Memphis? They aren't playing at home where they've lost seven straight games.

Bullets at Bucks: For reasons I cannot even begin to understand, Washington somehow has Milwaukee's number this season and has beaten them twice. Doesn't that just defy any and all logic? Thank God the John Salmons Era has rejuvenated the Bucks, which also defies logic.

Timberwolves at Mavericks: Per Chris: "Minnesota has 47 losses, Dallas has 40 wins. Unstoppable force meets eminently clotheslinable object."

Kings at Rockets: Carl Landry revenge game versus Discount Store revenge game. Who wins? The fans, that's who.

Thunder at Nuggets: An excellent Western Conference matchup. It's a shame the Thunder won't have fresh legs, but then again they played the Purple Paupers last night, so it can't be too bad.

Pacers at Frail Blazers: The Pacers on the road on the second night of a back-to-back? Oh, my. (Sorry, BadDave)

Suns at Clippers: ...This reeks of trap game implications for some reason.

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Blogger DDC said...
Dan B - If nothing else eptimizes Don Nelson's "If you don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck" attitude, that picture you posted does it. Good grief....

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Okay, scary. I almost used that 'Sheed pic with a frighteningly similar caption...

Blogger nohandle said...
I think what Nellie's trying to say with that is:

"Live long... and drink heavily in your twilight because it's easier than giving a shit."

Vulcan is tough to translate literally, but you get the idea...

Blogger Will said...
So does that mean that Washington is officially a D-League team?

Blogger chris said...
Considering the shockingly decent home record for the Clips, I'm not surprised that you'd call that a trap game for Nash and Apostrophe...

But isn't EVERY game a trap game for them?

CAPTCHA: "trigibdu," as in "Instead of analyzing the hypotenuse of the Triangle Offense correctly, Lord Mamba has taken to calculating the number of shots he should take via trigibdu formulas."

Anonymous Business Time said...
Apparently Steven Esparza is a media coordinator for the Clippers:


Between this and the Memphis Shaqs logo a few days ago, it looks like we have a few pranksters working for Yahoo and nba.com/the Clippers. Or else there is some hacker out there with a great love of all things bawful.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Whoever dresses Don Nelson should be made to walk the plank.

I mean Nelson is pretty old and carries 50+ extra pounds. How should we help him look his best? Hmmmm. I know, let's dye his hair blond and dress him like a gigantic tomato!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
It's "sensible portion snack" night at the Izod Center.

Seriously, Nets.

Related news: I'm going to update the facepalm logo and replace NETS with 0-18, and a version with their final record.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
you know, assuming they don't get double digit wins.

Don't fuck this up for me Nets.

Blogger Dan B. said...
DDC -- Agreed.

nohandle -- I literally laughed out loud at that post for entirely too long. Well done, sir.

Anonymous -- Gigantic tomato... nice description.

Basketbawful -- Woah. Creepy. (insert Twilight Zone music)

AnacondaHL -- The Nets kill dreams. It's just a matter of whose dreams.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
"So despite the Heat's recent suckiness, the Warriors blew their chance at a rare road win by enacting one of the most bawful late-game possessions (2:13 in this video recap) I have ever seen. I'm not expecting Team Nellieball to shock the world again, not when they have six times as many road losses as they do wins away from East Oakland!"

I love how in the recap, they claim, "Miami guard Dwyane Wade flirted with a triple-double Tuesday night, finishing with 35 points, six rebounds and 12 assists." How is 6 rebounds in 36 minutes even remotely flirting with a triple double?

Blogger Preveen said...
These Nets are worrying. There seem to be a few decent performers there, looking by the numbers. They might even get it together to make a run at double figure wins by the end of the season, depending on how hard the schedule is (too lazy to look it up). Looking at the box score, LeBron has clocked 45mins against the Nets, despite the 19 point win. Thats gotta be worrying. Do the Cavs need LeBron to play 45 mins against the Nets? Shouldn't he have gotten some time off? Of course, that is Coach of the Years call, so maybe I'm reading too much into that...
But I'm wating to see what chris comes up with on Lacktion Jackson. I see 13 mins, 1 Ast, 1 foul, 1 TO. Thats Lacktion right there. Couldn't even pick up a couple more fouls in 13 mins?

Blogger Kcan said...
ok i just checked the Bullets-Bucks boxscore, Charlie Bell seems to have a Super Mario Galaxy, his playing time is 00:00 but its not a DNP-CD. Can someone verify this for me?

on a side note: im gonna bet 10 bucks that Jennings will finish out the season with lower than %35 FG, anyone else wanna join in on the bet?


Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist: That's like Big Baby Glen Davis flirting with "deserving a less childish moniker," he hasn't gotten that close yet.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, while the folks at Royalty likely aren't as attuned to lacktivity as we are, they can come up with some outlandish correlations based on a 4-second Super Mario by the newest purple pauper, Garrett Temple:

So Temple's 36 min +/- is +540
That’s how +/- works, right?

A minute with him on the court virtually guarantees a blowout.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think we can cross the Clippers game off as a 'trap game' for the Suns. It might have helped if the vast majority of the LA crowd had not been rooting for the Suns, I suppose...

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous -- You mean the "surging" Clippers didn't have their diehard LA fans backing them!?!?!

(I guess I didn't make it obvious enough that "trap game" thing was ironic. Of all the possible ESPN Streak for the Cash matchups last night, I immediately picked the Suns when I saw that matchup)