Artist's recreation of the Washington locker room

Happy New Year, and wow, what a way to start off 2010! In the most amazing yet somehow completely unsurprising story of the year so far, Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton went all Walter Sobchak on each other and drew their guns in the locker room on Christmas Eve. Nobody got shot, but even if Agent Zero had pulled the trigger, I wouldn't have been too worried considering his shooting percentage this year is only 41%. (Zing!)

So, what's Gilbert got to say about this whole situation? According to his Twitter feed: "i wake up this morning and seen i was the new JOHN WAYNE..lmao media is too funny" Are people really calling him John Wayne? That doesn't make sense. Most of the time John Wayne actually, you know, won stuff. Otherwise, I cannot stress this enough -- you must read his other recent tweets. Hibachi's posting crazy stuff left and right. Even Deadspin is talking about it. Consider this gem: "yea i guess ur right men with kids party a diff way on new usually starts and ends with the (jergens natural lotion) bottle"

Also, according to Bill Simmons, "FYI: if Gilbert is convicted of a felony, the Wiz can void his horrific contract ASAP. No wonder they reported it so quickly!"

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Aww... he's so small, it's too cute! I can't help but hug him!"

"Maybe I can get my Inflatable Defender in there and nobody will notice so I can go home..."

Vinny Del Negro knows how to rock out

20091231-carlos boozer-jeff-green
Your first man love post of the New Year

"I call this man-love 'watchu got in there?' " (via Quinton)

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bricks at Hawks: This is the first game we get to celebrate the new year? Oh well. The Hawks haven't lost three straight all season. Probably not going to happen in this game.

All The Other Friday Games:
Magic at Timberwolves: The Magic suddenly are garbage on the road, and have lost three straight outside of Orlando. They play eight of their next 10 on the road as well. Thank God for this game in their case.

Kings at Lakers: The Lakers are banged up (Ron Ron's stairs, Kobe's finger), but the Kings are still not exactly the best team in the league. If Tyreke Evans doesn't play, this game could be horrendous.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Thunder at Bucks: I'm starting to feel sorry for the Bucks. I really am.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Crabs at Nyets: Enjoy your free win, Crustaceans!

Bobcats at Heat: The Heat will still be cleaning themselves up after shitting the bed Thursday night, but the Bobcats are, after all, the Bobcats.

Timberwolves at Pacers: Huh. The Pacers might actually win a game! The Timberwolves are, after all, the Timberwolves, and they're on the second night of a back to back!

Spurs at Wizards Generals Bullets: I have one piece of advice for the Spurs -- stay the hell out of the locker room when Gilbert Arenas is around, and don't make any bets with him.

Raptors at Celtics: After the way the Celtics have blown games recently, I am just plain afraid to say anything about this game, especially after reading this injury report. Can we just skip to the next game? Thanks.

Rockets at Hornets: Knee-Mac is dominating in the fan-voting for the All-Star game. There is no justice in the world.

Magic at Bulls: The "when will he get fired?!" drama surrounding Vinny Del Negro is making every single Bulls game special right now. It's kind of fun, in a twisted way.

Grizzlies at Suns: Just remember: the Grizzlies are a feel-good story this season... and they're still really mediocre.

Nuggets at Jazz: Denver's not great on the road, and has lost three straight games. Utah hasn't looked good lately either, and has wins against just Philly and Minnesota in the past couple weeks. Ouch.

Warriors at Frail Blazers: The Warriors' tendancies to run-and-gun have me scared. We could see the kneecaps on the remaining Portland players all explode at once in this game.

Mavericks at Kings: A nice back-to-back for the Kings, eh?

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Spurs at Raptors: Back to back road games for the creaky-boned Spurs? Good thing the Heat were kind enough to let the Spurs' starters rest for most of their Thursday night game. How very generous!

All The Other Sunday Games:
Bobcats at Crabs: Both of these teams are on back-to-backs, but really, does it matter? It just means LeBron will score 32 instead of 38.

Pacers at Bricks: The D'Antoni defensive system could actually make this game halfway decent, even if both teams only shoot 39%.

76ers at Nuggets: Nothing like playing against the lowly Sixers to give you a good rest after playing in Utah the night before.

Mavericks at Lakers: Back-to-backs are definately a trend on this night. The Mavs get to spend two straight nights on the road and play the Lakers. Lucky them.

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Anonymous Shayan said...
"Artist's recreation of the Washington locker room" LMAO!!!! You never cease to make me laugh.

Another Blazer goes down...

Blogger Dan B. said...
Shayan -- Thanks. It's always nice to hear not only that we are making this blog worth reading, but also to find out exactly what makes you guys laugh. And yes, I spent entirely too much time on Google Image Search looking for just the right picture.

Raymond -- Jesus. Just who exactly has the complete set of Frail Blazer voodoo dolls? This is getting out of hand.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My favorite part(from the AP report) "That prompted Arenas to draw on Crittenton, who then grabbed for a gun"!? Does the Generals' equipment man hang gunbelts and bandoliers in each locker along with the fresh towels?

Wasn't Aged Zero's gun unloaded? Did he learn nothing from Delonte West?

Blogger chris said...
Dan B. - My guess is that it is a vengeful Bill Walton from his retirement cave, trying to punish Portland hereafter after how their training staff provided him "therapy."

Blogger chris said...
Davros: The ONLY way this situation can fully be made complete is if Washington trades for Bassy Telfair. Please make it happen!!!!!!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Chris -- How does Telfair's gun collection affect the salary cap issues in the trade? Does the team eat any of that cost if he stores them in the locker room?

Blogger chris said...
Dan B.: Maybe it's up to Jayson Williams's lawyer to figure out such triviality as cap room, etc. Does Gilbert get Bird rights due to the massive size of his contract, and his obvious ability to defend his right to be overpaid?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Meanwhile, at the big gun range in the sky, Charlton Heston weeps tears of pure joy.

Anonymous obama said...
Uhm......Nate Robinson just went bonanza on the Dirty Birds. He's 18, that EIGHTEEN for 24 and has 40 points off the bench. Not to mention 5 rebounds and 8 assists. I hereby nominate Mike 'Antoni for WOTS (worst of the season).

Blogger Dan B. said...
obama -- ...Wow. I'd say Nate was just a little pissed at D'Antoni. Let me recap that box score line again: 41 points, 6 boards, 8 assists, and 1 steal in 38 minutes on just 24 shots. Jesus. Those numbers are like something I'd put in my ridiculous NBA 2K10 career.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
D'Antoni just made Nate Robinson.

Blogger Dan said...
At the half, Derek Fisher is 1-10 from the field in 14:37. Kobe's the only one with more shots, with 11, but in the full 24 minutes.

Yet somehow, Fisher has the best +/- on the Lakers at +1.

Anonymous Team Captain said...
Kings at Lakers: The Lakers are banged up (Ron Ron's stairs, Kobe's finger), but the Kings are still not exactly the best team in the league. If Tyreke Evans doesn't play, this game could be horrendous.

You're right, this has been a pretty bad blowout.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Okay, I get that the Lakers have made their season so far beating up on inferior opposition at home and that's about it, but jeez, I did not expect this.

Blogger chris said...

Guess what.

In the final 15 seconds...

- Westphal blows the inbound with a timeout when he had a man breaking open

- Udoka misses the two foul shots


I mean. Seriously. You could not come up with a more painful way to lose the game than what just happened, not when you led by 15 at halftime and 20 at various points, not when you had a chance to ice it with free throws with 4 seconds to go.

The Association: Where Choking Happens. :(

Blogger chris said...
Kings are now 1-4 since the Meltdown By Lake Michigan.

Anonymous Jeff said...
Kobe Bryant. You either hate him or love him. After tonight, I love him more.

Blogger Bakes said...
By all rights, the Paupers should have won this game. In a 48 minute game, the Lakers played acceptable defense for 12 total minutes and good defense for maybe 5-8 - meaning they pretty much played NO defense for more than half the game easily. Just awful. As I said before, the Lakers can beat anyone, anywhere, at any time if they actually decide to play defense. A lot of the time it looks like that just don't care or just can't be bothered.

It'd be really nice to actually have a non-stressful, not down to the wire game again. I'll take the win, of course, but I'm tired of forcing Kobe to be Basketball Jesus with buzzer beaters.

Blogger chris said...

There was so little defense by the Kings on that final possession, you could have gotten Frank Selvy out of retirement to make that shot.

Blogger Bakes said...

No kidding. There's no excuse for leaving him so open like that, none at all. But I don't mean this just shot alone. I'm also referring to the multiple other buzzer beaters Kobe's made this season. He also has a history of buzzer beaters, which is even more ridiculous that they did virtually nothing to stop him. Were they not aware of who he is and what he tends to do?

Same thing with Lebron or Nash or Carmello or Pierce or any other shooter that can come through so well in the clutch. It's astounding when any of those guys get open looks in situations like that.

Also, I actually called Kobe "Basketball Jesus" in a negative light: I'm tired of Kobe needing to make/take buzzer beaters to be the Savior of the Game because the Lakers are talented enough to be able keep themselves from being in those positions. Why they keep finding themselves there is confounding.

Blogger chris said...
Josh: You know, when the Kings hosted the Crabs two weeks ago...putting a hand in the face did NOTHING to stop LeBron (though it seems like they single-teamed him way too much). I've been vacillating between thinking that they should have double-teamed King Crab, and thinking they should have actually just let LeBron attempt to make his shots anyway and doubleteam Mo Williams in that game.

Here...they WERE shutting down Kobe to some extent, particularly in the first half. Certainly more so than LeBron that night at at least some attempt at defense would have been a good idea.

Blogger chris said...
And...let's just say that it isn't exactly a party atmosphere at SactownRoyalty right now...

If the Kings miss the postseason by 3-4 games - assuming they're in sniffing distance, considering that the Grizzlies are even in contention for a spot now - it'll be this stretch of "moral victories" that will be one of the primary causes.

Anonymous Lucas said...
Behold the greatness of Kobe! Petty rules like pushing off and stepping are nothing to the brilliance that is Mr. Bryant!

Blogger chris said...
Lucas: Now the Jordan comparisons are for real, because Bryon Russell can make such statements too!

Anonymous Lucas said...
Damn it! *Stepping out of bounds.

Blogger Bakes said...

Kobe didn't step out of bounds, though I'd say he was as close to stepping out as he was to still having the ball in his hand when the lights on the backboard went off. Still, he was in bounds.

You can clearly see in the replay that Westphal is immediately glaring down at Kobe's feet when he makes the catch and not once does he, nor any other player on Sacramento's bench directly behind Kobe, remotely indicate that Kobe was out of bounds. If he was, I somehow doubt Westphal, after seeing such, would just walk away with his arms folded.

That's also a dubious push off at best.

Anonymous Lucas said...
I'll give you the push off, but his heel was on the line at every angle that they showed on the replay. I have no idea why Westphal kept his mouth shut, but he stepped out, if only slightly.

Blogger chris said...
As Hibachi continues to be under fire... provides more failarious details -

Multiple sources told that an argument commenced during a card game on the team's overnight flight back to Washington from Phoenix on Dec. 19 and escalated into a heated exchange between Arenas and Crittenton. The Wizards had Dec. 20 off, but sources say the hostilities resumed Dec. 21 in the locker room on a practice day.

Sources say that Arenas, in response to what was said on the flight, placed three guns he owns on a chair near Crittenton's locker stall and invited him to pick one before practice on Dec. 21. Sources said that Crittenton subsequently let Arenas know that he had his own gun.

The newspaper also reported that the argument between Arenas and Crittenton was over "who had the bigger gun" and that there was never any intent to physically harm Crittenton, according to "a person who has spoken with Arenas recently."

The Washington Post also spoke to Arenas' father, Gilbert Arenas Sr., who said: "From the respect of guns being pulled in the locker room and at each other... that's ludicrous. [Gilbert Jr.] bringing the guns to the locker room to keep away from his kids, that's true. [But] Gil did not pull a gun on anybody. That's about all that I can say."

Blogger Bakes said...

It's simple - Westphal, and everyone on Sac's bench, kept their mouths shut because there was nothing to challenge. He was in bounds. Do you honestly think that not one player on the bench wouldn't have at least pointed to the line or something? Westphal literally had no reaction whatsoever. Not being overly demonstrative is one thing but he doesn't even throw his hands up. He doesn't even turn his head, he just walks away. No coach would just shrug and walk away when losing a game like that, especially if they saw that the player who made the shot had stepped out. ESPECIALLY since it's very clear that Westphal stared down at Kobe's feet after the catch. Regardless of whether or not Westphal felt he could convince the officials to overturn the call, he'd at least do SOMETHING.

It's Occam's Razor. Westphal didn't say Kobe stepped out because Kobe didn't step out.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
In other news, being a Blazer is now a preexisting condition.

Anonymous Lucas said...
If you can find a better one, I'd like to see it, but from this view looks pretty plain to me.

Blogger JR said...
Not that it really matters, but I think the Arenas incident was a few days before Christmas and the Wizards actually sat on it -- at least that is what Slate/NY Post say. I guess the Post also says the fight was about a gambling debt. This post-injury Arenas definitely not as much fun -- particularly the part where he celebrates holidays with kids and Jergens.

Blogger Bakes said...
A front view? That really doesn't show anything at all from that angle. That's actually the worst angle to look at it from. Above, behind, from either side - that's where you can see positively if his heel is past the line, not from the front. You could easily look at it and say "Look at his right foot. There's space behind it between the back of his heel and the line. His left foot is a bit behind his right, but since there's space behind his right then there's enough room for the back of his left heel. Plus both his feet are at an angle so it's even harder to judge exactly where the very tip of the back of his heel is." If anything, this picture just validates that he was in. But like I said, it's the worst angle to look at it from, we don't have the best angles. You know who did? Westphal. He didn't challenge it. You know who else did? The refs. They said the shot was good.

At this point, just get over it.

Blogger JR said...
WHOOPS -- I somehow missed the earlier update on the story from the ESPN article. Ignore this comment and my last.

Anonymous Shayan said...
Dan - I salute you for taking hours just to find the right picture, I do the same. It's so worth it if you find that one picture, it just feels glorious.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Tonight I needed to know what game was nationally televised and I opted to visit this site over Yahoo on mobile web. Yay Basketbawful

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Or maybe that's just the Captain Morgan in my stomach. Either or.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Josh & Lucas - If you look at this picture you can see pretty clearly where Kobe's foot was.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Mr. Bawful, I'm not sure which aspect of my comment last night was objectionable enough to get deleted. Please let me know here or via email, or maybe check your spam folder to see if my comment was routed there. Thanks.

Blogger Bakes said...
@Wild Yams

I wanted to find some random joke picture in response to yours as "definitive proof" of whether Kobe was in bounds or not, but in the process I ran across what is likely to be the best/worst manlove picture I've ever seen. "You want in on this?"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@chris - So the locker room was like that scene in Shane:
Jack Palance: Pick it up.

Sheepherder: I don't wanna pick it up. You're gonna shoot me.

Palance: Pick up the gun (BLAM) You all saw him, he had a gun.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
First Quarter Warriors: 41
2nd-4th Quarter Warriors: 48

Blogger chris said...

Kings are now 1-5 since their comeback in Chitown.

I mean, seriously, did they use up all their goodwill in that one comeback? I almost want to take that back and take real victories over the 4 moral victories they've had since that game.

Anonymous Doxde said...
If we wanted to elected an all NBA/NRA team, who would you vote for ? My picks:

G Gilbert Arenas, Sebastian Telfair

F Stephen Jackson, Lonny Baxter

C Chris Wilcox

6th Man Delonte West

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Steve Nash is more awesome, with no guns!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
The Dude Abides -- I'm not sure what comment you're talking about. Sometimes my assistant editors approve or disapprove comments. E-mail me at

Anonymous Shayan said...
Everytime I've loaded this blog over the weekend, I can't stop laughing as that Shoot'Em Up picture pops up with that brilliant caption!! Hahahahahaha!

Blogger chris said...
A negative shout out to the Leastern NBA Fastbreak just pointed out, the top 11 in the West ALL would make it in the playoffs if they were compared to those in the top 8 in the east!

(now time to shed a tear for the Kings being screwed over by moving to the West Coast all those years ago. lol.)

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Mr. Bawful, it must have either gone into the spam folder or the site never registered the comment.

Blogger Silva said...
Are the knicks a good team for lebron to be on for the next year after all?

I mean you put lebron on any team and they are a contender. Some big underdogs but contenders. Right?

I mean even if he wins a championship this year he should go there.
Knicks add lebron, a solid defensive big man and a good trade or two they're right in there.

Who's with me? By the way I'm not a NY fan I don't even live in the US.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why does Dirk use the grossest looking pads? Dirk, get a black one! Or a clean white one!