Odds of Rose Royce being played in the background?  Off the board.The Charles Oakley carwash. What??
(via Andy Gray's SI Vault)

Welcome to another BAD Weekend Watch. Are you excited? It's only one more week until Christmas! If nothing else, that means some good NBA games will be on TV that day, even if you don't get the present you really wanted.

No NBA2K10 update today. Sorry. Bowling last night, so I DVR'd Jersey Shore to watch this afternoon after work, and then going out for a friend's birthday tonight. (Believe it or not, I sometimes have something resembling a life. Sometimes.) However, my next game is against the Lakers. I'm sure I'll have something interesting to say about that one.

Lots of games. Let's get to it.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Craig SagerCraig Sager wearing a normal looking suit again??? What the hell is going on?

Al Harrington
If you ever doubted how painful it is to play for the Knicks, Al Harrington has something to say about it.

Man love You know, I always expected Joakim Noah to be on the other side of this man love situation...

Jermaine O'NealIf you're an MST3K fan like me, I'm sure Jermaine O'Neal's flight reminds you of the Puma Man.

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bucks at Crabs: LeBron James being shown on national TV? Inconceivable!

Wizards Generals at Warriors: Can someone please explain to me how we got Generals/Kings and Generals/Warriors on national TV in one week?

All The Other Friday Games:
Nyets at Raptors: The Raptors have been employing a swiss cheese defensive scheme this year. Good thing for them the Nyets' offensive scheme is simply that -- offensive.

Jazz at Hawks: The Hawks are sneaky good this year. Five wins in a row? Not too shabby. This could be a pretty good game.

76ers at Celtics: Did you know Allen Iverson has already had to have fluid drained off his arthritic knee twice this week? That's your Answer, Philly?

Nuggets at Hornets: Billups is day-to-day with a strained groin. Okay, I'll pause for a minute so you can laugh like a 12 year old... Done laughing? All right, let's move on

Kings at Timberwolves: This game is so bawful, Accuscore has Minnesota favored 54% to 46% in this game, despite Minnesota being 4-22 and Sacramento being 11-13. My head hurts.

Clippers at Knicks: The Clippers are the healthiest they've been in a long time, and have won two straight. Are they still who we thought they were? Probably. But the D'Antoni-led Knicks will probably make it hard to find out.

Pistons at Thunder: Kevin Durant, history machine: "There's 82 games. You can't play well in all 82. That'd be nice, but I don't think that has ever happened."

Pacers at Grizzlies: With Danny Granger hurt, something called a "Troy Murphy" is the Pacers' leading scorer. Now, get this: when Murphy went down in November for six games, the Pacers went 5-1 without him. And this is now your leading scorer?

Rockets at Mavericks: The Mavs have won five straight. Think Dirk's back is hurting him? You know, because he's been carrying his team that whole stretch.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Trailblazers at Magic: The Magic didn't look too hot the other night at Miami. Then again, what can you really expect from a team whose head coach is too busy stocking up on Astroglide to draw up plays?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Jazz at Bobcats: The Jazz will be tired, but the Bobcats also just plain aren't very good. Not a very watchable game.

Clippers at 76ers: Okay, both teams are on the wrong half of back-to-backs. Both teams suck. No good can come from this. I'm calling this the Basketbawful Game of the Weekend.

Hawks at Bulls: Considering the Hawks will be tired from a game against the Jazz, this game might be closer than you'd think. The Bulls will probably still find a way to lose, but still.

Lakers at Nyets: Oh, good grief.

Thunder at Rockets: You know, the Rockets have one of the best mascots in sports, Clutch the Bear. Funny, ridiculously cute, etc. The Thunder, on the other hand... what the hell is with their mascot? Wow.

Kings at Bucks: Brandon Jennings got fined for the timing of a Twitter post. Not for the content itself. Just for the timing. The NBA. It's faaaaaaaaaaantastic.

Pacers at Spurs: The Spurs are an aging shadow of their former selves, and they never play hard early in the season. And I still don't hold out much hope for the Pacers in this game.

Wizards Generals at Suns: The Generals are good at playing just well enough to lose a close game. This could be an exciting game, especially with Nash playing at home.

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Crabs at Mavericks: Another nationally televised LeBron game? Well, at least this time it's against the Mavericks. I'll let this one slide, Stern.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Hornets at Raptors: If Toronto just folded, would anyone really be all that upset? The only thing that comes to mind when I hear "Toronto Raptors" is this Oliver Miller picture. That's it.

Nuggets at Grizzlies: Deceptively good game. The Grizzlies aren't awful, and the Nuggets aren't great. I'm sold.

Timberwolves at Celtics: I think this picture pretty well sums it up.

Lakers at Pistons: Kobe's probably going to be tired after scoring 48 points against the horrendous Nyets, proving his finger is fine. Possible trap game? Not likely, but just sayin'...

Trailblazers at Heat: The Blazers will be tired after a game against the Magic. The Magic just lost to the Heat the other night. This game is too meta for its own good.

Bobcats at Knicks: You know, this was almost a contender for the Basketbawful Game of the Weekend, but the Knicks are just slightly too good and interesting to watch to earn that award.

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Blogger Kcan said...
hey guys, matt,chris and the others!

we had an idea with my friends,which is, why don't you guys post weekly power ranking, but only in this case, they would be bawfulness of Fail rankings, from 1 to 30. that would be awesome. no one could challenge the nyets though...

Anonymous Ak dave said...
I wonder how much Oak charges to personally wash your car?

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I'm reading Simmons book and I just passed the part where he says Charles Oakley should be Shaft. After seeing that picture, I agree

Blogger dave m said...
Hey, hey, hey. The Raptors deserve any and all of the ridicule you can hurl, but uhm, I'd be upset if they folded. And some friends of mine too. And some other people. Considering they haven't been relevant throughout the entirety of their 15 year history, attendance is pretty good. And a bunch of us, ehh, really want them to do well someday.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Dave M -- You know all eight of the Raptors fans? That's pretty cool.

Obviously exaggerating a little, but yeah, the Raptors are decidedly irrelevant.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dagnabbit, now I've got that "Puma Man" synth music stuck in my head…

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Kcan - Actually Mr. Bawful used to team up with Hardwood Paroxysm every week for Powerless Rankings. You'll have to ask him why they stopped doing them though, cause I don't know the reason.

Anonymous Knicknamer said...
Not sure if someone already posted this but.....I'm having a very hard time saying "no homo" when I look at this.


Anonymous alley dawson said...
What the, did Al Harrington actually scratch those furrows in his head?

Blogger chris said...
WY: I'm all for another set of Powerless Rankings, baby!

Anonymous/Dan B.: Puma Man, he flies like a moron...when you want the flavor of bacon in a dip!!!!!!!!

Ahh, Tom Servo.


BTW, it looks like Rick Reilly will be proud of Dirk Nowitski's new career as an elbow dentist, after tonight's job on Carl Landry! :O

Blogger chris said...
kazam92: It's too bad we don't have Isaac Hayes anymore to provide the appropriate soundtrack.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, yeah, Accuscore was right about the Wolves beating the purple paupers. I guess that one-game winning streak was just too much pressure, eh?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
LOL Dan B, messing with the Raptors truthers, c'mon man, that's too easy. Shh, don't remind them that even though Air Canada Center/Centre has one of the biggest capacities, their attendance record is decidedly average.

Blogger Unknown said...
Carl Landry of my Rockets gets called for a foul, after Dirk elbows him in the face, embedding two fragments of Carls teeth in Dirks elbow. Carl Landry has 2 missing and 5 cracked teeth on the play and stands there like a man while Dirk runs around crying and only has to get 3 stitches. Bawfulness, pure and simple.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Derron "The Best PG in the world" Williams submits a stellar 2pts 4assists in a car crash of a game against Atlanta. Somewhere Chris Paul is pissing his pants from laughing too hard.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL! Ok, here's a fun addition to my last comment. Chris Paul went for 30-9-19 tonight against a fairly decent Denver squad. They were sans Billups, but still. Dayum.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I just got video of the Dirk Landry collision.

Holy fuck that must have hurt, Landry walks it off tough as fuck

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Man, apparently Elton Bland really came alive tonight. Meanwhile Paul "Fake Willis Reed" Pierce had a real stinker, with only 9 points for The Truth in a Boston home loss to the 76ers. Weird how Allen Iverson didn't play in this big Philly upset, I wonder if that's just a coincidence?

Also, good job by Rasheed Wallace tonight. Only 9 minutes for Mr. T after he got thrown out for consecutive techs, which he then followed by going after the ref who tossed him, with Sheed having to be restrained by the coaching staff (there might be a suspension for that, btw). Maybe the Celtics coulda used him in the second half while they were blowing that 15 point lead? Just sayin'. It should be pointed out that Sheed now has 10 technicals for the season, and that is important because the NBA rules state that beginning with a player's 16th technical foul for the season, that T and every other one the player receives after it will result in a one game suspension. Also, from the recap over on ESPN: Wallace was ejected for the 30th time in his NBA career -- the most for any player since 1992. I guess congrats are in order?

Blogger JerryT said...
now, is it just me, or is there a deeper plan in the nets game?
in my, humble, opinion they just want to have a bulls-like score at the end of the season, involving the numbers 72 and 10. Some misunderstanding as for the correct order of these in the win/loss columns may have taken place. but hey, nobody's perfect.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Only two highlights of the Indy/Memphis game:

1. O'Brien saying the Pacers need "extreme ball pressure." Sounds uncomfortable.

2. Middle of the 4th, Z-Bo blocks two of Hansbrough's shots in the same possession then goes down the court and hits a jumper in his face.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Jaroslaw: Realizing the immense amount of Cubs-style press they received for failing, why stop at 10-72? Aim for the record 9-73, which the Nets are on track to beat! Minny has a chance too!

ESPN's worst teams ever tracker

Anonymous DKH said...
Yea, I never really understood why people loved Dirk so much. I mean, he's great on offense because he can shoot and drive at 7 feet. But so much of his offense seems to involve throwing elbows and clearing space. Then he has an open shot.

I guess they just let that go in the NBA? I wouldn't want to guard him; I'd get elbowed in the head and the refs would let it go.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Wow, stephanie g, that's some embarrassing stuff. Z-Bo's last 3 block game came more than three years ago, against the Clippers on 11/6. That's some major egoectomy there.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is that "Poo-ma Man" or "Pyoo-ma Man"?

I think KG could qualify as a Fortress of Balditude.

Different ep, I know, but Dirk = Zap Rowsdower? "I sell my plasma, you might know me from that."

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
This needs to be mentioned in Saturday's writeup: Nobody had more than 1 assist for Portland

Anonymous Anonymous said...

still playing for the knicks

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Kcan -- As Yams noted, I used to do those. Moore and I keep talking about bringing them back, but time is always an issue. Maybe after the New Year...

Anonymous Barry said...
Can't fault Dirk for exploiting it though, DKH. I'd play strictly matador defense on that guy!


Knees, elbows, whatever. GIS for Nowitzki...well, let's say he's not Heidi Klum.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
They almost wanted to sew up Dirk and send him back out there... with 2 of Landry's 3 teeth still embeded in his elbow.

And uh, bizzaro world here... Z-Bo with 32/24/3 in a win over the Nuggets.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Holy crap- Z. Randolph had 32 pts., 24(!) rebounds and 3 assists against Denver. 1 block, 1 steal. Wow. I hate to say it, but does this performance merit being taken OFF of the Basketbawful sign? I love the top of the site, mind you, but...24 boards!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anon -- Z-Bo is still forever linked with the worst possession ever. That alone should be enough to merit a spot on the banner. Not to mention that picture is just amazingly bawful. I smile every time I see it.

Blogger mg said...
No dancing for LeBron tonight, I guess. Mavs win without Dirk, Tim Thomas puts 22 and 7 and Anderson Varejao is a flopping pussy.

Blogger uqkobi said...
Here's an idea I think might appeal to bawful readers - let's petition the nba for bawful playoffs where the worst teams play best of seven series and the team that loses goes into the next round! The finals would be awesome to watch, and cannon fodder for use bawful readers.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Should there be some lacktion category for going over 30 minutes without a single FGA, #PTA, or FTA? Was Jared Jeffries making some sort of statement or something?

Here's my basketball-reference query, 28 times since 87 to tonight, Dennis Rodman once did this with 20 rebounds!

Blogger chris said...
uqkobi: I think we should use NBA2K10 to sim it, right Dan? :D :D :D

AnacondaHL: Man, I don't even know what to say about that, though he did get five boards, and according to an article four days ago from the New York Times, he's the "heart" of the Knicks' recent attempts at respectability. Maybe in the Jud Buechler sense?

I just have to quote the opening lines:

CHICAGO — Nearly everything Jared Jeffries does on the court ranges from unsightly to ugly. He does not score. He rebounds. He is not a high-flying athlete who attacks the rim. In 463 career games, Jeffries has scored 20 or more points only twice. He is the one who draws charges. Jeffries possesses little flash, but many elbow burns.

AND, this caption to this picture is priceless:

Under Coach Mike D'Antoni, the 6-foot-11 Jared Jeffries has become a defensive force.

Anonymous Barry said...
I'd get my car washed by Oakley. Hell, I'd wash his car.