Alston love

Note: Today's picture was pilfered from Ball Don't Lie. Also, Wild Yams continues to cover the Rockets-Lakers series.

The Boston Celtics: The Magic shot a miserable 36 percent from the field, connected on only six of their 26 three-point attempts and lost the rebounding battle 48-42. They even missed 14 free throws. So how in the name Courtney Love's cold sores did the Celtics manage to LOSE this one? Well, that story begins with the 22 turnovers they committed...which the Magicians added to a mix of sheep's testicles and gypsy tears and transformed into 26 points going the other way. Add in a little offensive ineptitude (only 29 second-half points) and some home cooking (Orlando missed more foul shots than Boston even attempted) and you have a sure-fire spell for Fail.

What's even worse is that early in the third quarter, it looked like the Celtics were going to run away with this one. They held the Magic scoreless for five-plus minutes to start the period and built a 10-point lead...before falling the hell apart. Sloppy ball handling, stupid fouls, terrible defense and questionable shot selection allowed Orlando to pull to within a point by the end of the third and wasted no time in regaining the lead in the fourth. Paul Pierce had a mini-hot streak to help the C's go up by one (73-72) with about four minutes to go...but they would score only two points the rest of the way before losing 83-75. Said Rajon Rondo: "I guess we just choked." I guess so.

Ray Allen: Okay. This situation has gotten so bad that Ray's slump is in a slump. The latest disaster was a 2-for-12 performance, which included seven misses in seven tries from downtown. Ray-Ray finished with as many fouls (5) and almost as many turnovers (4) as points (5). So his series numbers now stand at 30 percent from the field (23-for-75) and 13 percent from beyond the arc (5-for-36). It's like someone replaced his hands with five kielbasa sausages that are just strung together with twine and Elmer's glue. Memo to Ray: I suggest taking your jump shot out to an expensive dinner, buying it a $10 million diamond ring and then making sweet, sweet love to it...not for your pleasure, do it the way your jumper wants it done, you know, with lots of foreplay and stuff. If that doesn't work, then you're on your own.

Paul Pierce, Captain Obvious: "The offense definitely struggled."

Kendrick Perkins, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "We felt like we beat ourselves tonight."

J.J. Redick: I guess J.J.'s got a case of whatever's wrong with Ray Allen. His 0-for-7 performance in Game 6 is clearly part of a larger and craptacular trend: He's 3-for-25 over the last four games, which includes 2-for-13 from downtown. I'm ready to nickname him "Mini-Ray."

Dwight Howard: I've seen a number of "Howard Was Right"-style headlines and comments throughout the media and blogosphere this morning, probably because of Dwight's Animal-Style domination of the Celtics last night (23 points, 22 rebounds). But make no mistake: His performance had nothing to do with Stan Van Gundy getting his star pouter player more touches. Rather, it had everything to do with Howard being more active and taking things into his own hands. And by "things" I mean offensive rebounds. As in 10 of 'em. And check it: Four of his nine made field goals came from tip-ins and putbacks, and all five free throws he converted (out of 12 attempts) came as a result of fouls after offensive rebounds. So 13 of his 23 points were a result of his board work, which supports the conclusion of Ben Q. Rock from the Third Quarter Collapse: Dwight best work -- and maybe his only good work -- comes off the offensive glass.

But hey, give Howard some credit where it's due. When asked if he'd learned anything after slamming his foot in his mouth, he said: "Biggest lesson? Keep my mouth shut." Good lesson.

Update! Here's some videographic evidence of what I'm talking about, courtesy of Seven Seconds or Mess (via TrueHoop):

Stan Van Gundy, subtle dig machine: We all know about how Howard called out his coach to the press after Orlando's Game 5 loss. Well, Stan the Man said that not only did Dwight's words fail to convince him to make a strategy change, he Van Gundy said he compared Howard's comments to an argument between himself and his wife. "When she gets on me for something, my first reaction is to blame someone else. To make an excuse. To do something else, because I don't like being criticized. And I think when Dwight gets into a game, his first thing is, 'I don't want the blame.' This is just my guess. But when you step back and look at it, I usually realize the person who's been on me has a point. And then it's time to step up and do the job." So in this analogy, Dwight is Stan's nagging wife and Stan is the wishy-washy husband who ultimately realizes things need to be done his way. Unless I'm reading this wrong...

The Los Angeles Lakers: Everyone reading this might not believe it, but it's after games like last night's that I'm glad to be able to write up how bad the Lakers played. The reason is because even though I'm a fan, I'm definitely not an apologist, and there is no excuse for the lack of effort the Lakers showed in Game 6. As I predicted (and Mr. Bawful can attest to this), after winning Game 5 by 40 points, the Lakers clearly figured the series was in the bag and came out as flat as can of soda that's been left open all week. Game 6 started out almost identical to the way Game 4 did, with Houston racing out to a 17-1 start which then became a 21-3 lead, before the Lakers eventually decided to make an appearance. The only difference between Games 4 & 6 was that in Game 4 the Lakers just packed it in after that horrid start, while in Game 6 the Lakers finally made an effort, though the hole they'd dug for themselves in the first 8 minutes proved too deep. Oddly enough, over the final 40 minutes of the game the Lakers outscored Houston, even cutting the deficit to two at one point, but anytime you spot the opponent an 18 point lead, you're just asking to lose.

But the Lakers' loss was equal parts stupidity as it was lack of effort (not to take anything away from Houston, by the way, as they played a hell of a game). The Lakers, sporting a massive size advantage against a Houston team that has been stripped of all its centers and who now feature no active players who are taller than 6'9, were absolutely crushed by Houston's undersized frontline. Rather than go inside to Gasol, Bynum and Odom (23 shots between the three of them), the Lakers fired away from 3-pt range with 23 attempts (hitting only 5 of them). The 23 3-pt attempts were the most the Lakers had attempted in this series, while the Lakers trio of big men (Gasol, Bynum & Odom) combined for only 22 total points. For comparison's sake, in Game 5 when the Lakers won by 40, they only attempted 13 3-pt shots, while the Laker big men combined for 40 points (despite playing relatively few minutes due to the blowout). As usual when the Lakers lose, most of the blame has to go to:

Kobe Bryant: Doing his best Ron Artest impression (or maybe Artest is just always doing a Kobe impression, who can say), Kobe decided to try to do it all by himself by taking 27 of the team's 84 shots. Unfortunately for the Lakers Kobe only hit 11 of those shots (1-5 from downtown), as the Rockets once again rather easily baited Kobe into taking one difficult shot after another, rather than just involve his teammates. Even Ron Artest only attempted 17 shots on the night (second for the game behind Kobe, yet still 10 fewer shots than Mr. Bryant had). One of the teammates Kobe did a poor job of getting involved was...

Andrew Bynum: After scoring more points in Game 5 than he had in Games 1-4 combined, Bynum returned to what has been his postseason form this year with yet another scoreless game, this time going 0-3 in 19 minutes of play. As I hinted at above, some of this is not really his fault, as a pivot like him relies on guards like Kobe to pass him the ball once in awhile; but the Lakers needed a lot more out of him than no points again, for the third time this series.

Derek Fisher: Fisher really stunk up the joint at both ends of the floor, yet again; this time letting his cover, Aaron Brooks, go off for 26 points on only 13 shots, while only pouring in two whole points himself (shooting 1-7 and 0-5 from downtown). Fisher also had only 1 assist, while racking up 1 turnover and 1 foul to boot. All around poor performance by "the crafty veteran." It should be noted that ever since Fisher's flagrant two foul on Luis Scola in Game 2, he's been a virtual no-show in this series, with three straight games of only 2 points, while shooting a combined 3-for-17 since then.

Like Walton: From Basketbawful reader RT: "Luke Walton, Colonel (Captain just isn't high enough) Obvious: 'If we can't win a Game 7 at home, then we are not a championship team.' Clap. Clap." Update! More from RT: "I found another gem from Luke Walton: 'We're all aware of the stakes, we all know that a loss on Sunday would be pretty much a failure of a season.' It's like a zebra, about to be chased by a lion, saying: 'I'm aware of the stakes, I know that a loss would be pretty much a failure at life.' I think Luke's been gorging himself on some of Bill's pot. Of gold."

Bonus Kobedickery: Basketbawful reader catfish asked: "Can somebody find a clip of when Kobe practically punched Gasol in the head after getting burned by Scola? They had a timeout, and Kobe went upside the big Spaniard's heads to make sure his point got across. It reminded me of one of Curt Schilling's blog posts from last year where he noticed the drastic difference between the bonds of the Boston Celtics and how everyone on the Lakers hated to be playing with Kobe. Is there any athlete that is more disliked by every single teammate hes ever had?" Not sure I'm qualified to answer that question (although the answer is "no"), but Dunpizzle provided a link to an animated gif of the moment.

Shane Battier, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader anne: "I think I'm in love with Shane Battier after this quote: 'Hey, we're part of the NBA, too,' Battier said. 'We've got the NBA logo socks to prove it.' I'm loving the fact that he was a smartass after the game. I mean, Ron Artest's general craziness and now this? The Rockets are making me swoon. If they take game 7, I may have to elope with this team. My word verification is challs. As in, the Rockets have the challs to beat the Lakers despite what Stern wants."

Ron Artest, crazy-ass quote machine: Basketbawful reader catfish provided this comedy gold from today's Daily Dime:

But if you think the Rockets are suddenly feeling the magnitude of the moment and are about to get crushed under the weight of playing a Game 7, just listen to this portion of Ron Artest's postgame interview.

"'Five Dollar Foot-long' is one of the best songs," Artest said. "That's a hot song. You've got the, and then 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on. When 'Five Dollar Foot-long' comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club."

Anytime a key player has more to say about commercial jingles than adjustments, it's the sign of a loose team."
That or a burgeoning insanity. But I'll go ahead and let J.A. Adande stick with his "loose team" theory.

Lacktion report: Chris has officially provided the shortest lacktion report in lacktion report history: "Tony Battie tossed one brick for a suck differential of +1 in 3:26."

Charles Barkley: From You Been Blinded: "Charles Barkley said on TNT's Inside the NBA Wednesday night that the only things a woman could beat him at are cooking and cleaning. Show camerawoman Cibelle (sp.) challenged Charles to a push-up contest, and proved him wrong." Why, Charles? Why?

Update! Darius Miles: The cops pulled Darius over while he was cruising around in his tricked-out pimpmobile and -- SURPRISE! -- he was riding with Mary Jane. I know I always like to draw as much attention to myself as humanly possible when I'm breaking the law. It's like a supervillain who tattles on himself to the authorities in the form of crappy poetry.

Update! Death: The NBA lost one of it's all-time "great guys" today, as Wayman Tisdale passed away at 44 after a lengthy battle with cancer. I'm actually a little misty-eyed over this one, so I'll close this entry out with a quote from Oklahoma coach Jeff Capel: "He's one of the best human beings I've ever been around in my entire life. Anyone who's ever met him is hurting today because he made you feel special."

Another update! More tributing from BadDave, who was really moved by Wayman's passing:

Reflections of Wayman

As already noted by Bawful reader Axel Foley, Wayman Tisdale passed away today after a two-year struggle with cancer. You can find the story (provided by Axel F) here. He was a solid 15 PPG and 6 RPG player, and a moral inspiration to teammates.

Wayman 1
Even a handicapped Wayman was an inspiration.

But take note, unlike so many players, Wayman was a complete person. He was a very accomplished musician; he played bass guitar and if you listen to his music at, you KNOW he got the sweet lovin as result from his smooth beats. He made eight albums -- that’s a pretty big deal. He has a great family consisting of his wife Regina, four kids, and a new granddaughter.

Wayman 2

The man was also an out-and-out monster in college ball. He rocked it for the Oklahoma Sooners, holding both the scoring record with 2,661 points and the rebounding record with 1,048 rebounds. He was on the Pre-Dream Team in the Olympics in 1984, and he was also one of 10 three-time All-Americans: The others were Oscar Robertson, Bill Walton, Lew Alcindor, Pete Maravich, Patrick Ewing, Tom Gola, Jerry Lucas, David Thompson and Ralph Sampson (from ESPN).

But most of all, he was just one of those great guys that consistently did whatever his team needed in his role: defend, score, rebound, and hustle. Players like that have always been in short supply, which is why Basketbawful is in business, I guess. Our thoughts go out to his family, friends, and fans.

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Anonymous Dan B. said...
Whoops! Great going, Darius Miles.

Anonymous RT said...
I found another gem from Luke Walton via :

"We're all aware of the stakes, we all know that a loss on Sunday would be pretty much a failure of a season."

It's like a zebra, about to be chased by a lion, saying: "I'm aware of the stakes, I know that a loss would be pretty much a failure at life."

I think Luke's been gorging himself on some of Bill's pot. Of gold.

Blogger anne said...
God, I hate to defend Kobe, but that animated gif looked like he was trying to fire up Pau instead of smacking him in the head. You know, how you shake your friend if they're acting down and out, and tell them to snap out of it. However, maybe if Kobe would have passed the ball to Pau instead of jacking up shots, then he wouldn't have to resort to that tactic.

Also, Ron Artest, I love you, and never change.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can't believe what that Rockets team is doing. They are outworking one of the bigger, talented frontlines in basketball without anyone over 6'9". They've had two wire-to-wire wins over a team that hadn't had a wire-to-wire loss all season. And in Game 1, the Lakers only led for 46 seconds (they led for 16 seconds at 22-21, 16 seconds at 24-23, and 14 seconds at 77-76). Again, what this Rockets team is doing is just unbelievable.

Anonymous Nsimo said...
how about including some man love between Pau and Landry in WOTN. here is the photo evidence:
It's priceless for many reasons. Landry's facial (pun intended) expression is just about right and Pau's mug has climax written all over it. Bonus points goes to some Rockets fan in the middle of the photo who's not really happy with what he just saw (and who could blame him).

Blogger David Landon said...
RIP Wayman.

Does anyone doubt how the Lakers-Rockets Game 7 will play out? Either the Rockets get blown out, or they get Stern Buttoned. They will not be allowed to win. The NBA does not want a Denver-Cleveland Finals.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
How could no one submit a picture of Rashard Lewis getting stuffed by Brian "the giant leprechaun" Scalbrine? Seriously, I almost pissed myself laughing when it happened.

Blogger DDC said...
RIP to Wayman Tisdale. Cancer sucks.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I have to say, I think it's odd to be claiming that the NBA is showing any bias towards the Lakers right now, or that they've given any hint that that is what in store, especially after the officiating last night (which was curious enough to have the announcing crew, one of which was Houston's last head coach, complaining about all the bizarre calls that were going against LA). I'm not saying the refs were trying to screw the Lakers or anything, far from it. I'm just saying that bad officiating is de rigeur in the NBA these days, and I don't think it has anything to do with trying to prop up one team or another. If the NBA was trying to advance the Lakers, wouldn't LA have been on the beneficial end of all those calls last night?

Anonymous above is correct though, what Houston is doing in this series is really, really impressive. I'm really torn between wanting to give them so much credit for playing as hard as they do, and wanting to just trash the Lakers for playing as poorly as they have. It's the eternal question: are the Lakers playing so poorly because Houston just confounds them, or is it because they're unfocused. To rip the Lakers apart, does that do a disservice to Houston by implying their effort has nothing to do with LA's failures?

For me it really boils down to how both teams started the games (and this applies to the last three games, not just last night). In Games 4, 5 and 6, Houston came out with a ton of intensity, as they are wont to do; but it was only in Game 5 that the Lakers matched that intensity and withstood Houston's initial charge to quickly make a game of it. In Games 4 and 6 the Lakers played with little effort at the beginning, and by the time they snapped out of their funk, it was really too late. In Game 4 that didn't happen till the 4th quarter when they were down 29, and last night it didn't happen till about 8 minutes had passed and they were down 18. I think Kenny Smith is right: the Lakers have too much arrogance to think they can just show up and they'll win, and it bites them in the ass, especially against a team that plays as hard as the Rockets do. I will say the Lakers have tended to really show up and play their best when they have been challenged (see their games against Boston and Cleveland this year, or Game 5 of this series), and so the Lakers might have that ace in the hole; but that knowledge or belief that they can just summon that kind of performance if they need to is extremely dangerous. Especially if you're in a single elimination situation like they are now.

Anything can happen in a Game 7.

Anonymous sea_mole said...
I'm sure Stern would be upset to lose out on the revenue from a Lebron vs. Kobe final if LA loses. But I think any of the western teams left would make for an interesting finals against Cleveland.

1- Maybe a Denver-Cleveland finals wouldn't be that bad for business either. You've got Melo vs. Lebron! That's still a pretty good marquee matchup. If Denver had to beat LA to get to the finals, that would make it even sweeter.

2- People love an underdog so if the Rockets made it to the finals that could draw a big crowd also. Plus they've got Artest for the hilarious post game commentary!

Blogger Mr. Shrimp said...
Lifelong Lakers fan here... props to the Rockets for playing smart, well, and with total effort. I do think the Lakers are somewhat defeating themselves, but the Rockets deserve credit for coming out early and controlling the game.

Sometimes I wonder if the Lakers just turn in such half-assed performances to spite Kobe. Maybe he's such a dick they don't want him to succeed.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
I believe the Rockets will probably get blown out in Game 7. Here are some thoughts:

Part of me hopes that they can actually play like they did last night, just with more even calls, so Lakers fans can't complain if they get beaten. But if they don't get a few bad calls their way, they might lose even if they play well.

I feel like last night would have been a lot closer at the end if there would not have been some home cooking.

But the other part of me says the Lakers deserve to get screwed anyway. F those guys. It's wrong, but I hate them so much, I don't even care if Kobe gets T'ed up for no reason.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
First off, if anyone can get me evidence of Scals stuffing Lewis, I'll add it to the post.

Now, a few thoughts regarding the officiating in last night's Lakers-Rockets game. There was one point, either late third or early fourth quarter, that Aaron Brook drove right to the cup, received a hard body bump and therefore tricked the layup. My anti-Laker side went crazy. F**king refs! Then I noticed that Pau Gasol took a body blow on the Lakers' next possession. That's when it occurred to me that the refs were just letting physical play go. Not hacking or arm-grabbing, but just general physical contact...which totally favors the hungrier, more aggressive team, which, in this case, was the Rockets. And really, considering that Houston is now down to its roleplayers and Ron Artest (who himself is just a very good roleplayer), that was the only way they were going to win last night. I can't see the same kind of physicality being allowed in Game 7 in L.A. And if it isn't, things are going to get really ugly for the Rockets.

Still, this series has been jarring. The Lakers now have lost two games -- by DOUBLE DIGITS -- to Houston's scrubs. This is the supposed best team in the league? With the supposed best player and a legendary coach? My mind is thoroughly boggled.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful - I was always under the impression that generally the refs will let more things go in a Game 7 than they would otherwise, with the idea that the players would ultimately decide things. BTW, any word on whether they rescinded that crazy T against Kobe yet?

You're right that this series really has boggled the mind. If the Lakers do go on and win the championship (looking less and less likely all the time), what will we all make of this series? Maybe there's something to the whole Moneyball way of managing a team after all. Imagine how good Houston would be if their two superstars weren't made of peanut brittle.

Looking ahead to this summer, I have to wonder what Ron Artest's value as an unrestricted free agent is going to be. Has his personality makeover in the last month upped his earning potential?

Blogger chris said...
Well, Wild Yams, wouldn't another selling point for Artest this year be his ability to bring Mike Chafter out of the shadows and onto the roster of whatever team he joins? ;)

Anonymous big tuna said...
wow, sad to hear about wayman tisdale. i recall that he recently lost a leg due to medical complications, terrible to hear that he's passed on.

just wondering why phil jackson has yet to receive a WOTN mention in this series? he made a great move by subbing odom into the starting lineup for bynum and then was forced to do so with farmar in game 3. farmar looked like the only one conscious at the end of the first quarter and kept the offense moving in the second... why jackson's decided to run as long as he has with fisher for the last 3 games, i have no f--king idea. seems like he finally clued in by the 4th quarter last night (which fish was benched for it's entirety). btw that brian cook piece almost made me sh!t myself laughing - on a related note, fish was -26 in game 4 in only 20 minutes. me thinks cook actually wanted his crown of impenetrable-sucktasticness +11 back going into game 5

Anonymous AK Dave said...
"That's when it occurred to me that the refs were just letting physical play go."

Matt, you're mostly right, but the refs definitely made some "phantom foul" calls. In the midst of JVG's whiny bitch-fest after Kobe's faux technical, Chris Roc- I mean Aaron Brooks dribbled the ball up the court, was rubbed against by a laker, and a quick whistle ensued; when the replay showed that there was barely any contact, let alone a foul. That's just one example. I don't know if it was a make-up call or what.

It would be cool if the refs were "letting them play" but it just seems to me like they're randomly blowing the whistle, hoping they get it right. And I, too, feel like Houston got more calls than LA, and maybe it was because they were the aggressors. But part of me wonders if three chimpanzees with kazoos couldn't do just as good a job of officiating?


> Luis Scola = MAN-Type Player

> Does anyone else think Aaron Brooks is a friggin dead-ringer for Chris Rock? "Lemme get just ONE RIB!!"

Blogger Glenn said...
If the rockets win sunday, then ownership for their next home game should have a drawing for 50 red blazers complete with white shirt and red bow tie.


Anonymous Arson55 said...
Apparently, Charles believes he can use his huge ass to back push-ups into submission the one way he could opposing players.

Hint for you, Charles: your ass size doesn't help you with everything.

Blogger Fowill said...
Wild Yams - "Maybe there's something to the whole Moneyball way of managing a team after all"

Daryl Morey is shooting a pretty high percentage right now for the Rockets front office. In the few years he's been with the team he's brought in Battier, Scola, Landrey, and Brooks. The only real misstep I can think of was bringing back Stevie Franchise but even that was a relatively inexpensive blunder. His best move by far was shipping off Rafer Alston to allow Aaron Brooks to become the starting PG. I have a permanent cringe on my face from years of watching Rafer put up that damn teardrop.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Tuna - You're probably right, Phil Jackson's rotations have been rather odd this whole playoff run, and I have mentioned that in the past I believe. I think the Lakers have a real problem on their hands right now vis a vis the point guard spot. I don't think any team can have any success with a 3-man rotation at any one position, and that's just what the Lakers have right now. The reason you can't have any success that way is because players need to get into a routine of knowing what kind of minutes they are going to get, and also they need to get into a rhythm that only comes from playing consistent minutes. I think that the way that Fisher's, Farmar's and Brown's minutes have wildly fluctuated in this postseason is making it tough for any of them to really settle in and just play well. I also think the same is true of Bynum, with him going from being in the starting lineup one game to hardly playing the next, and everything in between.

At some point I think a coach has to just go with a solid rotation and stick with it, and if one of those rotation players is slumping then you have to let them play through it. This can be the problem with having too many options, and normally a good coach will set a hierarchy and that will be that. For whatever reason Phil Jackson has not done that, and I think it really is screwing up a couple of the Laker players. There have been some extenuating circumstances (Bynum's late season return, Fisher's suspension and Odom's injury), but it really looks like Phil is second guessing himself from one quarter to the next. It doesn't excuse the Lakers' lackluster effort in these games, but I can't help but wonder if that's part of the reason we've seen three scoreless games from Bynum in this series and three games from Fisher in which he scored no more than 2 points.

Blogger starang said...
Jesus. I almost fell asleep 1 1/2 paragraphs into the Lakers-Rockets breakdown...good thing I fell out of my chair or it could have induced a long lasting coma. But having read the rest of it, I now wish I would have slipped away into a motionless, barely alive 10 year sleep to have avoided the sheer dullness of that post.

1,265 words, and the only jokes you could slip in were "...came out as flat as a soda thats been left open all week..." and "...Luke's been gorgin himself on some of Bill's pot. Of gold"??? Just terrible. I didn't expect much from a Lakers fan, but holy Christ.

Bawful. Please do something about this. Wild Yams is versed in the stats, but he needs a wallup to the dome from your "funny dongle."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Random thought from looking at the box score and seeing Dwight Howard getting blocked again. Sorry if this was mentioned before, but how come there was never a Dwight Watch (admittedly, it's funnier to see a 50 foot guy getting blocked)? I took a look at, and Yao gets 8.9% of his shots blocked, and Dwight gets 9.1% of his shots blocked, which really surprised me.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman!!! he just got rejected by a passing plane...Shouldn't he be able to just jump over Perkins?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
starang - Admittedly I wasn't all grins and chuckles when I wrote that, but feel free to rip LA in a more humorous manner and I'm sure Mr. Bawful can add it in there for you.

Anonymous AK Dave said...

While this particular article wasn't your comedic piece de resistance (sorry I don't spell french words well. Screw them anyway), It was a good read anyway, and typically I enjoy the hell out of your posts, even on the comments section, and even when you're being a big defensive meanie-head and making fun of me for being a newfound Denver fan-boy. (By the way: OMG Dnvr rlz! Best team evr LA suks lol)

starang- you forgot about the sentence in which he used the terms "massive size advantage", "stripped" and "undersized frontline". If you didn't chuckle during that one, maybe you weren't reading carefully?


I'd agree with anne on the Kobe head-slapgate .gif. He looked like he was somewhat affectionately mussing Pao's moppy hair; possibly even in a congratulatory manner (Pao did have a good game last night).

BTW- is Cheryl Miller pregnant or did she fall off the Jenny Craig wagon?? She's looking more "large" than "in-charge" these days. I think Scott Pollard could totally pwn her in a game of 1-on-1 (maybe she's pregnant with his baby? that would explain the tension from the other month...)

WV- baliah

"all the baliah's know" - Cheryl Miller

Anonymous Anonymous said...
He said dongle.

Blogger JR said...
I wouldn't let Howard off the hook for his game 5 comments at all. He had a bad fourth quarter, shooting something like 0-3 and adding only one point to his total by going 1-4 from the stripe (and he had two fouls). That doesn't really say, 'get me the ball to close the game.'

Blogger Glenn said...
Lakers need defense. Maybe they can sign this guy before Sunday:


Blogger Basketbawful said...
starang and Yams -- My apologies, to you both. WY's original draft said the Lakers "caused me more pain last night than the six years of nipple and genital torture I suffered at the hands of Benedickta, my Swedish dominatrix. It was worse even than the chocolate cake filled with athlete's foot and spider eggs my father gave me for my 11th birthday. I was so traumatized, I went out, got trashed and had Rick Fox's face tattooed on my left ass cheek." Then there was this whole segue about the ghost of Elvira's cadillac, but I had to edit all that out. I know you'll understand.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Regarding the SVG comments, I think he was actually calling Dwight the wife and he himself might actually be Dwight's wife, because Dwight tried to shift the blame to someone else and then realized it was his fault which is what the husband does.

Blogger Unknown said...
Is it just me or ... I know Kobe is named NBA first defense team, he is a great one-on-one defender and all, but anybody else noticed that he is a horrible, not just a bad, a horrible help defender. He's always late on the help defense, he doesn't play defense well AT ALL on the pick and roll situation. Plus, when he double team a defender, he is almost close to non-effective, and once the ball is passed out of the double team to a open shooter, he never, I mean NEVER run to the guy who he's supposed to guard. Don't believe, watch closely how and what he does on a team defense situation.

I guess it's just his nature that he is a great individual baller, but when we talk about the team ball, it's just not his thing.

I live in LA, I follow the Lakers all along, but I have to say this, even by knowing the Rockets don't have nearly enough firepower to match with the Lakers, I really REALLY hope the Rockets would win, because their play is just so inspirational. They deserve it.

Anonymous big tuna said...
nice tisdale addition. i was fortunate enough to meet him on a caribbean cruise back when he was with the kings and the guy put himself out there to everyone who wanted an autograph/picture the whole week. just really personable and had a great sense of humour... yeah i was still a sprouting geek but i managed to get him to autograph my pocketbook sized nba encyclopedia of players. wow, didn't think i'd ever want to think about the days of bugle boy and ocean pacific again...

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
Well there was Dragula for the Munsters, what was Elvira's Cadillac called. The 'Devil'le? Ha-cha-cha-cha!

I definitely understand the lack of comedy in your post, Yams. It's hard to be funny all the time. As you may have noticed from my recent posts, it's hard (for me) to even be funny part of the time.

There just isn't that much writing material out there. The fact is, most of the stuff has been funny all on its own.

Rafer Alston kissing Mark Davis's head like he was Jordan on the Larry O.B. Trophy was hilarious. What would have happened if Mark would have MADE the call?

I could only imagine the graphic act that would have taken place afterwards.

Blogger starang said...
My appologies. Had I known that Mild Ham's father was an athlete's foot connoisseur, I would have shown more respect.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
AK Dave: As the self proclaimed prophet of phallic imagery, I am shocked and appalled that I missed such beautiful references. Thank you for re-lighting my path.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Looking at Tisdale's stats, I was shocked to see that in 12 seasons, he NEVER MADE A SINGLE 3 POINT SHOT.

Now, lots of people have accomplished that "feat", but only TWO players in HISTORY have accomplished that feat among players who attempted a minimum of 20 3-pt shots (and during the 3-point era, obviously).

Blogger lordhenry said...
I know I haven't been around in a bit, I've been too busy reading and haven't had time to post. (Like some, I waste time on my clark kent job reading this blog) But last night has really made me question whether or not I even want to be a Lakers fan anymore. I just can't see them winning a title like this. I was completely disgusted by the lack of effort in a must win scenario. Pau Gasol was one of the worst. Not getting him enough touches is not the problem, the problem is what he does when he got the touches last night---He waited for the double-team, and then passed out of it, everytime. I mean, the first guy guarding you is what, 6-5? why wait for a double when you can go right through that guy right? And the matador defense played by him was disgusting, I thought I was watching Dirk play D last night, seriously. As far as I'm concerned, the only people to halfway give effort were Kobe, Walton, Bynum, and Odom. ( I know Odom fouled out and Bynum did not contribute points along with his own foul trouble, but that is what happens when you are the only people playing defense on your team, you get fouls eventually) And Kobe keeps falling in love with his jumpshot, which was falling Ray Allen-style (it wasn't) instead of turning into Kobe the facilitator, which is who they needed, because D-fish is so slow at the point it's like watching one of the agents from the Matrix battle one of the helpless humans who have no powers. ( take a guess which one Fish is) I don't even think L.A. can beat anyone that remains at this point, let alone finish off the rockets. I hate to seem like a fair weather fan, but this is not what I expected after the season. Yams, I'd really like some encouragement from a fellow Laker fan, I mean, how do you even force yourself to give a shit after this? This team looks doomed to get bent over by the Cavs in four (and that's a best-case scenario) at this time. Even worse, I'd almost welcome Lebron Rickrolling the Lakers at this point, even though I think it's the most unsportsmanlike bullshit I've seen outside of Mark Cuban. Whew, I'm done.

Blogger lordhenry said...
By the way, Star Trek was goddamn epic. It beat the crap out of all the "Star Wars" prequels singlehandedly. I've seen it twice already, once with my dad, who's been a fan since the 60's, and he thought it was great. Normally, I despise J.J. abrams and all his "LOST" assholery, but he really made the series accessible and fun again.

Anonymous bizarro said...
totally unrelated, here is joakim noah on vacation:


Anonymous vanderboom said...
just found this gem of a song

its basketbrilliant!

Anonymous DKH said...
I thought AK Dave's stat was pretty interesting, and the first person I thought of that would be a near miss was Shaq. But was it because he hadn't attempted 20 three pointers, or because he'd made one?

Well, apparently Shaq has made a 3-point shot (1 out of 21 career attempts), and youtube's got the video evidence:

Maybe this is a well-known fact and I'm late to the party, but there it is for anyone who's interested.

Anonymous RT said...
starang - you are correct, I'm sorry. I should've said that Luke was smoking this:
(with a chin pube-strapped Vince Carter, no less)
instead of writing that stinkbomb.

Anonymous paolo said...
didn't know where else to send this, but here's a word of the day suggestion: toilet-bowling.;_ylt=AmqY1vLrPFHLj9hzWhpeb0C8vLYF?slug=ap-magic-celtics&prov=ap&type=lgns

Anonymous Dave from Houston said...
Kobe's PR guy has got to talk to him about alternatives:

Blogger HoopBlah said...
Check out Luis Scola's left shoulder/back area during Sunday's game. I know Lakers/Rockets has been a physical series, but the scratches on on his back look more like they're from whatever piece he picked up Saturday night than a Trevor Ariza love-rake.

Blogger  said...
I swear to you, I just heard Reggie Miller say that Marcin Gortat (God Bless his little Polish heart) is just as athletic as Dwight Howard. Officially the worst announcer ever.

Anonymous Ian said...
Not sure you can criticize a (semi)co-worker but here's Henry Abbott throwing up an awesome captain obvious quote.

Henry Abbott: I'm going to get ahead of this now: At some point, I promise someone is going to say "well, the Celtics can't afford to just trade baskets." This is, to my mind, a goofy thing to say. If you're scoring every time, your offense is on fire, and that's perfect. If, at the same time, you're letting them score every time, play better D. Trading baskets isn't the problem. Letting them score every time is the problem.

No kidding Henry? I thought scoring every trip down was the problem?