Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Worst of the Night: February 10, 2009
By Wild Yams at 8:42 PM
54 comments



The Cleveland Craboilers: The good news is the Crabs kept pace with the Celtics, Magic and Lakers last night. The bad news is they did so by losing to the Pacers in Indiana, just as Boston, Orlando and LA have earlier this year. King Crab LeBron turned in the kind of performance that normally raises the ire of journalists and fans alike when Kobe has them: lots of points for himself, few for his teammates, few assists, and a loss to boot. Tough to chide LeBron for this one though: 47 points on only 21 shots and 13-14 from the line; but the rest of his team was downright putrid, and when you've got a reputation for being one of the best in the business at making your teammates better... well, scoring half your team's points in a loss doesn't speak too well on that front. Speaking of LeBron's fellow Crabs...

Mo Williams: If Mo wanted to show Stern that he finally made the right call by putting him on the All-Star roster (replacing Chris Bosh), performances like this are not the best way to do so. 15 points on 18 shots in 42 minutes is pretty bad, but so is zero assists. Especially when you play point guard. And your team's leading scorer just scored 47 points. Say it ain't so, Mo! Come on, LeBron goes off for 47 and the team's PG can't get him the ball for even one of those baskets? Luckily the Crabs' backup point guard, Boobie Gibson, came to the rescue by dishing out one assist in 26 minutes of PT (hey, I told you LeBron's teammates were putrid last night). You know something's amiss when Ben Wallace has more assists than your first and second string point guards combined.

Danny Granger: Indiana's All-Star representative didn't do much to quiet the critics of great players from teams with bad records being selected. Granger turned in a Mo-esque performance with 16 points on 18 shots (though he did have one assist!); but unlike Mo, Granger let his defensive assignment (LeBron) lay tire tracks all over his squad. Granger also almost caused this one to go into OT, except, well, see for yourselves:


I dunno, maybe two wrongs make a right after all? Next time ref, just let all that nonsense go. Nobody likes to see two dubious calls made in the last .4 of a game like that.

Update! LeBron, Mike Brown and the Media: Basketbawful here. I just have to say that the Cavs-Pacers game really should have been decided by T.J. Ford's 17-footer with 0.8 seconds left. But King Crab got a classic superstar call with 0.4 seconds left. The refs, apparently suffocating in their own guilt, found one last blast of wind and whistled James for the exact same foul with 0.1 seconds left. Both calls were ridiculous and basically canceled each other out. But that didn't keep LeBron from stomping off toward the locker room afterward, nor did it keep Cavs coach Mike Brown from freaking the hell out: "That last call, on the run, is the worst call that I have ever been a part of. I cannot imagine another worse call than that. It was an awful call and for him to take away a basketball game from a team with .4 seconds on the clock is irresponsible." You know, Mike, I bet the Pacers were feeling the same way before the makeup call.

But Brown wasn't done: "I don't care if I get fined. It is what it is. I saw the two plays; just a bad call determined the outcome of that game. If they want to fine me for telling the truth, fine me. This isn't me. I never do this." Now, me, I love when coaches blow up and then claim they never do it...WHILE THEY'RE DOING IT. Oh, one last tidbit from Brown: "It was predetermined from the call that was made at the other end of the floor, and it is very unfortunate. We got the game taken away from us. Absolutely horrible."

LeBron wasn't quite as irate as Brown, but his view was Nixonian: I didn't do it. "The last call against me was not questionable at all. No contact was made. The pass was short. You couldn't go to the rim. I was able to get a hand on it." What's worse, even the Associated Press was whining on King Crab's behalf: "But NBA stars, especially those in the realm of James, aren't supposed to be treated this way --especially in a game they've dominated." Oh, well gosh, if a superstar dominates, they certainly shouldn't be victimized by a call. They should only DO the victimizing. It's only fair. Except it's not. (By the way, here's a special wag of the finger to Michael Marot, the AP writer who penned that line. Isn't the AP supposed to limit the expression of opinions? Especially when those opinions are "Superstars should always win, especially when they're playing well"?)

Update! Via TrueHoop: Remember a few years ago when the Crabs lost a heated playoff game to the Pistons after LeBron didn't get a favorable whistle in the final seconds? The whole team was pissed, but they got a grip and refused to complain afterward. Said Brown: "We're a no excuses team." So what changed? They're now an "excuses team"?

The Washington Wizards Generals: The race to the bottom continues! Atlanta was fresh off of being blown out by the Clippers (yes you read that right) last weekend, and apparently wanted to show the world who really belongs down there in the dungeon with The Other LA Team: your Washington Wizards. The game flirted with being close for the first 13 minutes before the Wiz decided to end the suspense and go 8 minutes while scoring only 4 points. While that's generally a poor recipe for victory to begin with, it doesn't help if you start such a stretch already down 8 points. By the time the Wiz got their offense back in gear they were now down 20, and that was all she wrote. But look on the bright side: from that point forward they were only outscored by one point the rest of the way.

Dominic McGuire, Darius Songalia & Mike James: There's a lot of blame to go around for this one, but I've only got so many fingers, and three of them are pointed at this trio. Let me just say this: it's never a good sign when three of your starters combine for only 9 points. Nuff said.

The Miami Heat: Wade's Warriors must have felt like Sisyphus out there last night. Playing at home, they dug themselves a big hole to crawl out of going down by 20 just before the half, then valiantly fought back to cut the deficit to only 4 with 10 minutes to go in the game... before letting the Nuggets go on an 23-10 run to end it. This was the Nuggets' 4th straight win in Miami and 8th straight win over the Heat.

Miami's frontcourt: Miami's power forwards and centers, specifically Udonis Haslem, Jamal Magliore, Joel Anthony and Michael Beasley, managed to combine for this anemic statline: 13 points and 13 rebounds. Kenyon "Neck Lips" Martin managed to outplay these four players all by himself, going for 18 & 10. Miami's starting backcourt of point guard Mario Chalmers and shooting guard Dwyane Wade outrebounded this quartet of ineptitude 14-13.

The Denver Nuggets: Despite what I just wrote above, Denver was outrebounded on the night by Miami.

The New Jersey Nets: They lost to the Spurs, which is to be expected, but they get a mention here for letting The Red Rocket, Matt Bonner, light them up for 22 points on 10 shots. In a game where Manu Ginobili only goes for 9 points while Vince Carter and Devin Harris combine for 46, that's a game you've got to win. New Jersey, however, instead decided to lose at home by 15. The loss allowed the Spurs win to stretch their win streak over the Nets to 13 straight.

The Raptors - Timberwolves game: This entire game gets a mention today because even though a week ago this was already shaping up to be an abysmal matchup, it was even worse without Al Jefferson and Chris Bosh. The only noteworthy things about this game were that Jake Voskuhl had himself a Voskuhl and that Rashad McCants missed the game with flu-like symptoms. Of far lesser importance, the Craptors won.

The Detroit Pistons: I have a feeling this game got some more in-depth coverage elsewhere (hint hint), but this was a game which probably felt all too familiar to Rasheed Wallace. Just like in Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals, Rasheed saw his team give up a 15 point 4th quarter lead and lose on the road, calling into question whether both teams in fact did play hard. It was a great night for the Bulls faithful who were there to honor Johnny "Red" Kerr, as the game had appearances by Scottie Pippen, Michael Jordan and none other than Barack Obama (via satellite) to pay tribute to the Bulls' first coach. The refs even chipped in with a little home cookin', giving Chicago 16 more free throws. It would have been a perfect night for the Bulls except for...

Derrick Rose: Derrick Rose was great down the stretch, scoring buckets and dishing to Ben Gordon for the game winning three. But on the Pistons' last chance on offense he ran into a hard pick set by Antonio McDyess, and his reaction was to start crying like a little girl with a skinned knee. This prompted Chris Webber back in the studio to mock him mercilessly for about three minutes straight. It was definitely the highlight of the night for anyone watching NBATV's Fan Night.

The Sacramento Kings: Honestly, if you're still expecting much out of the Kings, you've probably been in a coma for the last 7 years. The Kings didn't get those 42 losses for nothing, you know. Maybe Sacramento has already given up on the season and have entered the early stages of tanking. If so that would explain the complete lack of defense they showed last night. 118 points for the Mavs on 55% shooting and getting outrebounded 47-28 doesn't show many signs of effort. Neither does allowing Jason Kidd to singlehandedly almost match your whole team's assist total (Kidd - 12, Kings - 15).

Kevin Martin: Remember preseason how there were a lot of people predicting that this would be Kevin Martin's breakout year, and this would be the year he'd finally show people what a great, efficient scorer he was now that he didn't have to share the ball with Ron Artest? Seems like a long, long time ago, and nights like this are why. 18 points on 15 shots while letting Antoine Wright go off for 23 points on 14 shots is not a good night, especially for your team's MVP.

The Golden State Warriors' "defense": Where to begin? Two Knicks starters only combined for 12 points, but NY still managed to score 127 points. I'm guessing the fact that they shot 54% from the field had something to do with that. The 51 bench points probably contributed a smidge or two as well. So it looks like Mike D'Antoni's boys executed the one part of the game he cares about. Now, how'd they do on the other end of the floor...

The New York Knicks "defense": Not so good. Anytime you give up 144 points you're just doing yourself a disservice. 55% shooting, including 55% from 3-pt range for the Warriors, and scoring 120 points in the 1st, 3rd and 4th quarters combined tells you all you need to know about this game. With defensive dunces Mike D'Antoni and Don Nelson squaring off, what did you expect?

The Oklahoma City Thunder: The news that their new mascot is a bison was trumped today by the outbreak of tornadoes in the OKC area. Luckily for we basketball fans this game was played in LA, but like the LA announcers said last night "there's a reason the national weather service has its headquarters in Oklahoma City". Oh yeah, they also got beat by the Lakers. Who could have seen that coming?

The LA Lakers: Coming off their big road trip and wins in Boston and Cleveland, it's not unexpected that they seemingly weren't too up for a game back in Staples against one of the league's worst teams; but when you're playing a team that has a road record of 3-20 and you've got the best record in the league, it's pretty bad if the game is still in doubt with under a minute to play. Especially when you've got a game the next night in Utah. The All-Star break is a couple days away, why not just rest up then?

Update! Lacktion report: And now, Chris's unending lacktion quest continues...
Cavs-Pacers: Darnell Jackson has proven an effective replacement lacktator in Tarence Kinsey's absence, crawling his way to a 58 second Mario (with one brick) for the Crabs!

Spurs-Nets: Chris Douglas-Roberts' push to be an All-Lacktion starter continues, after he passively procured a 1.45 trillion for New Jersey. Maurice Ager has been learning well from Chris's example, using the same 1:27 of floor time to take a foul and miss a shot for a suck differential of +2.

Nuggets-Heat: Yakhouba Diawara flamed out with a rebound that ruined a potential two trillion, but lucky for him, fellow lacktator James Jones got warm and baked some masonry for +1 in 7:13. That wasn't Miami's only milestone of mediocrity, as Joel Anthony earned a slight Voskuhl of 6:5 (fouling and giving the ball away three times each, against five rebounds and a brick) in a full 35:39 of action!

Raptors-Wolves: Jake Voskuhl was pegged as a likely non-factor in the Battle of 34-Loss Teams, and he delivered on that meager promise for the Craptors, giving Minnesota the ball once and fouling once as well for a +2 in a forgettable 4:21. Not to mention that a lack of shot attempts earned him his namesake stat -- a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 2:0.

Pistons-Bulls: Walter Herrmann barely got time to press the "Start" button on his night before sitting back down, generating a 15 second Mario for the Pistons.

Kings-Mavs: At halftime, this one looked competitive -- but Suckramento's snoozers never woke up for the 3rd quarter, leading to an all-too-common blowout loss at Dallas. Devean George got to play the part of human victory cigar with a +3 in 3:50 that he secured with a miss from downtown and two fouls.

Knicks-Warriors: When Nellieball collides with Mike 'antoni's coaching, hand-in-the-face work to protect one's own halfcourt gets supplanted with the inevitable fan facepalms, after nary an attempt to make a defensive stop. Yet in this extreme display of offense -- 271 points scored in only four quarters! -- Golden State pulled ahead enough to bring in their human victory cigar, Anthony Morrow. Morrow dropped a 51 second Mario on the floor, the only player who did not contribute at all to those 271 points!

Thunder-Lakers: 6:06 of playing time helped Chris Mihm earned a bit of a Voskuhl of 3:2, with three fouls against two rebounds and two missed shots.
Kobe Bryant: Lord Mamba, well known for endlessly practicing all of his moves in the gym before he uses them on the court, revealed that he uses Luke Walton to try out all of his kung fu moves in practice first before employing them in the games.

About the author: Wild Yams is a frequent reader of Basketbawful and many other basketball blogs, and is just as much a pain in the ass here as he is on those other sites. Like LeBron James, he likes to refer to himself in the third person, but unlike LeBron James, he has not mastered the crab dribble.

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Worst of the Night: February 2, 2009
By Basketbawful at 5:09 AM
33 comments


Kobe ESPN
Mamba says: "Bloargh!"

Update! Whoops. Forgot to thank Sky Flakes for today's pic.

Rashad McCants: Khloe Kardashian -- otherwise known as the little sister of that chick who's famous for reasons my human brain can't begin to fathom -- has officially broken up with McCants. This is how she announced the split on her Web site: "I wanted you all to be the first to hear the news that as of last night Rashad and I are no longer together. Relationships are hard enough as it is when you live in the same city, and he's in a different city everyday for games. Our time together was just so limited because of both of our schedules that we decided it is best not to be in a committed relationship. The last seven months have been great and we will definitely remain close friends."

Rashad: YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDED. That's great on Facebook, bad from somebody you used to form the beast-with-two-backs with. The news must have been pretty hard for McCants to take, particularly considering that he can't get off...the Timberwolves' bench: He's logged 12 DNP-CDs in Minnesota's last 13 games. Rejected first by Kevin McHale, then by the kid sister of a B-List (or maybe even C-List) celebrity. Ouchies.

McCants is apparently expressing his heartbreak on (surprise!) his Facebook page. During this ordeal, his relationship status went from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated" to "In an Open Relationship." And the "interests" section of his profile read: "that's who my relationship is with...MONEY." It seems he also posted: "F**k you [haters]. My status is Star Status." Okay then. He did attempt to set the record straight on his own official site, just so we didn't think Khloe broke up with him because he was cheating on her during his time "in a different city every day."

Awesome doesn't begin to describe how I feel about the sheer amount of drama generated by an NBA player who doesn't even play and his not-really-famous ex-girlfriend. As Yakov Smirnoff would no doubt say: What a country! Maybe Rashad will find some sort of release in poetry. Go read his epic ballad Hustle and Cream.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Breaking news! Dr. Paul Armstrong, the world-famous meteor scientist who defeated the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, has recently unearthed the heretofore unknown substance that lies below what is known as "rock bottom." And that substance is: The Washington Generals. This historic discovery was made after the Memphis Grizzles -- who have had three different coaches (Marc Iavaroni, Johnny Davis and Lionel Hollins) in the 12 games since they last enjoyed the thrill of victory -- went to Washington and beat the Generals by 16 behind O.J. Mayo's career-high-tying 33 points.

Said Generals interim coach Ed Tapscott: "That was the worst effort I've seen us give since I've been here. There wasn't any hustle. There wasn't any life. That was just a very, very poor effort." The AP recap doesn't say that Tapscott then broke into tears, but that's sort of how I'm imagining it.

O.J. Mayo, unintentional disrespect machine: Remember how I mentioned that Mayo matched his career high against the Generals? Well, his final two points were scored on an uncontested dunk on the Grizzlies' final possession...when Mayo could have just to run out the clock. Tapscott didn't care, dismissing the In-Your-Face Disgrace as an act of "youthful exuberance." But Caron Butler was pissed: "That's a sign of disrespect. It's one of those things. You've got to understand people are going to kick you when you're down." That's true, but Caron, think about it: That's the BEST TIME to kick somebody! [/Bobby "The Brain" Heenan]

Mayo, on the other hand, was going with Tapscott's "youthful exuberance" angle: "Just so happy to get a win. I'm sorry on the sportsmanship thing, I was just so happy to get a win and bring it home with a bang and finally have a positive feeling in the locker room at the end of the game." Well, look out, O.J. The Generals will be in Memphis for their revenge game on April Fool's Day. Appropriate, huh?

Lionel Hollins, blame-passing machine: After the Griz busted out of their slump last night, their latest coach said: "They haven't lost 12 in a row with me." Remember, Lionel: When you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

The Orlando Magic: Talk about bad nights. The Magic lost Jameer Nelson for the game -- and maybe for a while -- after he dislocated his right shoulder in the third quarter. With Nelson out, Orlando's opponent, the Dallas Mavericks, got hot: The Mavs went on a 19-6 to build a 75-57 third-quarter lead. They then started the fourth with a 10-4 burst to push their lead to 87-67. The Magic actually rallied to pull to within 99-90 with 2:29 left...but never got any closer. For the game, Dallas shot 53 percent to Orlando's 42 percent. Said Stan Van Gundy: "That one was pretty simple. We couldn't stop them, and we couldn't score. That makes for a long evening."

The New York Knicks: Before his team's game against the Lakers, Mike 'Antoni stood up before the court of public opinion and said: "The defense rests, your honor." However, the imaginary judge I made up for this story was confused. Why, he wondered, does New York's defense need to rest? They haven't even done anything this season! And that didn't change last night, as every player on the Knicks' roster bent over in unison and said: "Yes, Kobe! Take us! Take us any way you want us!" And that's exactly what the Mamba did, scoring a Madison Square Garden record 61 points on 19-for-31 shooting (and a perfect 20-for-20 from the line).

'Anonti, you might remember, liked to employ a "Let Kobe score as many points as he wants" strategy when he was coaching in Phoenix, with the theory being that Kobe's ball-hoggery would keep his teammates off the stat sheet while wearing Mamba down by the fourth quarter. And, uh, yeah, that worked like a charm, didn't it? Said 'Antoni: "We tried to do the rope-a-dope a little bit where he might shoot himself out, but he didn't. He just kept on going."

Kobe's non-stop hotness wasn't the only flaw in Mikey's full-of-holes plan. Pau Gasol finished with 31 points, 14 rebounds and 5 assists. So much for holding down everybody BUT Kobe.

Much as it may surprise some people, I think it's awesome that Kobe came out all shoot 'em up after it was announced that Andrew Bynum will be out at least 8-10 weeks. That's what great players are supposed to do: Stamp out any notions of vulnerability. Of course, it helped that he was facing a thighs wide open defense. My only regret is that he had to break Bernard King's MSG record of 60 points set on Christmas Day in 1984. I would have liked to see King's record stand.

More bad news for the Knicks: New York hosts Cleveland on Wednesday and Boston on Friday. It's the first time a team has played three straight games against opponents with .750 winning percentages after February 1st since the Celtics did it in February 1995. Thanks to the Elias Sports Bureau for that useless stat of the day.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Okay. I take back what I've been saying all season. The Clippers AREN'T who we thought they were. They're WORSE. Baron Davis, Marcus Camby and now Zach Randolph are all back, but even that couldn't alter The Other L.A. Team's trance-like play, as they lost 119-95 to the Heat in Miami. The Clips have now lost six straight and 20 of 22. I'd insert the obligatory Mike Dunleavy Sr. "why we lost" quote here, but the fact that he's still coaching this team fills me with a white-hot rage. So I'm going to just skip it today.

Miami shot almost 56 percent from the field and tied their second-highest point total of the season. The other time they scored 119 was against the defenseless Kings. They also scored 130 points, in overtime, versus the equally defenseless Warriors. Basically, the only way the Clippers defense could have looked worse was if the Knicks hadn't been playing last night.

The New Orleans Hornets: Like the Magic, the Hornets suffered a crippling third-quarter injury, only it was even more cripplingier: Chris Paul strained his right groin. (Yes, CP3 is so manly he has multiple groins. What about it?) When Paul left with 1:30 left in the third, New Orleans was up on Portland 72-55. They were then outscored 42-17 [!!] the rest of the way, including 38-15 in the fourth quarter, en route to losing 97-89. No doubt if you look up "complete and total collapse" in the dictionary, you'll find a short description of this game.

But the Hornets' defeat wasn't due only to a weakness in the backcourt, they were also pitifully feeble up front, getting outrebounded 52-32 by the Blazers. Apparently, the New Orleans players think that "box out" is just a particular kind of pornography. Speaking of which...

Comcast: The Philadelphia branch of the cable giant was forced to apologize Monday to Tucson-area customers because -- get this! -- the Super Bowl was interrupted by 30seconds worth of hard core porn. Seriously. Jennifer Khoury, Comcast's vice president for corporate communications, said: "Our initial investigation suggests this was an isolated malicious act." I'm not sure whether they're talking about the interruption itself or the scene that was actually shown. Maybe both? Anyway, Comcast says they're very sorry about the whole mess and is offering a generous $10 credit for those effected. Which, ironically, is about what they charge viewers for porn on their pay-per-view service.

Update! Groin injuries: Sun Devil sent in this image of CP3 immediately after his right-groin injury. Looks like it smarts something 'bawful. As Sun Devil said: "This is the most powerful piece of expression since Hans Moleman's indie flick."

CP3 groin

The Charlotte Bobcats: Despite the continuing absence of Carlos Boozer (knee) and Andrei Kirilenko (ankle) as well as the new absence of Deron Williams (who sat out due to a contusion above his right knee), the 'Cats lost by 19 in Utah. Charlotte is now 0-3 since their miracle win over the Lakers and haven't finished any of those games within single digits of their opponent. The Bobcats actually shot pretty well (50 percent) and got 4 whole points out of former lottery pick Adam Morrison, but they also committed 24 turnovers (which helped the Jazz score an extra 32 points) and missed 8 free throws.

Raja Bell, back-handed compliment machine: Regarding his team's loss to a squad comprised mostly of Utah's backups: "That team that was on the court for them, I'm reluctant to say they're a better team than we are, but they beat us tonight and I'll tip my hat to them." Did anyone actually see Raja's hat? I hope it looked like a giant hot dog.

The Sacramento Kings: The Kings are trying their darnedest to prove that they, and not the Washington Wizards Generals are the worst team in the NBA. And last night's disaster against the Phoenix Suns might just have done the trick. The Sactowners were down 21 points by the end of the first quarter and ended up losing by 48 in what can only be described as a complete and utter cornholing. Of course, this was a case of the Suns, as a team and as a franchise, screaming: "WE'RE OKAY! SEE?! WE'RE REALLY, REALLY OKAY!" This sentiment was echoed by Terry Porter, who said afterward: "This win was definitely needed, from the standpoint of our confidence. Maybe we'll start believing we're a good team." Uh, you do realize you were playing the worst defensive team in the league...right, Terry?

But I'm not here to criticize the team that WON by almost 50 points. Sacramento shot 37 percent, missed 10 threes, committed 26 turnovers (to only 13 assists) and did enough hacking to give up 40 free throw attempts to the Suns. The Suns set a season-high for points (129) and a home record for margin of victory (it was also the largest winning margin by any team this season). But the worst part is that this wasn't even the only time the Kings have lost by 40+ points this season: They also lost by 45 to the Celtics. And that happened in Sacramento.

Bonus facts: The Suns outrebounded the Kings 64-44, including 21 off the offensive boards. They finished with a season-high 30 fast break points. They also had a season-high 16 steals, and they outscored Sacramento 64-34 in the paint.

Chris provided some perfectly bland quotes from Kings coach Kenny Natt's post game press conference: "That was a very embarrassing game." And: "They jumped on us right away and we were never really in the ballgame." Plus: "An all-around lack of effort tonight, offensively, defensively." Furthermore: "When you're hungry, you'll get 21 offensive rebounds, you'll get 59 total rebounds. Their effort was a lot better than ours." Moreover: "We've shown we're a lot better than that and we've played a lot better than that." Finally: "The game was lost in the first five minutes of the game." And yes, that sound you just heard was the Dull-Negrometer exploding.

The Golen State Warriors: The Knicks, Clippers and Kings were all horrible on the defensive end, and the Warriors tried to upstage them. They didn't quite get there, but they did well enough to lose at home in overtime to the Spurs, who exploded for 110 points. And yes, I consider 110 and explosion for the Spurs. Manu Ginobili scored a season-high 32 points and Tim Duncan matched his season-high with an identical 32.

Stephen Jackson actually could have won the game at the end of regulation, but he missed a leaning jumper on which, he thinks, he was hacked. "I got fouled. I took the shot and he hit my arm. I guess I'm not good enough to get that call." The Suns feel your pain, Captain Jack.

Lacktion report: Basketbawful's interpid lacktion beat report Chris once again took some time out to provide our daily dose of lacktivity.

Mavs-Magic: Ryan Hollins put in a true Voskuhl for Dallas by fouling out after 10:41 of playing time and giving away the ball once, against one made shot and one rebound -- a staggering ratio of 7:3!

Grizzlies-Wizards: Greg Buckner was forced into extended playing time, where the pull of contributory basketball simply became irresistible. So Memphis's Kyle Lowry produced his +1 via foul in 3:56, before getting hurt.

Clippers-Heat: With Mike Dunleavy Sr. benching Cheikh Samb, he needed to find two new robber barons, and off his bench came DeAndre Jordan and Jason Hart, who did not disappoint. Jordan's 2.9 trillion nicely complemented a 21-second Mario from Hart.

Lakers-Knicks: After an absence from these reports, Sun Yue heated up with a one-foul +1 in 1:48 at MSG, as the human victory cigar to cap off an offensive explosion by the Lakers (who, highlighted by Kobe's 61 points, never scored fewer than 30 in a quarter -- a clear after-effect of Mike 'antoni efense!!).

Bobcats-Jazz: Alexis Ajinca gave Charlotte a 49 second Mario, coupled with a brick. In those same 49 seconds, Utah's Morris Almond also racked up a Mario -- creating Mario Brothers from opposing teams for once! Almond did get an assist in his limited seconds of court time.
Kobe Bryant: After spit-roasting the Knicks, Mamba was toweling off in the locker room when he looked over at Luke Walton and said: "You know, Luke, I'm never gonna forget the night we scored 67 together." After a short pause, Kobe said: "How many of those did you score again?" When Luke didn't immediately answer, Kobe said: "I ASKED HOW MANY OF THOSE YOU SCORED, WALTON!" To which Luke was forced to reply "Six." "Oh," said Mamba. "Well, uh, great game and all that."

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