For those of you who might be wondering, I, Evil Ted, am completely over the Celtics losing Game 7 to the Lakers in the NBA Finals. So completely over it. It’s not bothering me one bit. I mean, sure, it bothered me right around the end of the game, but that was for, like, five minutes.


People get way too attached to their sports teams. I’m not like that. Hell, I didn’t even notice the Celtics were in the playoffs until they got past the Cavs. Yeah, I followed the Magic Series pretty close, and sure I got a little excited when the Celtics made it to the finals sporting a team that, on paper, had all the talent it needed to win. And I’ll admit, I was enticed by the fairy tale playoff run leaving in its wake the crushed dreams of Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Dwight Howard, and, potentially, Kobe Bryant, but it’s not like I wanted to kill myself because it didn’t come true…in the final minutes…of Game 7…of the Finals...against the hated Lakers...

...where was I? Oh yeah...

So what if everything Doc said to the media was coming to fruition, about how it was more important to go into playoffs as a healthy team than as a high playoff seed? And about how he was just managing the minutes of his aging veterans, trading regular season wins for the ability to sustain a lengthy playoff run. I know, he could have added a huge tangible milestone to his coaching legacy and to the legacy of the Celtics franchise with banner number eighteen, but so what? That’s not important to me. If it were, would I be writing this right now? Of course not.

If I were a lesser man, I would rail about the Celtics being up for most of Game 7, and about the Lakers getting a dozen dubious free throws in the last six minutes, but I’m not a lesser man. I’m beyond that. If I were a resentful, puss-oozing homer yutz, I would probably say that Kobe appeared to nudge Perkins' right leg from behind as he came down with that rebound in Game 6. Again, not me. I'm above it, and we should all be thankful I'm not that guy. I'm beyond such baseless, biased accusations, and am well grounded in the knowledge that there are more important things in life. For example, I'm apparently the father of three children. What’s better than that? Kids who are obliged to love you because of blood relation? That's just awesome. And you know what? They kind of look like me too. Imagine that - little semi-clones of me walking the earth after I’m gone. You know what that is? That’s everlasting life. Or practically. I mean, it’s close to that.

Sports, by comparison, aren’t really important. I mean, if they were, and I wanted to be petty, I would point out that the Celtics still have 17 World Championships to the Lakers 16, and if I were a REAL douchebag, I’d point out that 5 of those championships were won by the Minneapolis Lakers, so they aren’t even worth the fabric on which they’re printed. At least, that’s what I would say, if I even cared. Thank God I don’t.

And yeah, I’m a Red Sox fan, so when it comes to counting championships, I’m aware of how the Yankees are up like 27-6 in championships (at least I think that’s what it is. Fortunately I don’t care), and yeah, from 2004 through 2007, I could always shout down a Yankees fan by saying “Think you’re so great? Well which of the two teams has won the most recent championship?” Fortunately, the Yankees won it all last year so I’m no longer forced to engage in such petty arguments. It’s really wonderful to be given the gift of perspective, to know what’s really important. I consider myself a far more well-rounded individual for it. Imagine, people caring so much about the wins and losses of an athletic team. It borders on pathetic, really.

I’ll bet you’re going to come at me now with the Boston Bruins, up 3 games to none against the Flyers, collapsing in the playoffs. Now that’s hilarious. I mean, its hockey. Seriously. I wasn’t even going to watch unless they got to Game 7 of the finals. To my great fortune, they didn’t. The idea of being forced to watch a hockey game as if it were important is a frightening proposition.

Now, Ghana beating the U.S. in the World Cup, that event actually involves some relevant world implications. I can’t think what they are right now, but I’m sure there are some.


I’m getting away from my point. My point is that we’re all going to die someday, and when that happens, is it really going to matter if the Celtics won Game 7, elevated the historic status of Garnett, Allen, Pierce and Rondo, and gave the Celtics an 18-15 lead in franchise championships over the Lakers? Not to me, not when I’m a corpse rotting in a casket. Ask the worms eating my dead flesh if they care who won. See? They didn’t even notice that you asked a question. They’re still nibbling away on my small intestine.

Speaking of the hereafter, I wonder if I could be cremated, have the ashes dyed green, and then decree in my final will and testament to have myself poured from a helicopter into Kobe Bryant’s swimming pool. Now THAT would be a grand statement. You know how hard it would be for Kobe’s pool guy to clean out the ashes? And the water would probably be green for, like, days afterward. That would be something.


No. I’m not going to do that. Kobe’s not worth the effort, and I’m far too mature and above such behavior.

Listen to me here, going on about something as inconsequential as my own demise. Have none of us come to the realization that someday the sun is going to burn out, our planet will become uninhabitable, and the human race will cease to exist? Who’s going to give a crap about the Celtics-Lakers rivalry then? Nobody. Furthermore, I’ll bet the Staples Center and TD Garden won’t even be able to remain structurally in tact against the atmospheric extremes of a sunless universe, leaving championship banners floating aimlessly in the vacuum nothingness of space. How much is this year’s NBA Championship going to matter then, Laker fans? Hmmm? Think your team's victory is a big deal? I’ve just proven without a shadow of a doubt that it’s not.


Now, for argument’s sake, let’s suppose that a small band of scientific misfits, funded by an eccentric, benevolent billionaire, manage to build a spaceship to escape from our dead rock of a planet when the sun goes cold. They’re going to collect as much data about the history of mankind as they can, right? By then, I imagine the Celtics will have amassed 535 championships to the Lakers’ 534, only to be eclipsed by the 760 championships of the Hong Kong Fast Dribble Galaxy (the NBA would go international some time around the year 4,020). Think my hypothetical situations are ridiculous? Tell that to 2 billion Hong Kong Fast Dribble Galaxy fans. In the long run, their team, captained by the cryogenically frozen and reanimated head of Chow Yun Fat, will dominate the EBA (Earth Basketball Association), creating a legion of followers prone to chanting a series of virtually unpronounceable Chinese characters that translate loosely into “Win big and much, Hong Kong Fast Dribble Galaxy! Win big and much!”

Sorry, I got sidetracked again. I guess what I’m really trying to say here is, sports fans do care a lot about these stupid rivalries - sometimes, even, at the expense of their jobs, emotional stability, and personal relationships. But ask yourself which is more important: being glued to the TV when your favorite team wins a championship, or spending time bonding with your young daughter by pushing her in a swing at the park?

I think we all know the right answer to that question.

If I were a petty, small-minded sports fans, I’d conclude with something like:

Eat it, Laker fans. I’m gonna go get ready for the Patriots season to start.
Don’t have an NFL team there in LA? Awww. Too bad.

Fortunately, I’m not that type of person.

I am SO over it.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Evil Ted, Los Angeles Lakers, over it

Welcome to my nightmare.
First: I apologize in advance for the somber nature of this post. It's just how I'm feeling at the moment. I promise to bring the funny back starting next week.

Second: Congratulations to the Los Angeles Lakers for winning the 2010 NBA Championship. In the final analysis, of all the teams in the Association, the Lakers had the best combination of coaching, star power, inside scoring, rebounding, defense, role play and intangibles. L.A. was the best team in the league and now they have a shiny trophy and fancy rings (on order) to prove it.

For me, personally, this was the worst possible outcome.

I haven't seen what I'm assuming is a crappy remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street...but I feel like I'm living it. Here's the thing: I hate the Lakers. I've always hated the Lakers. I will always hate the Lakers. Look, it's just how I was raised. My mom hated the Lakers and she passed that glorious hatred onto me, along with bad eyesight and a knack for retaining water. Thanks, mom.

Anyway, I love the Celtics about as much as I hate the Lakers. Again, this came from my mom, who spent the early 80s forcing me to follow the Celts until I eventually became I diehard fan. To watch Larry Bird during the 80s -- and I mean really watch him -- was to love him. And Kevin McHale. And Robert Parish. And D.J. I didn't love Danny Ainge. Sorry, Danny. You were a dick. But I respected him. So on and so forth.

I remained a Celtics fan during the nightmare period between Bird's retirement and the moves that brought Ray Allen and KG to Boston. God, I remember Lakers fans -- not all, but some -- pissing and moaning during the three years following Shaq's departure, and how they called for Mitch Kupchak's head during the summer of 2007 because he didn't trade Andrew Bynum for Jason Kidd or whatever else was being offered around. Well, trust me, those three years was nothing compared to the 15 years of horror Celtics fans suffered through. I have three words for you: Reggie Lewis died. I have four words for you: head coach M.L. Carr. I have five words for you: The Dominque Wilkins' retirement tour.

I could go on, but you get the point.

When this season started, Evil Ted said: "Could there be any better finish than another Celtics-Lakers Finals?" I answered with an emphatic "No." I conceded that there could be nothing better than Boston beating L.A. in the Finals...but nothing worse than the Celtics losing to the Lakers with everything on the line.

And here we are.

I will forever be amazed that the Lakers won a title despite shooting 32 percent from the field. According to ESPN Stats & Information, they had the worst NBA Finals shooting percentage for a winning team in the shot-clock era. That astounds me. I'm also astounded at their 23 offensive rebounds. L.A.'s work on the boards is the only thing that kept the Celtics from blowing them out of this game. Especially considering the fact that Kobe Bryant (6-for-24) and Pau Gasol (6-for-16) seemed to have a case of the yips. Hell, those guys even combined to miss 10 free throws between them (six bricks by Pau, four by Kobe).

Then again, Kobe and Gasol also combined for 33 rebounds. For perspective, the Celtics had 40 rebounds as a team. Mamba and the Marshmallow also outrebounded Boston 13-8 on the offensive glass. I bet Kendrick Perkins died a little inside every time the Lakers grabbed an offensive board.

Speaking of dying inside, Ray Allen said: "We were scratching and clawing, trying to do everything we could to try to pull this out. We had an opportunity to win, but it just didn't go our way down the stretch. I don't think we ran out of steam. Lady Luck just didn't bounce in our corner. ... There were a lot of tears, a lot of tears."

Doc Rivers added: "There's a lot of crying in that locker room. A lot of people who care. I don't think there was a dry eye. A lot of hugs, a lot of people feeling awful. That's a good thing. Showed a lot of people cared."

It hurts. And you know what hurts the most? This was it. The last hurrah. The Celtics won't be back in the Finals next year. What could possibly happen to make this team any better next season than it was this season? I just can't see it. Their oldest player, Ray Allen, disappeared in the final five games of a seven game series. Ray might not re-sign with the Celtics, and if he does, he's only going to be a year older. So are KG's knees, Rasheed Wallace's back and flabby ass, Paul Pierce's everything, etc.

In other words, it's over. They were five points from a title...but it's over.

Meanwhile, L.A. is probably going to be the favorite to win it again next season. The Celtics (too old) and Spurs (ditto) are done. LeBron is either going to leave the Cavaliers (not good enough) or go to some other team that's not ready to compete for a title (sorry, the Super Team isn't happening). The Magic rely on Vince Carter, so that ain't happening. And I can't see any other teams being ready to challenge the Lakers by next season.

So...here are the things from this game, and this series, that will haunt me:

Ray Allen's shooting: The league's "best pure shooter" had another turrible night, going 3-for-14 from the field and 2-for-7 from downtown. When I look at how close this series was -- and Games 3 and 7 in particular -- all I can think is that Allen's post-Game 2 shooting slump cost the Celtics the title. Part of my disappointment is, and it pains me to say this, that unlike (gag) Kobe, Allen wasn't pounding the glass or really creating for his teammates. When Ray-Ray can't hit shots, he becomes next to useless. Okay, he did a pretty good job defending Kobe. Maybe that's why he didn't have any legs. Which reminds me...

Rajon Rondo's jumper: All season long, doomsayers kept predicting that Rondo's jumper -- which numbers indicate is actually worse than it was in 2008 (from 16-23 feet anyway) -- would end up haunting the Celtics. Well, it did in this series. Kobe basically got the series off in terms of defense. At least when he was matched up on Rondo. He got to wander around, ball-hawking for steals and disrupting Boston's offense. Sometimes Rondo was able to take advantage of the 10+ feet of cushion Mamba was giving him. A lot of other times, he wasn't.

Look, Rondo, you've been in the league a while now. You should be able to can 15-footers by now. With regularity. I've been lucky enough to watch Derrick Rose practice his jumper before games. The dude shoots for hours. And his shot improved dramatically between his rookie and sophomore seasons. Rose is proof it can be done. What the hell is Rajon doing over the summer?

Kevin Garnett's legs: KG actually had a pretty good offensive series. I haven't checked the final numbers yet, but he averaged around 15-16 points while shooting about 50 percent from the field. Not bad considering his minutes (only around 30 a game), his number of shot attempts and the defense he was facing. But Garnett couldn't rebound. Kobe had more offensive rebounds (4) than KG had total rebounds (3). And it's not like he wasn't blocking out and going up for boards. He just couldn't quite get there.

Jeff Van Gundy kept ragging on unnamed Celtics for getting their hands on balls but not coming down with them. Well, those unnamed Celtics were KG, KG, and KG. I don't know how many offensive boards the Lakers had in this series, but I'm willing to bet Garnett's finger tips touched about 80 percent of them. KG hops are gone. No shame in that. His knees have been through hell over his career and especially over the last few years. But I can't help but think that, if Garnett could have rebounded the way he did in his Minnesota days, the Celtics would have won championship number 18 last night.

Ron Artest: I hate you, Ron Artest. I hate you so much it hurts. More than anything, I wanted Artest to ruin the Lakers. And not only because I hate the Lakers. For those of you who don't know or are still confused about my basketball loyalties, it breaks down like this: I was raised a Celtics fan, I grew up in Indiana so I'm also a Pacers fan, I currently live in Chicago so I'm a Bulls fan, and I have a burning man crush on Steve Nash so I'm a Suns fan.

Well, Ron Artest destroyed professional basketball in Indiana. Technically, the Pacers still have a heartbeat, but watching them is like watching a cherished loved one laying in a hospital bed, trapped in vegetative state and surviving on life support. Nobody goes to Pacers games. You can walk up to Conseco Field house and buy lower deck tickets during games. Seriously. I've done it. And I'm not talking about scalping either.

The Pacers were the best team in the league when Artest lost his mind and started the infamous Pacers-Pistons Brawl. So it's possible Ron cost the Pacers a title. He certainly ruined the end of Reggie Miller's career. But he begged Larry Bird not to give up on him. Bird didn't, and Artest rewarded Larry's faith by asking for time off to promote his rap album and then demanding a trade. Bird eventually traded Artest for half a season of Peja Stojakovic and the Pacers continued to swirl down the toilet. Another 10 years could pass before the Pacers recover from the mess Crazy Pills left behind...assuming the team survives that long.

I'm not kidding. Indiana might end up losing its basketball team in large part due to Ron Artest. And now he's an NBA champion. Redeemed some people are saying. He sure made some vital contributions, both during the series and especially in Game 7. I'm thinking specifically of the three-pointer he drilled with a minute left to bump L.A.'s lead to 79-73. Go back and watch that play if you get the chance. Paul Pierce lunged at Artest and then backed off. That's a classic "Dare Ya" move. I have no proof of this, but it seemed to me like Pierce wanted Artest to shoot that ball (moreso than he wanted Kobe or Gasol shooting it, anyway). He enticed Ron into doing it. And the Celtics paid for it.

Anyway, Ron's ring is further proof that life isn't fair. Anybody who tells you differently is selling something.

You're telling me an all-knowing, all-loving Godwould allow something like this? I think not.
Update! As Cortez pointed out in the comments section, Artest apologized for his part in killing professional basketball in Indiana during his postgame press conference. He said he still feels bad about what happened and feels like a coward when he sees his former Pacers teammates. Well...that's...great...I guess.

Pau Gasol's uncalled travelling violation: I don't have too many gripes with L.A.'s 37-17 free throw advantage -- some, but not too many -- but I just about crapped a brick when Gasol was allowed to go up and down with the ball before hitting a layup with 1:30 left that make it 76-70 Lakers. JVG tried to defend it by saying that play is hard to see in real time. Whatever. That was a killer play.

And do me a favor: Don't start arguing that a) Gasol was fouled or b) that somebody touched the ball when he was going up. Hey, I congratulated the Lakers, didn't I? Do me a favor and don't get your panties in a bunch that I'm complaining about this play. You know who you are.

The sequence when the Celtics lost: There are a zillion things that go into every win and loss, but there's usually one sequence in every close game where you (or at least I do) think "Well, [Team X] just lost the game." For the Celtics, that happened last night when: 1) Derek Fisher nailed a trey with 6:11 remaining to tie the game at 64-64. 2) Rondo took the ball the other way and flipped up a one-handed runner that you could tell he didn't really want to take. It clanked off the front of the rim. 3) Kobe Bryant drew a loose ball foul on Big Baby in the battle for the rebound, then hit both freebies to put the Lakers up by two.

And that was when the Celtics lost the game.

Sasha Vujacic: The NBA's biggest douchebag contributed nothing...except hitting a pair of crucial free throws. Eff you, Vujacic.

Brian Scalabrine: Depending on which box score you're using, Scal either had a Mario or a trillion. What the hell. It's a party. Let's give him both.

----------------------------------------------

In closing, I'd like to give out some thanks yous. Because it's the end of the season and everything. First, a great many thanks to Dan B., Chris, AnacondaHL and Wild Yams for their contributions to the site. A great many more thanks to everybody who reads and comments on the site. You guys and gals are the reason I keep doing this. And thanks to the NBA for not suing me despite the fact that I've never asked for or received expressed written consent to post all this stuff.

And now, for me and anyone else who was rooting for the Celtics or against the Lakers, I say...

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers

Ah, seeing this picture makes me feel better
(via Andy Gray's SI Vault)
Oh, this is such a great time. NBA Finals Game 7 is tonight, and even if I get my heart broken, I can still look forward to both the rest of the weekend's coverage of the US Open at Pebble Beach, plus I'm going on vacation next week. When I tune into the game tonight, I'll be disappointed (as I always am) when I hear the generic as hell music ABC is using for its "ESPN on ABC" coverage of the NBA. I still naturally long for the NBA on NBC music (Otherwise known as proof that Hell has frozen over at least once in the past, since John Tesh wrote an amazing piece of music). I always got excited just from watching the brief 30 second intro to the game coverage, like this one from the '98 Finals. But at least we don't have to listen to this. (h/t Chris) Meanwhile, in another link passed along by Chris, ESPN's Page 2 is celebrating the end of professional basketball in Louisville, so now I'm just really emotionally confused.

NBA trade news: Dalembert is off to Sacramento. In exchange, the Kings Purple Paupers will give up Andres Nocioni and Spencer Hawes. The big key to this trade was excellently described by Sorbo: "Phili's in official rebuilding mode. How's this 2010/2011 line-up for the Sixers: Holiday, Iguodala, Nocioni, Brand, and Speights. Good thing you have baseball and hockey, Phili fans." Here's to hoping the draft treats both of these teams kindly (or fails miserably and gives us a lot of material. Either or.)

Good news everyone! Here is your latest NBA Jam for Wii update: NBA Legends characters! Yes, you will be able to play this old school style game with some old school style players if you so desire. Though I'm not sure why you'd want to play as Kevin McHale. It's not like you can actually take advantage of his sweet post moves in this game.

As posted on Deadspin, you absolutely need to behold this piece of NBA apparel -- a chinchilla fur jacket covered with crocodile skin NBA logos. I'm not really sure exactly who is the target market for such an item, but considering it's size XXL, that sort of limits the choices. If it was available in XXXL, Shaq would totally wear one.

You may remember the Name of the Year brackets that started right around the same time as March Madness. As of this month, they have finally named the winner... and the final two choices were kind of a letdown in my opinion. The strongest names in the field got voted out by some remarkably dull ones. (I was rooting for Nohjay Nimpson, God's Power Offor, and Spontaneous Gordon.)

Some brief Footbawful: a Tim Tebow statue? Really? There aren't enough facepalm pictures on the Internet...

And finally, here's a random awful jersey.

Worst of Game 6 in Pictures:

(Insert your favorite tasteless Colorado joke here)

"And STAY down!"

The sense of failure was just too strong, and Tony Allen finally snapped

I can't decide which is worse - Jack's gesture, or that ridiculous facial hair

Apparently Maria Menounos just now realized that actually is collosal douchebag Dane Cook

This is Christina Aguilera's cleavage. You're welcome.
NBA Finals - Game 7:
Celtics at Lakers - ABC, 9:00pm
Series tied 3-3

Can't type... Too nervous... Ugh... I will simply link my fellow Celtics fans to this reassuring post from Jonah Keri (which also features the McHale/Rambis clothesline picture I already had chosen to lead today's BAD post!) that gives us some historical proof that the Celtics still have a shot. ("So you're telling me there's a chance... Yeah!")

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Bawful After Dark, Boston Celtics, Kevin McHale, Los Angeles Lakers

When your starting center goes down for good halfwaythrough the first quarter, that’s a pretty bad omen.
Christina Aguilera Since the night began with Christina's stunningly crappy rendition of the National Anthem, I figured I'd start this post by ragging on it. How could such a truly great singer mangle such an important song so very, very badly? I mean, she skipped entire words during her overly stylized warbling. It was like she was singing the Anthem while being violated by a gorilla with anger control issues. And she wasn't dressed nearly slutty enough to make up for it. As Mark Jackson would say: Christina Aguilera, you're better that that.

Here. Share my pain.
The Boston Celtics: I would like to officially congratulate the Los Angeles Lakers on winning the 2010 NBA championship. Wait, I'm sorry, what was that? They haven't won it yet, you say? Oh, well, my bad. I guess it just felt like they'd won it after the can of whup ass they put on the Celtics in Game 6.

Usually, holding the Lakers to 89 points on 41 percent shooting would mean good things. Unfortunately, Boston hit only 33 percent of their field goals and managed only 67 points. And here I thought Christina's singing was going to be the worst part of the night. Man, I've seen more lively performances from a lump of sod. Seriously, the Celtics were playing so poorly that Bill Russell -- whom I had been hoping would show up to inspire the troops -- actually walked out in disgust during the fourth quarter.

That's right, Celtics. You shamed Bill Russell. Shame on you.

And hey, the Celtics made history. The bad kind of history, that is. According to Elias Sports Bureau:

The Celtics blew a chance to win the NBA title with a 22-point loss to the Lakers in Game 6 of the NBA Finals Tuesday night. That ties the fourth largest margin of defeat for a team that was one win away from winning the NBA championship. The record for the largest margin of defeat in that situation is 35 by Seattle against Washington in 1978, followed by 33-point losses by the Lakers against Philadelphia in 1982 and against Indiana in 2000. The Knicks also lost by 22 points to the Lakers in a game in which they had a chance to wrap up the 1970 Finals. The good news for the Celtics -- three of those teams went on to win the title anyway (Seattle was the only team that didn't).

Thanks for the closing stat curse, Elias Sports Bureau.

Actually, in a lot of ways, this game reminded me of Game 1. The C's came out flat. After the first few minutes, I thought, "Boy, these guys could not look any flatter." Then Kendrick Perkins left the game with a knee injury and they proved me wrong. By the way, bad news for Celtics fans: An unnamed source says Perk is done. No worries, though! The Celtics still have Rasheed Wallace, who went 0-for-7 from the field and 0-for-6 from downtown while finishing with more fouls (4) than rebounds (3)!

Crap.

Anyway, back to the Game 1 comparison...the Celtics didn't show any real intensity or a sense of urgency, which was fairly shocking given the circumstances. After they lost Game 3 at home, Doc Rivers said that his team had adopted an "every game is a Game 7 to us" mentality. Well, last night's approach might not have won a Game 7 of the preseason. During a WIRED segment in the first half, Doc told his players they were being outworked. Then they went out and got outworked some more. The final rebounding margin -- 51-39 going the Lakers way -- doesn't reflect how badly the Beantowners were pimp-slapped on the boards. The first half numbers do though: The C's were outrebounded 30-13 during the first 24 minutes.

Basketbawful reader J.R. said: "Instead of actually describing the worthless effort put forth by the Celtics in Game 6, I instead offer this clip of Spinal Tap album reviews that pretty much capture the appropriate spirit. The two word review to the album "Shark Sandwich" is especially fitting for the Celtics Game 6 performance." And because I agree...


Look, Russell was right to walk out. The Celtics peformance was embarrassing bordering on pathetic. It's not the losing so much as the effort. When a team is one win away from a championship, don't you expect all-out, balls-to-the-wall effort from players 1 through 12?

Said Doc Rivers: "I thought we'd play better, obviously. I thought we were ready. ... We played an individual game tonight on both ends. We never gave ourselves an opportunity offensively, because we never trusted each other. Everybody was out to make their own place."

Added Allen: "We didn't get in any rhythm early, and it affects our chemistry. We each tried to make the home run play early. As a starting unit, we take responsibility. We have to do a better job next game."

Trust me, Ray, the starting unit shouldn't take all the responsibility...

The Boston bench: Remember how important these guys were in Boston's three victories? Remember how, after a dominant Game 4, Big Baby said he couldn't be denied? Remember how everybody who was anybody said the Celtics needed every bit of spark they got from their reserves?

Well, they sure didn't get it last night. Would you believe that, until Nate Robinson hit a bucket at the 9:58 mark of the fourth quarter, nobody other than Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen had scored a single point for the Celtics?

You read that correctly.

The Celtics' pine riders were so bad I was checking the official rules on NBA.com to figure out whether any of them could be traded mid-game. Due to the early loss of Perkins and extended garbage time, Boston's reserves logged 98 minutes. Yet they finished with only 13 points on 4-for-26 shooting. And remember, all 13 of those points came during the fourth quarter. What's more, they dished out only 3 assists...and Nate Robinson had all of them. And they combined for almost as many fouls (13) and turnovers (5) as rebounds (21).

Yep. This pretty much sums up Boston’s bench contributions in Game 6.
Here's some more horror courtesy of ESPN Stats & Information:

After outscoring the Lakers' bench in four of the first five games, the Celtics' reserves were practically invisible in Game 6. Through three quarters, the Lakers' starters had outscored the Celtics' starters by only one point (52-51). It was the Lakers' bench, led by 10-for-18 shooting (55.5 percent), that helped build a 25-point lead after three quarters.

Yup: Over the first 36 minutes, L.A.'s bench outscored their Boston counterparts 24-0.

And forget the numbers. The Lakers' reserves provided an incredible amount of energy and hustle. That, even more than their hot shooting, is what made the difference. That hustle was best symbolized by this play described by ESPN's John Hollinger:

It was just one play in a 22-point blowout, so let's not get carried away with its significance. Nonetheless, it symbolized the two meta-trends that enabled the Lakers' 89-67 waxing of Boston in Game 6, and in that sense it was a defining moment.

The play came when Jordan Farmar dove past the Celtics' Rajon Rondo to come up with a loose ball after the Lakers deflected a Rondo pass into the backcourt. From a prone position near the 3-point line, Farmar skidded the rock along the floor to Kobe Bryant, who drove the lane and drew a shooting foul. The two free throws began an 11-2 run that put L.A. up by 20 midway through the second quarter, and from there the rout was on.

...

"The ball was on the floor," said Farmar. "It's the NBA Finals in an all-or-nothing situation, so you've got to get to it. I saw Kobe out the corner of my eye so I dove and got it over to him."

Said Phil Jackson: "Historically benches are much more comfortable on their home floor. But the energy and the direction they had was what I was pleased with. I felt they were directed and they had an idea what they wanted to get accomplished out there on the floor. That was important."

Ron Artest's elbow versus Rajon Rondo’s jaw: Memo to all the Lakers homers who think that Rondo "ran into a stationary elbow," please rewatch the film and do a reality check.


Update! Kevin Garnett, poster boy: Is this the play that caused Mr. Russell to storm out? If not, it should have been.


Kobe Bryant, quote / not-tripping machine: "We're used to being in must-win situations. The way we look at it, [Game 7] is just a game we've got to win. ... I don't mean to be a buzzkill. I know what's at stake, but I'm not tripping."

Pau Gasol, quote machine / captain obvious: "We want to carry everything we did tonight to [Game 7], and then I think we'll be in a very good place to win."

Lamar Odom, quote machine, Part 1: "If somebody's breaking into your house and trying to hurt your family, you've got to switch your mindset, right?"

Ron Artest, quote / crazy machine: "I don't make history. It's not something that I need to worry about. Unless, Twitter starts making history. Then I can use my Twitter."

Lamar Odom, quote machine, Part 2: "I told Ron to come here for this, to be able to play on this stage, because he deserves it. It's too bad that sometimes we have times in our lives where we just get remembered for one thing. Ron is a heck of a person and a hell of a basketball player. He's loyal as hell. I told him that he deserves, the work that he put in, what he had to persevere through, he deserves to play basketball at this level, on this stage."

Jordan Farmar, quote machine: "I have a couple floor burns, I have a blister on my hand, I've got a few pains. That's how it's supposed to feel in an NBA Finals game."

Ray Allen, quote machine: "They did have more energy than us, they were home in their own building. I felt good myself, and I'd like to think everyone else felt good, so we can't use that as an excuse. Making the extra pass, making a play for your teammate -- that didn't really exist for us tonight. We didn't make their defense work at all, and we let their offense score easily."

Rajon Rondo, quote machine: "To me, the game is over. We have one game [left]. They have one game. All or nothing. [Game 6] is in the past."

Kendrick Perkins: Regarding whether he'll play in Game 7: "We'll see what's up tomorrow."

Tommy Heinsohn's Retirement Home presents the Game 6 lacktion report / lament / whatever: From Chris:

As the Boston Massacre occurred again -- this time at Staples Center -- Kendrick Perkins technically qualified for a Voskuhl in 6:30 by negating a board with a brick, rejection, foul and giveaway for a 2:1 ratio. Also earning big man ignominy was Rasheed Wallace, as the ball didn't lie after SEVEN bricks in 7:22 (six from Figueroa Street) and four fouls, only countered by 3 boards to slightly improve the statline to a 4:3 Voskuhl.

Shelden Williams also sauntered into a 4:3 ratio of fail by negating three boards with a pair each of fouls and giveaways in 14:06. And Michael Finley found himself in the ledger again with a brick from the Library Tower in 3:21 for a +1 suck differential.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, bench play, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers

This post was made in honor of Patrick Bateman.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, American Psycho, comics, Kobe Bryant, Patrick Bateman, press conferences

The Los Angeles Lakers: So, uhm, L.A. in six, anybody? Anybody? Bueller...?


Yeah, well, that isn't going to happen. Obviously. Hey, maybe the Lakers should have chugged down some more mineral water before Game 5.


Not sure we can pin this one on Kobe. Dude was a one-man wrecking crew: 38 points, 13-for-27 from the field, 8-for-9 from the line, 5 rebounds, 4 assists. From the 4:23 mark of the second quarter until the 2:16 were left of the third, Kobe scored 23 straight Lakers points. But -- and you knew there was a "but" coming, right? -- Boston's lead grew from 1 point to 13 during that stretch.

Still, some of Mamba's shots were flat out sick. Check it:


I know this one was in that compilation, but it deserves a second look:


And yet, like I've been saying, Hero Ball doesn't seem to work for the Lakers. This was Kobe and the Lakers circa 2005-08. You know, when L.A. wasn't winning championships.

Ever seen a man barely containing a projectile vomit? Now you have.
And it wasn't like Kobe's explosion was the only thing going L.A.'s way. The Lakers outrebounded the Celtics 16-7 on the offensive glass and scored 18 points off 17 Boston turnovers. They also doubled up on free throw attempts (26-13) despite the fact that the C's were more aggressive in the paint and playing at home.

That said, the Lakers' offense -- outside of the Return of Mamba -- stunk worse Sex Panther. L.A. finished with only 86 points on 39 percent shooting...which is part of a continuing downward trend. As Basketbawful reader Karc pointed out: "The Lakers scoring in this series is 102, 94, 91, 89, 86. And this is with Byrant scoring 38." What's more, the Lakers had only 12 assists as a team. Rajon Rondo had 8 by himself.

With Andrew Bynum shuffling up and down the court on a flat tire, Boston's defensive game plan has reverted to 2008 form: Force Kobe into the toughest shot possible while roughing up and shutting down everybody else. And it's been pretty effective the last couple games.

Of course, L.A.'s defense was a bigger problem than the offense. The Lakers looked dazed and confused all night. The Celts shot 56 percent for the game, including 66 percent in the first half. Boston also outscored them 46-32 in the paint and 14-3 on the fast break. Regarding that last stat...aren't the C's supposed to be the "old" team? Why can't all those young guys get back in transition?

And how many lapses do you count in Boston's game-breaking play?


Not saying that wasn't a great play by KG (the passer), Pierce (the receiver) and Rondo (the shot maker), but I'm pretty sure it could have been prevented by even slightly above average defense.

Part of the problem is that, unlike the Lakers, there's no simple defensive strategy to employ against the Celtics. A different guy can get hot on any given night. And, with Bynum hobbled, the paint never looked more open. Case in point: The Celts hit 17 of their 23 layup attempts. For fans of simple math, that's 74 percent accuracy.

Pau Gasol: Uh, Pau? Pau, you still there? Where'd you go, Pau? Other than Tony Allen's personal highlight film, that is.


Lakers officials have yet to determine whether Gasol actually made the trip to Boston after Game 2. His contributions have shrunk by the game. I mean, the numbers don't look awful: Last night, he had 12 points and 12 rebounds (7 offensive). But Pau was 5-for-12 from the field and never looked terribly confident in the post. As the series has been allowed to become more physical, Gasol has seemed smaller and smaller inside.

Andrew Bynum: Look, I understand he's hurt, and it's a testament to his desire that he's even out there playing. But 1 rebound in 31 minutes? And zero defensive rebounds? You know who Bynum reminds me off right now? Andre the Giant during his last few years in the ring. Vince McMahon basically had to send poor Andre out in a cart, prop him up in the corner of the ring, and ask his opponents to occasionally wander into the big man's grasp. Unfortunately for the Lakers, David Stern can't mandate that rebounds wander into Bynum's hands.

Andrew Bynum has The Sad.
Rajon Rondo versus the Laws of Physics: I'm not a physics-ologist, but I'm pretty sure this shot wasn't possible based on the laws that currently govern our universe.


Rajon Rondo versus common sense: Rajon giveth and Rajon taketh away. One of the main reasons that the Lakers kept things close was Rondo's, ahem, iffy decision making. Rajon had a game-worst 7 turnovers, most of which the Lakers scored on. And there were several other times where Rondo turned down an easy pass for a much more difficult and ill-conceived pass. Some of those were TOs, others were just wasted opportunities.

I'll cut him some slack because he did, after all, score 18 points on 9-for-12 shooting. But he was forcing way too many things last night.

I imagine KG is saying, "Turn it over again and I will end you."
Ray Allen: You know why else the Lakers were still right there in the end? Because Ray Allen has forgotten where the basket it. Ray, hey Ray, look, it's over there, Ray.

[points to the basket]

In case you're keeping track, since setting an NBA record by hitting 8 treys in Game 2, Allen has gone 0-for-16 from downtown: 0-for-8 in Game 3, 0-for-4 in Game 4 and 0-for-4 again in Game 5.

Basketbawful reader J.R. dug a little deeper:

Interesting stat to share in regards to the suddenly bricklaying Ray Allen. After making his first seven three-pointers in the first half of Game 2, Ray Allen since then has gone 1-20 from the arc. Is this an unheard of, career worst streak of anti-clutchness for this normally reliable shooter?

Not really. Just last year in the Orlando series, Ray-Ray went 2-22 from long range in Game 3 through Game 6 (including 0-fers in every game but Game 5).

The worst part of Allen's slump is that, in Game 3, if he'd only had a bad game instead of a historically bawful one, the Celtics might have wrapped things up last night. Then again, Ray's shooting won Game 2, so maybe this is simply an amazing, real life example of the Law of Averages at work.

Boston's crunch time nappy nap: You know why else the Lakers were still right there in the end? The Celtics went into "run down the clock" mode in the last five minutes. Not surprisingly, the 12-point lead they had with about three minutes left got uncomfortably small before they closed it out.

Said Doc Rivers: "I thought in the fourth quarter we tried to hold on to the game and didn't go get the game. We stopped playing the way we had for three quarters. We can't do that in L.A."

Kevin Garnett: KG had a fantastic game: 18 points (6-for-11, 6-for-7 from the line), 10 boards, 3 assists, 5 steals, 2 blocked shots and a shitload of defensive intimidation. But...c'mon...letting Derek Fisher [!!] out-leap him on a jump ball with 46 seconds left and the Celtics up by only 5 points was ugh-inducing. Fortunately for Garnett and the C's...

Ron Artest: When the season began, I said that Ron Artest's shooting would probably end up hurting the Lakers. Some people disagreed with me and pointed to his three-point percentage from the 2008-09 season, which was a little over 40 percent. I said that was an aberration year. Anyway, not to say I told you so or anything, but, well, I did.

During the playoffs, Ron-Ron is shooting 39 percent from the field, 27 percent from downtown and 54 percent from the line. Speaking of "from the line," after KG muffed that jump ball, Artest sped down court and got fouled by Paul Pierce. Then Ron-Ron stepped up to the line and bricked 'em both.


But wait, there's more: For the game, Ron shot 2-for-9 and finished with as many fouls (4) as rebounds and assists (2 each). And that amazing defense he was playing early in the series? I think Pierce (27 points, 12-for-21) has figured it out.

Don't you think that, somewhere, Trevor Ariza was munching on some nachos and feeling very vindicated?

Update! An anonymous commenter reminded me of the following: "And not only did Ron Ron brick his freebies he failed to foul Rondo (< 30% FT shooting so far) when he had the ball allowing the ball to be passed back to Allen wasting seconds on the clock and still ending up fouling the best FT shooter on the floor."

Phil Jackson: Dig this crunch time pep talk:


Now, I haven't coached my way to 10 NBA championships, so what do I know? But still, I don't think I'd tell my players to expect the other team to lose. I'd probably, you know, tell them to go out and take the game.

Kendrick Perkins: From Basketbawful reader Sam Lively: "I believe that Kendrick Perkins' mad attempt at leading and finishing a full-speed fast break despite having multiple guards in range for an easy pass, obviously the result of demonic possession (in fact such plays really should be called demonic possessions), is worthy of WotN mention."

Indeed it is.

Flopping: An anonymous reader posted the following comment in last night's BAD post: "Do give flopping a special mention in the WotN. Holy crap. I've never seen so many flops by so many different players in 1 game. By the end of the 4th no one was even playing anymore. Just throwing shit up awkwardly at the rim and flailing around on defense to draw a whistle."

[nods vigorously]

Update! An anonymous commenter provided this video, which pretty much epitomizes last night's flop-a-palooza.


Boston fans...or at least one of them: Throwing stuff on the court while Kobe's shooting a free throw? Really?

Props to the fan that made this, tho'.


Kobe Bryant, quote machine: "The offensive part of the game kind of comes and goes. I just thought defensively we weren't very good at all. We didn't get any stops. They got layup after layup after layup, and you can't survive a team that shoots 56 percent. We're normally a great defensive team."

Paul Pierce, quote machine: Regarding the game-breaking play: "I was just showing off my Randy Moss and my Tom Brady in one play, that's all. Going up to catch it, then I went to my Brady mode when I was falling out of bounds to find Rondo on the receiving end. It was all instinctive."

Doc Rivers, quote machine, Part 1: "Bottom line is, when they won Game 3, from that point on, we felt every next game is a must win. Each game is a Game 7. We said it in Game 4, we said it today, and we'll say it again. That's how we have to approach the game. We lost our wiggle room by losing [Game 3]."

Doc Rivers, quote machine, Part 2: "He's the best shot-maker in the game. There's probably better athletes and all that, but there's no better shot-maker than Kobe Bryant. You've just got to live with it and play through it."

Phil Jackson, quote machine: "I thought we had a spirited locker room at the end of our [postgame] session there. We're upbeat about going into [Game 6]."

Lamar Odom, quote machine: "When we lose a game in November, I'm pissed off. If we played checkers and I lose, I'm pissed off. If we played a game on PlayStation or Xbox and I lose, I want to play you again. I'm always upset when we lose, but I can't hold on to it that long because we have a game we have to win on Tuesday. I have to put things behind me. Win or lose in the playoffs, I have to move on."

Ron Artest, quote machine: "No matter what it says on this stat sheet, we did it together. We did all this together."Everything we did, we did together."

Final Gaaahden event of the year Game 5 playoff lacktion report From Chris: "Shannon Brown sauteed a package of criminis in just 19 seconds for a non-celebratory Mario."

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers

Hey, Lakers bench...
...you make Kobe facepalm.
The Los Angeles Lakers: Going into the final 12 minutes of Game 4, the Lakers were leading 62-60 and looked ready to put a 3-1 Ric Flair-style figure four leglock on the 2010 NBA Finals. All they had to do, really, was outplay the Boston bench.

Yep. That's all.

Only Boston's bench -- plus Ray Allen -- scored on the team's first nine possessions of the fourth quarter. In fact, at one point the Celtics' pine riders had outscored the Lakers 25-15 in the final period. For the game, Boston's reserves outscored their L.A. counterparts 36-18, led by former throwaway draft pick Big Baby (22 minutes, 18 points, 7-for-10, 4 offensive rebounds) and Knicks castoff/U Dub alumnus Nate Robinson (17 minutes, 12 points, 4-for-8, 2-for-4 on threes). Rasheed Wallace and Tony Allen didn't contribute much to the box score, but they provided plenty of grit and defensive tenacity.

What's more, T.A. even assisted a huge trey by 'Sheed with 6:18 left that gave the Celtics a 79-70 lead.

Boston's towel wavers were playing so well that, with a little over four minutes left in the game and three Celtics starters (Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo) about to check back in, Doc Rivers made the call to keep his super subs in he game...and ride the awesome wave of their momentum.

To which I ask: Who are you and what did you do with the real Doc Rivers?!

Said Doc: "Hell, Rondo and all of them were begging me to keep guys in. 'Don't take them out. Don't take them out.' It was great. That was the loudest I've seen our bench, and it was our starters cheering from the bench. I thought it was terrific."

It was quite a scene. After the Celtics lost Game 3, Kendrick Perkins complained about being left out of the game in favor of Big Baby. Not so last night. In fact, during one sequence Baby went down and Perk rushed onto the floor to pick him up.

But getting owned by guys who wouldn't start for most NBA teams wasn't the only reason the Lakers lost. After Game 3, I noted that, in these Finals, the team that wins the Battle of the Boards is probably the team that's working harder and wants it more. Well, Boston owned a 41-34 rebounding advantage, including 16-8 on the offensive glass. For those of you who enjoy the Four Factors, the Celtics had a 38-24 advantage in Offensive Rebounding Percentage.

Usually, Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum feast on the offensive glass. Last night, Gasol had only 1 O-board. Bynum had none. Excuse me, Lakers? Allow me to introduce you to the Celtics' pimp hand.

More pro-Celtic numbers: Boston outscored L.A. 54-34 in the paint -- wait, which team has the inside game again? -- and 15-2 on the fast break. The C's attempted 32 shots at the rim, compared to 17 for the Lakers, which is a pretty good indication of which team was more aggressive. The Celtics pushed. They fought. They rammed the ball down the Lakers throats. And trust me, you do not want to know where that ball has been. Feel free to ask Hedo Turkoglu, tho'.

A couple last points: The Lakers are at their best when the ball is moving. Last night it wasn't, and they finished with only 13 assists.

Kobe Bryant: On the one hand, Mamba scored a game-high 33 points, his shooting wasn't awful (10-for-22), and he was actually pretty hot from downtown (6-for-11). On the other hand...how good was he really?

Before the game, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson were (as usual) fellating Kobe and predicting a "signature performance" if only because Bryant hadn't had one yet. That's kind of like predicting Lindsay Lohan will do something slutty at some future time, but I digress. Anyway, it appears Kobe was thinking the same thing because he basically abandoned the Triangle. He's playing Hero Ball right now, and it's disrupting the flow of L.A.'s offense.

For quick reference, here's a breakdown of Kobe's shot attempts: 1-for-2 at the rim, 0-for-2 inside 10 feet, 2-for-2 from 10-15 feet, 1-for-5 from 16-23 feet, 6-for-11 from beyond the arc. That's right: 16 of his 22 field goal attempts were dialed in from long distance. And let's be honest: Most of them were bad shots forced over tough defense. The only thing that saved Kobe (and the Lakers) from catastrophe is that Mamba hit well over his normal three-point percentage.

But as a Celtics fan, I was thrilled with the shots Kobe was chucking up...even when he made them. When your team forces the other team's best player into a steady diet of crap shots, that's a victory for the defense. I'm guessing the Celtics would love for Kobe to keep taking those shots, because he's probably not going 6-for-11 on threes again.

At various times throughout these playoffs, Kobe has been the facilitator of the Lakers' game plan, setting up his teammates and shooting within the flow of the offense. During those times, he's been awesome. But the Mamba returned in Game 3 when Kobe went all shot happy, and the snake was still slithering in Game 4. Every time Kobe got the ball, it seemed like he wanted to score first and pass only out of desperation as a last resort. It's not surprising then that Bryant finished with a game-high 7 turnovers (compared to only 2 assists). And this was the most crippling of his bobbles:


I know people are going to look at he 33 points and fantastic three-point shooting and claim Bryant had a great game, but Kobe did as much to hurt the Lakers as he did to help them, especially in the second half. Hence the plus-minus score of -8.

Here's some extra insight on Kobe's shooting from Dave McMenamin of ESPNLosAngeles:

When the Celtics switched to Tony Allen sticking Kobe Bryant for the second half of Game 4 instead of Ray Allen, who checked him in the first, it was a different ballgame.

Bryant was 5-for-8 from the field in the first half and the Lakers led by three. He was just 5-for-14 in the second half with the guy the Celtics call "T.A." playing textbook defense on him, and the Lakers lost the game by seven. Allen's harassing presence contributed to Kobe coughing up seven turnovers.

"[He's] just a guy that's in the rotation who thinks about nothing but defense, hustling, getting loose balls," said Paul Pierce, who had the assignment, along with James Posey, of guarding Bryant in the Finals two years ago. "Every great team needs a guy like that. He takes so much pressure off me and Ray, the scorers, working so hard to get points."

And he puts that pressure squarely on Bryant.

According to ESPN Stats & Information, Bryant is now just 5-for-19 (26.6 percent) in the Finals with Tony Allen as the Celtics' primary defender on him. Even when he doesn't cause Bryant to miss a shot, he deters him from even taking one. In the 73 possessions that Allen has guarded him this series, Kobe has touched the ball 79.5 percent of the time. In the 234 possessions when it's been somebody other than Allen checking Kobe, Bryant has touched the ball 88 percent of the time.

All 19 shot attempts by Bryant against Allen have been with a hand in his face too, while he's been able to get off eight uncontested looks against the rest of the Celtics' crew.

This isn't really all the surprising if you watched what T.A. did against LeBron in the Celts-Cavs series. Allen is aggressive, fearless and absolutely relentless. He doesn't care which player he's defending. He never stops. He never gives up.

You know what else I think? I think that Kobe doesn't totally respect Allen, that he takes Allen defending him as a personal challenge, which has always been Bryant's M.O. against lesser players. I think when T.A. is all up in his mug, Kobe transforms into the Mamba and becomes determined to make something happen. Which sort of plays into the Boston game plan.

Pau Gasol: His scoring was reasonably efficient: 21 points on only 13 shots and a game-high 10 free throw attempts (of which he hit nine). But his rebounding was, for him, sub-par (6 total, only 1 offensive). He also lost the ball 4 times, which means he and Kobe combined for almost as many TOs (11) as the entire Celtics teams (12).

When Pau dominates the boards, the Lakers almost always win. Last night, that didn't happen. And his wrestling match with 'Sheed may not have taken him out of the game offensively, but it sure kept him off the boards.

TrueHoop's Kevin Arnovitz broke down the duel between Gasol and 'Sheed:


Think 'Sheed is getting under Pau's skin? Gasol was definitely is a pissy mood last night. On one Celtic free throw attempt, he was lined up inside of Rondo. As the freebie was going in, Rondo was actually backing away from the basket, but Gasol reached over, grabbed Rajon's jersey and gave Rondo a little shove. Rondo whacked Pau's arm and Pau shoved back and then they had a mini-faceoff.

Said Phil Jackson: "I thought their animation and their activity level affected us. Guys wanted to get back into it with them a couple times."

When a big man feels the need to rough up a guard for no reason whatsoever, I guess you could say either a) he's really frustrated or b) he's Kevin Garnett.

One last thing: I have a pet theory that Gasol is at his rebounding best when he's got Bynum around to watch his back. However, I've got not real evidence other than what I've observed. Any of you statheads got any numbers on this?

The Lakers' bench: How to put this? Oh, yeah. I know: Fail.

L.A.'s bench is so deep...it's unfathomable!Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week...
Kendrick Perkins: Has anyone else noticed that Perkins is starting to edge toward "Starter In Name Only" status? Perk played 25 minutes, finishing with 6 points and 7 boards while shooting 3-for-5 from the field. Not a bad night's work...but there's a reason Doc is going with Big Baby down the stretch. Here's the reason: Perk is an offensive liability against L.A. The Lakers know he can't score. He can't or won't shoot short jumpers. He can't finish quickly at the rim -- he almost always needs at least one slow, shambling dribble -- which means the Lakers can just thug him. Oh, and he's not a great foul shooter.

Meanwhile, his defender -- either Gasol or Bynum -- can play way off him, disrupting passing lanes and preventing drives. Perkins is a better defender and rebounder than Baby, but Doc can't afford to leave him on the floor if he wants his team to score. And defense may win championships, but teams still have to outscore their opponents to win.

The Nate Robinson and Rasheed Wallace techs: With 7:24 left in the fourth quarter and the Celtics leading 74-66, 'Sheed was called for a technical foul for wigging out about bad foul call that went against him (he whacked the ball and Kobe's hand, and as we've already discussed at length, the hand is part of the ball). Fortunately, the Basketball Gods made Bryant miss the free throw.

Then, with 5:39 left and Boston up 79-72, Krypto-Nate earned a couple freebies when he got decked by Lamar Odom. Unfortunately, Nate got all up in Odom's chest and earned a tech for taunting. But the Basketball Gods once again stepped in and Derek Fisher bricked the foul shot.

So those technical didn't hurt the C's...but they sure could have. And if the Lakers had come back to win by a couple, who do you think would be the goats today?

Said Doc: "Unfortunately, it's probably our most emotional group when you have Nate, Tony and Rasheed on the floor at the same time, so the techs happen. That's the only thing we didn't like."

Paul Pierce, The Punchmaster: When you punch a ref in the face while celebrating, chances are, you're celebrating a little bit too hard.


Big Baby, drool machine: Want to see some apeshit intensity? You sure? Then here:


And now Baby's primal scream from another angle:


Big Baby, quote machine, Part 1: "Let me tell you something, when you're in the moment, you're in the moment. If I slobber, snot, spit, please excuse me. Kids, don't do that. Have manners and things like that."

Big Baby, quote machine, Part 2: "I just felt like a beast. Really, I'm going to just be honest with you. I just felt like I couldn't be denied. If a rebound was in my vicinity or if the ball was going to be laid up, you know, I just felt like I just couldn't be denied. And it kind of started off with me missing those two [shots] -- a layup and then the jump shot. I was really upset at myself, and I said I've got to seize the moment here. There's not too many times you get a chance to be in the Finals and be a part of something so great that you can never really imagine yourself even being here. I just couldn't be denied today."

Big Baby, quote machine, Part 3: "Just will, that's all it is. This is what legends are made of, this is where you grasp the moment. ... Just play in the moment."

Nate Robinson: Regarding his relationship with Big Baby: "We're like Shrek and Donkey. You can't separate us."

"Who run Barter Town?MASTER BLASTER RUN BARTER TOWN!!"
Tony Allen, quote machine: "Did Doc coach with his guts or his brains? Well, first of all I think Doc is the best coach in the world, but I don't know about coaching-type stuff. That ain't left up to me. I just know about playing. So to answer your question, I would have to say he was thinking with his brain."

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

Rajon Rondo prepares to take it up the you-know-what from Derek Fisher.
The Boston Celtics: Well...after stealing Game 2 in L.A. the Celtics had Game 3 bogarted from them in Boston. But on the bright side, Paul Pierce's "We ain't coming back to L.A." prediction is still in play...assuming the Celts lose Games 4 and 5.

Ugh. Double ugh. Boston opened the game pretty well (going up 12-5) before coming apart and falling behind 37-20 with 9:10 in the second quarter. And yeah, that's about the point where I started to panic.


The Celtics came out running, scoring 8 points (4-for-4) in transition in the first 4:06. Over the remaining 43:54, they scored only 8 more points on the run. One of the reasons Boston won Game 2 was because they pushed the ball relentlessly. For whatever reason, they stopped doing that for most of Game 3. Credit L.A.'s defense for some of that, but all I know is that Rajon Rondo did an awful lot of walking the ball up the court.

Were the Celtics tired? Not all of them. KG (25 points, 11-for-16) looked pretty spry for a dead guy. But Rondo (11 points, 8 assists, 3 rebounds) and Ray Allen (we'll get to him) looked flat as hell. You know how I've been slamming Doc Rivers' rotation -- or, more accurately, lack thereof -- all playoffs? Remember how I said it might bite him in the ass due to the short turnaround (plus traveling) between Games 2 and 3? Well, let's just say sometimes I hate being right.

During the 2010 playoffs, Rajon Rondo is averaging over 41 minutes per game. Paul Pierce and Ray Allen are just under 40. Not surprisingly, those three guys numbers one, two and three in minutes played during the playoffs.

Boston shot 43 percent from the field and hit only 4 of their 18 three-point attempts. They also shanked eight free throws -- including seven misses during the first half -- which ended up being kind of big. The Celtics actually outscored the Lakers 50-38 in the paint, but they were outrebounded 43-35 (including 11-8 on the offensive glass). And check out The Four Factors: The Celtics and Lakers were pretty much dead even in every category exept Offensive Rebounding Percentage, which L.A. won by a significant margin. The rebounding stat is huge, especially in this series. Typically, the hardest working team wins that category. Last night, that team was the Lakers.

Ray Allen: There's an ongoing debate about whether the "hot hand" actually exists. However, Ray Allen has provided irrefutable evidence that the "cold hand" does exist...and it froze Allen right out of the game. Ray's line: 42 minutes, 0-for-13 from the field (0-for-8 from downtown, 0-for-5 on two-pointers), 2-for-2 from the line, 2 points, 4 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 fouls, and a plus-minus score of -10.

Ray finished with more crowd dives (1) than field goals (0). Not good.
ESPNBoston's Chris Forsberg gives us a little perspective on Ray-Ray's shooting night: "Allen's 0-for-13 performance ranked as the second-worst 0-fer in Finals history, falling one miss short of the record of 0-for-14 shared by Seattle's Dennis Johnson in 1979 and Baltimore's Chick Reiser in 1948. ... How bad was Tuesday's performance? Allen had never endured anything even close. His previous high for consecutive missed field goals was nine on Jan. 4, 2008. You'd have to go all the way back to April 4, 1999 (8) or Feb. 26, 1997 (7) to find his other career lows. ... Registering two measly points, Allen produced his lowest career postseason scoring output besides a scoreless performance against the Cavaliers on May 6, 2008, in which he missed all four shots he took over 37:09.

After the way Allen lit the Lakers up in Game 2, his Game 3 performance was mystifying. It was slowly killing me. No, seriously, I had vital functions shutting down every time Allen missed a shot, especially the open three he clanked with 54 seconds left when the Celtics were down only 84-80.

And this is where I point out the psychological damage of Allen's misguided shooting. It wasn't an issue until the second half, but you could tell that Ray was getting frustrated with himself. Worse, his teammates looked deflated as he continued to miss. And after that miss I just described, the wind just seemed to go out of the team, which lead to a huge, game-breaking play for the Lakers (see below).

Of course, this isn't unprecedented. During last year's Bulls-Celtics matchup, Allen started the series with a 1-for-12 performance then scored 30 in Game 2. His 51-point explosion in Game 6 was sandwiched between 3-for-8 and 6-for-14 performances. The point: Ray run hot and cold...as most jump shooters do. And sometimes his swings are pretty epic.

Said Doc Rivers: "It's a hell of a swing, I'll tell you that. It's basketball. That's why you can't worry about it. He'll be back in the gym [Wednesday] and getting ready for the next game. I thought he was pressing early on some of them, and, honestly, I thought all of his shots looked flat tonight. I didn't think he had any legs. I don't know if the knee and the thigh had anything to do with it, but I just thought he was short on most of his jump shots. Of the 13, I think eight of them were great looks, and all of them were short, all of them were flat. It happens to the best of us."

Yeah, I'm sure his lack of legs have nothing to do with the fact that you've reached the NBA Finals but still haven't decided on a regular rotation and you've playing Ray 40+ minutes a game in the last three rounds. You do realize human beings need rest, don't you Doc?

Added Derek Fisher: "We obviously didn't expect him to go 0 for 13, but it's a tough gig for him to run around offensively the way he has to and then have to guard Kobe on the other end. I mean, that takes anybody's legs out. It takes my legs out chasing him. So there are going to be nights maybe when his legs aren't there because he's having to work so hard on both ends, but we won't see 0 for 13 on Thursday night, that's for sure."

Speaking of Fish...

Boston's fourth quarter defense on Derek Fisher: For most of the season, and especially after Allen lit him up in Game 2, people have been hosing Fisher down with Febreeze to cover up the dead Fish smell. Rumor has it that Adam Morrison had been tasked with plucking the maggots off Derek's corpse.

Now, some people will credit him for holding Allen to 0-for-8 shooting during the time they were matched up, but several of those were open shots, so I'm not really buying it. Ray-Ray had a meltdown that bordered on supernatural, so unless Fish had a voodoo doll -- and I'm not totally discounting that possibility -- Allen probably would have sucked no matter who was guarding him.

What Fisher did do was take care of L.A.'s clutch scoring. During the fourth quarter -- while Mamba was taking turrible shots and going 1-for-6 -- Fisher reanimated to score 11 points on 5-for-7 shooting. And make no mistake, he hit some tough ones.

Of course, they could have and should have been tougher. Rondo is a pretty good defensive guard, but he sometimes gets caught going under screens and giving his man a little too much cushion. And he sure did that with Fisher down the stretch. I have no idea why. I mean, it's not like Fisher is a stranger to playoff heroics.


I guess Rondo believed that shot was as ancient as Fisher. Sucker. Speaking of suckers, Fisher's biggest play of the game came in the final minute after Allen missed that three I mentioned above. Fish rebounded that miss and, despite that whole "foot in the grave" thing, pushed the ball down court. It was a huge play, because he caught the Celtics napping. Seriously, what were they doing? Not playing transition defense, that's for sure.

Well, Fish drove in for the layup and got fouled by three bumbling Celtics in the process (Big Baby was called for it). He completed the "And-1" to give the Lakers an 87-80 lead with 48 seconds left. Biggest play of the game. The Allen-miss, Fisher-make sequence pretty much decided the game.


Said Phil Jackson: "He saw the opening and went and made a very bold play. ... It was imperative that it goes in for us to win. When he's got an opportunity to hit a key shot, it seems like he's always there and ready."

Added Rivers: "Derek Fisher was the difference in the game. He's just a gutty, gritty player and he gutted the game out for them. I thought Kobe was struggling a little bit, and Fisher -- he basically took the game over. ... I don't know what he had in the fourth quarter ... but most of them were down the stretch."

Kobe Bryant's shooting gunning: Welcome back, Mamba! Maybe he was annoyed that a lot of people think that Pau Gasol was L.A.'s best player in Games 1 or 2, because Kobe had one of his classic "Fuck the Triangle, I'm taking whatever shot I want whenever I want it" nights: 10-for-29 from the field. By comparison, Pau Gasol attempted only 11 shots despite the fact that Gasol is fifth in FGP for the entire playoffs (and, effectively, it should be higher since Arron Afflalo and Serge Ibaka are ahead of him...).

I get it. I do. Kobe wanted to go all IDAK Alpha 12 on the Celtics. Sorry, I'm sticking with my Lost In Space comparison for just another second.


Killer instinct is a great thing, but Kobe was not taking high percentage shots. Here's the breakdown: 1-for-2 at the rim, 3-for-4 inside 10 feet, 1-for-3 from 10-15 feet, 4-for-13 from 16-23 feet and 1-for-7 on three-pointers. And I probably don't need to tell you that many of those were hotly contested. How many times did Mark Jackson or Jeff Van Gundy remark that Kobe's shot jackery was him "putting his foot on the pedal" or "shooting himself into a rhythm"? Really?

Look, I'll be the firt to admit that Mamba was contributing in other areas: He had 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocked shots and a couple fantastic hustle plays. But Kobe damn near shot the Lakers out of this game. He just got lucky that 1) Fisher saved his ass and 2) Allen was shooting far, far worse.

Paul Pierce: The Half Truth became the latest victim of this Finals' "foul trouble." No, I said I was done discussing the officiating and I meant it. (I'll let Doc Rivers do it for me.) I will say this: Pierce was plagued by foul trouble and, despite logging 34 minutes, never got into the flow of the game, finishing with only 15 points on 5-for-12 shooting. (Sadly, the Celtics probably would have won if Ray Allen had played that well. But I digress.)

What's more, Pierce didn't do much of anything else: 2 boards, 2 assists, no steals. Hey, Paul? Maybe you haven't heard, but you're in the NBA Finals. Feel free to show up and stuff.

Doc Rivers: Okay, I've already dissed his personnel management, but seriously: After scoring 7 points in six minutes in Game 3, he scored 5 points in just under six minutes in Game 4. I'm not saying Krypto-Nate should be getting 25 minutes a game, but the Celtics struggled to score for most of the night. Nate is an explosive scorer off the bench. Rondo is getting worn down by all those minutes. Does anybody see where I'm going with this?

Stupid rules: Okay, you probably already know about that play where Rajon Rondo fouled Lamar Odom but the ball went off Odom's hand so, after a video review, the ball was given back to the Celtics. Mind you, this isn't a slam on the officials. Their call was correct...but only because the video review policy doesn't allow the refs to review fouls and no-calls. That's a pretty big loophole and people would be screaming about it today if the Lakers had lost.

Glen Davis: Memo to Big Baby: Your faces are scaring me. Please stop. Thanks. -Basketbawful

Ray Allen, quote machine: After literally shooting his team to a loss, all Ray-Ray could do was wax philosophic:

"I just know the game doesn't owe anything to anybody. I can't just think that it's always supposed to be the way I want it to be. You gotta make your own breaks at both ends of the floor. Offensively, you have to find ways to get over the hump. Every game, every day, you gotta get out there and get your rhythm and work on your shot. Try to improve it.

"That's why you always have to be humble. When things go great, it's good to be a part of. You have to be sure to make good decisions. Moving forward, you have to continue to work on things you need to work on to be good in the future. Preparation is the biggest key.

"But I never hang my head. [Wednesday] is another opportunity to get right back on track. I gotta take my hat off to them. They took away a lot of the open, easier looks that I had from last time."

Derek Fisher, quote machine: "I think as you grow in this game and you put in the work that's required to still be around 14 years later, you start to recognize that being in this moment, on this stage, it's not a given. It's not something that happens every season. Five or 10 years from now, when I'm long gone, I would have hated to feel like I didn't just do everything I could have to help my team. Things have worked out well, and we have two more wins to get to really put a nice cap on it."

Bill Simmons' psychic abilities: Dan B. e-mailed me Bill's Game 3 predictions:

I have 4 predictions tonight...

1. An absolute kick-ass game from Nate Robinson.
2. A good Lamar Odom game.
3. Perkins getting his 7th technical
4. Rondo going for a 17-12-12 at the least...

I'd like to make a fifth prediction: a big Paul Pierce game. He looks all kinds of jacked tonight. I've been watching the guy for 11 years, I can tell when he has "the look" or not and he has it tonight.

Uh...fail.

Tom Brady: I figured busting on "Tom Terrific" would make me feel better. Fuck you, Brady. As AnacondaHL put it: "Hey Brady, the teenage girl store called, they're wondering if you're available to cosplay as Justin Bieber."

You know, that kind of worked.

Labels: 2010 NBA Finals, Boston Celtics, Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Ray Allen