• First, I just wanted to say that you Celtic lovers here at Basketbawful are a bunch of pussies. I hate you.
  • Second, I want to tell you I'm leaving and never coming back to this site. It's not even remotely close to what it used to be. I'm not sure if you care, but I wanted to say that, because I felt it was important that you and all the other readers know that I'm leaving.
  • Third, I know I don't pay anything for this site, and that you don't owe me anything, but fuck you. Seriously, you have the nerve to distribute awesome, hilarious basketball analysis for a number of years, keeping me entertained over the summers even, and then expect me not to bitch, and I mean endlessly bitch, when you decide to move on? Where's my blog reader Bill of Rights? Seriously, you guys suck.
  • Finally, I hate you. I know I said that in the first point, but I wanted to say it again because I figured the last thing I say would stick with you to your grave, which I hope you go to soon. Again, because I feel that repetition breeds understanding, fuck you.
But seriously folks....

Checking into this site somewhere around game 3 or 4 of the NBA finals, it was partly amusing, partly upsetting to me that:
  • None of our gracious contributors managed to post anything since my Bawful-ET Skype post (thanks for breaking the silence, Raza)
  • Various people still manage to harbor hatred and venom for any post that is submitted, and this a full year after Bawful and I have, for all intents and purposes, abandoned this place.
  • My "Traveling" narrative was referred to as a "self indulgent shit fest," a full year after it came out. I mean, I KNOW it was a self indulgent shit fest, but I figured I could get away with it in the off-season.  Incidentally, I plan to put "self-indulgent shit fest" on the book jacket. Pure awesomeness. Also, I was amused to learn I went to the Grand Canyon.
Anyway, I understand that a site that essentially bases itself on cynicism will inevitably attract cynical people, but the level of shit storm some people manage to hurl with no provocation is mystifying.

I digress...

There is a silent, decent majority of readers for whom I am willing to conduct an important  service. To anyone within the sound of my typing, I challenge you to write a synopsis of the 2012 season in Basketbawfulness. Or just recap the Finals. Do what you like. There's plenty to write about: one of the most celebrated / demonized / polarizing teams in decades (perhaps ever) has won the championship. Scads to discuss. Throw pictures and captions in there as well.

Consider your writing seriously (I'll know quite easily who does) and submit it to become a new contributor to Basketbawful. Send it to me at ted.evil@gmail.com. I will post those that stand out. Comment strings will be written, cast as votes if you will, and perhaps the cream will rise and we will get a new contributor, or three, to this site. The job requirements are:
  • An ability to write humorous, oft-cynical material about the NBA. Fandom of a particular team is not verboten by any stretch, but an ability to be self-aware and cognizant of said biases makes writing to the masses far more palatable.
  • A thick skin. Ain't everyone gonna like what you have to say, my friend.
  • A commitment to write next year with relative, committed frequency (if we get multiple talents, of course that frequency could go down - but multiple posts in a given day would, of course, not be a problem).
  • A positive, supportive attitude to the other contributors to the blog.
I look forward to reading the submissions. Just as I hope you take your writing seriously, I will take my review of submissions seriously. I will not post all submissions, only those that live up to the "Golden age of Basketbawful" standard. If we want this site to be what once was, that's how it must be. Don't be offended if you are not chosen. Consider it a challenge to work harder on your craft (and it IS, most definitely, a craft).

The opportunity presented here is to have your words seen by a lot of eyeballs. This is a popular site. But don't go thinking that being "picked" is a ticket to fame and fortune...Bawful and I did a lot of work here, and very little has come of it. You need to write because you love it, and want to share your unique point of view with other NBA fans.

Now it is up to you, readers, to make the Phoenix rise...good luck, and write well.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
does it mean bawful has retired? Damn at least have a good bye note...

Blogger Evil Ted said...
It doesn't mean anything other than what it says. Bawful or I could participate at any time as desired. No goodbye note necessary. Just a fortification of resources...if people are up to it.

When we can only get one post up during the finals, clearly it's time for a new approach.

Blogger LotharBot said...
would you be interested in single-team writers, like "worst of the Nuggets" or "worst of the Jazz"?

Blogger Tree Frog said...
I write for a MMA website already. Can't handle a full time and two part time jobs too.

Hope this pans out though. What you should do is recruit the best of the forums you already frequent to write technique-specific posts or editorial-specific posts.

"There is a silent, decent majority of readers for whom I am willing to conduct an important service. To anyone within the sound of my typing, I challenge you to write a synopsis of the 2012 season in Basketbawfulness. Or just recap the Finals."

Here is my take of 2012 season.
For many years i and everyone else (seemingly including Lebron himself) thought Lebron had some serious pussy ache problem that causes him to underperform on important minutes. As of this season, he figured out it is not a pussy ache, it is just a boner that comes with blue-balls. Now he knows how to make himself feel better, I am afraid that the teams we support will be f**ed by Lebron in some 2-3 more years to come.

Anonymous rico said...
I'm confused, you're angry at the contributors to this site? Or the readers?

Anyway, thanks to yourself and bawful, for an awesome blog over the years.

Hopefully some new guys can take the baton.

Blogger TeamD said...
I wish english was my first language.

Blogger Vladamir said...
evil ted i love your videos.
can't understand how you can't get paid to do that stuff! You are the fruit left on the vine to rot. The backyard court, trip to Birdland and the one where you tape a camera to your head are gold.

Anonymous Eric said...
Well great site, for a long time anyway.
I will say that the second it appeared the Heat were champions, any fun left in the NBA was gone. So until Derek Rose comes back at full health and attempts to save us from this new hell of an NBA where evil scum like Pat Riley rule (for the time being), I personally will not be paying attention to professional basketball, and certainly don't blame you for any lack of updates to this site.

Anonymous MisterMo said...
hope you will find new contributors bacause this site has been through the last seasons the best ressource for nba basketball apart from the mainstream media sources.
good luck and looking forward to reading more bawfulness.
greetings from germany

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thanks to all the positive folks. Vlad, those vids you referenced are my favorites. Glad you have enjoyed them.

Rico, the anger was satirical. Sometimes, with people reading from all over the globe, certain tones can get lost in translation. I am not angry at anyone.

To all, English should be your first language if you choose to submit, or you should have an enormously well-honed grasp of English. An ability to connect with readers generally requires native knowledge of the language.

LotharBot - Nothing is outside the realm of possibility. If it is entertaining, knowledgeable, and well-crafted, it will join the potential mix. Hell, if we had specialists of specific teams from all over the league, that would be wicked. According to one e-mailer he has season tix to the 76ers and can take his own pics and so on...hopefully he can write. We'll see.


Blogger Evil Ted said...
And Roland, not even close.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Later homie

Blogger kazam92 said...
I'd be interested in doing this, but being from Miami, I'm likely gonna attend the parade tomorrow. Hopefully I can include pictures of Ronny Turiaf and Shane Battier doing the Apache dance

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just wanted to let you guys know i miss the HELL out of besketbawful. Even the watered-down 2012 version was way more entertaining than most blogs out there. The concept is pure gold and it's nearly impossible that there's no fellow cynic out there with the right comedy/writing skill and enough free time...
I pray that this last straw will deliver us some much needed new blood.
I will keep checking in to basketbawful regularly even after multiple years of inactivity, that's how deeply i need this stuff. time to stand up, chosen ones!

God i hate mainstream media NBA coverage

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Kazam - Don't care where you're from. If you can find the proper approach (that is, cynicism and criticism, even of your own team), that's where the magic is. It's Basketbawful for a reason...baskety-goodness often is met on this site with jeers and snideness, and perhaps rightfully so. We need to get back to all that is foul....

If you feel you can legitimately contribute, throw your hat in the ring.


Blogger Jared said...
finals hilarity/absurdity

- Chris Bosh entirely disingenuine 'hype up'. Remember that play in game 3 or 4 (cant remember) where he got a pass inside, bobbled it, dove on the floor to recover the ball and got the timeout call? If you had only seen his celebration you would have thought he'd just had a championship winning last second dunk over all 5 thunder players and half the bench. Since when is saving a ball you originally lost the appropriate time to froth at the mouth with excitement? There are others but that play was just too funny.

- The sob story that is Mike Miller. Literally any time Miller does ANYTHING the play by play announcer goes back to how Miller's back is really hurting and he's trying so hard. Defensive rebound?
"wow Millers playing hard". Tried to take a charge but got called for a block? "and Millers back is really hurting". Airballed a three? "Mike Miller is just a warrior out there". After 6 consecutive months of basketball NO ONE is feeling great. Trust me, I've been there. I'd guess that the majority of players on both teams playing real minutes have at least one or two nagging strains and bruises that are holding them back a bit. But the guy averaging 16 minutes a game is the true warrior. Of course, he ends up giving me a big 'F U' in game five, playing absolutely incredibly after only averaging 9 minutes in the series. and Yes, I'm clearly incredibly bitter he ended up contributing so much in the close out game lol.

Anonymous Scrappy Coco said...
Jared, spoken like a true hater.

Here's the play you were talking about Chris Bosh

Sefolosha 3pt Shot: Missed
Bosh Rebound (Off:4 Def:4)
Durant Foul: Personal (2 PF)
Battier 3pt Shot: Missed
Team Rebound
Durant Fadeaway Jump Shot: Made
Bosh Driving Layup Shot: Made
Perkins Foul: Shooting Bosh Free Throw 1 of 1

Get your facts right.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Actually I know the play he was talking about and that was not it.

Blogger Eric said...
I really miss Bawful's content. The summer of big and small Mat(t) was brilliant. I noticed that he hardly posted this year, but I thought that he was just busy with work and family obligations. I want you guys to know that this site had meant a lot to me over the years and sometimes good times do have to come to an end. If others can write as cynically with a comedic slant, I will be extremely grateful. Heck, I may even give it a shot if I can conjure up something.

Anonymous Stockton said...
Evil Ted and bawfull left the team empty handed, just like Lebron in 4th!
Raza Wade stepped up, but it's not enough to get the ring.
Hey, wait a minute...

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
Bawful and ET are leaving to join nba.com because they can't get a ring with the Bawful squad.

Anonymous HerAirness said...
I completely agree with Eric - Living Large was by far one of the best pieces I've ever read in the NBA blogosphere, and I really enjoyed ET's summer trip narative last summer too. I just wanted to throw it out there, too often the negative takes over the positive, and in the NBA blog community, there is wayyy too much negativity over something we all supposedly love. I really appreciate everything you've posted over the years!

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thanks airness...that kind of thing is important to hear..

I will say this. It's not necessarily a question of people leaving...we're all around, just very busy with life and such.

I am making a bit of a transition into being more professional with my video productions, so I look to have something to contribute from time to time (a proper original video takes longer to produce, ergo...)...I'm giving that the necessary attention, and may, just may, have some utterly wowtastic stuff to post (here and elsewhere) if we can keep this wagon train going. When I have material, I will let y'all know.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
just wanted to put my two cents in. This site provided alot of laughs over the last few years with me and my friends good luck doing what you do be happy!

Anonymous Frankfurter said...
Thanks for the memories Basketbawful. Over the past few NBA seasons this has been the place to go for hilarious NBA news and commentary. Particularly loved the cynical, sarcastic slant to the posts... a welcome distraction from the cutesy "humour" of Ball Don't Lie and similar blogs.

I won't lie - I've gone back and searched through old posts during dry stretches during the 2011-12 season. Some hilarious basketball writing for the ages there.

I am glad that this site will live on in some shape or form!

Anonymous Scrappy Coco said...
@Jared, Anonymous

Yep, i was wrong. It was this play.

Bosh Rebound
Ibaka Foul
Bosh Turnaround Jump Shot Made
Durant Foul: Offensive Charge on Chris Bosh

Blogger Leoni said...

That was a good ride, 7 solid years, but in life after years the time to change comes.
I hope you find some good new blood.
Thanks for your work.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
what a shame, greets from Poland, we were reading you guys here too, you know?

Anonymous JJ said...
ET, thanks for breaking the silence. I'll echo what most people are saying and state that 1 update from you guys is better than 10 updates from almost any other similar site.

I'd love to contribute, but my time is constrained as well. Besides, you guys set the bar so high over the years, it's a daunting task for others to match it. Good luck with getting some new blood.

Blogger Unknown said...
It was a good run, and thanks for all the yucks!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just thought of something...Eddie Curry and Juwan Howard have more rings that Stockton, Malone, Barkley and Reggie Miller...that is just wrong.

Anonymous JJ said...
@Anon, they were just unfortunate enough to share their prime with Michael Jordan.

Blogger Danijel Palaic said...
I sent you an e-mail, the tradition mustn't die! Go Supersonics!

Anonymous Scrappy Coco said...
it seems like we are in for a very busy off-season. Trades are already being done and draft night is just around the corner...

there should be a bawful review of all these things. Anyone?

Blogger Barry said...
I would contribute, but my humor is inferior to what is usually posted here, plus it doesn't quite help that English isn't my first language.

And if you came here to be negative about a free website....just get your ass back to the retarded comment section of Ball Don't Lie.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
this site isn't what it used to be. I respect that you guys acknowledge that. I used to check this site regularly.. but now its not that great.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is there any way we can blame this on the cHeat winning a championship?

Blogger Dan B. said...
I'd like to apologize to all our readers for my personal lack of posting the last couple of months. I got a bit burned out by the hectic pace of the compressed season, but also I was in a relationship with a girl who lived nearly an hour away so that sucked up some of my time and left me feeling more and more exhausted as the season went on. Then we went through a breakup that was really hard on me (we are still friends, but it was a very sudden, unexpected breakup. Long story!) so I have been a bit down in the dumps for a while. Needless to say I just didn't feel like writing. Hell, I didn't even watch very much of the playoffs and saw NONE of the Finals. I just got back from a roadtrip to Arizona in fact.

All that being said, I do plan on trying to contribute next season as always. We'll see how it goes, but I do plan on writing again.

Anonymous Santa Claus said...
If you don't make a post about the draft I'll cry!

And make sure you get over your ex, sometimes ''staying friend'' is just a way to stay close to her because you can't really accept the breakup.

Take care, don't listen to the assholes who write crap about your blog and just remember that no matter how much your life sucks, you're not part of the Bobcats organisation. :D

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thank goodness I've acquired the respect of an anonymous person...

Don't apologize for livin', Dan B. And don't feel like you have to put your life out there for anyone as an explanation.

Anonymous pemainbolakeranjang said...
You guys are inspirational for me to write my own cynical basketball blog (been writing for 5 years). Couldn't agree more with everything you said in this post. Thank you for all these wonderful years and all the best!

Anonymous Roberto Ortiz said...

I've also been following this site for years, and if there's anything to say, its that your efforts showed big time in here. Never before i have seen a blog like this or this funny, anywhere. And to the idiots that not understand the task that is, fuckoff!!. The basket in my country is as Bawful as it can be. It's non existant. We suck bad. But never thought like putting up with an idea like this. So again Ted, i (and a lot of folks) really appreciate all the effort. And the laughs. From a country in the end of the planet, we salute you!! Best of Luck and Godspeed. Go Celtics!! A Chilean Bawful for life.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Thanks for the farewell, Ted. Like I said, an era is over.

Matt: good luck with Scarlett Johansson!

And for what it's worth, I enjoyed your Traveling serial quite a bit. You critics out there are Philistines whose idea of good literature is the plot of the first Halo installment. For them: The Halo is ripped off from Larry Niven's Ringworld, dumbasses!

Blogger Evil Ted said...
To Worm and others,

We're not dead, we just can't post on a regular basis anymore (clearly), prompting my call for people who can fill in the sizable gaps.

I plan to be around to moderate where needed...

...and like I said, I'm moving into film stuff, so expect some vids from me in the future that (I'm hoping will knock people's socks off).

And thanks for your thoughts on Traveling. I greatly enjoyed writing it.


Blogger Dan B. said...
ET -- The readers and commenters are all important to me because I feel like I have some sort of personal relationship with them even if that isn't really the case. I don't mind letting them know more about me and what's going on in my life. :)

Santa Claus -- First, I feel weird addressing you and not asking for a Super Soaker or a Batman action figure or some other kickass toy. But anyway, I am trying to keep some distance to help me get over her. We haven't seen each other in person since we broke up (even though she has asked me to come over and see her a few times now...). Plus I have been trading messages with a girl on match.com so we will see how that goes.

Anonymous Not Anonymous (see what I did there?) said...
Isn't everybody but the authors on this site anonymous?

Anyways, I also just wanted to thank you guys for all the lulz over the years. Really hoping you find some good people to man the fort. Now that the mainstream media tells us that LeBron is not a bad guy anymore (just like Kobe after he one a ring without Shaq), a fully functional Basketbawful is more important that ever!

Good to see Dan B. back in the mix. Also, will Raza continue writing? I enjoyed his stuff alot.

And I dont really understand all the hate you got in the past ET, I like your style of humour and your videos are always gold.

So there, another anonymous person appreciates your work, for all that it's worth.

Blogger PW said...
Great Site. Long live basketbawful.

With the selction of Anthony Davis, the Hornets promise the city two things:

- A bright future
- And a solemn promise to wax the sh*t of out his eyebrow

Roundball Manor will do our best to carry on Basketbawful's torch

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just want to say that I have been loving this blog for years. I wish I had the time and talent to contribute. You guys are great, and I really hope you can find some good new contributors. Oh, and fuck you, of course.

Anonymous Ian said...
At work now, and I know this is late in the game but I plan on sending you a write up tomorrow. You could use some north of the border talent ;).

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