It's tough to watch such a thorough beat down of your favorite team, and even tougher to write about it afterward. So, with Bawful needing a break from a "How about those crappy Celtics?" post, it is left to me to handle the duties. So...

How about those crappy Celtics?


A left arm frowny-face tattoo is gonna look so bad. Sniff.

I had the (honor / misfortune) of actually being there (my dad came into town to treat me and my oldest son to the game) and I must say, it was a pure end-to-end crap fest from a Boston fan's point of view. Games like that are tough to interpet: How much of it was the Celtics' being flat, uninspired, not wanting to get injured, and disinterested because it's not a playoff game, and how much of it was that they were simply outclassed?

If you have the game on DVR, check this out:
There's a play that occurs just before the time out with 2:49 left in the first quarter where I think Jeff Green actually thinks he's on defense during an offensive possession. I can't confirm it - it's a close call, but I swear for a good second or two, he's actually trying to stay with his own defender. Seriously. For me, that's the only part of the game that stands out - that's how bad the Celtics were.


This was last night's rebounding:
Bulls aggressively ripping the ball away from...other Bulls.

News flash:
Derrick Rose is a beast. There were at least five plays on which the entire United Center crowd collectively twisted in their seats and threw up their arms like an entourage at a slum-dunk contest. He is the MVP, entourage homie hands down. I got into a little argument with my dad that went like this:

Evil Ted Creator (ETC): "The Bulls offense is great."
Evil Ted Creator Spawn (Evil Ted): "Well, Derrick Rose is great. The rest are good, solid role players."
ETC: "That's ridiculous. A team isn't 1 player and 4 players. It's five players."
ET: "Well, Rose is both and amazing scorer and facilitor, and if you take him off this team, it's mediocre."
ETC: "Again, ridiculous. The fact is, Derrick Rose is on this team, so you can't take him off it like you have in this fictional situation of yours. He's on it, and the offense is great."
ET (lower lip quivering): "I'm just saying..."
ETC: "As your father, I have deemed your opinion crap. My advanced years are irrefutable proof that I am correct and you are an ass. Write that in your buddy's little blog."
ET (sobbing): "Maybe...I...will."
ETC: "Go get me a hot dog...mustard, relish, onions, and Evil Ted tears on it."
ET: "I'm your son. Could you just call me Ted?"
ETC: "No. Tonight you're evil. Begone."

So if you're wondering where I get my edge from, there ya go. But I'll just work through that in therapy. Let's get back to the game...

Aaaaanyway, when a team like the Mavs give up 110 points, we at Basketbawful like to write "_allas Mavericks" to indicate a lack of D. But there's no "D" in Boston Celtics, and maybe it's appropriate that you don't have to alter their name have an absence of "D." The Celtics' Defense was abyssmal, and Rose's mastery in the lane is no more certain indicator that the Celtics will need both O'Neals healthy to make a deep playoff run.

Half time tribute to Scottie Pippen:
Bulls announcer Neil Funk introduced John Paxson, who introduced Scottie Pippen and his family, who were on hand for the unveiling of a bust of...what I can only assume is Scottie's cousin dressed in a Pippen jersey.


Scottie's Cousin Snottie

D. Highmore commented: Is it wrong that the first thing to pop into my head when I saw that Pippen bust was the video for Lionel Richie's "Hello"?

At first, I thought "Is that what Lionel Richie looked like at the time?" And then I realized "Hello" was that video about the blind girl student who sculpts the face of her adoring perv teacher out of clay, and says: "This is how I see you." So fitting, D. Highmore, well done. The Pippen statue, and the student's scupture, and the music video itself all have one thing in common: being simultaneously well-intentioned and yet very, very creepy. The clay likeness of Lionel Richie rears its ugly head, literally, at the 4:56 mark, but I recommend watching this vid in its entirety for full spine-tingling impact:

Anyway, Scottie made a classy, albeit brief and generic, speech. So good for him. Being immortalized (or at least your cousin being immortalized) is awesome by any standard. Speaking of which, if any of you are sculptors, I'm looking to commission an Evil Ted bust to be unveiled this summer at LarryLand.

As for the second half, it was barely worthy of discussion:


The red hairy one played the entire fourth quarter.

It's really depressing to be at a game and realize "Well, at home, this is about the time I would turn off the TV and go do something else," but not be able to do so.

Then there's the inevitable bathroom stop after the game, and being subjected to random "Boston Sucks" and "Fuck Boston" shout outs. I wasn't wearing any Celtics regalia at the game, and generally avoid doing so. Outside this Web site, I'm not big on drawing attention to myself, particularly when said attention could result in fisticuffs with a drunken fan of an opposing team. I just smile, high five, and silently wish a slow, painful death on those around me - standard stuff.

It will be interesting to see if the Celtics have another gear for the playoffs, like they did last season. They're a veteran bunch, and the playoffs are a different animal, but by all accounts, this should have been a game where both teams were in a playoff mentality, trying to send a message to the other in anticipation of said playoffs.

Last night, both teams sent a message, but only Bulls fans went away satisfied by what they heard.

Labels: ,

Anonymous Anonymous said...
We put up a real stinker last night, but I'm not worried at all.

The chip on their collective shoulder is just too large for them to lose in the playoffs.

lol that was a funny brick from Rondo at the end of the third, however.

Anonymous D. Highmore said...
Is it wrong that the first thing to pop into my head when I saw that Pippen bust was the video for Lionel Richie's "Hello"?

Blogger Marmatard said...
@D. Highmore: not at all. That is one of the ugliest god damn statues I have ever seen.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Well done, D. Highmore. Post updated with your great observation.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
I never like the pose of Jordan's statue, but good lord, that's nothing compared to this abomination.
Not only is the face stuff for nightmares, but the colors remind me of christmas tree decoration. And some "artist" gets really paid for this I am sure.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Fracking Derrick Fracking Rose. That dude is a MONSTER. Did you see that crossover crazy layup and one at the end of the first half (~50 seconds left I think)? Holy body control, Batman! Granted that the Cs are looking rusty, but this Bulls team is excellent. I've seen them in a few games in the last couple of months, and I've been VERY impressed each time.

Sorry Ted, your dad is right. And I was laughing my ass off at your comments. Thanks for the fun! Let's just take as given that next time you do an in-game commentary, I will defend as brilliant your jokes to some nimrod whose idea of great humor is Dumb and Dumber.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
I remembered the "Hello" video quite fondly. It's different seeing it as an adult. That shit is really creepy.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
@MadKing: (from the last comment section)

The Bulls are awesome, no doubt. Rose averaging 10fts/game recently? Wow. He finally is getting calls I guess.

Nevertheless, I think the two teams are pretty evenly matched, and the main difference last night was home court.

It's true that the Bulls have the league best opp 3pt% (32.6), but the Celtics are right there with them (34.1%), yet Chicago hit 9-22 from 3 last night, and Boston hit 2-10.

If you ask me, it's just a question of one team hot at home, another team cold on the road. But with playoffs right around the corner (thank god), we'll soon know for sure.

Blogger Dan B. said...
1) Good God. That "Hello" style statue is nightmare fuel.

2) Amazing father/son bonding there.

3) Mario West taking a horrific shot is highly entertaining.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kwame Brown - 23pts & 13reb
Chris Wilcox - 27pts & 13reb
Dirk Nowitzki - 0-for-0 on 3s (not even a single attempt???)

What kind of bizarro-world crap is this?

"3 Bucks starters have 0 points"

Ahh, that's better.

Blogger Jason D said...
Only the Lakers could go from a 17-1 run to losing 4 in a row. The amount of different feelings I have towards this team is ridiculous! I'm convinced they're the best out there during their run, now I'm questioning whether they can beat a team before the season ends!

Well, at least this loss to the Blazers means we probably won't see them in the first round and probably match up with the Hornets. Future victory yay!

Blogger TeamD said...
Great Job Evil Ted, where are all your haters now?

Kardashian bumper sticker line is genious, she clearly hangs out alot with the boys in the clubs, no girl could have come up with that stuff :))

Anonymous TransINSANO said...
You Celtics fans are getting depressing, at least revel in the Lakers' failure! Hey, your team is still trying and beating the bad teams, that's something. You can be proud of them even if they fall short, like in '09.

I found myself rooting for the Generals tonight because I figured that's the only way the Lakers can stay ahead of Boston in the standings; if Boston loses too. I don't know what to think about the BOS/MIA game, on the plus side, one of them has to lose, but the winner will likely move ahead of the Lakers (Heat already have the tiebreaker). Maybe both will anyway though:

vs Oklahoma City
vs San Antonio
@ Sacramento

Nothing says "everything will be fine come playoff time" like peaking a month early and going in on a seven game losing streak.

Anonymous allison said...
Man love, featuring some sort of veiny protrusion sticking out of Al Horford's shorts:;_ylt=AsLXt0ZHYBhxSHEHsN2NBSaQvLYF

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Have you guys seen the Michael Jackson statue that they're putting up outside Fulham Football Club's ground in London?

Anonymous bizarro said...
you're right about Green. For 2 seconds, he was defending his man. And he oviously couldn't catch Rondo's pass. I am pretty sure he thought he did a good job causing the turnover

Anonymous Snottie Drippen said...
I nominate Kobe for a WotW-mentioning for somehow having a +/- of -25 in a seven point loss. While Wes Matthews has +29. He also missed all three of his freethrow attempts.

On the Celtics: When your key offseason accquistions are a past his prime center with notorious health problems and a past his prime center with notorious health problems, than trade away your mid-twenties center midway through the seasons you shouldn't be too surprised to not get too much out of the center position. Boozer, Noah and even Kurt Thomas just did what ever they wanted to.

Blogger Wormboy said...
You'd think that every sculpture class would feature the instructor writing on the board: NEVER TRY TO SCULPT TEETH IN A SMILE. IT IS INVARIABLY CREEPY. It's obvious, isn't it? Every single sculpture I've seen with a toothy smile is horror movie scary. There's a local mall with sculptures of these little bronze children playing, and all the localS share a deep loathing of them; they are creepy as hell.

For example, a the last sentence in a comment from a review web site on the mall, which is generally glowing: "Though the bronze children sculptures REALLY freak me out."

The teeth look exactly like those in Scottie's cousin. Too bad I can't find any pics on the web.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Wormboy: I think the sculptor was suffering from flu-like symptoms the day they taught that.

And every day since.

Just like his mom did during her pregnancy.

Blogger coach said...
Dear Basketball friends,

we would like to exchange links with your great blog. Our blog is
"Hoops Universe" and you can see it at:

Our goal is to make collaboration with as many as possible Basketball
related blogs around the world and help promote Basketball.
Hope so to hear from you shortly.
Kind regards,

Hoops Universe

Anonymous Baconater said...
Boston had a hell of a lot more trouble scoring offensively vs Chicago IMO. We should just call them the B_st_n Celtics.

Blogger Brigadier Ketchup said...
It's an interesting time for Boston sports fans.

Who woulda thunk that of the three teams that play in the spring, the one that is playing the best (relatively) is the....Bruins???!! :|

Does not compute.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
The Warden (Joel Anthony) effectively owned the Celtics inside

This just happened. I'm still in shock.

Blogger Mr. Satan said...
What is up with the Celtics? I am not a Celtics fan, but as I've been watching their games lately they just seem to be completely demoralized. The fact that they struggled to score against the Heat is just unbelievable. Those two times they beat the was without Perkins. So the question remains...what is up with the Celtics?

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Boston looks terrible right now. I hope they all PVR'ed the Masters, because if they keep playing like this, they're going to be out on the links themselves soon enough.

And Derrick Rose is still a beast.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Mr. Satan (dbz reference?), while they didn't have Perkins, they had Shaq's lumbering mass. The Drain was at his Drainiest with 0 pts and 0 rebounds tonight.

And of course those two losses were early in the regular season. I almost don't wanna fall for Boston's shenanigans a 2nd time, but I don't know anymore.

Anonymous Karc said...
This Green Week idea has been absolutely brilliant. Since putting the shadow of green all over the Lakers warm-ups and court, the Lakers have promptly gone 0-5, giving up the 1 seed to Chicago and San Antonio, and now are back to the 3 seed in the West.

And much like I can't stand the media anointment of Derrick Rose as MVP (because he happens to be a good player on a team no one expected to be this successful), can we just admit that the only reasons Lamar Odom is getting 6th man nominations is because Manu is a starter and the rest of the bench is so awful that he has to produce just to keep them in games? Shannon Brown justified tonight why no one was willing to pay him to leave the Lakers during the offseason, and most likely has relegated himself to the Sasha Vujacic role in the playoffs.

That said, good win by the Thunder. Perkins did exactly what he was supposed to do, punk the Lakers into missing 4-foot shots and get technicals called on them. It's a shame the Nuggets and Thunder have to meet in the first round. They could have easily taken out both the Lakers and the Mavericks right away and spared us Mark Cuban and the Kardashians all at once.

Anonymous Swoosh said...
Is it possible that LA will fall to the 3...or even the 4 seed?


Anonymous Bing said...
As a Lakers fan I normally get a smile out of a Celtics loss but something has changed since the Perk trade. I'm not enjoy there failure because it seems like they aren't even trying anymore.
Plus, LA have sucked big hairy balls for the last two weeks so it's hard to make much noise about other teams and their suckitude.

Anonymous Aaron said...
will there be a new post later today the same post "Worst of the Night: 1.) Celtics 2.) Celtics 3.) Celtics" but with a new date?

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Karc, I saw a Tweet mentioning Shannon Brown was approaching Ron Artest territory when he shoots a three "noooooo!"

It's bizarre because in November, he was 3rd best in the league shooting, but now he's right at his career average.

Anonymous TransINSANO said...
Karc - "can we just admit that the only reasons Lamar Odom is getting 6th man nominations is because Manu is a starter and the rest of the bench is so awful that he has to produce just to keep them in games?"

So, you think the reason Lamar is the favorite to win 6th man of the year is because he might have been the 6th man of the year? Interesting take on his candidacy.

Also, don't be so sure the Nuggets and Thunder are just going to beat the Lakers come playoff time, bercause... Oh God, they might not even have home court against the Thunder at this rate....

Nothing would surprise me with this Lakers team, from threepeat to first round flameout. This team is just begging to go out with a whimper at some point though. They've got a death wish. I'm a big believer in good basketball habits and that your fatal flaw always comes back to be... well, fatal in the playoffs. For the Lakers in '08 it was blowing big leads (see game 4 vs BOS), same for '10 Celtics (see game 7 @ LA), and this Lakers team? Just seems like even if they lost, they'd still be talking about next time and acting like nothing happened. They have no fear... in a BAWFUL way.

If they'd just played hard and beat the team's they were supposed to, they'd have the #1 seed, home court throughout the playoffs, and be setup for a favorable run. Hell, they had that in reach even a couple weeks ago, but they just didn't care. Are they going to care enough in the playoffs, against teams like OKC that want to kick their asses? Or are they just going to act above it all?

This quote from Phil didn't exactly inspire the droops either (I meant to write troops, but fuck it, it's appropriate):

"What I told the players today is we're not concerned with anything in the Eastern Conference at all. Nothing."

Don't worry Phil, you're team is so unconcerned, they don't even care about the Western Conference they play in. Or basketball. Or anything but reality TV:!/RealLamarOdom/status/57303476383907840

"What up West coast? Tough loss, but I promise u we got dis. Who's ready 2 watch the premiere of #khloeandLamar ? I'ma tweet live now!"

Thanks Lamar, NOW I feel better.

Anonymous Karc said...
@TransINSANO - On Lamar, I'm saying he looks really good coming of the Lakers bench anyone else coming off that bench looks awful. It's a similar thing to Ginoubli getting it every year, they are both starters on virtually any other team that couldn't fit in the line-up and are used late in the 4th anyway (when it really counts). My opinion is that 6th man of the year is a bench guy who most wouldn't start that has played exceptionally well. Jason Terry and Glen Davis come to mind. Outside of 6-8 in the East, no playoff team would have them start. They are far more worthy 6th men than Lamar Odom.

That's classic P-Jax right there, but it worth noting (AFAIK) that since Kobe Byrant's been on the team, the Lakers have only been eliminated once in the playoffs when they had home court and that was against the Pistons (an Eastern conference team) in 2004. Every other time, they've been the road team.

As you alluded to, if they have to win two games in OKC (I think the Thunder are good enough to win one in LA now), then the Lakers are in a lot of trouble.

Blogger insta said...
nice article,
face sculpting