Mining for brains
Is Posey a zombie trying to poke Captain Jack's brain out for a nice snack?
(Via Basketbawful reader StottsEra)

Good news/bad news time. The good news? The '92 Dream Team is being inducted into the Hall of Fame! The bad news? That means Christian Laettner is going to be forever enshrined in the Hall of Fame as a member of that team.

Christian. Laettner.

Sonofabitch.

This is a sad day for basketball. (And for anyone else who was a University of Kentucky fan back in March of 1992, join with me in saying "Fuck Christian Laettner!" Ah, that feels better)

In other news, Basketbawful reader Joseph Radzevick was kind enough to apparently read my mind. I had planned on writing today about the Pacers, but last night he submitted something in the same vein of what I had planned to do, except he actually bothered to do research so he definately one-upped me. Here's what he had to say:
Hopefully the good citizens of Indiana were too swept up in Butler fever to notice the Pacers trying to play their way out of a Top 10 draft pick. Check out this list of the records of the lottery teams over their last ten games and notice the staggering difference between Indiana and the other dregs of the league.

Team ... W L
Chicago: 6-4
Detroit: 2-8
Golden State: 5-5
Houston: 4-6
Indiana: 8-2
LA Clippers: 2-8
Memphis: 3-7
Minnesota: 1-9
New Jersey: 4-6
New Orleans: 2-8
New York: 4-6
Philadelphia: 2-8
Sacramento: 1-9
Washington: 3-7

The only teams with .500 or better records in their last ten are Chicago (playing for the last playoff spot, a.k.a. the right to get swept by Cleveland in Round 1), Golden State (playing to get Don Nelson the all-time wins record so he will go back to Maui and leave them the hell alone), and Indiana (playing for...what exactly?). Meanwhile the rest of the list features a host of 2-8 and even 1-9 teams that will beat the Pacers to the bottom.

In theory, I guess we should commend the Pacers for playing out every game and maintaining their competitive integrity. Of course we all know that in theory, communism works. In theory.
Excellent point. There's something to be said for morale and trying to end the season on a good note. However, there's also something to be said for landing Evan Turner, John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, or somebody like that in the draft lottery. Which is going to do more for the long-term future of the team: some garbage victories, or a blue chip player? (Well, any legitimately good player is going to bolt for a better team and market as soon as they can get the hell out of Indiana, so that may invalidate my point...)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Jamal Crawford
CAPTION THIS!
What the hell is going on with Jamal Crawford?



Empty seats
Houston's "Dress like an Empty Seat" promotion was obviously successful


Craptors
"Man, my shirt stinks as bad as our game!"


Pacers fail
Why are you trying so damn hard, Troy Murphy? Do you not like draft picks?


Nellieball
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the winningest coach in the NBA. I feel as if we have failed as a society.

Nationally Televised Games:
Crabs at Bulls: The Bulls really need to win this game to help their chances of losing to the Crabs in the first round of the playoffs.

Lakers at Nuggets: Andrew Bynum is still out and the Lakers still don't give a shit. Meanwhile, the Nuggets are on the second night of a back to back and Carmelo may have slightly scrambled his brains last night. Does all of this just cancel out and we have a good, close game?

All The Other Games:
Clippers at Kings: If this game had somehow ended up on national television tonight instead of the Lakers' game, DirecTV, DISH, Comcast, etc. customer service phones would be ringing off the hook with demands from angry customers to take TNT off their channel lineup. This is going to be ugly, folks. Ugly.

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17 Comments:
Blogger Breaker said...
Very nice job.. these have been way funnier lately now that you have cooled it with the over the top homosexual references!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Random tangent: Just turned on the Masters, announcer regarding Tiger: "He's got a lot of holes remaining."

LOL. Yea, I am not mature.

Anonymous Sorbo said...
So, we whine when a team purposely tanks for better draft position, and we whine when a team tries hard when they are out of the playoffs (thus ruining their position)?

Wouldn't you rather watch good basketball by a loser than watch the Pistons/Kings/Hornets/Grizzlies/Sixers give away games for better draft positions?

Blogger Boris Tilov said...
On that first photo (great one btw), Boris is standing beneath with many Karate chops waiting for zombie Posey if things go awry, and he actually gets that brain.

Blogger robin said...
are anybody's eyes open?
http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/multimedia/photo_gallery/0711/nba.dunks2/images/lewis.op4p-2242-mid.jpg

Anonymous melon said...
for the caption this:

jamal!! did you eat those fish taco's from taco sueno after i specifically told you not to?

Anonymous Ted (Knoxville, TN) said...
Well, then, Basketbawful, I'm ready!! "Fuck Christian Laettner!" - from a lifelong Kentucky fan who sees the 1993 title game as the beginning of a new civil war- Duke, with us, is never to be forgotten or forgiven.

Christian Lettner have been ejected from that game as soon as he stomped on the fallen Aminu Timberlake.

Also, stupid-ass Coach K ran over and interrupted the long, long-time radio Voice of the Wildcats, Cawood Ledford (RIP) as he was making his farewell statement to Wildcat fans. That was absolutely the most crude, rude, insulting thing that any of us UK fans could imagine. It was rubbing salt in the wounds.

Long live the Unforgettables. Those boys should have won the title. One of the very best underdog teams of the NCAA tournament of all time.

AGAIN! "Fuck Christian Laettner!" Hell yes.

Ted

Blogger Sid James said...
It's Jamal Crawford's time of the month.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Cavs apparently thought they hadn't done enough to fuck up the Raptors' chances of making the playoffs, so they're sitting Lebron against the Bulls.

Anonymous Hajt said...
Just a thought:
you might want to do a post explaining all of the Lacktion terms, which could then be linked to at the top of each Lacktion report. I know most of them, but imagine there are those out there who don't.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Breaker -- I can only work with what the pictures taken at each game give me. When they give me homoerotic poses, it is my duty to make fun of them as such. We've been getting some quality goofy pics to work with lately though.

Sorbo -- If teams are sucking, they are free to tank at the end of the season in my opinion because 1) their games won't be exciting anyway if they're winning, and 2) as a fan I would get more longterm value from getting a good draft pick so in a year or two I can watch a playoff team.

Anonymous Mladen said...
Just read a nice interview with John Havlicek. I loved it when the guy asked him if Dwight Howard was the new Bill Russel (Are you fucking kidding me? The Pumaman?), and he, in a polite way, picked Howard's game apart and basically confirmed that he's light years away from being in the same category as Russel. Here's the link:

http://www.nba.com/2010/news/features/fran_blinebury/04/08/havlicek.qanda/index.html?ls=iref:nbahpt1

Also, fuck you, Taj Gibson! You don't step on a guy's ankle!!! (or shoot him in the balls)

word verification: shlerrh - the sound that Jamal Crawford ass is making in that picture

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kobe out for the game tonight, which leads me to wonder...do the rest of the Lakers guards just suck donkey d*ck, or do they also take down the giant donkey balls as well?

Artest and Gasol are on fire - 22 on 7/11 shooting for Crazy Pills, Gasol working on a 26/14/5/2 blocks....except the game is tied. The reason? Fisher is 2-10. Starting backcourt mate Vujacic is 3-13, in addition to getting regularly torched by JR Smith. Farmar off the bench is 3-8, and rounding out the bawful is Shannon Brown shooting 3-12

Anonymous Karc said...
Lakers backcourt went 11-43 (without Kobe). So why did Derek Fisher take a boneheaded 3 (they were only down by two) with time running out and two timeouts remaining over Carmelo Anthony, who is eight inches taller than him? Did he really think that Carmelo wasn't going to block the shot? I mean, he may think he's clutch and all, but last time I checked, he needed Kobe Byrant to knock out Jameer Nelson to nail a big three.

I'm sure there's going to a video of Nene spectacularly missed dunk (which put was right back in by Carmelo Anthony), but the Lakers missed at least three open layups. Artest gets a slight pass because he mostly delievered. But Farmar missed two, and what exactly did he do?

Sure, the Lakers can pound the Timberpoops or The Other LA team to secure homecourt in the West, but let's face it, if there was ever a year for a team to up-end the Lakers, it's whoever they get in the first round (Portland, San Antonio, OKC), or the second round (Jazz, Suns, Mavs). If they can limp their way into the West Finals, they'll get Denver, who's beaten them 3 (?!) times this year.

And if they somehow get to the Finals (which I doubt, I see them getting beat in the second round or swept in the conference Finals), they'll get either Cleveland (who swept them) or Orlando (at the rate the WDGASUTP's are going, the Magic will have home court).

Yeah, I'm calling it now. New NBA champs. Most likely from the team ESPN shows in the conference finals (gotta keep the streak alive). Anything to justify my top 20 reasons the Lakers sucked this year post, patent pending.

Blogger Vasco said...
Dan B. teams are not free to tank. They are obliged to play to win. Or else if the objective is really to get a better pick they should not only tank but really try to lose, like score on their own basket.

The chances of getting no.1 pick at the draft should be the same for every team not in the playoffs.

Blogger zyth said...
i like the bulls.i really,really do. but holy crap, if it didn't come to sideshow Andy bricking two jumpers those missed freebies by Godplayer Deng and Rose would've kicked them in the nuts.

Anonymous AdriĆ  said...
Bulls or Raptors? Who wants to be swept? Who wants to be a "playoff team"? What is your choice?

Bawful readers, the world needs you. Vote now!

My choice is... the Bulls. I hope Noah will manage to twist some crabs' ankles (and maybe drill bawesome winning shots too).

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