Jesus. The Pistons can't even figure out how to put theirjerseys on right. Rough times in Detroit, folks...
The New York Knicks: Hey! Hey, LeBron! Check us out...two straight road wins! We busted the Mavericks' 13-game winning streak with a 128-94 win in Dallas and then followed it up by rallying past an underachieving but very talented Sixers team in Philly. See?? The system works! Danilo Gallinari is showing signs and rookie Toney Douglas has looked like a keeper the last couple games. This can happen! We can make this into magic! Please look at us, LeBron! PLEASE LOOK AT US!!

The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers shot 38 percent from the field and scored 29 points...in the second half. When a Mike 'Antoni _efense shuts you down at your place, you have problems. Deep, ugly problems.

Said Philly coach Eddie Jordan: "We had open looks. We couldn't make shots."

Speaking of which...

Andre Iguodala: Iggy went 5-for-22 from the field and 0-for-7 from downtown. In fact, Iguodala is 1-for-19 from beyond the arc in his last four games.

Said Jordan: "He's human."

Uh, or less. I'm tempted to bring up his $80 million contract, but I wo...whoops! Hey, speaking of 80 Million Dollar Men...

Elton Brand: The line: 7 points, 3-for-8, 3 rebounds and 2 turnovers in 22 minutes. It's like a plane crashed onto a train that was running into a burning orphanage full of newborn puppies. This dude used to be a 20-10 machine! Never underestimate the lingering effect of the Clippers taint.

Eddie Curry: According to the AP game notes: "Knicks C Eddy Curry missed the game with a sore right calf." Is there any point to Eddy Curry updates at this point? And if there is, why not make something better up? Maybe, "Knicks C Eddy Curry missed the game with an infestation of puppet testicles."

The Detroit Pistons: Joe Dumars' rebuilding debuilding plan continued last night in Boston, as the Celtics -- who were feeling kinda pissy after the way the Crabs so casually thumped them on Sunday -- built a 64-35 halftime lead and coasted in for a 119-93 win.

The Pistons gave up 27 points off 18 turnovers, surrendered 62 percent shooting, and let the aging Celtics (who were playing the second game of back-to-backs) run out for 21 fast break points.

Said Pistons coach John Kuester: "They were good. We were bad."

And the hits just keep on coming. With 4:53 left in the first quarter, Tayshaun Prince got kneed in the back by teammate Jason Maxiell. Prince spent the next several minutes on the floor holding his back Hulk Hogan-style before limping off with assistance. That was the end of his night.

Mind you, the Pistons were already without Rodney Stuckey, who missed his fifth straight game since collapsing on the bench during a game against the Crabs in Cleveland. It's bad enough Detroit sucks...but nobody can stay healthy either.

Said Rip Hamilton: "We've been hurt all year, and another guy goes down. It's one of those things where you're like, 'Come on, man. Are you serious?' But it's tough."

Nate Robinson: I love garbage time dunks as much as the next guy, but really, there's no reason to hotdog it by hanging on the rim too.


Boston fans: From the AP game notes: "Another development that Red Auerbach would have never allowed: Fans did the wave in the second quarter. Longtime observers said they could not remember that happening at a Celtics home game, ever." I hope they installed a giant hamster wheel in Red's grave, considering all the post-mortem rolling around he's been doing.

The Denver Nuggets: Losing at home to a scrappy Rockets team isn't all that shameful in and of itself, but rumor has it that Don Nelson and Mike 'Antoni both called David Stern to complain about how _enver stole their _efensive schemes. The Nuggets let the Rockets score 125 points on 57 percent shooting. Houston racked up 28 points on the fast break and 54 points in the paint.

Mind you, the Nuggets led 104-93 with 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter...after which they were outscored 32-19.

More fun facts from this defenseless mess: Carmelo Anthony scored a game-high 45 points -- his seventh, 40-point game this season -- but rather infamously joined Monta Ellis as the only other player this season to lose when scoring 45 points or more. Also, this was Denver's first loss in 29 games this season when scoring 110+points. Total defensive fail.

Chauncey Billups: His line was okay -- 17 points, 7-for-13, 4 assists -- but Mr. Big Shot was bitch-slapped by his Houston counterpart, Aaron Brooks, who finished with 31 points (11-for-17) and 9 assists. Brooks also hit the game-winning jumper with 2.9 seconds left.

It's also worth noting that Billups fouled Luis Scola on a layup attempt with 41 seconds left. Scola converted the "And 1!" to put the Rockets ahead 122-121. Billups then committed his sixth foul (on Brooks) with 28 seconds left.

ESPN: Apparently, they think the Rockets rallied past...the Rockets. Does anybody need a Web editor? Because I think there's probably one available today. Thanks to Basketbawful readers Armand A., Jonathan B., Obi, Thomas K., youngstarpd, and an anonymous reader for the multiple heads up.


The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: The Jazz were playing their fifth game in seven nights and their second of back-to-backs...but they still outscored the Bullets 65-35 during the second and third quarters. And during the third, they held Washington to 3-for-22 shooting.

Said Kyle Korver: "It's nice to get one that's a little bit easy."

The Jazz outblasted the Bullets in field goal percentage (52.4 to 36.9), in the paint (52-36) and on the fast break (23-4). Utah won 112-89 despite missing (gak) 14 free throws.

The Gol_en State Warriors: The Lakers and Warriors did their best to show up the defenseless battle between the Nuggets and Rockets...and L.A.'s 124-121 victory came damn close. The Warriors attempted 100 shots, scored 58 points in the paint and 31 on the fast break. They also scored 29 points off 24 forced turnovers. The Lakers shot 56 percent from the field, earned a 42-13 advantage in free throw attempts and outrebounded the Warriors 56-25.

Monta Ellis: Weird game. Monta had 11 assists -- is that a career-high? -- and 5 steals, but he went 5-for-23 from the field and 1-for-6 from three-point range. And his final missed trey, which could have tied the game at the buzzer, bounced on the rim three times before slipping away. Along with the game.

It was one of the worst shooting performances of Monta's career. But he won't hesitate to keep chuckin' 'em up: "I'm a shooter. I'm a shooter until Coach tells me not to shoot anymore. Nothing else I can do."

Chris Hunter, quote machine: Regarding Moped's final shot: "I thought it was going in. It looked like the invisible man tipped it away at the last second."

Kobe Bryant's and Andy Bynum's butter fingers: Mamba committed a season-high 9 turnovers Bynum committed 8. Buttery fingers? Point shaving? I mean, what was that all about?

Said Ron Artest: "It was weird. It was definitely weird."

Definitely.

It was Mamba's most TOs since losing the ball a career-high 11 times in a 90-89 loss to the Pistons on January 31, 2008.

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Hornets stumbled into the Staples Center with a seven-game road losing streak. No matter. They beat the Clippers 108-100 and completed a four-game season sweep of The Other L.A. Team...

...they're still who we thought they were.

Despite a moderate amount of home-cooling -- the Clips had a 19-5 advantage in FTAs -- the Unloveable Losers let the still Chris Paul-less Hornets 56+ percent from the field and 50 percent from long range (9-for-18). And Baron Davis, who had 18 points and 17 dimes, wasn't happy 'bout it.

Said B-Dizzle: "Some guys are playing hard, but we're not getting the collective effort out of everybody night in and night out. It's hard to win is you don't have 15 guys focusing on winning. We're going through a tough stretch, so I'm just trying to encourage my teammates and be as positive as I possibly can, as well as focus on my game and getting back to what I am and what I should be doing out there. I just come to the arena and play hard, try to constantly improve and build for next year. Hopefully I can set some type of example."

Oh, now that you're finally ready to start trying, people need to follow your lead? Really, Baron?! Sounds like this team needs 15 Booms Beards. Actually, make it 30. Two each. You know, make it 31...because there's one Clipper who might need three Booms Beards...

Chris Kaveman: Remember when this guy was bitching about Pau Gasol making the All-Star Team? I dunno, that just seems relevant after Kaveman missed 10 of his first 11 shots finished with only 8 points on 3-for-15 shooting. Oh, and Chris also had only 3 rebounds in 31 minutes. Can we retroactively negate Kaveman's All-Star appearance?

Kaveman was shut the hell down by Emeka Okafor, who, as it turns out, can play defense. Who knew?

Said New Orleans' Darren Collision: "Kaman is an All-Star, but Meke is one of the best defenders in this league. Meke is big and physical, and he can go with pretty much any center in the league. So whenever he steps up to the challenge, this is what we're going to get out of him. We were definitely conscious of Kaman, but most of the credit goes to Meke. He really did a good job of sizing him up and making it tough for him."

Countered L.A.'s Eric Gordon: "He just couldn't hit a jump shot tonight. That was basically it. He missed so many shots, but that happens sometimes."

Lacktion report: Chris is back from the Biggest Little City but has yet to stop tracking the lack!

Labels: Chris Kaman, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Clippers, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, puppet testicles