The Detroit Pistons: As if losing their sixth straight game wasn't bad enough, Rodney Stuckey collapsed during the third quarter of Detroit's game against the Crabs in Cleveland. The good news is, it appears Stuckey is going to be okay. But damn, that was a freaky-scary moment.
Rip Hamilton: The Phantom of Auburn Hills became the latest victim of King Crab's ego-ectomy special:
Dubious world records: So...the Cleveland crowd set the world record for the largest gathering of people wearing Snuggies. I am not even fucking kidding.
All fans in attendance had a Snuggie placed on their seats prior to the game. During a timeout in the first quarter, fans were asked to wear the wine-colored blankets with arms for five minutes as a clock on the scoreboard counted down. Most everyone complied -- except for one fan wearing a Celtics jersey and another who thought ahead and brought a Pistons Snuggie. The rest of the sellout crowd of more than 20,000 turned the Q into a sea of red blankets, counting down the final seconds and cheering as the world record clock expired.
An adjudicator from Guinness World Records attended the game to make the record official.
Danny Girton Jr., an adjudicator executive with Guinness World Records, said there was no existing record, so the records management team opened a new category for Friday's event.
Well, even if LeBron leaves this summer, the people of Cleveland
will always have the Snuggie World Record. Oh sweet Jesus...
The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers kept their game against the Celtics pretty close...but they couldn't hit a field goal over the final three minutes and that pretty much sealed it. Make it five losses in a row.
Elton Brand: The 80 Million Dollar Man grabbed 4 rebounds in 33 minutes. In related news, Boston outrebounded the Sixers 41-30. Like I said once before, Philly might as well have jammed all that cash into a big pile and set it on fire, Joker-in-The-Dark-Knight-style.
Paul Pierce: The Celtics' leading scorer and self-proclaimed "best player in the world" went 1-for-9 from the field in 32 minutes. It was like some kid who had never picked up a basketball before randomly got his wish to be Paul Pierce for a day. Ugly. Said Pierce: "I kept looking at my hand wondering what was wrong."
Kevin Garnett, quote machine: "We're a veteran team, we know how to play. It's just [about] when we want to put our heads together, go out and execute and do the things we have worked on. I think the second half of the season is when you really get into what you do. It's just focus. When we want to do it, we do it. Some nights we get lazy."
And that's the main reason Boston is no longer a championship contender. That and the age thing. And the fact that they aren't all that good anymore.
The Washington WizardsGenerals Bullets: This was definitely one of those "we've pretty much given up on the season so fuck it" games for the Bullets, who devolved into the NBA equivalent of a pickup team, with dudes just looking for their own shots and trying to get theirs. That might explain why Washington ended up with season lows in points (74) and assists (10).
Said Mike Miller: "We're not good enough to play 1-on-1."
Added coach Flip Saunders: "We just didn't compete tonight. It carried over to defense. It carried over to offense. We had missed layups, missed shots. We were out of sync the whole time."
Bucks coach Scott Skiles was not amused: "We're not fond of that kind of statement. He's too important to our team and our franchise to have any sort of defeatist-type mindset right now. And he doesn't, really."
Jennings replied that his comments were caused by "a moment of frustration, not thinking and just letting my anger out." He also said he's "always going to keep shooting. ... [Skiles] said it was a little bit immature and irresponsible. You need to just play basketball and do other things out there on the court, and that's what I tried to do tonight."
It's a good thing, too, since Jennings was only 2-for-7 from the field.
The New York Knicks: It was just another night in the dreary, depressing life of the once proud Bricks, who got deep-sixed by the Chris Bosh-less Craptors thanks to Sonny Weems' career-high 20 points and 9 rebounds.
Said David Lee: "As good as they are at home, with Bosh not playing, we should have won this game. No matter what quarter we didn't play well in, with Bosh not playing, this is a game we should have won." When you're 21-40 -- including 8-20 away from home -- are there really that many games you "should" win?
Anyway, added Bricks coach Mike 'Antoni: "I just didn't think we had the necessary gumption to get up on them and guard a little man-to-man and stop it. We couldn't do it. They scored every time." So a team coached to be "offense only" couldn't get stops? Well, imagine the hell out of that.
Eddy Curry: Saw this in the AP game notes: "Knicks center Eddy Curry (left knee surgery) was inactive. Coach Mike D'Antoni said Curry will need three or four more practices before he's ready to play." Jesus. New York should just buy this guy out and say "good riddance." Holy Christ.
The Los Angeles Lakers: Can somebody please explain to me how and why the Bobcats own the Lakers? Charlotte has won seven of their last nine meetings over The L.A. Team. I don't get it. Nobody gets it.
Said Gerald Wallace: "I really don't know. You can say that about them and you can say that about Cleveland (against whom the 'Cats are 3-1 this season)."
And yet Charlotte has lost not once but twice to the Nyets, and if they playoffs started today, the Bobcats would be on the outside looking in. WTF?
Said Wallace: "Those top teams bring out the best and they bring out big crowds. Come to a New Jersey game and we probably have 500 people."
Oh, so that excuses losing to one of the worst teams in NBA history. Sure.
Anyway, this isn't about the 'Cats, it's about the Lakers, who sucked up the court. Mamba went 9-for-21 and had more turnovers (3) than assists (2), but this loss wasn't on Kobe. His teammates were dreadful. Pau Gasol was 5-for-14, had three shots stuffed, blew a dunk and committed 3 turnovers. Andy Bynum shot 3-for-9. Ron Artest went 1-for-9 from the field and 0-for-4 from three-point range. As a team, the Lakers shot 36 percent, gave up 24 points off 20 turnovers, and matched their number of road losses from last season (12)
Said Mamba: "We just looked flat. I'll probably say something [to my teammates]." When asked what he was going to say, Kobe replied: "What do you think?"
Added Bynum: "I think everybody's angry, but we're not angry at the right things. We might be angry with each other. So that's not always that great."
Feel the love.
Phil Jackson, quote machine:Regarding Gasol's recent weak-ass play: "I really don't like to talk about that aspect of a person's game ... other than the fact that he's been weak and sickly." He also said Gasol has been "under the weather" and that: "I'll start to work the bench a little more and see if I can't spell some minutes for these guys."
When a reporter told him about Jackson's comments, Pau frowned and said: "That's funny."
Like I said, feel the love.
The Gol_en State Warriors: The Warriors gave up 127 points on 53 percent shooting while losing to the Hawks in Atlanta. Movin' on...
The New Jersey Nyets: Matt Barnes scored 14 points in the first quarter as the Magic took a 32-18 lead, and the New Jersey Nyets kept the hopes of Basketbawful Nation alive and well by eventually losing 97-87.
Said Devin Harris: "We gave up a ton of transition points in first six, seven, eight minutes of the first quarter. We can't spot Matt Barnes 14 points in the first quarter. He's a good player, but we can't let him have those types of numbers and expect to win." You know, Harris could have just shortened that to "We can't expect to win" and been done with it.
The Indiana Pacers: The Pacers gave up 122 points while losing to the Nuggets in Denver. Movin' on...
The Los Angeles Clippers: The formerly surging Clippers lost at home to the Thunder 104-87, proving yet again that they are who we thought they were.
Friday lacktion report: More trillions, marios and all-around lacktion from chris.
Lakers-Bobcats: Adam Morrison earned himself a 3.5 trillion (3:32) in a shocking losing effort, while Stephen Graham took a foul while running a Paperboy route in just 42 seconds for a Mario AND a +1 suck differential!
Warriors-Hawks: THE Mario West actually spent 2:51 on court tonight, but fouled twice for a +2!
Kings-Mavs: Brendan Haywood countered an assist in 7:17 with two bricks and a foul for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.
Hornets-Spurs: Looks like AT&T Center resembled the Trump mansion tonight, as evidenced by the wealth being thrown around - New Orelans's Aaron Gray pocketed 3.3 trillion (3:19) while San Antonio's Malik Hairston and Ian Mahinmi celebrated with cash deposits of 1.25 trillion (1:15) and 2.65 trillion (2:39) respectively!!!!
The New York Knicks: My oh my oh my oh my. Never has my nickname for this team been more appropriate. In one night, the Bricks managed to set an NBA record for long range futility by going 0-for-18 from three-point range AND lose to one of the worst teams in league history. And I mean lose badly. The Nyets came back from an early 16-point deficit to win 113-93...in New York.
Yeah. LeBron is so gonna wanna come here.
Said Al Harrington: "No disrespect to them, but I think we're a better team and for them to...come in here and put it on us like that, it's kind of tough on us."
Added Bricks coach Mike 'Antoni: "At a certain point you do have to score some. They got hot and they got confidence and they just beat us."
Historic fail: According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the 18 attempts were the most ever without a make. And according to research by STATS, LLC dating to the 1986-87 season, the previous most attempts without a make was 16 by Washington against the Celtics on November 2, 2007.
Meanwhile, the Nyets improved to 7-55, and Basketbawful's dream season is in serious jeopardy. We can only hope for, like, a major injury to Brook Lopez or another one to Devin Harris. On the up side, Yi Jianlian fell down and went boom with 2:56 left when he appeared to step on a New York player's foot while running back into defensive rebounding position. If we're lucky, it'll be serious.
The Atlanta Hawks: Going into their matchup against the Hawks, the Heat were a little shorthanded. Rafer Alston was suspended indefinitely (see below), Dorell Wright sat out with a swollen left knee, and Jermaine O'Neal tweaked his left knee in the second quarter and missed the rest of the game.
Atlanta shot 39 percent, gave up 18 fast break points and got blizted by Michael Beasley in the fourth quarter (14 points, including 7 in a row in the final two minutes). Meanwhile, the Dirty Birds shot 6-for-20 in the final 12 minutes. Game, set, match.
Miami Heat guard Rafer Alston has been suspended indefinitely, the team announced after Saturday night's victory over Atlanta.
Sources close to the situation said Alston, who did not attend the game, is considering retirement.
The Heat initially announced that Alston missed the Atlanta game for "personal reasons." But later revealed Alston has not made himself available to the team by anything other than text message since losing his starting spot at point guard before Thursday's overtime win over the Los Angeles Lakers.
"Rafer Alston, while having made contact with the team via text message, has made himself otherwise unavailable to the team. As a result he has been suspended indefinitely," the team said in a release.
Alston could not be reached for comment. He did not immediately respond to an e-mail message.
Way to go out with dignity, Rafer.
American Airlines Arena: The fourth quarter of the Hawks-Heat game had to be delayed eight because the scoreboard showed Miami leading 176-77. As you can probably figure out, that wasn't quite the correct score.
Earl Watson versus Channing Frye verus Danny Granger versus...: With less than a minute left in the third quarter, Watson slapped at Frye, then Frye pushed Watson, then Granger slapped at Frye, who swung back. Then Roy Hibbert and Jason Richardson jumped in. And even though it was one of the wussiest "altercations" in NBA history, five technical fouls were handed out, including two (and therefore an automatic ejection) on Frye. How Watson -- who instigated the whole thing -- escaped punishment is anybody's guess. I mean, we have video review now, right?
Anyway, here's the video:
Said Frye: "I was just setting a screen for Steve [Nash], and Earl swatted my hands away the first time and that wasn't a big deal. And the second time, I don't think it was the right play. I want to emphasize it's not my style of play to be pushing people and doing things like that. But I think at a certain point, you've got to protect yourself. I wasn't going to punch him. It wasn't about me punching. It wasn't the right play, but it was me just letting him know I didn't think that was acceptable."
Responded Watson: ""The first time he dunked, he hit with his elbow. Then he put his hands on me. I told him to put his hands down. He pushed me and it escalated after that point. ... We have the reputation of being soft. but we're not going to give in to anybody."
Granger insisted that the Suns were playing dirty. No, really. "I told my teammates to watch and see what happens," he said. "We've got to stick up for each other and play as a team. One of their guys took a cheap shot at my teammate."
Honestly, you'd think guys playing for a team that was involved in the most infamous brawl in recent history would be smart enough to chill the hell out. Man, I bet Larry Bird was shitting himself when this went down. It's a good thing Watson and Granger found their inner tough guys against a team that's softer than a feather pillow stuffed with marshmallows.
The Minnesota Timberwolves: Even with Al Jefferson serving the second game of his DWI suspension, the Timberpoops -- who were playing at home, by the way -- attempted 18 more free throws, had major advantages in fast-break points (24-7) and points in the paint (52-32)...and lost 112-98.
Said Kurt Rambis: "Fairly typical game for us. Pockets of playing really well and pockets of playing very poorly." But mostly pockets of playing poorly.
The Memphis Grizzlies: Okay, seriously, WTF is up with the Griz? Their 109-92 loss to the Spurs was their eighth straight loss at home. What makes that really weird is that they recently set a franchise record with their sixth consecutive win on the road. According to Elias Sports Bureau, that makes Memphis "the only team in NBA history to simultaneously have streaks of six-plus home losses and six-plus road wins."
Explained Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins: "We've played a different caliber of teams away than we have at home. We just haven't been able to raise our caliber of play. We execute better on the road. We make a better effort and better decisions on the road."
If you say so, coach.
Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich added: "It's the strangest thing I've ever seen. I have never seen anything like that. I really haven't. As far as home and away games, I thought it was really surprising. There's no way to explain that."
Meanwhile, San Antonio lost Tony Parker for at least six weeks after he broke the fourth metacarpal (the bone between the bottom knuckle and wrist) during a scramble for the ball near the end of the first half. See what happens when you hustle, Tony? Let that be a lesson to you.
Actually, something similar happened to my buddy Mister P a few years back. We were playing a pickup game at our gym when, for reasons unknown, he dove for a loose ball at the same time I did. Now, I'm rather infamous for my floor dives, and most people who know me just walk the other way when I hit the floor. And Mister P never, ever makes those kinds of hustle plays (he will immediately concede this point). But for some reason, he dove and ended up with a broken finger that needed surgery. He didn't get the surgery, but he needed it. Anyway, he couldn't play ball for a couple months. Suffice it to say, he has not, to my knowledge, ever gone after a loose ball again.
The Los Angeles Clippers: They followed up Friday night's double-digit home loss to the Thunder with a double-digit road loss to the Jazz. The Other L.A. Team gave up 28 points off 20 turnovers and got outscored 56-35 in the second half. At one point in the fourth quarter, Mehmet Okur bricked a three-point attempt but then walked in for an offensive rebound and dunk. Later, the Clips had a 4-on-1 fast break that ended in a turnover.
"We got in a rut when we turned the ball over, which was a ridiculous amount of times."
They still are who we thought they were.
Saturday lacktion report: Hey lacktioneers! This lacktion is for you:
Hawks-Heat: In the Highly Unanticipated Rematch Of The Most Boring 7-Game Series Of All Time, THE Mario West lived up to his name in a second straight night of lacktivity by putting the plumber's overalls on briefly for a 4 second Super Mario!! James Jones bricked once in 1:45 for a +1 suck differential.
Spurs-Grizzlies: Malik Hairston avoided wealth for another consecutive day in the ledger by purchasing a beat up Deadly Towers cartridge in just 58 seconds for a Mario, while Hamed Haddadi negated two boards and three blocks in 10:15 with two bricks and a pair each of fouls and giveaways for a 4:2 Voskuhl.
Rockets-Wolves: Hilton Armstrong (barely avoiding a fortune at 59 seconds) and Jermaine Taylor (46 seconds) tossed spiky shells at each other as Mario Brothers under the watchful eye of Clutch the Bear!
Crabs-Bucks: Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson once again showed why his Bawful-created moniker is so appropriate, fouling once in 5:10 for a +1!
Pacers-Suns: Earl Clark tossed a chocolate-covered brick filled with two fouls for a +3 in 5:55, while Jarron Collins pruned a Piranha Plant in 26 seconds for a Mario!
Clippers-Jazz: Kosta Koufos collected himself a 2.3 trillion (2:20) check tonight.
Ron Artests' new "Rodman" 'do:Not even Anthony Johnson can take it seriously. In case you're wondering, that mess carved into his now orange/yellow hair is the word "defense" in three different languages: Japanese, Hebrew and Hindi.
Yep. Still crazy.
In related news, went 2-for-10 (1-for-5 on threes) and had a plus-minus score of -6.
The Los Angeles Lakers: Make it three! Three losses in a row! Ah, ah, ah. Apparently, the Lakers got the Magicians riled up by calling them "puppies." This led to an edgy game full of bumps, grabs, elbows, knees, and face-downs.
Said Dwight Howard: "Alpha dogs usually have the big bark. But since we're so-called puppies, we won't bark as loud." Well, Howard did enough barking to earn his 14th technical foul of the season. But for the most part, the Magic let their defense and physical play do the talking, holding L.A. to 37 percent shooting and outrebounding them 50-39. In fact, this game might have been a blowout if Orlando hadn't given up 20 points off 20 turnovers (versus 7 and 7 for the Lakers).
By the way, this is the Lakers' first three-game losing streak since they acquired Gasol from Memphis in February 2008.
Stat curses: The Magic could have sealed the deal by simply knocking down their free throws down the stretch. But with 20 seconds left, Jameer Nelson stepped up to the line and went 1-for-2 right after the announcers said he was a great free throw shooter. Instead of putting his team up by four, Nelson gave the Lakers a chance to tie (and they would have if Kobe had size 7 feet). Then with nine ticks left, Vince Carter went to the stripe and bricked the first of two after the announcers mentioned he was 12-for-12 on the day. That made it Magic 96, Lakers 94. Thanks Zeus Kobe finally choked.
Kobe Bryant's first three quarters: On the one hand, Mamba led the Lakers with 34 points, including 18 (7-for-16) in the fourth quarter. He also hit a couple clutch shots in the final minutes that gave the Lakers a chance to steal the game. BUT...he was 12-for-30 on the night and missed eight consecutive shots over the second and third quarters.
By the way, here's a belated WotN for when Mamba clipped Andre Iguodala in the balls while "challenging" a jump shot. Remember: The Mamba always strikes with unerring accuracy! Thanks to Basketbawful reader Jose S. for the link.
Pau Gasol: The Spanish Marshmallow played well -- 20 points (8-for-13) and 11 rebounds (6 offensive) -- but he stomped and flailed and basically acted like a littel bitch. In particular, at the end of the third quarter, he leaned into Dwight Howard, slapped, poked, grabbed and thrashed around as Dwight just stood there and somehow fooled the ref into calling a foul against Howard. It was Pumaman's 4th foul and reason number 1057 that I hate Pau Gasol. Great player...honey-soaked, marshmallowy douchebag.
Dwight Howard, quote machine: "You got a team full of Pitbulls and a team full of Cane Corsos, and that's what happens. We're the Pitbulls. Pitbulls are a little bit shorter, and Corsos are a little bit bigger. But, hey, we got the job done."
The Washington WizardsGenerals Bullets: This feisty Bullets team -- facing the Celtics in Boston -- was up 79-66 with 6:11 left in the fourth quarter. Then they made a mistake. They started woofing.
From that point on, the C's went on a 20-4 run to win 86-83. Washington has not lost five of their last six games.
Said Flip Saunders: "Well we choked. Six minutes to go and we're up 13 and we start talking to Garnett, start talking trash and everything else. Got Garnett and those guys juiced up. ... We were so discombobulated. You have a veteran team that knows how to close out games against a young team and instead of letting a sleeping dog lie, we juiced up their energies."
Memo to the Bullets players: Next time, quit while you're ahead. You know, instead of just quitting altogether.
The Boston Celtics: Okay, seriously, losing at home by double-digits halfway into the fourth quarter to one of the worst teams in the league wasn't enough to inspire them. It wasn't until the Bullets started talking trash that the Celtics kicked it into gear. That's...pretty sad.
Said Doc Rivers: "We've lost so many of these where we played poorly and lost. It was nice to play poorly and win. I just wish we could have played the first 40 minutes, like we played the last eight."
If you say so, Doc.
Added Ray Allen: "Fans, people around the building look at other teams and tend to think they are not supposed to score or even be in the game. They [Wizards] are getting paid the same as we are and I told the guys at halftime that we need to make them more uncomfortable."
Wait, last time I checked, the Celtics had three $20 million players and the Bullets had only one...and he's suspended for the season. Whatever. The Celtics have set a new NBA record for "excuses made in a single season." This team is second-round exit waiting to happen. I'm sorry, but it's true. I just can't see this squad beating the Crabs or the Magic in the playoffs.
Kevin Garnett: KG had one of the worst shooting nights of his career, going 0-for-7 from the field in 31 minutes. (He also committed a co-game-high 4 turnovers). Garnett hadn't been held without a field goal since he went 0-for-5 against the Knicks back on January 27, 1996. For perspective on this, that was back in KG's rookie season for the Timberpoops, when Isaiah Rider (19.6 PPG) and Christian Laettner (18.0 PPG) were the team's leading scorers.
JaVale McGee: From Basketbawful reader Sami H: "I know the Wizards blew their lead and all, but look at this stat: 5'5, 133 pound Earl Boykins had as many rebounds (1) in 13 minutes of playing time as 7'0, 252 pound JaVale McGee did in 31 minutes of playing time. Boykins also had more offensive rebounds (1) than Kevin Garnett did."
The "difference makers": Rasheed Wallace went 1-for-6 from the field and 0-for-2 on threes in his 18 minutes of PT. Nate Robinson went 0-for-3 and finished with zero points, zero assists and 2 turnovers in 14 minutes.
The Toronto Raptors: Chris Bosh was BACK...and the Craptors immediately suffered a double-digit home loss to a lottery-bound team that had lost five in a row.
Toronto's _efense allowed the Sixers to rack up 114 points on 55+ percent shooting. That included 30 fast break points and 56 points in the paint. Oh, and Thaddeus Young scored a career-high 32 points. There were hands and there were faces, but the two never came together.
Said Bosh: "They were more focused than we were."
Added Raptors coach Jay Triano: "We weren't very good."
Concluded Antoine Wright: "We've got to do a better job of getting our minds ready for the games. I don't know what it's going to take but something has to happen right now because we can't afford to lose games like this. There's not that much margin for error right now," Wright added. "You lose a game like this, you can go from fifth to seventh or even eighth. You don't want to be fighting to get back in the hunt. We've got to figure some things out."
The Curse of Walton: IT JUST WON'T END! The latest horror in this season of tragedies for the Frail Blazers: Joel Przybilla injured his knee in the shower and will need another surgery to repair the damage. No, I am not making this up.
In semi-related news, the Nuggets beat the Blazers 118-106.
Sunday lacktion report: In celebration of Mamba's non-game-winner, chris provides a special "Mamba meltdown" lacktivity update.
Sixers-Raptors: Mareese Speights spent 3:11 on the court accruing a foul, brick, and turnover for a +3 suck differential.
Lakers-Magic: Jordan Farmar was torched all night in his own backcourt by the Magic - and his lacktive statistics tell the tale: in 16:06, he bricked four times (twice from Lake Eola), fouled once, and lost the rock once for a +6!!!!
JJ Redick flew into the fray of forgettability by turning the ball over once and bricking thricely for a +4 in 9:15.
Rockets-Pistons: Chucky Hayes logged into the lacktion report tonight by countering a pair each of boards and assists in 14:08 with a brick and a trio of fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl. For Oakland County's assortment of engine parts, DaJuan Summers added a rocket booster to his Mario Kart in a mere 5 seconds, earning a SUPER MARIO!
Bullets-Celtics: Nick Young launched a blank piece of masonry from Dewey Square for a +1 in 2:47, while fellow projectile Fabricio Oberto became a fire flower for 24 seconds in a Mario - amazingly, the Fabulous One's very first foray into video gaming this season! For Boston, Tony Allen missed once for a +1 in 2:18.
Blazers-Nuggets: Jeff Pendergraph dotted one rebound in 3:52 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Denver's Malik Allen fouled once and lost the rock once for a +2 in 5:02 that also counts as a 2:0 Voskuhl!