Was 2001 that long ago?

Via Andy Gray's SI Vault

Ah, the weekend. And for some of us, a long weekend at that. Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Aside from the racial equality connotations we're all familiar with and thankful for, this also means we get three TNT games on Monday night! We need to celebrate. Lucky for us, if there's one thing we can always count on from professional athletes, it's that they will appear in really bad local commercials. Birdman Andersen is no exception. (And yes, I am legitimately disappointed the place was called "Mattress King" instead of "Sofa King" -- it's nice when the jokes write themselves)

(via Deadspin)

Before getting into basketball/basketbawful talk, a couple awesome links on the late night TV wars. First off, want to buy the Tonight Show? It's on Craigslist. Also, Jimmy Kimmel went on Leno's show last night and absolutely killed Leno. (Second video down)

And yes, I am aware that I did not give you the promised NBA 2K10 update this week. My bad. Busy week, and I'm on a second wave of meds trying to crush the sinus infection that has slowed my body to a Shaq-like pace. It will be written soon, and I will try to make it worth the wait.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Any caption I could write for this picture would not be 1/10th as awesome as the picture itself

This man started for the Celtics last night. And you wonder why they lost.

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Suns at Hawks: I'm going to watch this game and be entertained by the Suns run-and-gun fun. And then they'll give up a 20-4 run and break my heart. It's just too predictable.

Magic at Frail Blazers: At what point do we need to have a federal investigation to find out why so many Blazers get injured on a regular basis?

All The Other Friday Games:
Kings at 76ers: If the Paupers piss away a fourth quarter lead in this game, somebody better make sure Chris isn't near any windows or sharp objects.

Spurs at Bobcats: You know, the Bobcats have been looking kinda frisky lately. The Spurs aren't that good on the road. Could we see an upset here?

Bullets at Bulls: I still cannot believe that the Bulls are actually playing good basketball again. Didn't see that one coming.

Hornets at Pistons: The Hornets are a pretty terrible road team. However, the Pistons are just plain terrible. See the difference?

Pacers at Nyets: Oh, my God. Basketbawful Game of the Weekend right here. Just terrible.

Raptors at Knicks: I'm sorry, it just makes me sad to think these two teams are somehow in playoff contention.

Timberwolves at Grizzlies: Memphis is on a hot streak at home, but the only really interesting thing I noticed about this game? The Grizzlies are over .500, but have given up more points than they've scored for the season.

Thunder at Mavericks: Would you believe that Kevin Durant only averages 13 points a game against the Mavs? The way the Mavs defense has looked lately should give that number a boost.

Heat at Rockets: Can D-Wade pull another ridiculous shooting performance out of his ass with a sprained wrist? If not, the Heat probably lose this one.

Bucks at Warriors: As noted by RT last night, Monta Ellis can execute one badass handshake, and "maybe if the NBA were based more on handshakes the Warriors would be better than 11-26."

Clippers at Lakers: Well, I'm sure this meeting of two rivals will provide us with an epic battle... yeah, I'm sorry, I couldn't even say that with a straight face.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Suns at Bobcats: You know what? Just go up and re-read what I said about the Suns-Hawks game on Friday night. Or ask AnacondaHL. He'll tell you all about it.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hornets at Pacers: That was awfully nice of the Association to let the Hornets play back-to-back road games against relatively crappy teams!

Kings at Bullets: Back-to-back road games for the Kings leading to potential sloppy play, and any sort of game for the Bullets? I'll pass, thanks.

Knicks at Pistons: What do you get when two teams known for throwing up lots of bricks combine forces in a down-on-its-luck city? Charity! They'll put up enough bricks to build affordable housing for laid off auto workers.

Heat at Thunder: Fun fact: this year Jermaine O'Neal is getting paid more than 50% of what the total Thunder roster will make.

Spurs at Grizzlies: You all should know by now that I don't like back to back road games for the Spurs. They're talented, but they're also chronologically challenged. And I don't see DeJuan Blair having another 20/20 game this time around.

Bucks at Jazz Bipolar Girlfriend: Honestly? Just flip a coin. That's a better method of picking this game than asking me to analyze it for you.

Crabs at Clippers: There are two reasons why this game could end up closer than it should be: 1) The Crabs just won't get up for this game, or 2) The Crabs' bench will see significant playing time, and that will be uglier than the fat girl that tried to fight Snooki.

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Jazz Bipolar Girlfriend at Nuggets: In case you haven't been there before, you must go check out this blog. That is all.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Mavericks at Raptors: Can the Mavs remember how to play defense by this game? Stay tuned.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, a pre-mummification Juwan Howard! Ought-one was a long time ago.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LOL, Poor scalabrine, when he's in the starting lineup you should bet your life savings on the other team.

Blogger Ash said...
Anonymous, be careful! If they are playing the Nyets or Pups, that might not be a good bet!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Fucking rebound, fucking make a layup, fucking stop giving up the leads, fuck.

On the plus side, Dragic and Barbosa seem to be playing well together.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- Almost the same exact words that ran through my mind when they let Atlanta get a run earlier.

I was talking to my dad earlier in the first quarter of the Suns game. He asked "Who the hell is this Dragic guy?" Immediately after that, Dragic drove to the basket for a two-handed dunk and blew his mind.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I said it earlier this season, but something's changed with Dragic. He's shooting, ball handling, passing, everything with more confidence and swagger. It's like the big balls dance type turnaround. He may actually be okay to rebuild with.

R-Lo has been playing good this game too. STAT can suck my vajazzle. Letting him walk and kidnapping David Lee next season would be p cool.

And I'm going to check hoopdata after it's over, just to confirm if the Suns actually shot under 40% at rim this game, because seriously, fuck.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Agreed. Dragic is a completely different player this year than he was last year. And yes, Amar''''''e being traded or lost to free agency wouldn't make me shed a tear.

And oh my God, one point game with 3 seconds to go. Argh!

Blogger Dan B. said...
God fucking damnit. Burn in hell, Amar''''e.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
fuck this gay Suns

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Hahahahah mindless gunner ftw!

btw that pic made my weekend

Anonymous kazam92 said...
just saw the Leno video. Man that was brutal. Leno looked like he was gonna shit himself.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If i could just interrupt Dan and Anaconda' Suns-induced swear-a-thon, could anyone explain how the Paupers have become so craptastic? I remember .500 record or maybe better, and now they're actin' the bitch for the Sixers! I don't watch them on a regular basis. so maybe someone else could fill me. Philadelphia, gotdammit!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Warriors are pulling a Portland, getting hit by the injury bug. Two more Warriors went down tonight, in addition to two last night, and one guy fouled out in the 3rd, meaning they are literally trying to play with 6 guys.

Toronto pulled a bitchslap fight and nearly lost it in NY. Nets lose as usual.

Oh wait, you all think I'm not still angry at the Suns? NOPE. Hoopdata says the Suns were 18-37 At Rim. That's 48.7%, thanks largely to Grant Hill and Amundson. So minus them, that's 11-28, or 39.3%. I can't believe my exaggeration became prophetic.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Warriors update: Biedrins fouled out, leaving 5 players... then Curry picked up his 5th and 6th PFs! They had to let him keep playing, (as explained by Rule 3) and according to basketball-reference's game logs (1987-2010), this is the only time a player has ever logged all 48 minutes in a non-overtime game with 6 PF.

Same timeframe, believe it or not, there's actually one instance of a guy with 7 PF: Cal Bowdler in 1991 for ATL at POR, but this was due to a referee's error. A few others in the 50's had 7 and even 8 PFs, according to this post.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Washington came close to having 2 players with 20 rebounds. Does anyone know how to find out the last time a team had two players get 20 rebounds in the same game?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Superman gets 11-11 against a centerless Portland team, going 3-10 from the line.
He took his anger out by getting in a tussle with Blazers enforcer Steve Blake, at one point looking like he was going to pick Blake up by his jersey.
For reference Aldridge had 14-14.

Blogger chris said...
Davros: Really, it's simple: inexperienced rookie team that simply CANNOT CLOSE OUT games. The times that Tyreke the Freak has been able to do so...have usually occurred against relatively mediocre opposition (i.e. Bucks, Bullets, though there was that sweet night against Denver).

I do wonder though if Martin rejoining the fray will finally stop the bleeding. At least when 'reke is triple-teamed, he has an option now...

The .500 record was illusory, as it came before the stretch of the schedule in which they played the Crabs, Nuggets (twice), Lakers (twice), Orlando, and Team Iverson (twice).

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: Incoming string of games for added data points to the "Martin and Evans together maybe wasn't the greatest idea" theory. Scoring 14 points on 3-13 shooting was a good start (Tyreke only scored less once during the Martin-less interval, a 10 point 4-12 at MIN). Martin wasn't really on his game either.

Also, like the frog in water, you should document this process as a Kings fan, culminating in Rubio's return in two years and him saying "yea, I could have done this earlier, but I got drafted by a bunch of stupids." So the current state is transitioning from "a nice cool bath" to "hrm, I felt a warm draft, did someone pee in the water?"

Blogger tjr said...
Can I bring up that it would be much funnier to call Washington "The Washington Weapons" rather than the bullets.
No? Disagree?

And what do you think about Amar'e being traded to The Weapons for Jamison, Oberto, and Blanche it all matches up cash wise and I'd much rather see that than have to sit through STAT bust my balls about where he's going or not going in the off season.

Blogger tjr said...
Also while I thought of it how about
"ET phones home?" for the Joakim Noah pic?

Blogger jim said...
out of 28 total teams that played last night, 20 of them scored at least 100. and two got pretty damn close (99 and 98).

i'm curious as to whether that's a pace-related aberration, or just lousy defense.

or am i crazy in thinking this doesn't happen all the time?

Anonymous Jim said...
Not to interrupt the shop talk gents, but I do wish to thank our author for that incredible link.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Okay, that was K-Mart's FIRST GAME BACK FROM AN INJURY. Maybe this is not gong to work, but come on, two or three games of data is not at all enough to make an assessment.

If it doesn't work by February, if both of them simply will never play well together? Then it doesn't work and Petrie and the Maloofs can truly center the team around Tyreke. Whatever. Just make something work out here, it's not exactly like there's a championship legacy to uphold.

Speaking of the Kings...

I forgot to address this yesterday, but I was listening to 1140AM when they were discussing the new arena thing, the planned land swap with Cal Expo, etc. That's all nice, but one thing I kept hearing was...

"Hey, everyone has to give a shout out for David Stern because of his support in this process..."

"Nobody ever wanted the Kings to leave from everything we heard, it wasn't like Seattle."


Yeah, it's nice that the Kings are getting backed by the Association for a new project here - good luck - but come on, it's obvious as day that the primary reason that fans didn't show up at the KeyArena was a protest against Clay Bennett's regime and his desire to have a new building primarily funded by taxpayer money. How is their situation any different? Does Stern and the rest of the crew feel obligated to Sacramento for some reason that they didn't with a city that won an NBA title? Hmm? Maybe they're feeling guilt over 2002?

If it took Seattle losing their team for the Association to "realize" that Sacramento was an "important market" (like that is their actual rationale), then...uh...yeah, Seattle still got hosed.

Blogger Dan B. said...
hmm -- Well, Washington used to be called the Bullets back in the day, and it was one of the greatest team nicknames ever. However, they decided to rename them the Wizards to make it sound less violent (even though the original Bullets name was referring to a brand of shoes, not ammunition). So it just plain feels right to call them the Bullets.

Jim -- Glad to hear you enjoyed a link we posted. Now I'm just curious which one you meant. :)

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
and the water slowly boils as the frogs sit happily in the pot... ah well, Rubio could still turn out to be a bust anyways. A bust with such a gorgeous face.

99.9 pts/g league average this year, which is made by league pace average 92.9, and ORtg average is 106.8. So compare to 03-04, aka the Pistons handcheck year, Pace 90.1, ORtg 102.9, and 93.4 pts/g.

Chicks dig the 3-digit box score.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
chris - High school and JC sports are facing the chop, the state is taking money back from the already broke cities, and somehow they (whoever that may be) are going to find the money to rebuild Cal Expo in Natomas? (Not ranting at you, just pointing out the darkness behind all the pretty words.)

Besides, the Maloofs dropped the Monarchs, so that should free up about $1.57 for a new arena.

Martin isn't the answer. He's not a leader, which is what the Paupers need. They'll have wait on Evans for that.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
What a difference Pau Gasol makes. A week after losing to the Clips without him, in Gasol's first game back the Lakers outscored the Other LA Team by 37 points in the second half to win by 40. Last night also marked the first time the Lakers had everyone on the roster healthy enough to suit up since November 13th. Just in time too: after Monday's game at home against the Magic the Lakers go on a road trip which won't have them back home again till after Groundhog's Day.

LA is now 20-3 when Gasol plays.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Pau Gasol for MVP.

Blogger m said...
i just saw an OFFENSIVE GOALTENDING on joel anthony in the miami-okc game. it's even in the yahoo play-by-play. how ridiculous is that?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
WORST OF THE WEEKEND: The dream of every Lakers fan, an interactive tour of the Lakers facilities, complete with bad acting cameos! That naked Farmar level made me gay for the Lakers. (This is one of those phrases that I do sometimes, which sound simultanously serious and sarcastic, but yes there's actually naked Farmar. Click the link, you know you want it.)

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: But is it as epic as Fake Farmar getting Brandon Jennings off his game?!

m: To think, I always thought that "offensive goaltending" is a positive euphemism for dunking. Most of the time. wow.

Davros: Cal Expo has a unique ownership arrangement (and I think this is where they're hoping they can sell to some private developers that will make the Arden Fair area even more clogged with traffic) that may make all this work, but it does lead to the question I have asked from the beginning: why can't the Maloofs contribute more of the cost for this project, instead of shouldering it directly OR indirectly on the public?

And, ugh. The paupers got shot down at the range, er, Phonebooth. That is all.

CAPTCHA: "boozoo," i.e. "If the Kings continue to play down to their opposition, pretty soon Arco Arena will be a boozoo and Gavin and the family will be looking at Las Vegas again."

Blogger Harlow said...
HAha love the first pic.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Paupers lost to the Sucksters and the Bullets by the exact same score! If that isn't proof of a conspiracy, then it's probably not.

chris - I finally got around to reading the proposal, and it's a fucking scam. Kamilos the Liar is supposed to fund the project by the development the Cal Expo site. With the huge surplus of vacant commercial and residential space in CA, how is that going to work? Who's going to buy in? (Kamilos the Liar is trying to sell a similar scheme down here on the West Side.) As they said on the Wire: "He's worse than a drug dealer, he's a developer."

As for the Maloofs, the fact that they couldn't keep alive a team in the WNBA, which is more heavily subsidized than ethanol, seems to suggest they don't have any money to spend. But hey, maybe they will when they "retire" that $68 million loan from the city. It may be a boozoo sooner rather than later if people start to look into this.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
great pic of Mark Cuban one here from Sunday game


Blogger Will said...
Chauncey Billups pulled off a Dantley tonight with 29 points on 17 TOs.

Blogger Will said...
By TO I mean FT

Blogger Unknown said...
This is not a comment on the pic but have you guy's seen this story on the knicks not playing well because of ghosts in a haunted Oklahoma hotel. Even people without form or mass on a different plane of existence can beat the knicks !Ha Ha

Blogger jim said...
@anaconda: i dig the triple digit box score, too. let the hand-check rest in peace forever, i say. maybe add four pointers and five pointers, too, at 30 feet and beyond half-court.

Blogger chris said...
Davros: If you want to see an example of real estate failure in this area, look no further than the still-not-complete, but mostly vacant Elk Grove Marketplace thing down at Route 99 Exit 284. Yeah.

Now, while there is a glut of real estate in this area certainly, Cal Expo/Arden Fair HAS always been a pretty successful part of town. I suspect also that infill will be a better sell than trying to build yet another partially-occupied development in Natomas, but...that assumes there's anyone interested in infill in the first place, which is debatable.


Strigoi: I think it was in an earlier WOTN...

jim: Antoine Walker would be proud.