In all honesty, I could probably just nominate the entire All-Star Weekend for a "Worst of." Millions of people vote for the All-Star starters, approximately 100 times that many people bitch and moan about who did or didn't make it in, and then NBA fans as a collective unit either dismiss or openly hate the game as well as all the side-events and hoopla that surround it. Plus, the players do the same thing. They go on and on about this or that teammate who should have gotten in, and then the guys who DO make it more or less sleepwalk through the three-day gala. I've never seen so many people care so avidly about something they couldn't care less about. But, since my pact with the Devil forces me to provide the masses with free comedy, here we go:

Dwyane Wade's fashion sense: If you watched the Rookie Challenge, you probably noticed that Steve Urkel was an assistant coach for the rookie team. But here's the thing: Jaleel White would have had to have taken an Andre the Giant-sized dose of HGH to fill out like that. (Plus, I'm pretty sure he served me at T.G.I. Friday's this weekend.) No, it was actually Dwyane Wade, who apparently got dressed by running through Bozo the Clown's closet at full speed with his eyes closed. The ensemble included a blue sports coat over a yellow v-neck sweater with a bow tie and glasses. Explained Wade: "It was a combination of a lot of different things. It was a tribute to one of my assistant coaches in Miami -- Keith Askins. He wears a bow tie. So I told him during the season, 'I'm going to show you how to wear it.' Also, I just wanted to try something new, being conservative. I brought the glasses because I was a coach so I thought I would look smart." Well, uh, misery accomplished, Pookie. Of course, it would turn out that Wade's outfit was only the second-worst clothing choice of the weekend. But more on that below.

Bill Laimbeer: Ugh. I would have rather seen him in D-Wade's outfit...even if Wade was still in it at the time:


When I see Karl Malone these days, I think: "Man, I hope I look that good when I'm his age." When I see Bill, I think: "If I ever look like that, I hope someone will shoot at me. And shoot to kill." This isn't the other fashion faux pas I was referring too, by the way. Keep reading. (P.S. Yes, I know this is last year's picture of Bill. I couldn't get one from this year. Can anybody help me out?)

The Rookie Challenge: The rooks actually have two wins in this series, in 2000 and 2002. (And get this: Dirk Nowitzki, a former regular season MVP, and Paul Pierce, last year's Finals MVP, were both on the sophomore team that lost in 2000.) But the sophomores still have an 8-2 edge in the series and, as of this weekend, now have seven straight wins. I'm just saying, it's getting a little sad. If you saw a beaver caught in a bear trap, wouldn't you set it free? You know, after you stopped laughing at all the "beaver" jokes you were going to tell your friends later? Of course you would. So please, David Stern, end the slaughter of our rookies. If LeBron's rookie team couldn't win and this year's exceptionally talented class couldn't break through, it's just an exercise in futility. Why not pit the rookies against the D-League All-Stars, as some people are suggesting?

All-Star HORSE, er, GEICO: Most of you already know how I detest the ridiculous renaming of this competition -- why not just call it something more appropriate, like TAMPAX or VAGISIL? -- but the contest failed in more than just its name. Look, I would have booed that game of HORSE/GEICO if I'd been forced to watch it at my weekly pickup league. The fact that NBA stars were bricking their way through that contest was enough to bring Pistol Pete back to life just so he could die again, only this time of shame and embarrassment. Kevin Durant eventually warmed up enough to make it mildly interesting in that "watching a spider slowly suck the blood out of a dead fly" kind of way. But that wasn't enough to save it.

I suppose the game was semi-doomed from the start, probably for a couple reasons. First off, when the NBA held HORSE games back in the 1970's, the winner got $15,000. I know it may not sound like a lot these days, but according to Basketball-Reference.com, Pete Maravich made $600,000 in 1978-79...so that $15K represented a pretty sizable bonus. I couldn't find out how much prize money Geico was putting up for this year's competition, but relative to Joe Johnson's $14,232,566 salary, the winnings would have had to be in the $350,000 range to equal the Pistol's prize for winning 30ish years ago. Since I seriously doubt Geico paid out that much, I'm guessing that the money wasn't exactly a motivator.

Secondly, today's players are all wacky about pride and respect. Don't get me wrong. So were Pistol Pete, Bob McAdoo and all those guys HORSEing around in the 70's. But go back and watch one of those old HORSE showdowns. You can tell they took it seriously. Durant, Johnson and O.J. Mayo played with a kind of mock casualness so that, if/when they lost, they could just shrug their shoulders and say it was no big deal. That way, they wouldn't lose face. But while I'm sure it helped Johnson and Mayo sleep a little better that night (and shrug off all the trash talk), it certainly robbed the game of anything remotely resembling intensity. And personally, I think some intensity would have made them shoot a little better. But what do I know?

Tony Parker's skillz: There's no shame in losing the Skills Challenge to a rookie, not when that rookie is Derrick Rose. There is, however, more than a little shame in getting bounced in the first round with a course time of 50.8 seconds...a full 17.5 ticks after Rose. But it gets better (or worse for Mr. Longoria): That finish made TP the proud owner of the two slowest times ever recorded in Skills Challenge history. (He slogged through the course in 45.5 seconds in 2003.) Duncan face!

The Slam Dunk Shamockery: Let's face some facts: Nate Robinson shouldn't have won it, okay? Yes, he's a freak of nature and it's amazing that a man who's only four feet tall can slam dunk a basketball with enough force to create tiny alternate realities full of four-foot men who can dunk. But his winning slam -- which will probably go down in NBA history as the "Kryptonite Dunk" -- was a shamockery. Watch:

Like Reggie Miller immediately pointed out, Nate didn't jump over Dwight Howard; he used his off arm to vault off of Howard's back. Why not just let Robinson use a trampoline? Or wires? Or let George Lucas CGI the dunk? Freaking Howard dunked on a 12-foot rim and then almost slammed it home from the free throw line. Dwight won this contest. It was the biggest rip-off since 2006 when -- surprise, surprise -- Robinson beat Andre Iguodala despite the fact that it TOOK HIM 14 TRIES to complete his final slamma-jamma (it took Iggy only two tries).

Look, I know the little guys are always the sentimental favorites, but come on. Oh, and by the way, Rudy Fernández got totally hosed by the judges. Bet if he were half a foot shorter he would have won it.

Craig Sager: At least Dwyane Wade was (I guess) trying to be funny. But Craig Sager -- who's long been known for his rather horrific sense of fashion -- hit a new, all-time low, even for him: Pink sports coat with a red hanky, pink and white striped shirt, blue tie with purple polka dots and red pants. So hideous that Kevin Garnett told him to burn it as soon as he got home. I can only hope for the sake of our children’s eyes that Sager took KG's advice.

Phil Jackson: I guess that P-Jax didn't get the memo that the All-Star game is intended to be a fun and entertaining exhibition of basketball for the fans. Dude single-handedly spoiled whatever fun might have been had by employing a friggin' ZONE DEFENSE for most of the game. Really, Phil? A zone?! It's the f'ing All-Star game! Who the frick wants to see a zone?! Seriously, that made me so angry I would like to spend the rest of my life punching Phil in the face and/or groin. Instead of nifty passes and impressive dunks, we got to watch the Eastern Conference All-Stars brick away from the outside (8-for-35 from downtown).

Said KG: "Well I felt like [the three-point shot] was the only option. It was the first All-Star game I've seen that you couldn't into the paint, and that was odd. I'm sure they had a strategy for winning. ... It's a weekend for entertaining and high-flying, I don't think people want to see zones and all that." No kidding. Added Dwight Howard: "I think on defense they played a zone, so we couldn't get to the rack. It was tough for us to get into the paint. It seemed like they had Shaq, Yao and Amare and Tim (Duncan) and everybody in the paint loaded up."

Look, I understand that the point of any game is, in most instances, to win. But that's not the goal of the All-Star Game. The point then is to wow a fanbase that is becoming increasingly angry and disconsolate every year. Instead of trying to make the people happy, Jackson put his own desire to win-win-win ahead of everything else. Congrats, Phil. I'm glad that operation to remove your shame gland was such a glorious success.

Dwight Howard: First he was the prop that propelled Nate Robinson to the 2009 Slam Dunk Championship. Then he was the prop that propelled Shaq to become co-MVP of the All-Star game. Way to stand in the right place at the right time, Dwight.

The MVP selection: Kobe got a co-nod for gunning (a game-high 23 shots). Shaq got a co-nod for dunking and that sweet give-and-go. But what about Chris Paul? He ran the show and amost finished with a triple-double (14 points, 7 rebounds, 14 assists) plus 3 steals. But All-Star MVP selection is almost always about scoring, so what did anybody expect? Still, the role that the point guards play in this game is always underrated.

Update! Chris's lacktion report: Joe Johnson had probably one of the worst ASG performances of all time, on the heels of being first eliminated in HOR...er...GEICO with a missed granny shot: In 21:38, he bricked four times (three pieces of masonry from downtown), took a rejection, and gave the ball away to the West on FIVE occasions. That's a suck differential of...+10. Wow.

And when the East lost by 27, being a -28 lacktator is absolutely bawful. Bawful enough that his local paper found his scorelessness worth writing about. Johnson's line was so sleep inducing that CP3 tried to use him as a pillow. But Paul was kind enough to play hot potato with Johnson. On the other hand, Chauncey Billups' new defensive appproach to another poor entry from the Atlanta all-star into the key has Shaq dumbfounded.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
D-Wade was fresh. Should he have dressed like a thug or a Wall Street exec (see 99% of the NBA)?

Blogger Bre said...
Did you see Sager's red gators...excuse me...ostrich shoes??? He was dressed like a nerdy Detroit pimp.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Allen Iverson (aka I killed any hopes from Detroit to win a title) was an All-Star!!! Jesus!!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I respect Nate Robinson for his skills but I agree with every single one of the points you made about "The Slam Dunk Shamockery". Iggy'06 and Howard'09 got ripped off.

Also, I bet Howard had won this year had he switched that free-throw dunk with one of the dunks in the first round. People were kinda "disappointed" at the end...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think Paul had 11 assists.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Instead of nifty passes and impressive dunks, we got to watch the Eastern Conference All-Stars brick away from the outside"

Kudos to P. Jax! Always a master of subtle humiliation and sly insults.

Maybe they should learn how to shoot open jumpers. After all, they are the best of the best.

[Disclaimer: I haven't watched any portion of an NBA "All-Star" game since '94 and from the evidence of this recap I'll will easily be another 15 years.]

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I also would like to see Nates's step-on-Wilson-dunk. Dat was ridiculous. And not in a good way. People do that in highschool.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
You know what my general annoyance is with the Slam Dunk competition? I hate that every single dunk now has to be some kind of lob to oneself rather than just a really hard slam or acrobatic ballet. The Jordan-Dominique showdowns in the 80s were great because you had Jordan wheeling the ball all over the place before slamming it home versus Dominique just trying to throw it through the rim with as much force as possible. Nowadays the dunks have little force or artistry at all, and are instead purely borne of degree of difficulty based on how hard it is to throw the ball to yourself (or have a guy try to bounce it off the backboard behind his back, or throw it off the floor while standing in the stands, etc). It's a dunk contest, not an alley-oop contest. Just throw it down for crying out loud!

I think a big problem with the HORSE competition was that it was being played outside as the sun was beginning to head towards setting, so there were awful shadows everywhere, and lots of the shots had the players shooting with the sun in their eyes. Also, the basket seemed a bit loose, not sturdy like the ones indoors. The players clearly didn't give a crap who won though, and that hurt as well.

I was annoyed with the overall defense that was played in the All Star game (same could be said for the Rookie game as well). In addition to the zone being played, guys were still taking intentional fouls and sending players to the line rather than give up a dunk, and that stuff is pure nonsense for an exhibition game. Really disappointing.

BTW, I don't think that Dwight Howard's dunk was on a 12' rim, it looked like it was a foot taller than the regular rim at most. Also, I want to know what he was doing in that phone booth for so long when all he'd done when he emerged was grabbed a cape (he hadn't even put it on yet - he did that after he came out).

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Anonymous #1 -- In some places, cow tongue is served fresh, but I don't necessarily want that either.

Beezy -- I can only assume that Detroit pimps (and Craig) are color blind. Or just blind, period...

Anonymous #2 -- Technically speaking, yes, A.I. was an All-Star. But only technically.

0nyx -- You're right. Dwight definitely should have saved the 12-footer and his transformation into Superman for the final dunk. Oh, and if he hadn't let Nate jump over him, he'd have won it.

Anonymous #3 -- Actually, he had 14 assists. I just typo'd.

Cortez -- Jax can be a dick on his own time all he wants. But this game was for the fans, not his own sense of superdickery. I'm just sayin', the NBA wants to hold on to fans, not alienate them. Jax's move only pissed people off.

Geert -- Agreed.

Blogger Cortez said...
"But this game was for the fans, not his own sense of superdickery."

I guess since I'm a grating asshole myself I appreciate his antics to a greater degree.

"I'm just sayin', the NBA wants to hold on to fans, not alienate them."

I think just maybe it would be better for the fans if the "all-stars" we're capable of shooting (and hitting) over a piss poor zone (I assume the zone was played in the half-assed way most all-star games are played in).

"Jax's move only pissed people off."

Missed wide open jumpshots by millionaire wing players piss me off even more.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is why the all star game blows. Im not interested at all in any of the anything they will ever put into the all star weekend especially when i dont even like half the players that are in it. The dunk contest in 100% manure as well. Every dunk is a gimmick and im not impressed by gimmicky dunks. I didnt watch the ASG at all this year and i honestly didnt even turn on my television but maybe they didnt give it to howard because they realized he won it last year with a layup. I havent seen one of those in a dunk contest since Darrell Armstrong did it in 1996. I will never watch another ASG in my life.

Blogger DocZeus said...
What Dwight should have done is after Robinson made the Krypto-Nate dunk, he should have wheeled out the 12 foot rim and dunked over Nate Robinson. THAT would have won him the championship.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can't believe you didn't mention Nate's biggest sham of a dunk when he used his teammate's back as a step ladder to deliver one of his dunks. I'm glad you also thought Rudy got burned by the judges because his two dunks that he did were way better than any of Robinson's. I seriously think that Nate contacted the league prior to the contest saying that he had this whole "krypto-Nate" gimmick planned out so don't let the judges disqualify him. This competition is rigged. It's like pro wrestling.

Blogger Dr. Pym said...
Yeah, if Dwight had done the phone booth thing LAST, with the 12 foot rim, he would have won, no doubt about it. As he proved last year, you can win with showmanship now, which is great. We need to have more fun with the dunk contest. Everyone is expecting a new impossible to do back flip, and then when nothing new is done, everyone bitches and moans.

Dwight should have gotten a mention in this post for poor planning. Did he really expect to win the whole thing with a free throw line dunk? It's not like it's that hard for him... he's almost seven feet! In fact, I think that was the problem. Dwight is almost seven feet, so almost every dunk looked so easy... the crowd was able to sympathize with Nate, because he was small and had to use more effort in dunking.

Even if he used his hand on Dwight, the fact that he actually ATTEMPTED that and got somewhere decent should give him props. Fans in general have become WAY too cynical with this contest. Everyone keeps expecting everyone to do the next new dunk. It's such a refresher watching the old dunk contests. Players do the same dunks, and ones that aren't as creative, but are full of finesse and power, and no one complains. To me they are more entertaining than any dunk contests from now-a-days. I am looking forward to next year's, though. Lebron and Nate in the same contest, and all of the New York sportswriters you can imagine with even MORE horrible "Lebron to NY" puns! Ohhh boy, how exciting! And by exciting, I mean headache inducing.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Sorry, I LOVED what Dwayne Wade was wearing. It was fun, unlike the other sleepwalking stars there.

And I enjoyed the GEICO competition, watching OJ get crushed as Joe Johnson (who had GEIC) makes his 1-foot 1-handed 3ptr, then Kevin Durant (who also had GEIC) nails it as well.

I'm probably just trying to distract myself from the Suns's domestic problems. Sigh.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Haha, I guess that I'm the only one who thinks Craig Sager's (intentionally?) obnoxious fashion sense is awesome.


Blogger Nick Flynt said...
I have seriously had better games of horse at the gym.

Especially when the sky hook and free-throw line bounce-pass-into- the-basket is falling. No wonder that dude was able to beat LeBron. Guys these days just don't respect horse.

Jordan would have been great for this game.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
So the instant I type the word "sigh": It's official. Porter is gone.

Amare on Gentry: “I think Alvin is a great players’ coach,”

Goddamn how many times have we seen this before. Get that "dead coach bounce" hotlink on the ready, Bawful.

Blogger skr said...
an't really call out Laimbeer for his appearance in this year’s all star game when he standing next to Chauncey Billups...in a Piston's jersey. That pic is clearly not from this weekend.

He didn't look any better this year though. Looks like a fatter, more dull witted version of Alec Baldiwn in the picture you posted.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
Well, at least our coach is guarenteed to be handsomer. No more lopsided Popeye Jones-like looks of confusion/ discontent/ Duncan Face/ Sadface. Come on Alvin. Good ol' Clippers coaches always make a comeback. Oh wait.....

Blogger Victor said...
King James deserves a mention for hijacking the dunk contest. That's a lot of ego to announce that you're entering during the climax of the final round. If anyone follows baseball, this reminds me of when A-Rod opted out of his contract during the World Series. That kind of attention hogging move.

And how about that 3 point brickfest? 7 points, Mr. Lewis?

This has probably been mentioned in the comments leading up to all star weekend, but I'll do my All Star selection bitching here. What the fuck is with the total lack of logic of all the Mo Williams for All Star supporters? He's the EXACT SAME PLAYER for the last 3 years, but because the team he is on is better while he stays the same, suddenly he's an All Star? Likewise, Caron Butler is essentially the same player as last year. But now because Brendan Haywood is injured, Deshawn Stevenson sucks ass, and Roger Mason is gone, suddenly Caron Butler is no longer an All Star even though he's the same player. Apparently All Star voters in every sport are stupid.

Blogger Bobbo said...
i actually enjoyed nate's kryptonite dunk even if he did use his back as it was still pretty impresive and he still dunked the ball.

the biggest slam dunk sham was definitely dwight howard's superman "dunk" from last year that has now somehow become this iconic nba shot but he did not even make the dunk, it was a glorified layup with a cape.

rudy fernandez should have won this year.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
There seems to be some anger a-brewin' over the apparently xenophobic commentary made by the TNT crew concerning Rudy Fernandez' appearance and performance in the dunk contest. Personally I did find it a little off-putting that they were so blatantly dismissing Rudy's chances in the contest well before it even started, and then ripped him pretty thoroughly while doing two fairly impressive dunks. Thoughts?

Victor, it's the stupid typical reasoning of the NBA and the media when trying to figure out who's great. It's the same reason why Kobe won the MVP last year (was he really any better or was it just that he had better teammates?), and it's the same reasoning for why LeBron will probably win the MVP this year. I think there are some instances where a player goes to a team and effects that team's performance in a really significant way, whether good (Nash to Phoenix in 2004) or bad (Iverson to Detroit this year); but often if the same player is suddenly surrounded by a lot of new teammates, the end result is more due to the teammates than to the one player suddenly being vastly different.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am a big Nate Robinson fan (along with all former UW Huskies players; even Spencer Hawes), but I totally agree with you, and I agree with Yams as well:

I get that it's about "entertaining the fans" and so forth, but I'm tired of the costumes and the dances and assistance from other players as well. Get people who can dunk, and tell them it's not a damn fashion show- get out there and dunk. Jumping off a person's back, or using their shoulder to vault to the rim, should be a "0" score every time. You didn't dunk. Period. If I climb up Shaq's back and dunk off his shoulders, does that count? No, and neither should what Nate Robinson did.

Vince Carter is a total douche bag, but he absolutely crushed the competition in '00 without silly dances, superman capes, extra rims, human step-ladders or anything else. It's time to get back to basics, NBA.


-Shaq was awesome, as always. The guy just knows how to party and have fun and it shows. Love him or hate him, he was entertaining. And holy CRAP the guy can dance!

-Brandon Roy really showed that he belonged out there. That guy is so impressive in that he is always under control, makes good decisions- and he can get up and throw it down (which always surprises me). He reminds me of a young Ray Allen minus the dead-eye 3pt shooting. Both guys had a great handles, finished well at the rim, and could take over games, all without seeming to even break a sweat.

- Stats aside, I thought Mo Williams, Iverson, Yao, and Johnson looked lost out there. Too bad the Wiz suck this year; maybe Caron could have been picked. He would have been fun to watch.

- I thought Ginobili should have been there. I know he's been hurt and all, but... to me he would have been a better addition than Billups. Chauncy is good and all, but Manu is a way better scorer/creator and his style is just fun to watch- isn't that what All-Star games are about?

captcha: carep

The game was total carep, dude.

Blogger chris said...
Evidenced from the bawful Geico "horse trophy," they DIDN'T pay $350K, and probably not even $15K:


Seriously, whatever Pistol Pete received in the '70s probably involved a little bit more metal, craftwork, and value than this toy.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, given Johnson's propensity for bricking past the arc, can we blame P-Jax's zone defense for creating lacktivity in a game that absolutely should have nothing to do with it?

Blogger chris said...
And is it me or is this the first time in sports history that a coach was fired AFTER his home court hosted the All-Star Game?

(ESPECIALLY since his team's "prized acquisition," a Twitter-and-martial-arts machine, was co-MVP!)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Re: Rudy

I just watched his dunks for the first time today- yeah, damn. He got hosed.

Without getting up on a soap box and pissing off a bunch of people on the internet, I just want to say that the NBA is a little confused right now. They want to include the whole world in their game, but then they go and hold their own little mini-medal ceremony for the Olympics, which was little more than a showcase for American NBA Olympians. The whole "ring ceremony" was crap. These guys got gold medals... why are they getting rings? From the NBA??! Did they give Argentina rings and honor them at the All-Star Game in 2004? Let me remind you: no, they didn't. They had a representative NBA player for countries that participated in the games this year, however. Why didn't they honor Manu Ginobili, Andres Nocioni, and Carlos Delfino (I'm not sure if Herrmann and Oberto were in the NBA quite yet) with rings in '04?

So on the one hand, it's "the world's game" and we want to market the NBA in Europe and Asia blah blah blah, but once the rubber hits the road, we're singing the US National Anthem, and it's "god bless the USA" and "go fuck yourselves and have a nice day, everybody else"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jaleel White actually filled out pretty well since his Urkel years. http://i28.tinypic.com/205yxc9.jpg

I'm just sayin'

Anonymous Anonymous said...
RT- I'm with you on Sager. That was hilarious.

The HORSE game should been full of old dudes like Michael Jordan, Mark Price, Reggie Miller etc. with some substantial money for a favorite charity on the line. Now that would have been fun to watch.

And what is going on in Phoenix? And how is Colangelo still in Toronto? I think it is now official: other than one smart move (the Nash signing) the last two Phoenix GMs have been absolutely terrible. All this drama further convinces me of D'Antoni's masterful wizardry. Maybe now Kerr will bring in Sam Mitchell to complete the chain (since Mitchell was a Porter assistant in Milwuakee before getting his head coaching gig in Toronto, which he kept until he was cruelly fired as the scapegoat for a former Phoenix GM's awful and obvious offseason mistakes... the parallels/vicious cycle of this thing is mind-numbing).


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dead wrong about the slam dunk contest. The judges were trying to hand it to Dwight Howard... and HOward's dunks were pretty lame. There is no way in hell his first two dunks were "50s". The fact they tried to fix the competition was enough for me to text a couple votes for Nate (who I actually despise). Justice was served when Dwight (a far popular player) was outvoted by Nate (a generally disliked twit). Just shows you how disappointed people were with the judges trying to fix the competition.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Regarding the ring ceremony at half time of yesterday's game, how come Marc Gasol was honored? It looked like they were only honoring the players who played in the All Star game and who were in the Olympics, yet Marc Gasol was there as well for some reason. If they were just honoring anyone and everyone who played in the Olympics, where was everyone else? If they were only honoring players who played in the Olympics and who also took place in All Star weekend, where was Rudy Fernandez?

Can they please get rid of that stupid Shootout event in which only four cities are represented and which is really only there to plug the WNBA? It's an absurd contest which basically boils down to "who will get lucky enough to hit a half court shot first?" That thing is the worst part of All Star weekend, bar none.

Also, would it be physically possible for Kenny Smith to be involved in any more All Star weekend events? I don't think it is. They need to rename the whole thing 'Kenny Smith's All Star Extravaganza' or something.

Blogger David Menéndez said...
I just spent two hours writing about the freakin' dunk contest, and now came to read what you had to say, Bawful. Basically I noticed two things: I'm still amazed at how much we all care about a game/weekend that we say doesn't matter at all about _and_ actually doesn't matter at all.

It's almost as if we were all able to glimpse something great in all that untapped potential, always out of reach. There's a great show in there somewhere if someone figures it out.

Wild Yams is pretty much spot on in his comments, too. The Olympics thing was badly done, the three stars contest is stupid (but Laimbeer was great in it, for the record) and HORSE wasn't as good as it could be. They should've picked players who were going to play it the way it was meant to be played (o 'Sheed where art thou?).

I'm thinking the lack of Barkley overSmithed the ASG. Sad.

Shaq gets the ASG as it is today. I think everyone wanted to give him the MVP from the moment he broke out the white mask and started dancing - they (we) were all just looking for an excuse and Dwight PropMan Howard helped provide it.

I think we're giving Pjax too much shit, and I'm not saying that because I'm a Lakers fan. I think he was trying to bring the All-Star game back into focus, back to the days when it was, for the most part, a game that players wanted to win. The whole point of bringing the best players together is to see who wins, not to spend 48 minutes dunking. I mean, honestly, even the players have to get bored of that shit.

Why bring them together in the first place if they're just going to do fancy stuff? There are certainly loads of non-all-stars who can do fancy stuff, too, so why not have them play a 48 minute game and dunk and dribble and fly and go crazy? Make the all-star game mean something, make the players want to win. If the fans protest in favor of an actual game, the players will deliver, just look at the West team. If the East Team would have stepped up instead of wilting in the face of "I don't want to play more minutes than I have to" pressure, it might have been an electrifying game.

Blogger David Menéndez said...
Just what the Suns need, more high impact players: http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/29223886/

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The NBA-

Where doing 90 in a 35 with a toddler in the back seat happens.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I agree with the filthy logician. I want an all star game in which we can get the best players in the league in the same building, let's get them to compete! I don't care for Dwight Howard alley oops which take place without a single person in the lane. I hated it when the ASG would be lame for 3 quarters and THEN people would buckle down and that's when things got exciting.

If anything, I salute PJax for employing a zone defense and forcing the East team to fight their way through it. I actually thought the ASG itself was far more entertaining because it felt like the teams were competing (the west was clearly superior, and Mike Brown was clueless).

The dunk contest today is an insult plain and simple.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I can't help but feel that if there's some kind of higher, omnipotent power lurking out there, he must really hate the Suns for some reason.

Blogger stephanie g said...
ASG is a defense free lob dunk fancy pass whorefest: fans bitch.

ASG has teams playing defense: fans bitch.

Personally, I preferred the old '80s and very early '90s ASGs where the players seemed to care somewhat. It looked almost like a normal game except the teams were loaded. It's like when people try to come up with weird teams and they argue over who would win. That's fun. So I liked this year's ASG. The East sucked though, especially their bench. Plus PJax rode out his stars. But the way it was played was fine with me.

Durant was the only one who cared in the rookie-soph game. That's why he almost got 50. Or else everyone else was really nervous. He's the only reason the sophs barely won btw. He brought them back from 9 down to a tie in like 12 seconds, it was crazy.

I liked Wade's getup. Making fun of it is like seriously criticizing Sager. It's a joke, OK? This isn't even the first time KG has "ripped" into him. It's a running gag. I guess everyone has to play along but some people on some forums I see act like this is for real.

Anom: Great point about the Olympic rings re: hypocrisy. That would have been hilarious if they had done that. Manu would've had his lunch money stolen though.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
In all, this weekend proves that the NBA is a huge marketing ploy-riddled with politics (and/or conspiracies). I mean, Nate Robinson vs Howard in the finals- Rudy getting dismissed because he didn't wear a Halloween costume, Shaq and Kobe getting a co-MVP after the weeks-worth of stories about their reunion... It's getting to be too much, it's not directed at true basketball fans, that much is clear. At least this is the one time this year that I'm glad that I can't watch NBA games here...

Earlier Annon -about legends doing the game of Horse: about 5-7 years ago, I remember Magic Johnson playing a game against... I want to say Isiah... That was so lame. All they did was shoot threes and laugh into the camera.

Also, am I the only one who doesn't like the C-Webb and Payton combo? Seriously, it's like a terrible, un-funny shock-jock, morning radio show where all they do is talk over each other and laugh into the mic. I miss mr Turrible.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Payton and C-Webb are pretty good IMO but they do need to stop talking over eachother and getting into laugh-offs. It sounds like a bunch of 5-year-olds wound up on pepsi and snickers bars going on about which TMNT character is the coolest (even though we all know damn well it was Michaelangelo)

stephanie g- KG was totally joking about the suit, and D-Wade was trying to be silly. But this IS basketbawful, and I think posts were acceptable and even obligatory on these wardrobe shenanigans.

also I'm not sure what you meant by "Manu would've had his lunch money stolen"... could you explain that? Do you mean he would've gotten mugged after getting a ring in '04 or that he would've gotten run over by players in this year's ASG?

I watched bits and pieces of old ASG's on TV this weekend and I also thought it was cool when the teams played hard and cared. I have no problem with players playing at 80% (as opposed to 15%) on defense. In fact, I'd like to see them award home-court advantage in the Finals to whichever conference wins. THAT would make it interesting.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Also, am I the only one who doesn't like the C-Webb and Payton combo?"

No, they are pretty damn horrible.

It's probably not coincidental that I didn't care for them too much as players either.

"The Glove" my ass. The way he ducked that Jordan matchup in 1996 was a joke.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Actually, DWade's (and to a lesser extent, Dwight's) outfit was one of the few things of the ASW that put a smile on my face.

Lackluster event, no doubt.

Blogger Caleb Smith said...
All I realized this weekend was that Kenny Smith may actually be more annoying than Reggie Miller(!).

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Quote of the night brought to you by Reggie Miller:

“Shaq and Kobe put thier differences together tonight” LOL

Blogger Jon said...
no mention for wade bricking all three FT attempts after being fouled shooting a 3 pointer?

I'm a Lakers fan, but I'll be the first to tell you that Chris Paul got jobbed for the AS MVP.

14 points, 7 rebounds, 14 assists, 3 steals and only 1 turnover? while shooting 50% at 7-14?

nobody's stat line even came close to that (Kobe was the nearest with 27/4/4 with 4 steals to 1 turnover on 12-23 shooting)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Caleb, [picture me squeezing your cheeks a la Billy Madison] don't say that... don't you EVER say that!!

Reggie Miller is the most annoying commentator in the history of Western Civilization and any other civilization you want to mention.

I would allow Bill Walton to call the birth of my first child before I would let the police stop me from ripping out Reggie Miller's vocal chords (I don't care how much PCP or Coors Light it takes to get the job done).

Come to think of it, Luke Walton can even deliver the damn baby if it saves me from the "insights" of Reggie Miller.

And, yes, 'bawful, I literally have nothing else to do with my time right now... I'm at work for another half-hour. Thanks for clearing out that double-dunk-contest-comment, even if it does make me sound like a liar or a failed mathlete.

CAPTCHA: "thetonoc." Admittedly, tony.bluntana prefers "thechronic."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I agree with Wild Yams, I thought Rudy's first dunk was the most impressive dunk of the evening, and I thought that there definitely seemed to be some "bias" against him. Everything else was ridiculous, and only given credence because of who was doing the dunking. It was like a popularity contest. Also, wearing clothing, or bandaids, with your name on it will always be lame, and has been since the third grade.

Blogger Clifton said...
That J-Rich incident happened about two miles due north of my house (don't worry, I'm just a regular peon down here in SOUTH Scottsdale... J-Rich was definitely drag-racing just northwest of Downtown). Anyway, he turned north on 64th off of Camelback, and that is a straight residential area, as in, with houses (albeit BIG houses) lining both sides of 64th Street. Further north as it passes through The Phoenician, 64th Street turns into Invergordon Road and opens up a little, but if he punched it right after turning onto 64th (like it sounds in the article), he was doing 90 past peoples' driveways and front yards.

Not that doing 90 in a 35 with an unrestrained kid in the back seat is OK in most any area, but still.

Google Map of the area. You tell me if that looks like a safe street on which to shoot for 100 mph.

Also, I love how Banks' contract is so poisonous that Miami couldn't wait to wash their hands of it. That seems like it's been lost in the Drain-for-Marion talk. Fitting, though, that Bryan Colangelo now gets Banks back, so the contract he thought he'd left for good in Phoenix has come back around.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
swin cash is so hot

too bad she left the D

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Here in Spain there is no doubt that the TNT and people like Kenny Smith and Reggie Miller deserve a special nomination for "Worst of".

Let's say... Rudy tributed Spain's first man to play in the NBA Fernando Martin by wearing the jersey Fernando Martin wore in Portland.
Miller and Smith started doing jokes about "Ricky Martin". It's OK that they not to know such a Spanish legend because he didn't play that much in the NBA. But he's a legend here in Spain and should be respected not a target of free mockery. His family deserves some apologies (yes, he died in an accident in 1989).

And well, the continued talking about Rudy having no options (although his dunks were by far better than Nate's) and that Rudy failed because of "the amateurism of Spain". Do I have to remember Reggie there is professional basketball outside of the NBA?

It's sad to hear such words from such a legend like Reggie Miller. And it's sad to see that while the NBA tries to get international it still shows xenophobic gestures in the slam dunk contest.
Afroamerican players such as Bill Russell had a hard road to be in the NBA. But European players had a hard road too. Players such as Fernando Martin, Drazen Petrovic or Arvydas Sabonis were pioneers that opened the door to important NBA players like Yao, Dirk, Pau, Manu or Parker. The deserve some credit, you know TNT...

Blogger Jundi said...
anyone else thinks laimbeer kinda looks like alec baldwin there

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger DocZeus said...
I don't know what kind of a world we live in when a 5'7" leprachaun leaping over a 7 foot monster is not considered an amazing effin' dunk even IF he used the dude's shoulder to spring board over him. Seriously, people that was amazing. Stop bitching, Nate won.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
mam d wade was supa fresh sum ppl dnt kno style