Dirk yell

The NBA scheduling geniuses: Last night was the kind of evening I like to refer to as scalper's night off. I mean, Clippers-Spurs and Knicks-Mavericks? Those are two games so boring that TNT refused to show them. Okay, I'm not sure that's why the games weren't on National TV. And I don't care. These games sucked all the hope and motivation out of me.

The New York Knicks: They had a decent chance to steal this one, but their offense disappeared in the second half. Which is a problem when offense is all you have. Their field goal accuracy dropped to 25 percent in the fourth quarter and they missed their last six shots. They also committed 19 turnovers and had only 15 assists. But hey, at least they aren't the Clippers.

Nate Robinson: The wee tiny man scored only 9 points on 16 shot attempts and hit only 1 of his 9 three-point attempts. In fact, he's 3-of-30 from downtown over the last five games. But keep shooting, Nate! The Law of Large Numbers states that they'll start dropping...eventually...or not.

Dirk Nowitzki: The Clanking Dutchman scored only 10 points on 3-for-13 shooting, which included an 0-fer on his last seven field goal attempts. Dallas coach Rick Carlisle claimed Dirk was playing with a temperature of 101 degrees...despite the fact that it was clear Dirk was ice cold. Nowitzki, for his part, said he had a "head cold" and said his poor shooting was the result of the Knicks' double-teaming defense. Hah! Like the Knicks play defense. Said Nowitzki: "When it was winning time, I didn't have a great rhythm shooting the ball. I was able to get some assists when they double-teamed me." True. He finished with 7 dimes, which tied Chris Duhon for the game-high.

Jason Kidd, quote machine: According to the AP game recap: "With Dirk Nowitzki not feeling his best, Jason Kidd did something Thursday night that he prefers to leave to others. The pass-first point guard elected to shoot the basketball." Thus Kidd tied Josh Howard for the team-high in field goal attempts (15) and hit a couple big shots in the fourth that helped the Mavs hold off the Knicks. And this is what Kidd had to say about it after the game: "You have to erase your floppy disc and become a shooter." Uh huh. For the record, Kidd currently ranks 7th all-time in three-point field goals attempts with 4174. In fact, he also ranks 80th all-time in field goal attempts (13258). Don't think 80th sounds that high? Well, it puts him ahead of a lot of noteworthy scorers/gunners, including guys like Chris Mullin (83rd), Stephon Marbury (85th), James Worthy (86th), Dirk Nowitzki (87th), Tim Hardaway (90th), Paul Pierce (91st) Jerry Stackhouse (99th), Antawn Jamison (103rd), Rasheed Wallace (110th), Kevin McHale (111th), Chuck Person (113th)...need I go on? So really, Jason, I don't think any floppy disk adjustments were necessary.


The Los Angeles Clippers: The Clips are still without Baron Davis (bruised tailbone), Chris Kaman (sore left foot), Zach Randolph (bruised left knee), Ricky Davis (serving a five-game suspension) and Mike Taylor (broken right thumb). So here's the question: If they weren't any good WITH those guys, how bad d'you suppose they are WITHOUT them? And here's the answer: Their loss to the Spurs last night was their ninth straight. The Spurs shot 51 percent and led by as many as 24 before settling for a 22-point win...despite the fact that Tim Duncan, like most other NBA fans, took the night off (8 points, 4-for-11). Believe it or not, the Clippers actually built a 9-point lead in the second quarter before -- in typical Clipper fashion -- things fell apart. Said Clippers prisoner Eric Gordon: "In the second half, they hit everything they shot. We have to change the way we play our game, like playing better on defense." Yeah. For starters. But not all was dark and dreary. Cheikh Samb scored his first basket as a Clipper! Oh, you hadn't heard about that trade? I'm not surprised.

You know how bad the Clippers are? According to their team report: "Their current nine-game losing streak is the longest skid by any NBA team this season." But here's the thing: The Timberwolves suffered a 13-game losing streak from November 29th to December 23rd. Even the Clippers' team report sucks! It also stated that the Clippers may be interested in Darius Miles. Which would be perfect, if you think about it, because then the Suck Cycle would be complete. Of course, the Clips might be in trouble if they try it, because of...

The Portland Trail Blazers: Blazers president Larry Miller recently sent the following email to representatives of every NBA team: "The Portland Trail Blazers are aware that certain teams may be contemplating signing Darius Miles to a contract for the purpose of adversely impacting the Portland Trail Blazers Salary Cap and tax positions. Such conduct by a team would violate its fiduciary duty as an NBA joint venturer. In addition, persons or entities involved in such conduct may be individually liable to the Portland Trail Blazers for tortuously interfering with the Portland Trail Blazers contract rights and perspective economic opportunities. Please be aware that if a team engages in such conduct, the Portland Trail Blazers will take all necessary steps to safeguard its rights, including, without limitation, litigation."

Don't know what all the hubub is about? Well, it breaks down like this: Originally, everybody thought that Miles had to appear in 10 regular-season or postseason games for the $18 million Portland still owes him to get dumped back onto the Blazers' payroll. However, the league office ruled that the six preseason games that Miles played for the Boston Celtics counts toward the 10. Before the Memphis Grizzlies waived him, Miles played two regular-season games for them that raised his season total to eight. So he could be one 10-day contract and a couple trillions away from crushing the Blazers' hopes of landing a big time free agent next summer AND pushing them into the luxery tax bracket.

The Blazers are trying to both play the role of victim and bully teams into night signing Miles, but the real victim here is Darius. He just wants to continue his career. And the Blazers -- who chose to trade of their own free will -- are trying to stop him for their own selfish reasons. As one Eastern Conference executive said: "The point that everybody is missing is that this isn't about Portland's salary cap. It's about whether this guy [Miles] is healthy enough to play or not. He obviously is healthy enough to play. It doesn't matter how good he plays. He can still play, and they said he couldn't. Portland received benefits when [Miles'] injury was ruled career-ending. If he can play, they don't deserve to have those benefits." Exactly.

Sasha Vujacic: I found this on the OC Register via Ball Don't Lie. It's a day late, but I feel it needs to be reported here: "Sasha Vujacic has a new high-profile nemesis: Chris Paul. Vujacic's unique resume that already featured being choked by Carmelo Anthony now includes being called by Paul a five-letter word that starts with 'B.' That's what Vujacic said Paul called him late in New Orleans’ victory over the Lakers on Tuesday night. 'He called me names on numerous occasions,' Vujacic said. For yelling back at Paul -- even though Vujacic insisted all he said was: 'What did you say?!' -- Vujacic got a technical foul from referee Joey Crawford. (Then Vujacic got an earful from teammate Kobe Bryant, who was more than a little peeved that this game in which he was so absurdly hot with his shot was slipping away.)"

Not exactly surprising. Here's a brief recap of Sasha's colorful history. 'Melo choked him down. Baron Davis gave him a shove. Renaldo Balkman elbowed him in the face. Rafer Alston went out of his way to humilate The Machine. And these incidents aren't limited to opponents. Kobe Bryant once elbowed him on the bench and Andrew Bynum told him off during a preseason game. Oh, and let's not forget this season's little tiff with Trevor Ariza. My skin crawls every time I have to watch this guy play. Which, as far as I can tell, is true of just about everybody who isn't a Lakers fan. Let's face it, Sasha's the most annoying guy in the NBA right now. With the potential, I might add, to go down as an all-timer.

Labels: , , , , ,

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think Blazers deserve to have Miles' salary back on their payroll, since they offered him this ridiculous amount of money in the first place.

Blogger chris said...
If Darius Miles reaches that 10-game mark, does that mean that any future trillions on his part will end up more expensive (for all involved parties) than the lacktivity that Fabricio Oberto has accrued so far this season? Wow.

In these down times, great economic planning goes a long way. And the games the Blazers have played with Miles's status don't exactly come across as competent financial planning...

CAPTCHA: "stess" - similar to "stress," or what Greg Oden is feeling in his arthritic joints if this potential cap hit prevents the team from providing him his daily dose of Centrum.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I couldn't agree more on Vujacic, what a little bitch. Vujacic stands at as the kid brother that you wish would get off the court and shut his mouth.
Also, lest we forget...


Blogger Trev said...
Portland should just sign Miles and send him to the end of the bench to hand out Gatorade and do his little antenna's up gesture every time Greg Oden hobbles over to the bench.

Also I wish I was playing in the NBA, NOT for the money, fame women, or even the "love of the game". Nope none of that just for the opportunity to call "The Machine" a bitch and then punch him in the face. I fucking hate that guy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Regarding Miles-
just out of curiosity, is there any rule that prevents the Trailblazers from signing Miles themselves then keeping him on the bench for the rest of the year? He is a free agent right? It seems this could be some kind of a preemptive strike to spend a little money, but save the 9 million over the cap. They'd have to clear a spot on the roster, but still.. I wonder if they're allowed to do this. If they can, it seems like a good call because I fully expect some team to hire him just to mess with Portland's future prospects.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
From True Hoop:

"If the Heat's players appear sluggish early in Friday's game against the Kings, they have a pretty good reason. The Heat's 108-97 loss to the Nuggets on Wednesday was just the start of a difficult night. The team was forced to spend the night in Denver when mechanical problems grounded its chartered plane. ... Guard Dwyane Wade said team members sat on their plane for nearly two hours after they left the Pepsi Center in Denver. They eventually got off the plane and checked into a nearby hotel at 3 a.m. Thursday morning. The Heat checked out at noon and then flew to Sacramento. 'I've never been through nothing like that before,' Wade said. 'It was a bad start to a road trip, for sure. We didn't check into a five-star [hotel], I can tell you that. I guess we'll see how it will affect us. You just have to be professional and try to get back into a rhythm for [Friday's] game.'"

You see, they lost because they didn't stay in a Five-star Hotel the night before. Wade really has it tough, and he has every right to complain.

Blogger jacob said...
as a lifelong laker fan, i can say that yes, if sasha were on any other team i'd hate on him with the passion. like, ginobili-status. but as it stands, since he's on my team i support him and watch with glee as he pisses off just about the entire league. we cheer for him like you would any bright autistic child.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Everybody hates Vujacic- aint it gREAT??

I've filed him in my "guys you love to hate" category; right next to James Posey. Yeah he's a douche- but what fun is the NBA when everybody is all sunshine and gumdrops and puppy dogs? Screw that. I want to see some superdickery from time to time.

Long live the machine!

Blogger Clifton said...
So much for Sidney Moncrief helping to revamp Golden State's defense. He's been exiled to China.

No, seriously.


Also, here's a better shot of Robert Swift's emo fingernails.

Blogger tree said...
Loved the 'floppy disk' quote from Kidd. He unintentionally gave the most appropriate metaphor for his play possible.

Much like a floppy disk, Kidd hasn't been useful for nearly 5 years! Both CAN be useful given the right circumstances, but anyone caught using either would mercilessly mocked for being stuck in the '90s (especially when there's more up-to-date technology available: i.e. Travel drives / Devin Harris ...).

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Portland should just hire a hitman and have Darius Miles killed. It would be much easier.

Blogger Trev said...
I'm surprised Robert Swift is only painting his nails and tattooing every inch of his body. If I where him and had to play for the Thunder I'd go the extra mile and dye the flaming red mop on his head black, start cutting my self and have my name officially changed to Robert Smith.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just checked in to say that Eddy Curry registered a plus/minus of -9 in 2:38, which means that his team lost 3,6 points per minute he played! Basically, that means that probably he was standing still at midcourt, inviting opponent players to score.

That guy has written EPIC FAIL all over. Which means on a LOT of skin.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think Portland is right in this. Bawful and a lot of people aren't really looking at PTown's statement fully. They said if someone signs and plays him with the intention of affecting the Blazers... which will be obvious if it happens. Portland isn't mad that a couple teams gave him a shot. They're mad that someone published a story which basically is saying "If I were an owner and didn't want to see Portland succeed, I'd sign Darius miles, give him a minute in 2 games and then cut him" and I'd be pissed too. If a team signs Darius and plays him twice for 10 seconds and then cuts him that is some horse shit and should not adversely affect Portland. Now if a team signs him, works him the hell out in practice first and then gives him legitimate minutes because they need a tall, scrawny, used to be atheletic, inconsisent, no offensive game having, sometimes mildly affective help defender, thats a different story.

Sasha is a freaking annoying little sissy crybaby. I wonder how quick he'd get all teary eyed if people played that frantic slappy bitch defense he employs against HIM. He'd go all Big Baby Davis for sure!! And why the fuck does he think he's a superstar and deserves calls?? The only reason he's not constantly in foul trouble is because he's a Laker. If he were anywhere else he'd be on the bench all game with that "D"...

Blogger mrm3x1can said...
oh, no. most annoying is definitely Nocioni. He brings nothing to the team, cries about every call. Expects a call after every shot he takes, and EVERY single game, the opposing team hates him. He is represents a lot of whats wrong with the NBA right now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Clippers part is money, and I do love the Clippers

Vujacic can't get past Eddie House in the Most annoying player ranking. House was a annoying jerk even before, and this year scored a three at the buzzer vs Sixers, with Celtics already up 20..

so now he's up there in the Olympus of jerks, after Rick Fox.

Vujacic would be a Top 5 at best

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah... I loved Noc 3 years ago when Chicago took Miami to 6, but he has devolved from an exciting/explosive/athletic sharpshooting X-factor to a steamy lump of poo since then.

And speaking of Argentine players, I am kind of happy that we haven't been talking about Ginobili as much this year, because he isn't flopping all over the floor anymore. It really bugged me that he did that for years because I always felt like, as Mark Jackson would say "he's better than that".

Maybe Noc will clean it up sometime down the road, but right now, he's racking up the douche-points quick-like.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
During the cavs-celtics game, jeff van gundy called lebron better than larry bird although van gundy calls bird the better shooter, post player, and rebounder. It must be the crab dribble

Blogger lordhenry said...
I like Sasha, but I'm a Laker fan so I know my opinion doesn't really count. And I liked seeing him cry after he let Ray Allen by on that layup during the finals. I would cry too, that was horrible defense, but at least he gave enough of a $hit to cry.

"Lord Vujabitch, come forward and read the opening minutes," calls out Sith Lord Kobe from his throne in the fortress of Minas Mamba. "Why does my Sith name suck so bad? I mean, Gasol gets to be ""Lord Vega"" and you are ""Lord Mamba,"" cripes, even Bynum gets to be ""Lord Shotkiller"" and he wasn't even here last year!" "It's really simple," snaps Kobe, "Lord Machine sounds dumb, and if you had your pick, would you really want to be Lord Vagina?"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Said Clippers PRISONER Eric Gordon" LOL!! Dude, you kill me.

Blogger Clifton said...
The Amundson Watch continues. It's hard to extract anything meaningful from most of the Suns backups' stats tonight -- I think the entire 4th quarter would classify as mop-up duty -- but Amundson played almost 30 minutes, was in there early in the game making a difference, and was a part of that monster 3rd-quarter run which iced the game before the 4th quarter even began. However, the team went 19-for-22 from the line (Shaq went 7-for-7, his first 100% FT game in 8 years), and all three misses came from Sweet Lou, who went 2-for-5. So, in his last four games, he has played serious minutes, averaging about 23½ per, and has gone 6-for-23 from the free-throw line.

But that is honestly about the only negative thing I can muster about tonight's game, and even THAT seems nitpicky; Amundson throws himself around out there like someone who's genuinely thrilled to have this opportunity, and hopefully the free throws will work themselves out as he gets used to the rhythm of the game. I even got to watch it, for once, rather than being confined to the radio all game; myself and friends picked it up just before the half at Dave & Buster's, and had a great time dividing our attention between the Suns game and the nail-biter Lakers-Pacers game which were on adjacent big screens about 5 feet from our table. Sweeeeeeet.

In other news, an argument broke out at our table about whether Mike Dunleavy Jr. looks more like Ben Affleck or Paul Rudd. I said he looks like the preacher who runs the school in "Saved!", but if I had to pick between the two above choices, OBVIOUSLY it's Paul Rudd. However, Jeff (The Filthy Logician) is stuck on this Ben Affleck resemblance. Oh, and Jeff Foster looks like Ioan Gruffudd from Fantastic Four.

Anyway, back to the hard-hitting basketball commentary: All active players on both teams got into the game in the Suns-Mavs tilt. Of course, the Suns were ahead by 30 throughout the final quarter, so it's not like it was a meaningful rotation, but get this: Every single man on the Suns roster -- I mean everyone currently signed to a contract, since the Suns have no inactives and no one in the D-League right now -- scored at least 2 points in this game. We had a running tally going on at the table. J-Dud didn't take a shot from the field, but he sank 2 FT's to complete the scorecard. Alando Tucker made his season premiere, and believe it or not, Goran Dragic ventured out of Terry Porter's doghouse to make an appearance. Somehow, he still looked terrible; on every drive to the basket, J.J. Barea was all over him like a fat man on half-price burrito day.

For the last 6:34 of the game (when Dragic came in), the Suns featured a line-up of Amundson, Lopez, Dudley, Dragic, and Tucker. That there is a 5-pack of human victory cigars. And on the other side of the ball, not to steal Chris' thunder, but Devean George followed up his :00.8 Ultimate Mario the other night with 12 minutes of lacktion, taking one errant 3-pointer and getting one rebound, and that was IT, not even a foul. Now THAT is not trying.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
What possible legal leg to the Blazers have to stand on in this issue? "Sign this player and we'll sue you."??? That's crazy! As a friend of mine said the other day, someone should sign him just to play him in a game against Portland, then run him out there to get double technicals for taunting the Blazer bench, or call a timeout with one second left in the game just to sub him in or something.

As for "The Machine", there was another incident a few years back that wasn't mentioned, in which he baited Mike Bibby into picking up two technicals in frustration, which prompted the Laker announcers to begin calling Bibby the president of the Sasha Vujacic Fan Club.

Oh yeah, Boston fans shouldn't be too down after losing to the Crabaliers last night. Even though Boston lost, at least they can rest assured that due to the huge toll beating the Celtics took on the Crabs, Cleveland will inevitably lose their next game, and thus Boston won't fall too far behind in the standings.

Alright, I think we need to take a basketbawful pole to decide if Mike Dunleavy, Jr. looks more like Paul Rudd or Ben Affleck. It's coming to blows out here in Arizona. We need to settle this through a non-violent medium.

And in the likely outcome that I'm wrong (and everyone picks Paul Rudd), Clifton still sucks.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
The Filthy Logician -- I spent way more time looking at images of Funleavy, Rudd and Affleck than I ever, EVER should have had to do. But my unofficial ruling: Mikey looks more like Paul Rudd.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
makes me cry to type this out, but we get two live games per week in Malaysia, and the Knicks-Mavs game was one of them this week. d'oh!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
just letting you know that Dirk is German, not Dutch

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am a lakers fan and i hate Sasha V as much as the rest of the world. send the little ponce back where he came from. And send Space cadet back home too.

Blogger Clifton said...
Amundson Free-Throw Watch '09: Lou played 17 minutes vs. the Clippers and did not go to the line, so the Watch is briefly on hold. Still, now he's "6-for-23 in his last five games" instead of "6-for-23 in his last four". And he got blocked twice again, both times very ego-ectomy-ish, once by the Camby-Man and once by DeAndre Jordan. Like I said... that'll happen when you're 6'9" -- maybe -- and trying to play down in the land of the giants. But bless his heart, he's TRYING. He did pull down 6 boards and dished a gorgeous flip assist to J-Rich for a 3-pointer.

There are three back-to-backs coming up in the next two weeks, including a 4-in-5-nighter that ends at Boston next Monday. That means there are three games which Shaq will probably miss... will they continue with their folly of starting Lopez, or will they give Sweet Lou his first start of the year (probably of his career)?

This game was hard to watch, though. I worked all morning and kept dozing off on the couch. So did the Suns, apparently; how do you not put away the Clippers' backups? The broadcasters kept calling the Clippers a "scrappy bunch." That's homer-speak for "a bunch of guys we should be beating by 25, but we're playing down to their level and letting them stay in it." Mbleh.

Clifton, obviously the Suns are taking a cue from the Lakers, who decided that games are much more interesting if you give up leads and then make the fans unsure of victory - only to drill some cool shots in the final thirty seconds and make Kobe and Bynum (but not Vlad the Rad) look really cool.

Because, you know, that's what the Lakers have been doing. Sigh...stupid jerks.