(Statbuster is Basketbawful's stunt double today. Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say...blog about it.)

Kings Defense: They let up 139 points at home against the Magic, including an NBA record 23 3s. Someone, anyone, please, hand in the fa...ah, screw it. They countered the long range onslaught by playing Kenny Thomas 3 minutes. It didn't work.

Detroit Pistons: Losing at home to a team with 5 road wins will get you an auto-mention on WotN. In the closing seconds, Ray Felton broke down Rodney Stuckey AI-style at the top of the key and hit the jumper to clinch the game 80-78. A.I., on the other hand, had a Ray Felton-style 12 points and 4 turnovers. The Bobcats have been playing much more gooder since trading away Jason Richardson. Who would have thought that rebuilding your team around Boris Diaw was a good thing?

Charles Barkley: Is out of T-Mobile's Five. If they try to replace him with Jeff Hornacek and Tim Perry, I'm switching to Sprint. Seriously.

Randy Foye: Played awesome in a home loss against the Heat, but also has an amusing medical condition called situs inversus. In other words, his internal organs are all reversed compared to a normal person, Bizarro-style. So...if someone told him to "follow his heart", would he run backwards? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Memphis Grizzlies: Are one Darius Miles game away from possible litigation from season ticket holders the Blazers. And one game away from an awesomely awkward conversation with GM Chris Wallace in the People's Court hallway. First Darko Milicic and formerly Kwame, then Mike Conley, now Darius Miles. The Griz are an Adam Morrison and Michael Olowokandi away from completing their NBA Lottery Bust Museum.

Kyle Lowry, quoteologist: After losing to the Cavs by 15, "We try to bounce back, but the balls keep bouncing the wrong way." Outplayed, but never out-punned.

Kobe Bryant: With Knee-Mac and Con Artest out, Mamba saw he was matched against "The Cookie Man" Von Wafer and turned the clock back to 2006. The result? 33 points on 32 shots. How'd Wafer do? The Man They Call Necco held his own and scored a career-high 23. A late Kobe three and two missed FTs from Rafer Alston kept this one from ending very badly for LA. The Lakers are under .500 this year when Kobe takes 25 shots or more. Again, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

The Mavericks "Backcourt": Despite 44 from Dirk, Dallas lost a close one to the Nuggets 99-97. This may or may not have something to do with Jason Kidd, Antoine Wright and JJ Barea combining for 3-23 shooting and 8 turnovers. In a completely unrelated story, Devin Harris is 5th among Eastern guards in All Star Game voting. Polls close January 19th!

Atlanta Hawks: Joe Johnson is shooting under 30% in his last 5 games against the Suns. The fine tradition contined Tuesday night, with a 4-21 shooting night in a 107-102 loss in Phoenix. Even worse, Mario West was held Mario-less. Even worster than that, Shaq is now Croatian.

Chris Andersen: When he needed eight tries to make a dunk during All Star Weekend, what was the real problem? He was too close.

Update! Kobe Bryant: Kobe and Luke Walton visit The Bunny Ranch. Luke goes into the room with the escort first while Kobe waits outside. When he's done, Luke closes the door behind him and says, "Don't waste your time, man. My girlfriend's better." But Kobe goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Damn, Luke, you were right. Your girlfriend isbetter."

Update! Lacktion report: [Statbuster did an awesome job filling in, but I still wanted to include Chris's daily lactivity update. Posts could be spotty over the next few days. I promise there's a good reason. -Basketbawful]

Bobcats-Pistons: While Amir Johnson blocked a shot to prevent his nine and a half of mediocrity at his home court in Auburn Hills from becoming noteworthy (due to the four fouls and a turnover he was working on), Charlotte's Adam Morrison came through in the non-clutch and took +1 (brick) in 3:33. And yet the hallmark of Michael Jordan "management skills" managed to outscore the Pistons 18-10 in the final frame, taking an 80-78 victory. (Pistns if this keeps up?)

Cavs-Grizzlies: Jawad Williams didn't make good from downtown for the Crabaliers, racking +1 in 1:19; his teammate Darnell Jackson however wanted no part of the fun and productively added a rebound to his scoreline, negating a four-foul and one-brick performance in eight minutes.

Lakers-Rockets: Sun Yue rises to the occasion, with a near-3 trillion (2:53 of lacktivity to be exact).

Mavs-Nuggets: James Singleton transformed a 7 second Super Mario into a sucky session of +1 via one foul, not exactly the high-powered insider trading that warms Mark Cuban's heart.

Hawks-Suns: Jared Dudley felt like being Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, earning for Phoenix a scintillating 3.5 trillion!

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33 Comments:
Anonymous Nick F. (Buck Nasty) said...
First post straight outta Alabama public High School, sweet. I'd like to say that Sacremento had no pride. They literally handed the three-point record to the Magic (granted that Brian Cook made one of the shots).

I saw the last 10 shots, and believe me, they were surrendered.

Not that you should fight for pride when you don't have ten wins and are down by 20+.

On the Shaqtus: How did it take him 15 years to learn how to shoot 60%+ from the foul line?

Anonymous Jay Jones said...
Luke Walton doesn't have a wife...

Anonymous Chubbs said...
I love the Luke Walton vs. Kobe battles! Hey you can call Kobe an inefficient scorer last night, but he was 3 for 4 in the last couple minutes including the GAME WINNING THREE in Shane Battier's face (right after Shane hit a three). Call him arrogant, call him a douche, but he makes them when it counts.

That's quite a stat about the Lakers under .500 when Kobe shoots 25 or more shots. But when Kobe shoots 25 shots AND shoots at least 46%, Lakers are undefeated. It's all in how you want to see it. And it's all in the hips... It's all in the hips

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kobe had a bad game overall, but you can't ignore his 3 for 4 down the stretch with a 3 from the parking lot that won the game for the Lakers. He misses that shot, Lakers definitely lose. He scored 11 of the Lakers last 13 points, Wafer had 0 points in the 4th.
So despite playing like crap early in the game, he got it done when it counted.

Blogger chris said...
Nick F. - Suckramento and pride haven't mixed since the Stern Button was pressed on this team so many years ago.

BTW, last night's lacktion:

Bobcats-Pistons: While Amir Johnson blocked a shot to prevent his nine and a half of mediocrity at his home court in Auburn Hills from becoming noteworthy (due to the four fouls and a turnover he was working on), Charlotte's Adam Morrison came through in the non-clutch and took +1 (brick) in 3:33. And yet the hallmark of Michael Jordan "management skills" managed to outscore the Pistons 18-10 in the final frame, taking an 80-78 victory. (Pistns if this keeps up?)

Cavs-Grizzlies: Jawad Williams didn't make good from downtown for the Crabaliers, racking +1 in 1:19; his teammate Darnell Jackson however wanted no part of the fun and productively added a rebound to his scoreline, negating a four-foul and one-brick performance in eight minutes.

Lakers-Rockets: Sun Yue rises to the occasion, with a near-3 trillion (2:53 of lacktivity to be exact).

Mavs-Nuggets: James Singleton transformed a 7 second Super Mario into a sucky session of +1 via one foul, not exactly the high-powered insider trading that warms Mark Cuban's heart.

Hawks-Suns: Jared Dudley felt like being Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, earning for Phoenix a scintillating 3.5 trillion!

Blogger chris said...
from Deadspin: Darius Miles didn't exactly prove he was "fit to play in the NBA again" with this self-rejection against the Crabaliers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb7nbNB7770

Blogger bsdrat said...
Michael Jordan is and always will be the greatest basketball player EVER. Kobe is chopped liver

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Don't get too down on Kenny Thomas's appearance last night, he was the only King to not have a negative in the +/- for the game.

Did Shaq have any comments after last night's game about how if the Suns keep matching him up against Zaza Pachulia that he'll continue to dominate? Lucky for Phoenix, Al Horford was out injured last night.

I posted this on Birdmas, but since it got brought up today, here is the clip of Chris Andersen's hilarious dunk contest appearance from a couple years ago.

With Jordan Farmar and Luke Walton already out hurt and now with Sasha Vujacic missing games with back spasms, there were some pretty interesting lineups on the floor for the Lakers last night. With those guys injured, outside of Derek Fisher Kobe is now the shortest player the Lakers have, and as a result you saw Lamar Odom get his first minutes of the year at small forward while Trevor Ariza shifted to playing backup point guard and backup shooting guard. A couple times out there the Lakers had Bynum (7'1), Powell (6'9), Odom (6'10), Kobe (6'6) and Ariza (6'8) on the floor together. On the other side of the ball the Rockets are a rather short team (outside of Yao and now Mutombo, who made his season debut last night with 4 minutes of PT), so this led to some pretty weird matchups. For instance, to start the game, Vladimir Radmanovic (6'10) was playing opposite Von Wafer (6'4). It was very weird to see. All that Laker size made it even more puzzling that Kobe would take that many shots. Maybe he's traumatized from all those years playing with Shaq and just has an aversion to throwing it into the post.

Anonymous KB24 said...
bsdrat - why the hate? Kobe has never compared himself to MJ. MJ was MJ. Kobe is Kobe. MJ was the best ever but Kobe is the closest thing since.

So you can either appreciate a great basketball player in 2009, or you can jerk it to old MJ highlights.

Blogger Junior said...
No commets about that play on the second quarter of the Rockets-Lakers game when Waver steals de ball, go to the other end with Kobe on him, then he jumps to dunk and Kobe just walk away, don't even trying to contest the cookie man?

Blogger Junior said...
and my bad, it was on the first quarter:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xKZAaJW1iY

at the 32 secs mark

Blogger Viscant said...
Junior:
Considering that Kobe was one of only two NBA guards (Sun Yue with his 3 trillion does not count) who suited up for the team, it would have been silly for Kobe to pick up a foul on that play.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"Sun Yue rises to the occasion..."

chris, you are brilliant at the lacktion reports. If you fetch Bawful some coffee every morning I'm sure he'd hire you as a paid assisstant.

Fake edit: beaten to linking Birdman's 8 failed All Star dunks

Blogger Junior said...
Viscant, Kobe finished with only 1 foul in the game, so that doesn't count much and no difference would be felt if he had 2 fouls on the game

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Thanks. Seriously, when I saw he was back in that section of the scoresheet, that was the very, very first thing that came to mind.

Of course, as long as that assistantship doesn't result in another Eddy Curry-styled tale of woe, I'm set. :P

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Nice post, SB-

I'm not surprised that the Bobcats are playing better now that they've replaced a ballhogging shot-jacker-upper with a pass-first, versatile big who can play all 3 forward spots and is a decent defender. Really, I think Diaw needed to be traded just to give him a slap in the face to wake him up. He should have been a walking triple-double as talented as he is, but he lacked that type-A lead-dog aggressiveness in PHX. Nothing like getting fired (essentially) to recharge your competitive spirit.

14pts, 5ast, 7boards since being traded. 'Bout time, Boris.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Funny quip about Chris Andersen, but I'm going to give the Birdman a break- it's not easy to come back from a 2-year suspension and play well. Especially when you have drug/alcohol problems from the get-go. And Andersen is doing his job, getting boards and blocking shots pretty well (1.9blk, 5.6reb in 18min/gm). Plus that desperation heave shows that he doesn't care about his stats so much as playing hard and protecting his job. I admire that.

I'm not entirely convinced that he was sober during that dunk contest. Not making excuses for the guy; I'm just sayin'

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yea, enjoy Boris Diaw while it lasts. After you give him honeymoon praise, then comes the "fat ice cream" phase, followed by the "I am a French floppy vagina" phase, followed by the "ok, I'll be just inconsistent enough to keep the match of hope lit". If 'cats fans aren't frustrated with him by the end of this year, I'd be highly surprised.

Blogger Trev said...
http://neswsports.com/2009/01/14/do-you-remember-gary-payton-wireless-video/

THAT. Is impressive.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Junior, Viscant has a valid point. With the Lakers being so short-handed in the backcourt, it probably wasn't worth it to pick up a possible foul on a play like that (not to mention it might have been an and-one anyway). You say Kobe only finished with one foul for the game, but since this play occurred in the first quarter, how was Kobe to know how many fouls he was going to finish with? The Lakers really couldn't afford for he, Fisher or Trevor Ariza to get in foul trouble, otherwise it would have meant big minutes for Sun Yue, or else they would have had to play Lamar Odom or Vlad Radmanovic at a guard spot.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
@AnacondaHL-

Sour grapes from a PHX fan, perhaps?

@Trev- GP is, was, and always will be the MAN in Seattle. 'Nuff said.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
They have fermented into a cheap wine, as I sit by my fireplace wearing a silk red robe and bittersweet smile on my face, watching the tragic live death of Steve Nash and awaiting the summer of 2010.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
it´s not only Pistns, it´s Etroit as well.

FIRE CURRY

Anonymous bob marley said...
does anyone else think its weird that the rockets as a team only shot 8 FT's, at home!?!

oh wait, they were playing the fakers weren't they?

Blogger Drake said...
The problem with Diaw is that he needs not just minutes but touches and distribution responsibilities to be effective. When he gets touches and distribution responsibilities, he's happy and productive.

In his first year with the Suns, he was essentially backup point guard as well as center. He handled the ball a lot and did his passing, so his post game was somewhat effective.

In his second year, Amare had the ball a good chunk of the time. Steve Nash, of course, had the ball a lot more than Amare. And the Brazilian Blur had the ball a lot as backup, erm, combo guard with the second unit - that was his 'breakout' season. So Diaw barely got any touches.

The next season (last season) was the same story, except with Shaq in the fold as well. So Diaw got even fewer touches.

This season with the Suns, he was basically told to play in the post and leave the ball distributing to Steve Nash. At least that's what I saw of him during preseason.

With the Bobcats, he's starting power forward and is probably the main facilitator, given that Felton isn't really a pure point. So he's given a lot of minutes, touches, and distribution responsibilities, probably in the high post - Diaw's happy.

Maybe it is a change of scenery and team that's allowing Diaw to play at his best - I don't know. He seems to be happiest with the French team, actually, so replicate the conditions there and the role he plays with the team. In other words, he needs a significant role with the team besides 'role player'.

Blogger bsdrat said...
KB24: But it's so fun to rip on Kobe!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't resist, really...

Blogger bsdrat said...
KB24: Okay, so I'm enjoying watching Kobe and the Lakers own the Spurs right now...only because I despise the Spurs...so much

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Spurs/Lakers game:

I hope everyone noticed that Roger Mason got an and one to win the game on a bogus leg kick. The NBA sucks. Then on the last play of the game Ariza gets hammered and they call him for traveling instead of calling a foul on the Spurs. I'm tired of all the flopping and fake fouls. Of course Jackson, Van Gundy, and co. missed this!

There are two replays from different angles and you can clearly see that Fisher doesn't actually touch him, nor does Mason's errant and underhanded leg kick make contact. If he did, I suppose it would been and and-one instead of the correct offensive foul.

And it appears Ariza was tripped, but, as Kobe put it after the game "They're not going to call that. It was just a wild game."

Blogger chris said...
And...Kobe Bryant has a new way to prevent Luke Walton from being happy: by not giving him a free membership to KB24.COM!!!1!!1!

http://nba.fanhouse.com/2009/01/14/kobe-bryant-loves-his-fans-well-their-money-at-least/

Anonymous Afiq said...
I'm a big Kobe fan, been one since I first started watching the league but I'm an even bigger fan of comedy. So, PLEASE, don't stop with the Kobe jokes. they're funnier than Cavalcade of Comedy on weed.

Anonymous Ruben said...
Did anyone else notice that according to yahoo boxscores, Jamaal Crawford got his 35 points in just :06 seconds of play? Talk about free-reign to shoot under donnie...
(I saved a screenshot in case they fix it up)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Spurs WON? Against a great Lakers team? But that doesn't make any sense -- obviously the NBA sucks, the refs were horrible, the whole thing is fixed, the Spurs are dirty, the Lakers normally play much better, the Spurs got lucky that a crappy player stepped up, etc., etc., etc.

Don't tell me the Spurs aren't DONE. They are DONE! Past their prime! No shot in hell will they make it past the first round!

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