(Statbuster is Basketbawful's stunt double today. Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say...blog about it.)

Kings Defense: They let up 139 points at home against the Magic, including an NBA record 23 3s. Someone, anyone, please, hand in the fa...ah, screw it. They countered the long range onslaught by playing Kenny Thomas 3 minutes. It didn't work.

Detroit Pistons: Losing at home to a team with 5 road wins will get you an auto-mention on WotN. In the closing seconds, Ray Felton broke down Rodney Stuckey AI-style at the top of the key and hit the jumper to clinch the game 80-78. A.I., on the other hand, had a Ray Felton-style 12 points and 4 turnovers. The Bobcats have been playing much more gooder since trading away Jason Richardson. Who would have thought that rebuilding your team around Boris Diaw was a good thing?

Charles Barkley: Is out of T-Mobile's Five. If they try to replace him with Jeff Hornacek and Tim Perry, I'm switching to Sprint. Seriously.

Randy Foye: Played awesome in a home loss against the Heat, but also has an amusing medical condition called situs inversus. In other words, his internal organs are all reversed compared to a normal person, Bizarro-style. So...if someone told him to "follow his heart", would he run backwards? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Memphis Grizzlies: Are one Darius Miles game away from possible litigation from season ticket holders the Blazers. And one game away from an awesomely awkward conversation with GM Chris Wallace in the People's Court hallway. First Darko Milicic and formerly Kwame, then Mike Conley, now Darius Miles. The Griz are an Adam Morrison and Michael Olowokandi away from completing their NBA Lottery Bust Museum.

Kyle Lowry, quoteologist: After losing to the Cavs by 15, "We try to bounce back, but the balls keep bouncing the wrong way." Outplayed, but never out-punned.

Kobe Bryant: With Knee-Mac and Con Artest out, Mamba saw he was matched against "The Cookie Man" Von Wafer and turned the clock back to 2006. The result? 33 points on 32 shots. How'd Wafer do? The Man They Call Necco held his own and scored a career-high 23. A late Kobe three and two missed FTs from Rafer Alston kept this one from ending very badly for LA. The Lakers are under .500 this year when Kobe takes 25 shots or more. Again, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

The Mavericks "Backcourt": Despite 44 from Dirk, Dallas lost a close one to the Nuggets 99-97. This may or may not have something to do with Jason Kidd, Antoine Wright and JJ Barea combining for 3-23 shooting and 8 turnovers. In a completely unrelated story, Devin Harris is 5th among Eastern guards in All Star Game voting. Polls close January 19th!

Atlanta Hawks: Joe Johnson is shooting under 30% in his last 5 games against the Suns. The fine tradition contined Tuesday night, with a 4-21 shooting night in a 107-102 loss in Phoenix. Even worse, Mario West was held Mario-less. Even worster than that, Shaq is now Croatian.

Chris Andersen: When he needed eight tries to make a dunk during All Star Weekend, what was the real problem? He was too close.

Update! Kobe Bryant: Kobe and Luke Walton visit The Bunny Ranch. Luke goes into the room with the escort first while Kobe waits outside. When he's done, Luke closes the door behind him and says, "Don't waste your time, man. My girlfriend's better." But Kobe goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says, "Damn, Luke, you were right. Your girlfriend isbetter."

Update! Lacktion report: [Statbuster did an awesome job filling in, but I still wanted to include Chris's daily lactivity update. Posts could be spotty over the next few days. I promise there's a good reason. -Basketbawful]

Bobcats-Pistons: While Amir Johnson blocked a shot to prevent his nine and a half of mediocrity at his home court in Auburn Hills from becoming noteworthy (due to the four fouls and a turnover he was working on), Charlotte's Adam Morrison came through in the non-clutch and took +1 (brick) in 3:33. And yet the hallmark of Michael Jordan "management skills" managed to outscore the Pistons 18-10 in the final frame, taking an 80-78 victory. (Pistns if this keeps up?)

Cavs-Grizzlies: Jawad Williams didn't make good from downtown for the Crabaliers, racking +1 in 1:19; his teammate Darnell Jackson however wanted no part of the fun and productively added a rebound to his scoreline, negating a four-foul and one-brick performance in eight minutes.

Lakers-Rockets: Sun Yue rises to the occasion, with a near-3 trillion (2:53 of lacktivity to be exact).

Mavs-Nuggets: James Singleton transformed a 7 second Super Mario into a sucky session of +1 via one foul, not exactly the high-powered insider trading that warms Mark Cuban's heart.

Hawks-Suns: Jared Dudley felt like being Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, earning for Phoenix a scintillating 3.5 trillion!

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Charles Barkley, Chris "The Birdman" Andersen, Dallas Mavericks, Detroit Pistons, Kobe Bryant, Kyle Lowry, Memphis Grizzlies, Randy Foye, Sacramento Kings, Worst of the Night