Note: Check out Hardwood Paroxysm each day for 15 reasons you should watch the current night's games. Most of what they have to say over there is completely crazy and only makes sense in a "24-hour drug bender" kind of way. In other words, it's totally awesome. Oh, you should also check out Introducing Liston, but only if you really want to get your freak on.

It must be (the) Magic: Well, well, well. The Orlando Magic -- a team I summarily dismissed during the offseason -- are an impressive 4-1. Of course, the teams they've beaten (Milwaukee, Minnesota, Toronto, and Washington) have a combined record of 4-11 and their loss was a 116-92 setback to the Detroit Pistons...so let's not break out the confetti and streamers just yet. I still don't think Rashard Lewis is worth $100 billion or whatever they're paying him, but his scoring numbers are impressive: 23.2 PPG on 58 percent shooting. Of course, I'd still like to know why an athletic, 6'10" forward is only averaging 4.4 RPG. He also doesn't have a single block on the season. Allow me to provide some perspective on this: Fred Jones is 6'2" and has only played nine minutes this season, yet he has a block. And he doesn't even play defense!

The Pacers' 82-0 dream comes to an end: Well, it's official: The Pacers won't go undefeated this season. They fell on their face at home, losing 104-89 to the Clippers. It's important to note that the Clips -- who were already missing Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston -- also lost Cuttino Mobley (their leading scorer) and Ruben Patterson (the Kobe Stopper) in the first quarter. Fortunately for them, Sam Cassell's mummy crawled out of his sarcophagus to score 35 points (13-20) and dish out 8 assists, and Chris Kaman continued his "Moses Malone Lite" season by scoring 15 points and pulling down 22 rebounds. Jamaal Tinsley reminded us why we hate him by scoring 3 points (1-5), dishing 2 assists, committing 3 turnovers, and failing to check a 72-year-old man. Final Note: Don't look now, but the Clippers are 4-0 and leading their division. Maybe they're not as bad as we thought. Ha, ha, I know, good one huh?

Okay, Mike, time to suit up: The Bobcats have lost their last two games by a combined 63 points. Now, there's blown out by the Suns is no big deal, but losing 94-63 to the 76ers? I can hear Michael Jordan's "Return From Retirement Countdown Clock" ticking already.

The Suns "Hawk" up another loss: Phoenix needs Stat back, stat. The Suns wasted a brilliant performance by Steve Nash -- 32 points (12-19, 7-10 from three-point range), 11 assists, 5 rebounds -- and lost 105-96 to the Hawks. As in, the Atlanta Hawks. The Suns were the best shooting team in the league last season, but they shot 40 percent last night, 35 percent without Nash. On the bright side, the 2009 NBA All-Star Game will be played in Phoenix. Meanwhile, the Hawks may be only 2-2, but look at who they've played so far: Dallas, Detroit, New Jersey, and Phoenix. Talk about a rough opening stretch. Again, maybe the Baby Birds are going to be better than we thought.

There's still no "D" in Enver: The Nuggets gave up back-to-back 119-point performances to the Knicks (who shot 53 percent) and the Celtics (who shot 72 percent in the first half, and 64 percent for the game). That's not very good. Meanwhile, KG (23/13/7), Paul Pierce (26/5/5), and Allen (22/3/6) were very good. I know it's still waaaay early, but the Celtics are currently fifth in scoring (106.7 PPG), third in assists (24.3), and first in shooting (52.1 percent). Rajon Rondo, the team's weak link, is averaging 10 PPG on 56 percent shooting.

Let's rename them the Miami Cold: There's no shame in losing to the Spurs, but the Heat are 0-4 and look pretty helpless without Dwyane Wade. And there's no guarantee that things are going to improve when Wade finally returns from his knee and shoulder injuries; Gilbert Arenas has taught us that much. Even sadder than the loss and the record is the fact that lil' Penny Hardaway -- 8 points, 4 rebounds, 5 assists -- was listed as the Heat's top performer last night. Shaq managed 17 points (on 6-13 shooting), but he grabbed only 3 rebounds in 30 minutes. Man, the wheels haven't just come off, they're already rolling down the road.

NBA Finals and/or Draft Lottery, here we come: The Memphis Grizzlies got their first win of the season last night, notching a 105-98 win over the Oklahoma City Seattle Supersonics. Kevin Durant shot 3-17, but continues to be "really long." Darko Milicic had a performance (15 points, 10 rebounds) that made you realize how disappointing he is most of the rest of the time.

Spoiler alert: The Hornets' perfect season came to an abrupt end last night in Portland. Note to the Lakers: This game was a firm reminder of how Peja Stojakovic shoots (2-13) when there's a hand in his face. The Blazers, on the other hand, got the first win of what is, for them, the unofficial 2008-09 preseason.

Sweet, sweet muzak: The Cleveland/Utah game took a back seat to the drama of an epic duel between Lebron James and Paul Milsap, and I hate to ruin the ending for you, but Paul Milsap won. Lebron played okay -- 32 points, 15 rebounds, 13 assists -- but it was Milsap's 24 points (on 7-8 shooting) that were the difference in Utah's 103-101 win over the Cavs. Superdickery sidenote: Carlos Boozer twisted the knife in Cleveland's back a little further with his 23 points and 12 rebounds. Can you believe that the Jazz are leading the league in scoring (111.4)? Or that they're followed by the Clippers (109.0) and the Lakers (108.8)? And -- you'd better sit down for this one -- the Knicks are fourth (107.3). In other news, up is the new down, dogs and cats are living together, and your mother really does love you.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Indiana Pacers, Lebron James, Memphis Grizzlies, Orlando Magic, Phoenix Suns, recaps, Shaq, Utah Jazz