calorie cap (kal'-uh-re kap) noun. A theoretical limit on how much weight a basketball player can gain before he loses the ability to compete and/or fails to reach his potential.

Usage example: Michael Sweetney was waaaaay over the calorie cap last year. And the year before that. And the year before that...

Word History: The term was coined by the 1990-91 Chicago Bulls to describe Stacy King's colossal ass. According to Steve Smith's The Jordan Rules: "[The Bulls coaching staff] felt [King's] upside remained substantial, even if his backside did, too. The players would taunt King about staying under the 'calorie cap.' 'Calorie cap problems,' someone would invariably say to him during practice." King was indeed a rampaging pork beast -- by 1991 standards. However, Oliver Miller came along a few years later and created a new Gold Standard for NBA obesity. And then he ate it.

Other notable calorie cap offenders include post-Seattle Shawn Kemp, post-Milwaukee Vin Baker, Robert "Tractor" Traylor, Jerome James, and Shaq.

Update: How could I forget William Bedford (thanks Josh), Eddy Curry, and Zach Randolph (thanks anonymous)?

calorie cap
Oliver Miller remains the Gold
Standard for fat basketball players.

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15 Comments:
Blogger Brad said...
Is there any co-relation between how fat a guy is and how much he sweats?

Has-Beens & Meaningless Games
http://pickupbasketball.net/2007/09/19/basketball-hasbeens--meaningless-games.aspx

Anonymous Josh said...
How could you forget about William Bedford, the FIRST obese basketball player?

What creeps me out is that Oliver Miller averaged like 13 points for the Craptors that year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
you also forgot about ...DUH Eddy Curry and Zach RAndolph...silly
heh they are pretty fat.

Blogger Brad said...
Does your last name influence how fat you are? Like Sweetney, and Curry? I mean I am thinking food items aren't you? What if you have someone with a last name of Gravy? Even oneal makes me think of some fine irish drinking establishments.

Has-Beens & Meaningless Games
www.pickupbasketball.net

Blogger Pete Fresh said...
This is probably a stretch but...this picture of Oliver Miller looks sort of like T-Mac when he was on the Raptors. Just much fatter. Maybe he ate him or something.

http://img379.imageshack.us/img379/5668/raptors114cb.jpg

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about Mel "The Dinner Bell" Turpin (AKA 'Turp the Burp) and John 'Hot Plate' Williams (not Hot Rod, the other JW - out of LSU, I think). Not sure if he qualifies, but what about Stanely Roberts?

Anonymous Don Paco said...
What? I can't believe you left out the MVP of fatness!

Let's look at the evidence:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/nba/news/2000/03/06/barkley/lg_barkley_all_01.jpg

Charles was as big as he was great. But you just know he couldn't say no to a bowl of grits:

http://www.nba.com/media/suns/barkley_220_feature.jpg

Unlike most of the players in the fat list, though, Barkley was actually very athletic despite his huge ass, and was also very canny at using his humongous ass to make space for himself in the paint.

Blogger Jason said...
This guy is back, but not way back in time, and I'm disappointed that you left "Dinner Bell" Mel Turpin off the list.

The name says it all.

Anonymous tom said...
No love for the up and comer Glen Davis? He's no Oliver Miller but give him a few years and he'll make Vin Baker look like Nicole Ritchie.

Blogger bob said...
Okay, this isn't exactly about the topic, but it's somewhat related.

I always thought you were a bit too hard on Greg Ostertag (even though he, indeed, was a...you-know-what, lump). But then, I watched some retro tape of a Jazz game in 2000, and found you were totally correct: the big Tag takes up a LOT of space and not much else. Hell, I bet it pumped up the Utah team every time he grabbed a rebound, even if nobody was near him.

I shall never doubt you on thing slike this again, Basketbawful.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
check out eddie curry near the end of the video!!!!

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1184398202

Anonymous John Bob said...
and what about Bryant "Big Country" Reeves ? The guy was fat, with a fatness related nickname, and the cherry on the cake, was permanently injured while cashing in a 6 year 65million contract!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
bob lanier is to fat players what jimi hendrix is to guitar players....

Blogger CWC said...
you forgot Paul Pierce

Blogger chris said...
A more recent but likely forgotten master of rotund is former purple pauper Sean May!

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