Thursday, February 02, 2006
Crap Site of the Day: Allen Iverson Live
By Basketbawful at 11:19 AM
3 comments


Allen Iverson Live is the self-proclaimed "Number One Source For Allen Iverson Fans." In other words, this is the best place to go if you have a dangerous and unhealthy obsession with Allen Iverson: his life, his loves, even his personal grooming habits.

Navigating the site is kind of like wandering through a seriel killer's secret lair alone and in the dark. You know something dangerously insane is about to happen to you, but you still aren't prepared when the chainsaw actually hits you in the face. Therefore my human mind was in no way ready for in-depth timelines of Iverson's hairstyles and tattoos, complete with "before and after" pictures, lenghty descriptions of each stylistic change, and a freaking interview with Iverson's hairstylist. Here's what the site author had to say about the "Maze" pattern Allen favored during the 1999-2000 season:

"Probably my personal favourite. Again, hair stylist Dionne Matthews has added something to the rows, without changing their straight line from the forehead to the neck. Really great, playoff-style."
I don't know about you, but once I start using the words "personal favorite" in a discussion about a basketball player's hairstyle, I know it's time to give up sports fandom and check myself into a nice, comfy hospital where they'll keep me a safe distance away from innocent children.

Iverson Hair
Nobody should be this interested
in Allen Iverson's hair. Nobody.

After reading a thorough description of the different kinds of stocking caps Allen Iverson likes to wear when he's having a bad hair day, I realized that the site had reached a level of crazy where it might come to life and eat my liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Then it did just that when I found a mini-game that lets you dress Allen Iverson. You can choose his underwear, uniform, gold chains, even his do-rags!!

Iverson dress
You might not be able to tell, but I chose to
have him wear the banana-colored thong.

And if putting imaginary clothes on a naked basketball player is a little too gay for your tastes, then you can play the tattoo puzzel game, where you can completely rebuild Iverson out of his own freaky tattoos, Frankenstein-style. But without question, the single most depressing aspect of this site is the fan art page. All hope I ever had in humanity died a screaming, gurgling death when I realized someone has actually drawn a basketball player's nipples. And since the thought of people sitting at home drawing pictures of a topless Allen Iverson is going to be keeping me up at night for at least the rest of the week, I'm going to subject you to this:

Iverson drawing
Somone drew Allen Iverson's nipples. His nipples.
3 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Your an idiot, I'd love to see you draw as good as this
6/23/2008 11:34 AM  
Blogger Basketbawful said...
Are you kidding? I could draw that well during a seizure. And one of my hands is an old, rusty wirehanger. But thanks for chiming in. My idiot quota hadn't been filled today.
6/23/2008 11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It appears as though we have found our artist...
7/22/2008 11:50 AM  
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