Cavaliers Hawks Basketball
"Dude, you can have the ball, just please don't bite me!!"

To echo Bawful's thoughts from earlier, Merry Christmas, Bawfulites! I already have to work a half-day at my Clark Kent job tomorrow, so you're getting the weekend post early. Deal with it. To make it up to you, here's some Youtube goodness!

1) A Christmas tradition courtesy of In Living Color (i.e. when the Wayans were still funny)...

Homey Claus don't play that

2) As a fan of both horrible movies and Mystery Science Theater 3000, no Christmas would be complete for me without a viewing of the dubbed Mexican trainwreck of a late 1950s film called, creatively enough, Santa Claus. And since I know many of you have a similar sense of humor, I feel the need to share the joy of Santa being covered in a deluge of chain letter scam mail and riding a sleigh pulled by horrifically creepy robot reindeer that will eat your soul while you sleep. Embedded below is part 1 of the entire movie -- Here is the Youtube playlist for the full movie.

"It's a stupid Mexican kids' movie!!!"

3) Well, it's not technically Youtube, but it's still a streaming video. Merry Christmas from the Nyets! (h/t JE Skeets)

Oh, and one brief note to hurt your brain: the Chinese language police have banned the acronym "NBA". They instead want you to use a non-English version of the word to keep the language pure: “Mei Guo Nan Zi Zhi Ye Lan Qiu Lian Sai.” Seriously.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Nuggets Spurs Basketball
"Time out! My eyebrows are trying to escape again."

Pistons Raptors Basketball
Even the winning coach can't stand to watch a Pistons/Raptors game

Nets Hornets Basketball
"The Hornets aren't quite as good as everyone thought at first... maybe we've got a chance..."

Nets Hornets Basketball

Nationally Televised Thursday Games:
Spurs at Magic, TNT, 8pm: Because you so want to see the Hedo Deja Vu Magic get the snot beaten out of them by the Spurs. Ball.

Heat at Suns, TNT, 10:30pm: Alvin Gentry had this to say about Vag Carter: "He's still a little sore and there's no reason to rush things. We want him healthy before we run him out there." Yeah, good luck with that, Coach.

Meanwhile, D-Wade has a sore knee.

All The Other Thursday Games:
Bucks at Kings, 10pm: Let me put it this way for you. There is a damn good reason why this game is not being nationally televised.

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No games Friday

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Nationally Televised Saturday Christmas Games:
Bulls at Knicks, ESPN, 12pm: The lack of Joakim Noah makes this game (unfortunately) a little more interesting.

Celtics at Magic, ABC, 2:30pm: I know the Celtics have been running their offense through Paul Pierce while Rondo's injured, but maybe they should put Shaq at the point. I mean, he can conduct the Boston Pops -- why can't he conduct the offense for his team?

The Big Conductor

Heat at Lakers, ABC, 5:30pm: I'm just going to give you this link with the headline used by the Business Insider Sports Page guys: "Here's The (PowerPoint) Presentation LeBron James Used To Get Sponsors For His Birthday Party." The best part? LeBron is spelled wrong (they used non-capitalized Bs)

Nuggets at Thunder, ESPN, 8pm: It turns out the "death in the family" that Carmelo experienced the other day was his sister, who leaves behind four children. That's absolutely heartbreaking. My condolences to the Anthony family.

Frail Blazers at Warriors, ESPN, 10:30pm: How fortuitous! ESPN knew nobody would be paying attention to a game this late anyway, so why not put on one that will be fairly meaningless and good for dozing off while watching. So here comes NBA scheduling to the rescue with the Frail Blazers battling for an eighth seed, and the Warriors battling to not be the worst team in the league.

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All The Sunday Games:
Suns at Clippers, 3pm: Remind me again, why did the draft lottery have to send Blake Griffin to Donald Sterling's mess of a franchise? It's just not fair for anyone!

Timberwolves at Cavaliers, 6pm: The only reasons to care about this game: the Timberwolves are just exciting to watch as they are horrible, plus there is an ever-present possibility of Kevin Love transforming into the Incredible Hulk and pulling down 35 rebounds.

Also, be sure you check out Kevin Love's Christmas gift guide.

Bulls at Pistons, 6pm: Sadly, these are not the Bad Boys Pistons. These are just the Bad Pissed-Ons.

Hawks at Hornets, 7pm: Okay, let's see. Hornets have good defense, bad offense. Hawks have slightly less good defense, slightly less bad offense. I guess those factors balance out and this becomes a halfway good game in theory?

Grizzlies at Pacers, 7pm: This game, on the other hand, can never be "good" under any circumstances. It might be close, but it will never be "good."

Wizards Bullets at Spurs, 7pm: I'm beginning to wonder if John Wall is ever going to be healthy. Is he being worked on by the Portland medical staff in secret? Also, as noted in last night's BAD comments by AnacondaHL: "Easy WotN material tonight. I don't even want to change the name of the YouTube video. Andray Blatche does something Andray Blatche-y"

I also appreciated the description used on Sports Pickle: "The essence of the Washington Wizards in a 10-second highlight. Watch this 288 times and you have a whole Wizards game."

76ers at Nuggets, 8pm: According to this piece, "the Sixers, who usually hold a mandatory team meeting on the second day of back-to-back games, instead held a voluntary one" after their ass-whupping by the Celtics and Bulls. They did this because they got beaten down so badly that they just wanted to forget about it and move on. That one moment sums up the entire Sixers season.

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Anonymous Czernobog said...
The Big Conductor... Or the fat Conductor?

Or as my 3 year old nephew pronounces it "the fuckin' docor."


Do you guys get Thomas the Train on that side of the atlantic?

Blogger chris said...
Do you guys get Thomas the Train on that side of the atlantic?


Thomas the Tank Engine was one of the TV shows I watched growing up in the early 90s - in the "Shining Time Station" incarnation with George Carlin (LOL) and Ringo Starr as the conductors, and Didi Conn from the cast of Grease randomly in the mix as well.

Alec Baldwin does the voiceovers for the current episodes though.

There's even a life-sized Thomas railroad engine that does tours, including a trip out to Bardstown, KY not far from where Dan B. is. LOL.

Anonymous Bryan said...
Andray Blatche does something Andray Blatchey is my favorite youtube title ever.

Blogger DC said...

Don't forget Schemer and his love for nickels and jukeboxes!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ugh... this site is just a poor deadspin ripoff.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"Ugh... this site is just a poor deadspin ripoff."

You're doing it wrong.

Anonymous Mladen said...
Headline from

"LBJ, Bosh tag-team Suns in Phoenix"

Have I watched too much porn, or is this title reaaally dirty?

Blogger chris said...
Oh, wee.

Kings lose again.

If Pauly W. and Petrie get fired on Christmas Day, I'll be amused. And wonder what took so long.

Don't those guys realize that this season has done much to jeopardize the long-term future of this franchise's presence in the River City?

Maybe they do and just don't care, like most other purple paupers before and after them. Sigh.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Apparently LeBron is all in favor of the NBA getting rid of some of the crappier teams in the league and cutting down on the bawfulness:

"Imagine if you could take Kevin Love off Minnesota and add him to another team and you shrink the [league]. Looking at some of the teams that aren't that great, you take Brook Lopez or you take Devin Harris off these teams that aren't that good right now and you add him to a team that could be really good. Not saying let's take New Jersey and let's take Minnesota out of the league. But hey, you guys are not stupid, I'm not stupid, it would be great for the league."

Guys around the league that sit at the end of the bench, you're on notice: LeBron doesn't like you very much.

Blogger The Sports Hayes said...
For once Lebron James and I are in total agreement. The NBA flourished in the 80's and expansion killed it in the 90's....why not cut some of the teams that stink the joint out year after year and have their stars on other teams to increase the product?

My other suggestion is moving the Kings back to Kansas City and the Clippers back to San Diego.

Blogger stephanie g said...
If this were a couple years ago I'd agree. But right now there's actually more superteams than usual, comparable to any year in the '80s, so it's all good. But I'm definitely worried what happens in maybe 5 years or so. Hopefully it won't be like it was in the early 2000s.

Anonymous Cetti said...
mh, gotta love Howards save from out of bounds by throwing the ball with aproximately 292km/h at Quinns forehead, from where it went out of bounds.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Here's the play Cetti is referring to.

I'm all for contraction as long as it eliminates the Clippers from the NBA. Since the owners can't force Donald Sterling to sell his team, he should just have it taken away from him. There's no way that guy should be owning a franchise, and the fact that the Clippers are perennially awful and have been for decades should make them the top target on any contraction list, IMO.

Then Stern should contract the Heat. They can't even get close to sold out despite having maybe the biggest publicity drawing team in NBA history. How great would it be to see LeBron's face if the NBA contracted his team after he said he was in favor of contraction? :)

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Both paragraphs in the Wild Yams comment above at 2:37 are full of win.