Today on ESPN:

Suns coach Alvin Gentry said newly-acquired guard Vince Carter will sit out the game with a sore new.


http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=5951698

ESPN must have meant tender vagina.

- Stockton to Ostertag

Matt and everyone else who contributes, thanks for the work you put in this year! I came here by accident (don't even remember how), but I'm sure glad I did.

Most. Entertaining. Basketball. Blog. Ever.

Mmmmmm, VHS....

Something about the Nyets and Cavs being the first two teams getting pwn3d in this clip...seems rather familiar.

'Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through Eddie's House,

Not a player liked Sterling,

That cheap racist louse.

The stockings were hung way up high by Yinka Dare,

Ready for booty from the new CBA, like winnin' the lottery,

The out-of-wedlock baby mamma children were snug in their beds,

Their daddies caroused strip joints, not a care in their heads,

And Craig Sager in a stupid suit, while Jackson and Arenas bust caps,

Sternly, anyone who whines this year is rewarded with a slap,

When out in Rose Garden there arose such a clatter,

It was the sound of Frail Blazers knees, they had collectively shattered.

Away to the rescue flew D-Wade the Flash!

But to South Beach came LeBron and Bosh, for a little less cash.

Tore down the rim and with authorit-ah, Blake did smash!

The Moon confounds us with Bawful, much like once did The Snow

(to be cont'd..)

There's no lustre left in the Leastern, so many teams that blow.

When, what to my wondering League Pass should appear,

But the lumbering undead corpse of Erik Dampier!

With Boykins still playing, so little and quick,

I knew in a moment this season would be sick.

More vapid than Britney, The King's TV games,

But vying for the title, all of the big names:

"Now Garnett! Now Allen! Now Pierce, now Rondo!"

"If any of you get injured, your title hopes are gonzo!"

"On Williams! On Rose! On Jennings! On Paul!"

"There's a new kid in town, his name is John Wall!"

(to be continued...)

As Cleaves out of the NBA did fly,

Like David Thompson, players these days can walk the sky,

So up to the top, the Lakers they flew

With zombie Fish, and Kobe, and crazy Artest too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard there was proof.

That the ancient Spurs aren't done, they also plan to raise the roof.

As Drew joined yet another team, with weird head hair and lots of rebounds,

Tumbling down came the Bucks, the Deer have been bound.

They dress all in fur, these millionares, and never go by foot,

Except maybe Matt Booner, covered in smog and soot.

(to be continued.. possibly at a later time, I should pretend to do some work, briefly..)

A gaggle of Bulls follow Derrick, as he attacks the rack,

A rich history of glory, they want to go back.

Their eyes - how they twinkle! Even the Paupers, they're merry!

At least the NBA doesn't have to put up with Don Fucking Cherry!

Draftees usually rock a suit, but for Noah it's a bow,

No matter, he's good; watch out, Pierce, thunder down below!

Red, iconic with a cigar clamped in his teeth,

The Celtics, loved and hated, keep piling up the wreaths.

With broad faces and even broader bellies,

The likes of Diaw and Davis need to lay off the damn jelly,

With Oden once again laid up on the shelf,

Probably, after dong pic, though "I shoulda stopped myself".

With a wink of his eye, there goes little Luther Head,

Banished to Sacramento, the land of the walking dead.

Arenas speaks no more, he just goes straight to work.

Too bad his shot and his game have gone completely beserk.

Xmas games going to be Bawful, I get to watch the Celtics destroy Orlando but it is less fulfilling now that vag is gone. Although watching VC trying to run after Ray Ray never gets old.

Side note, every Celtics game minus the mauling of the Bobcats has been, Celtics winning or losing by 4 for three quarters then the inevitable 4th quarter beat down, which also leads me to think - how many suckers have suffered through a whole Celtics game to watch there team eventually lose to the Celtics

Super Friends Vs the Lakers should be entertaining, last years lebron vs Kobe was a beat down i recall, I will be lost i don't even know who to route for :( but I would really enjoy either team taking a beating
Hopefully they have the usual 4 hours of pre game interviews and crazy pill will say something well.... crazy.
GSW vs POR going to suck, should of had PHX vs SAS or Mavs vs Spurs, would of been a nice night of basketball.

The Other Chris -- Holy crap, dude. I am totally posting your poem tomorrow as its own post on the blog. Fantastic.

Seriously. That poem is awesome.

I want to finish off the six remaining lines tomorrow morning. Thanks guys, I hope our Bawful brotherhood will get a chuckle.

If I had more time, I would get my brother to record me doing a dramatic reading, and my video-savvy friends to edit in the appropriate clips. Maybe next year.