I would have posted a top post picture, but it's surprisingly hard to find a picture of people literally throwing fecal matter around inside of Staples Center. (3 prepositions in a row!)

I guess I'll start this post mentioning the shitty officials, hopefully to trick Lakers fans into hating the rest of this post after reading only one line. The officials were pretty much hand-selected to give the Suns an edge. (Joey Crawford has actually been good this year, (nested parenthesis: except for Spurs games of course, haha) with a surprisingly low Home Foul Margin and fouls and techs called, and Mike Callahan and Ed Malloy called a very low ~18 fouls per game on the Suns, prior to last night). And while there were a few crappy calls either way, there were definitely more crappy calls on members of the Lakers.

For 3 quarters, at least.

The Lakers led by as many as 14 in the first half, but the Suns inexplicably whittled away at the lead to tie it at 90 heading into the final quarter. The Suns showed good aggression, and the officials called a pretty straight game in the 4th. The chance was open for the Suns to steal this game. Oh, and throughout the game, the Lakers still had defensive lapses, and allowed the Suns to score 112 on 49.4% shooting.

Okay, now that that's all out of the way, let's start the post.

What the fuck, Steve Nash: I will press this issue first, since I'm sure lots of talk today (and below) will involve Amar''''''e's suckage. Nash, did you just not learn anything from Game 1? It's like you intentionally adjusted NOTHING as he was repeatedly whimpering away from Gasol switches on pick and rolls, showing no defensive effort, making ill advised passes, and turning it over.

It's gotten to the point that I'd rather see Dragic in the game, since he's actually putting in some effort to challenge the defense, can keep the opposing Guards at bay, and doesn't make me feel every possession will end in a turnover. I don't care about your 2 MVPs, or how you played so well to set the tone against San Antonio. Steve Nash, you are playing like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Alvin Gentry: Good work having faith in your guys. Instead of trusting Grant Hill and Jared Dudley, you actually followed the dumb media suggestions to use Zone D and double Kobe. Well great. Kobe still gots his 21 points and a personal playoffs high 13 assists. (lol really? Wow, yeah really.) And you open more space for Gasol to work down low, and leave Artest and the other Lakers scrubs to work their jump shots. How was this supposed to work again?

At least you were quick enough to pull Frye faster than D'Antoni would've. But later, when switching away from the first quarter zone nightmare, you put Dudley on Artest, and made a hot-shooting Jason Richardson waste his energy defending Kobe?? Can you honestly NOT see which lineups are actually working, or is he obliged to never call out Stoudemire since he makes the most money and the Suns organization wants to baby him to keep him this off-season? Alvin Gentry, you are coaching like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Channing Frye: Just another game for those split stats. 0-5, including 0-2 from downtown. What more is there to say? Your confidence is shot, and Nash's aforementioned shitty play-making isn't getting you back in rhythm. There's just nothing left to say about you. If you can't stop spraying fecal matter all over the place for these upcoming home games, the Suns are done.

In fact, you sucked so much, I'm embedding the lacktion report by chris right in your section.

Woefully short Wednesday playoff lacktion report
Suns-Lakers: Channing Frye countered a board in 8:39 with 5 bricks, 4 fouls, and a giveaway for a 5:1 Voskuhl!

Channing Frye, you are shooting like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Jason Richardson: Well okay, you actually played pretty good. But the Suns NEED you to grab rebounds. It's too late to back out now. Jason, we've seen you rip down strong rebounds, and now we expect it and need it. Like honestly, look at the entire roster of the Suns. Who else even comes close to securely grabbing a board?

Also, this was pretty funny:


Jason Richardson, you are flopping like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Jared Dudley: Actually, you played really well too. But please don't foul out next time. And if Gentry is being stupid and suggesting help defending Kobe, grow some damn balls and tell him you can handle it. And if you're going for the steal or the offensive rebound, stop freaking the fuck out and secure the ball and get the ball to your point guard.

I think this was the only solid play you made, and was hardly even your fault:


Jared Dudley, you are "energy guy-ing" like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Amar''''''e Stoudemire: I'd rather keep this one as an open forum, since it's likely to be the hot topic of discussion today along with the words "lucky" and "your mom". But I'll breeze over the basics: 3 defensive rebounds, 5 turnovers, letting Odom go off on you again, and a defensive effort so bad, fans from cap space teams are praying they don't get you, especially for a max contract.

Here's you, your audition, proving to your future team that you understand the concept of defending the pick-and-ro-...


Amar''''''e Stoudemire, you are playing and rebounding and defending like shit. Stop it. Actually, you are shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Phoenix Suns organization: I wish I had documented how unhappy I was when STAT got his player of the month award, as many were spinning it as proof Kerr made the right choice at the trade deadline. Sure I've had my anti-Amar''''''e bias ever since he and his posse cut in front of my sister at a pizza place. But I refuse to follow another year of him. I will become an immediate fan of the best division rival of any team stupid enough to pay Amar''''''e the max. Phoenix Suns organization, this has been old news since 2005, but you are making decisions like shit. Stop it.

What the fuck, Phoenix Suns: This was your game to win. You had it tied going into the 4th. You had the officials helping you out. How could you let it get so out of hand, that the Lakers started running triangle post-up drills on you, and using Pau Gasol as point guard for the end of the game? You guys got clowned by the Lakers tonight. And no, I won't waste my time making the Kobe jutted-jaw-and-lower-teeth GIF, or the Kobe beat-up-that-beat-fist-which-kinda-looks-like-masturbation GIF, since I'm sure those will be playing nonstop on ESPN for the next 4 days.

But this one moment actually had me laughing (and maybe feeling straight up jealous of the Lakers for the first time in my life. For a split second.)


So now I've got a chance to goto Game 4 of the WCF, and instead of any hope in the team, I'll instead be hoping that I'm witnessing Amar''''''e's last home game as a Sun. Or last game before being a max contract Sun. Ughh. Is this even the same team that destroyed San Antonio?

The Phoenix Suns, you are playing this Western Conference Finals like shit. Stop it.

-a slightly bitter AnacondaHL

Labels: , , , ,

Blogger Unknown said...
Not to mention that Frye killed the Suns momentum both times he got to the floor but his first 15 seconds was WTF moment of the game:


Yeah, pass was total crap, but what the hell was he doing after Fisher stole the ball? Looks like "oh, Fisher is going to the hoop, I'ma just run out of bounds and pretend I'm hustling back". Seriously, what he was trying to do, rebound the ball behind the backboard?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chytruz: Thanks for the link. That video doubles as an example for my case against Nash. He had several early and easy defensive rebound opportunities and with a bit more effort could have swung things the other ways by collecting them. Granted, this isn't his primary role, but when the ball is flying right at you, just secure the damn ball. It's not "gang rebounding minus our two star players".

Anonymous Heretic said...
Jason Richardson scored over 20 and according to the "experts" that's an automatic win for the suns. What happened?

BTW no way the Lakers are beating the Celtics playing D like that.

Blogger Don Ebay Mølse said...
Could this possibly be the most bitter post ever posted on Basketbawful? i like to think so.

Anonymous UpA said...
As a Lakers fan, (wow, that phrase is now developing as an introduction for an awful one-sided kobe-blinded post right), it's a shame that this guys built a 20 or something point difference by the 3rd and suddenly it was all tied. The C's will not be the Suns and they won't be that easy.

Can we start calling Orlando and the Suns "The official 2010 NBA Finals training punch bags"?

Neither Orlando or Phx is going to overcome a 2-0 deficit, is not impossible, but neither have the kind of players to do it, nor the mental strenght... Nash is not that kinda player, Pumaman is not either, nor JJ Redick or Amar''e, nor... nor... nor... well you get the point, so happy Finals C's & LA.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Can we start calling Orlando and the Suns "The official 2010 NBA Finals training punch bags"?

They're actually more like those big slabs of meat Rocky was punching in the original Rocky movie.

Blogger Dooj said...
I think my favorite part last night (since I'm an Amar'''''e hater) was when Kobe blocked Amare''''''s dunk. Then STAT jumps up and bricks a wide open dunk. Honestly, once he leaves the Suns I think I might like the team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Lakers fans worrying about their D: On one hand, give credit to the Suns for still chugging along with their offense. On the other hand, don't blame your defense too much, because when you're shooting 58% on the other side, teams always relax on the defensive side. Not just the Suns, but pretty much any team.

It's the nature of these things: anyone minus Kobe's Killer Instinct will relax in the security of their success, sometimes even to the point of The Guilt Of Winning. The Guilt Of Winning syndrome pretty much defines the Phoenix Suns franchise, and it looks like this year will not be the year they get over it.

Anonymous Heretic said...
I dunno about Orlando being completely out. They lost a by very small margin (unlike the suns). If they just look at it one game at a time just like the Celtics did against Cavs then they have a good chance of stealing one or both. Of course this will require Rashard to make shots, Jameer to play better, Vince to limit his vaginess and Pumaman to stop fucking smiling. Stop smiling you fucktard!

Anonymous UpA said...
No WotN for Amar'eee's mom? C'mon!

Blogger Leland said...
Amare Suckamire is really pissing me off.

He can't rebound and can't defend, and its not like he's 5 feet 9 inches and 270 lbs. He's 6'10 and a chiseled 250lbs. WTF?!!!!?

He clearly doesn't even care or try.

If he actually played that thing when your team doesn't have the ball called defense, then the Suns would have had more than a chance to steal that game.

Does anyone else think that Channing Frye shits his pants before he even leaves his house or hotel before the game?

If Frye's shot was a piece of art, I'd call it "Timid and then Forced" from the Shit the Bed collection.


Blogger Unknown said...
@AnacondaHL - not denying Nash's overall bad game but here he got 7 footer running after the play and have every right to think that that 7-footer won't just keep walking instead of trying to rebound the ball.

Seriously, this is the most pathetic "rebound attempt" this season, even surpasses the one when Dwyane Wade overpowered Frye from his position to grab the offensive board.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Don Ebay -- If not the most bitter, certainly the most NSFW.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Lakers D at point guard is going to be a problem against Boston. They struggle against quick 1's and they don't come much quicker than Rondo.

Last night on Hang Time we had defensive stalwart Chris Webber getting on Amar'''e for not doing a better job staying in front of his man and taking no pride on not being scored on. I'm not sure how Kevin McHale could keep a straight face listening to this, but someone how managed to while also advising Amar''''e to essentially grow a pair of testicles and "hit somebody" in the face, dirty play or not. They also discussed whether this series was making teams interested in Stoudemire have second thoughts about signing him.

Given that apathetic rebounding and pathetic defense have been Amar''''e's calling card for years I don't see how this series changes anyone's mind. Someone is bound to say "oh he just hasn't played in a system that demanded defense out of him and held him accountable" and overpay for him. My money is on the Knicks. Not only will they be desperate to spend the max on somebody/anybody but they'll be attractive to Stoudemire precisely because he knows he won't be asked to rebound or defend. That is if Phoenix doesn't re-sign him...

Blogger Marcus said...
loved the post man, i sent it to my bro
i can't stand it when players do stupid moves on the court just to get the cameras attention and be pasted all over espn/tnt/etc

the worst was pumaman holding the bench back when gortat dunked over odom
he had that stupid look and his giant skull was going up and down

freakin kids man grow up.

Anonymous Axe Head said...
These playoffs are useful for exposing some guys who will join the ranks of Vince "Overpaid Underperforming" Carter types. Joe Johnson. Amar'''e Stoudemire. Too bad Carter himself isn't joining the free agent ranks.

Wait, Johnson and Stoudemire ALREADY are in the ranks. They are paid a lot, and underperform in playoff time.

NBA GMs: Stupid is a stupid does!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Last night on Hang Time we had defensive stalwart Chris Webber getting on Amar'''e for not doing a better job staying in front of his man and taking no pride on not being scored on. I'm not sure how Kevin McHale could keep a straight face listening to this...

Dude, seriously. When I heard Webber going off about how the Suns need to D up or shut up, I had to shake my head really hard and then look again to make sure I was actually seeing Chris Webber. If the NBA kept a stat called "The Ole'", which tracked the number of times somebody's opponent just waltzed past them, Webber would have led the league for five or six years straight over the second half of his career.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Hey, AnacondaHL, are you gonna add the Frye video and video of Amar''''''e's blocked-then-blown dunk?

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Wow, that Frye video is special. As in, special education, rides the short bus, special.

Anyone with a modicum of motor skills could have grabbed that rebound.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: "The Ole" BETTER be a WOTD.


BTW, which player is getting more hillarious parental media coverage right now - Amar'''''e, King Crab, or Marquis Daniels!?

Blogger Paul said...
Can we start calling Orlando and the Suns "The official 2010 NBA Finals training punch bags"?

Hmm... at least The Celtics are getting a quality sparring partner.
The Lakers are gaining nothing other than confidence from theirs.

BTW, whomever said the Lakers defense is poor has it "kinda" right. THIS round is poor, but the Lakers D has been up there with the best for the last two seasons.
I still think they have no answer for Ray Allen and on the same token he is the kind of guy that takes Kobe out of his game.

Conversely, Gasol will fare much better against KG.
The benches will cancel each other with Big Baby and Lamar leading them respectively.

The faith of that series much like in the Cleveland series will rest on the --big-- hands of Rondo. I believe the Lakers will do better than the Cavs or Magic did against Rondo though.
So it will be his focus that decides who walks away with the Larry O'brien.

How dare I'm penciling the Lakers and Celtics into the finals you say?

Blogger Leland said...
"The Ole"

I coach a team and we call that the "Matador Defense"

Anonymous Heretic said...
I think Marquis Daniels vs Luke Walton will be the deciding match up.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
As others have said here recently, when LA and Boston play each other Kobe always guards Rondo and Fisher guards Ray Allen. Keep that in mind when discussing that potential Finals matchup.

Anonymous Stockton said...
Don't forger to add carlos Boozer to the pile of "franchise FA"...
Again: rebounding is NOT about size or power (altough being big and having long arms help :) ), it's about POSITION!!! Didn't you learn anything playing in college?

Oh, screw it! Thankfully the world cup is coming...

If energy-guying is bad, then losing is good. Stop it.

Blogger jim said...
in grade school, when you're first learning how to play basketball for a team, one of the only things coaches at that level know how to say is "keep your hands up on defense." like, the shittiest coach in the world still knows how to teach that. and the shittiest ten-year-old players in the world know how to DO that.

give me a team of shitty ten-year-olds, jared dudley, and grant hill, and see if they don't hold the lakers to under 110.

seriously, phoenix...the FUCK?

also, can i nominate grant hill for suns BOTN? i almost cried last night watching him play like this is his last shot at winning--which it is--while his veteran teammates just stand around watching. forget that he went to duke; grant hill is a fucking hombre.

also, while i totally agree about steve nash, i do want to point out that there were at least three possessions in the fourth quarter in which steve was the only sun crashing the offensive glass. obviously, it didn't work, but there was definitely a stretch there in which steve was giving his damnedest.

finally, can we all just go ahead and say it? mike d'antoni obviously kidnapped gentry, reenacted the plot of the movie faceoff, and is back at the helm of the suns. rebound? hell naw! defense? what's that? a bench outplaying the starters? impossible!

...godDAMN i hate getting outworked by the lakers.

Blogger Fishy said...
Just wanted to say that the "what the fucks" and the "stop its" had me and girlfriend cracking more and more as the post went on... thanks for the early morning laughs. (yes, we considering 9:15 early...>.<)

Blogger David Robinson said...
Anaconda, as a loyal suns fan all my life, I share in your frustration. I don't have a Youtube link of it, but there was a play where Amare hedged Kobe on a pick and then just kind of strolled around in no mans land. The entire time I was screaming at the TV saying "GET ON GASOL AMARE! GET ON GASOL!" and then Kobe whipped it right past Amare's dumbfounded look and Gasol dunked it. I really thought we were gonna steal this game when we tied it 90 entering the fourth. I'm a Suns fan through and through, I love the purple and orange, hate purple and gold and black and silver, but I'm saying it now, we might steal game 3, but that's gonna be it. That makes me want to beat myself over the head.

Blogger Will said...
Last night, I achieved the seemingly unthinkable: I got a Luigi in a pick-up game. There were 7 people and I was the sub. One guy got a cramp in his calf, so I jumped in. I didn't stay, because he was able to massage it out before anyone quite knew what was going on.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Alvin Gentry quote machine:

"Maybe we'll decide that we'll let Kobe get 80 and try to [shut down all] the other guys."

If that is their plan, I see it ending with the suns fan's faces melting off ala raiders of the lost ark.

Blogger Dan B. said...
During the fourth quarter last night when Gasol started getting the ball in the post on every single possession -- and was scoring at will while the defense didn't even attempt to stop him -- I couldn't figure out why it felt so familiar. Then I realized that this was the real life equivalent of every single freaking game I play in NBA 2K10. No matter what you do on defense, the other team can score pretty much at will just by getting a big man into the paint and giving him the ball. It's a sickening feeling.

Will -- You are my hero.

Anonymous Jones said...
The sad thing about Stoudemire is if he gave a crap when it came to rebounding and defense he'd be a top 5 guy in the league. I don't understand how a guy that is so explosive on offense is so, what's the opposite of explosive? desplosive maybe?, when it comes to rebounding and defending. Desplosive and doesn't give a shit about sums him up when it comes to defense and rebounding.

Anonymous Heretic said...

I feel your pain. I stopped playing when Yao started making 3s.

Blogger DC said...

Unless I'm mistaken, you made an homage to one of those crappy TNBC shows (anything else besides Saved by the Bell, basically). Although technically speaking, only the 2007-2008 Sacramento Kings should be known as Hangtime since Reggie Theus as their coach. All they needed was a WNBA player to play meaningful minutes on the team.

David Robinson:

I knew that play was going to end up like that as soon as I saw Amar'''''e contentedly floating in the middle of the paint once he decided his double-team of Kobe "worked". I usually don't say much during the games, since I'm watching by myself. But once I saw Gasol catching and laying the ball in without a hint of resistance, I screamed "you motherfuckin' idiot".

Basically, Amar'''''e is a poor man's David Lee nowadays. Yes.... you've read that right. They do most of the same things - hit mid-range jump shots, work effectively as the screener and finisher in the pick-and-roll, dunk, and play lousy defense. The difference is that Amar'''''e's defense is arguably even worse than Lee's because he doesn't rebound - after all, a defensive possession doesn't end until the team on defense snares the rebound, right? Plus, David Lee has post moves and can score and in one-on-one face-up situations a la Chris Bosh. Amar'''''e has always had the higher potential (and shotblocking ability, of course) of the two, but he's also always been too lazy to work on his weaknesses. He's essentially the same player from 2004, only with less athleticism and explosiveness.

Blogger geremy said...
while i really have nothing that i feel NEEDS to be contributed, i'm showing face after the loss instead of disappearing until better times.

with that said, i'm optimistic. i don't know what it is, but i don't feel like i've gotten to watch the suns team i know play yet in games one and two. maybe with pressure off, and going home they will play "for fun" or "like they have nothing to lose" or "[insert appropriate cliche' here]"...

and MAYBE it's because i have a good feeling about sunday, or that i realize even getting go watch my suns in the western conference finals this year is a victory in itself.

Blogger Dooj said...

Implosive... though even that has some benefits...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Karolis: Shitty "energy guy-ing" is bad. Good "energy guy-ing", such as actually getting steals and offensive rebounds without immediately turning it over, is good. We're looking for more of the good kind in the next few games.

Dan B: That Gasol as the triangle 1 and 5 was actually really interesting to watch. It was the most awesome way to expose STAT for the fraud he is.

David Robinson: I was actually yelling, after the 1st quarter, to just not put Nash or Amar''''''e back in the game. They didn't do shit for the potential comeback, it was all Dragic and Lou and Dudley, etc. The whole time I prayed for no stoppages in time just to keep Dragic in there a bit longer, and prayed for STAT to foul out early. I don't know if any coach would have had the balls to do this, but I believe that at least would have kept it close through the 4th.

Drake: Lee gets Steals, STAT gambles for shitty blocks (the kinds that end up back in the opponent's hands, or out of bounds). Lee passes well, STAT does not. In addition to everything else you pointed out, this all pretty much makes them not alike at all. Given the choice, I would have 100% preferred Lee on the Suns.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
As others have said here recently, when LA and Boston play each other Kobe always guards Rondo and Fisher guards Ray Allen. Keep that in mind when discussing that potential Finals matchup.

Recently re-watched the '08 Finals and the game from earlier this season when L.A. won in Boston and Kobe played (he didn't play in the L.A. game). It's more accurate to say that Kobe sometimes guards Rondo...not always. Keep that in mind when disucssing that potential Finals matchup.

Energy-guying is an intention. Doing your best and trying to be an example. When trying, you can either suceed or fail but despising a positive intention is just wrong. If you really like the team. It seems, "basketbawful" doesnt, he's an old Kobe lover. :)

Blogger Wormboy said...
Dude! Nice rant!

I actually LOLed when Amar'''''e shuffled towards the basket "defending" that P&R. You know you're FUBARed when you laugh rather than growl when something like that happens to the team you favor. Amar'''''e is officially a bad free agent. Without an elite PG feeding him, he will be a better than average scorer and a poor defender. Surprise! Sort of like Shawn Marion, but better at O and worse on D.

No, you cannot deny me the "Kobe strokin it off on the floor of the Staples Center" gif. PUT IT IN THERE! YOU MUST! The ultimate Kobe dickery GIF!

Isn't it interesting how Gasol's celebrations strike one as a great ball player and nice guy enjoying victory, while Kobe's celebrations come off as a Bond villain celebrating? Actually, Kobe is more disgusting than any Bond villain I recall. Yuck, man. Yuck. He's more of a douche than that neighbor lady who, when I was a little kid, had Chemlawn spray her yard without telling us, and our old cat that my dad got my mom when they moved into their house after getting married, and who watched over me in the crib, got sprayed directly and died in my dad's arms that night. He's such a douche that he was worth that run-on sentence.

My wife says she gets physically ill when she sees him do stuff like that. He's like freakin Hannibal Lecter in high tops. Low tops. Whatever.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
wow kobe has never had a playoff triple double!?!!? although still the 40-8-8 in the finals last year and the 49-4-10 against denver 2 years ago are still impressive

Blogger Dylan said...
It's finally being proven that Amare is just a glorified dunker. Take away Nash's pick and roll ability (well, lack thereof now), and Amare is terrible.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Karolis: Why are you pushing this, your argument is really weak. It has nothing to do with liking the team. Sure despising positive intention could be "just wrong"... you know if the Suns were all 5 year olds and we were their parents.

But in this actual real world, there's nothing wrong about despising positive intention when there were clearly better choices. If he's going to gamble for steals, then he needs to follow through. Turning it over while the momentum's trying to shift to the other half of the court (reseting the Suns's already shitty D) was more killer than not doing it at all. Otherwise, it would have just been better to get back on defense. Missing those should-have-collected-them rebounds hurts the confidence and momentum too.

You may continue to go "aww, how cute, look at their adorable positive intention", but I will hold the Suns responsible, as they are all Grown Men ((C)2010 Gregg Pops). They can play better than this, and they know it, and if they can't find the confidence and effort then fuck them I won't watch their product.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...

I wish I could take credit man, but it was entirely the result of sleep deprivation. That show hadn't even crossed my mind until you mentioned it. It does raise an interesting question: which teen sitcom from the era featured the most laughably pathetic basketball scenes?

Hang Time's team was co-ed, Will Smith faced lower rims and the kind of defense that would make the Suns feel embarrassed on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I think there was a wheelchair match on Saved by the Bell Once.

Not that shows today are any better. "One Tree Hill" is supposed to be about two highschool phenoms and in the 30 seconds I saw them playing they looked like they had never touched a basketball in their lives.

Blogger Wormboy said...
PS Gasol is easily the best player in this series. OK, yeah, Kobe is good, but Gasol's efficiency is sick. Somebody tell me why the Lakers should run anything but plays in the post for Gasol? OK, maybe just enough perimeter plays to keep the Suns D honest. I think we're looking at a second year in a row where Pau is the true Finals MVP, and they're going to give it to douche Kobe.

@ Heretic "I dunno about Orlando being completely out. They lost a by very small margin (unlike the suns). If they just look at it one game at a time just like the Celtics did against Cavs then they have a good chance of stealing one or both. Of course this will require Rashard to make shots, Jameer to play better, Vince to limit his vaginess and Pumaman to stop fucking smiling. Stop smiling you fucktard!"

Yeah, but Orlando went down 2 AT HOME. The Suns did it on the road. Oops. Bend over, Orlando.

Blogger David Robinson said...
Anaconda, I was disturbed by Nash's play as well, but he's a gamer, you have to leave the guy in there, becuase he'll make the plays for you (normally)

Dragic on the other hand...looked Scared, maybe it was ol' Jack sitting courtside, maybe it was Phil staring him down, I just don't know, but Dragic just looked hesitant.

Also i was curious anaconda, are you here from Phoenix? its rare to see dedicated Suns fans on national websites.

Blogger David Robinson said...
Also, for the record, my name is really David Robinson, I'm not a spurs fan in ANY way.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Wormboy: Like I said, just turn on ESPN and that Kobe celebration will probably be playing.

I don't have much to say about Kobe, he played exactly how I expected and wanted him to play. He threw up and made much less crazy ill-advised shots than Game 1, and really opened it for the Suns to steal the game.

David Robinson: I had the name first, before that no-talent assclown!

Anyways, Dragic was much more aggressive with the ball, and not as afraid to attack Gasol. I think after he got that one layup blocked he cooled off, but still I'd rather have had him in the game for the last 36 minutes. Nash was showing no sign of improvement or adjustment, both Game 1 and 2. In the same way that Frye was pulled when showing no improvment, I wanted Nash out of the rest of the game. And Amar'e sent to China for a few weeks.

Blogger DC said...

Actually, David Lee wouldn't have done so well against the Lakers, either. He just doesn't play well against taller, long-armed bigs, especially mobile ones. But he would definitely try his hardest despite his limitations, unlike Amar'''''e.


I think you pretty much named every single basketball scene from a 90's sitcom that I can think of. I still remember Will Smith looking like Pau Gasol in comparison with the other players, despite the fact he was only about 6'1".

One honorable mention, since you noted "One Tree Hill". Its predecessor, Beverly Hills 90210 (the origin of all of these teen dramas, actually), once featured Brandon Walsh almost making the varsity basketball team despite the fact he was about 5'5", couldn't handle the basketball, and couldn't shoot. I think he impressed his coaches simply because he kept getting steals whenever Steve Sanders handled the ball. That brings up another question - why the hell was Steve Sanders playing PG? And at the end of the episode, I recall Brandon claiming that he made the B-squad with the possibility of making the varsity team if he kept up the good work......only the B squad or any other forms of high school basketball were never mentioned ever again for the rest of the series. Disturbing....well, not really.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I actually LOLed when Amar'''''e shuffled towards the basket "defending" that P&R.

Remember how, only one round ago, we were LOLing about Duncan shuffling toward the basket "defending" the Nash/STAT pick and roll...?


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Drake: Thanks for those sweeping generalities. But in the past 3 years, even as a bench hustle guy he seems to be putting up solid numbers in spite of a shitty Knicks team. (Don't forget to mentally adjust for D'Antoni Pace). Hell, in most of those games he had the near-team low DRtg. I will go ahead and make my own sweeping generality and say that's something I cannot say about Amar''''''e.

God, if anything just look at the FT and DREB columns. I'd take that any day over the Amar''''''e shitfest against the Lakers this postseason.

If you want to go further back, I was in full support of the Camby for STAT trade rumors way back when. Perfect Defensive Guy the Suns needed, and the perfect medical staff for Camby. But alas.

Anonymous Heretic said...

Maybe, but they're a hell of a lot closer to winning than the suns. At this point its safer to bet on a toddler covered in A1 sauce in a 12 round boxing match against cthulhu rather than bet on the suns.

I see all these comments about the suns being close. They really weren't. The Lakers never upped their intensity or went hard on D. They just beat them playing their game. Sure Kobe jacked up some bad shots but he had 13 assists and the suns lost....by double digits. When do the suns actually get a real chance to win? When kobe has both hands tied behind his back and is locked a way in a steel vault 9 miles beneath the earth? Even then i'm sure he'll outscore frye. The suns were as close to winning as the bulls were close to getting a 4 - 0 sweep of the cavs. But i'm sure the next game they'll grow 4 feet, amare will have finally defeated the pharaoh's curse of unlucky rebounding, Grant hill and Ponce de León are real tight so Grant will have taken a chug of gatorade flavored fountain of youth, Channing will have completly replaced his DNA with Reggie Millers and they will have a had lock down D that would make Alactraz look like it was made from swiss cheese. I'm sure all of that will happen. Then all we laker fan's will see the true might of marvelous midgets.

Blogger Courtney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger David Robinson said...
haha actually The admiral was just playing for the naval academy when I was born, so the name similarities are just a coincidence.

I wish Amare would read these websites, just to see if he actually would understand how to play defense.

Blogger Cortez said...
"I still think they have no answer for Ray Allen and on the same token he is the kind of guy that takes Kobe out of his game."


"Conversely, Gasol will fare much better against KG."

Double wow.

Blogger Ash said...
"Recently re-watched the '08 Finals and the game from earlier this season when L.A. won in Boston and Kobe played (he didn't play in the L.A. game). It's more accurate to say that Kobe sometimes guards Rondo...not always. Keep that in mind when disucssing that potential Finals matchup."

Yeah, but you can bet money that they'll do it way more this year (should the matchup happen), due to how effective it was putting Kobe on Westbrook (another super-fast point guard with a suspect jump shot) and watching Westbrook stop penetrating and start settling for long twos.

Anonymous Heretic said...

Technically Smith is 6'2 and he looks like a giant when he's standing next to his wife, who incidentally was the stunt double for the main character in Willow.

Any one remember when Zack Morris and AC Slater played ball? Good times.

Well, if Dudley will be still energy-guying, he will be getting better with his rebounds.

You must be not a fan. Fans forgive the mistakes.

Talking about Amare, he's still very young and talented and I'm sure he will be even better because you can see him stepping up to the next level as the old Nash-Amare axis is collapsing and the team is opening up. You could see he was very happy beating San Antonio, not arrogant and pounding his chest, but really shining.

18 points on 50 percent shooting is not bad, bad is 5 points on 2/11 shooting. I think Phoenix is done for this season but if Amare stays, they can be really big next year.


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Karolis: Okay, you are officially too stupid for me to waste my time explaining things, so I am just going to call you stupid and hope you stop talking to me.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Karolis -- Have you never in your life actually seen Amar'e play??? Dude detests playing defense and going after rebounds. It doesn't do you any good if you score 20 points, but let the opposition score at will AND let them get the ball after every missed shot by your team. He's been doing this shit for YEARS and has no desire to change. If he can't do it now in a contract year, he will never, ever do it. Period. Amar'e is a waste of a big, athletic body.

Anonymous Heretic said...

I'm being dead serious here, are you Amare's agent? if the answer is no....are you Amare?

Anonymous Heretic said...
Here's some reporting on his D:


Anonymous Bill Foster said...
For fuck's sake man, grow some fucking balls won't you? It sounds like in your perfect NBA we'd be giving out the Karolis Prize for "good effort over the course of the season" to the little darlings who "Fail. Try again. Fail again and Fail better."

As for all this crap you're spouting about "fans forgiving mistakes": Look mate, fans are objective enough and intelligent enough to know how a paid professional with several years competitive basketball experience should rebound, hustle and execute down the stretch.

Separately, I'm pretty sure that Tim Duncan, as the transcendent big man of his generation, didn't become good by "really shining" and playfully giggling in the magical Land of Milk and Honey but by playing efficient offense and dominant defense rather than worrying about his spectral radiance come the Finals. But hey, if this "shininess" you speak of separates the best from the rest, I'd love to hear more of your concise and informed oeuvre.

Anonymous Bryan said...
Thanks basketbawful for that comment on C-webb. Listening to him makes me mad because everything he criticizes other players about he did his whole career. After game 1 him he said its disrespectful to let a guy grab 19 rebounds against you, but he let kg, shaq, and duncan do that multiple times. Even robert Horry had an 18 and 20 rebound game against him in the '02 series. Get off your high horse Chris.

Also it was mentioned somewhere b4 but Gasol is absolutely destroying peoples future contracts right now. First boozer, now amare. Good for Gasol. Every penny of that big contract he just signed seems completely worth it. Until lakers fans turn on him and blame him after their next loss.

Blogger DC said...

These Lakers have been notorious for turning their game off/on during the regular season, and sometimes during the playoffs as well. I remember last season in a December game, they basically let the Knicks get off to a hot start before ultimately putting the Knicks away.

What I'm saying is that the Lakers are as good as anyone when they're properly motivated, especially with that front line. Remember Game 1 of last year's Finals? The Lakers' bigs were basically playing volleyball with ball for a while. They probably have the biggest and best shotblocking front in the entire league at this point, but it only looks that way when the team is properly motivated.

I see your stats, but I'm also aware what David Lee is at this point. I can recall a Knick game against Houston this season when Lee was abusing Chuck Hayes left and right, but was neutralized by the taller David Anderson. He's also had trouble with Samuel Dalembert these past two seasons:


The numbers may say Lee has palyed okay, but trust me: he wasn't dominating like he would against a shorter player. In the rare occasions that the 76ers gave the ball to Dalembert, he just shot over Lee like nothing was there. Lee was also intimidated by Dalembert's length and shotblocking ability.

The numbers say that Lee will almost always get his rebounds. But if his mid-range jumper isn't falling against a team with a tall shotblocking front court that can move and defend the pick-and-roll, he's going to be limited in his scoring opportunities.

This is why I say Lee is basically Amar'''''e with more hustle, far superior rebounding, less hops and strength, better passing and ballhandling, and worse shotblocking. Would you still take Lee? Of course. But it's not quite the clear-cut advantage over STAT that you make it out to be, especially against a motivated Laker team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"This is why I say Lee is basically Amar'''''e with more hustle, far superior rebounding, less hops and strength, better passing and ballhandling, and worse shotblocking [and more steals]. Would you still take Lee? Of course. But it's not quite the clear-cut advantage over STAT that you make it out to be, especially against a motivated Laker team."

Goddamn. That sounds really good. Like a dream. Feels pretty clear cut to me.

Imagine, if David Lee didn't have Chris Duhon and Nate Robinson feeding him fecal matter, but Nash and Dragic instead... and how many more assists per game he could get kicking it out to actual basketball players that can make basketball shots... and the Suns don't really care about shot-blocking, we just want someone to get the damn ball like Barkley used to.

Okay Knicks, max contracts sign and trade Amare for Lee, Wilson Chandler and a 2013 1st rounder. Deal? Isiah, you there? C'mon....

Blogger DC said...

Please - we're still reeling from trading Kurt Thomas to you guys for a flaming bag of poo (Quentin Richardson). Don't give us a second bag of poo again....we don't deserve it after the Isiah era. And as long as I'm going on with metaphors, that would make Joe Johnson a bag of piss. Hey! I just mentioned three-fifths of the 2004 Phoenix Suns starters.

Anonymous Shrugz said...
I wonder how many times we can say "[Player's name] is still young and talented" before he is who he is.

Blogger chris in van said...
leland: "Does anyone else think that Channing Frye shits his pants before he even leaves his house or hotel before the game?

If Frye's shot was a piece of art, I'd call it "Timid and then Forced" from the Shit the Bed collection."

actually channing frye's performance from last night has already been made into a Great Work of Art, narrated by hall of famer george brett:


Blogger lordhenry said...
Deep in the mountains of L.A. in the Citadel of Minas Mamba, the Dark Lord Kobe "Bean" Bryant, he of the gimpy finger, recently drained knee, and fist-pumps that make AnacondaHL violently ill, stands before his throne of frozen tears, surveying the Lakers after a playoff victory.

"Darth Sweet Tooth, step forward"
"Lamar, I am very disappointed in you, you followed up 19 and 19 with 17 and 11."
Odom looks confused, "Actually, I thought that was decent off the bench, and Amare did focus on me more defensively."
The Dark Lord, for a moment, bears his teeth in a ferret-like grimace that is supposed to strike fear in opponents but sometimes only strikes fear in teammates, as it is the look Kobe employs when he begins jacking retarded contested jumpers.

"Um, Darth Sweet Tooth, you DO realize that saying Amare focused on you defensively is akin to saying Lindsey Lohan enjoys a quiet night at home? Amare spends more time trying to pretend to play defense, than actually doing it, and as of this moment, Lindsey is probably already facing the corner she will end up passing out strung out in later tonight."

Lamar: "Okaaaay."

"The point is, we gave you every chance in the world to duplicate your performance. Hell, Pau didn't even really start trying to score until the fourth, when he did so in desperation because those damn Jedi tied the game up, and then I ran every play for him just to show off, cuz I'm a dick."

Lamar. "Okay,"

"A FURTHER POINT would be, that if you don't absolutely destroy the Suns in every game of this series especially since your scoring has been shall we say, 'suspect' throughout these playoffs, then you will have to change your sith name, for there will be no candy, and additionally, there will be no sex, as I have already spoken to Khloe. She agrees a championship is important, if for no other reason than for the enormous photo oppurtunities it would provide."

Lamar: "Dude, you CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Lamar, if I can get out of rape, win the olympics, and win a title without Shaq, then I can CERTAINLY get a married women to withhold sex from her husband, that would have to just about the easiest thing I have ever attempted."

Anonymous Hellshocked said...

It seems to me the higher a player's vertical leap, the longer the whole "young and talented, will destroy the league when he finally puts it all together!" drags out. IE: Stromile Swift, Josh Smith, Tyrus Thomas.

People seem to think that you can't teach someone to be an exceptional athlete but somehow you can teach them to be everything else once they make the league. There are certain unquantifiable basketball skills that, if they haven't manifested themselves in your early teens, most likely never will (like a feel for the post, selflessly running a team, defensive tenacity, overall drive).

Then again Lamar Odom is like 30 years old and up to last year people were still talking about his boundless potential and how the league would be in trouble when he finally put everything together.

Blogger Dooj said...
Speaking of Lamar as sweet tooth, has anyone else noticed that since that story came out, Lamar has been doing consistently better?

Shouldn't opponents of the Lakers send boxes and boxes of candy to Lamar's house?

Anonymous Laurance said...
me and my friends were saying how amare is losing money per second in the 4th quarter.

and that's true.

he got pau'd so bad, i felt kinda sorry for the dude, and I enjoy watching a team get destroyed by the lakers.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Ah Laker hate mmmm, smells like failure/desperation in the morning. The gleeful celebrations of the suns "defense" against the spurs have died down. The hollow eyed look of desperation of suns fans as they try to dig deep and come up with a fantasy scenario that will turn the suns' embarrassing finals debut around. A fantasy that would make Harry Potter seem realistic in comparison (although quidditch and black magic was involved). But try as the suns' fans might, there's nothing down there in the pit where their soul used to reside. All that's left is bile and some vaginal fluid.

Captain Canada has been demoted to sergeant suck, Barbosa looks as dead as the pirate he's named after, Amare "unluckiest rebounder in the history of the world" Stoudemire is playing the same amount of defense a nerf pistol would play, Channing Frye is the Lakers' MVP, Robin "Fry Guy" Lopez is more hair than man and Richardson can't guard a mannequin.

So what do suns fans have to look forward to (besides living in a state that has to beg for water from Colorado)? A "We gave it our best/we played out hearts out/there's always next year" speech from Alvin Gentry once this massacre masquerading as a playoff series is over. The Phoenix suns number 1 in the NBA in moral victories. Maybe there should be a Karl Malone trophy.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful - I just meant that Phil Jackson tends to prefer to put Fisher on Ray Allen, probably so Kobe isn't always running around all those screens on D. Kobe's method of defending Rondo in the past has typically been to kinda ignore him and roam around, almost assuming Rondo can't do anything anyway. I don't think Kobe will be so disinterested in sticking on Rondo in The Finals, but if he is, it's his funeral. 

In any event, I just brought that point up because it seems a lot of people are wanting to talk about Lakers-Celtics matchups, and I see a lot of "Kobe vs Pierce" or "Fisher vs Rondo" comments, when they don't really apply. I wasn't trying to say Kobe will neutralize Rondo or anything, cause I have no idea how that will go. 

Blogger xk said...
I love the Suns, but I've had a really hard time watching the past few games, between Nash's poor play, and Amar'e's willful decision to avoid defense.

I can only scream at the television so many times while Amar'e walks around leaving his man on the low block before I just give up.

I cannot believe someone may blow a max contract on him.

Blogger Silva said...
Anaconda - If you want to go further back, I was in full support of the Camby for STAT trade rumors way back when. Perfect Defensive Guy the Suns needed, and the perfect medical staff for Camby. But alas.

What?! You trade Camby for Amare the Suns don't even make the playoffs. Sure Amare is lazy on defense but he is a much better player than Camby. Don't forget that Amare from now and then still hits some mid range jumpers which complements the pick and roll very well with the pick and pop. Camby mid range jumper looks like a medieval torture machine.

I'm rooting for the Suns, I actually though they were going to win game 2 but if you let Jordan Farmar come in and hit 3s, and just let Gasol feel like he's playing in high school there is no way you should go to the finals. Just stick with Collins Gentry and bring Lopez for the spark off the bench. I never liked guys coming of injuries right into important playoff series. Like Nelson last year. "Oh but Lopez played good". I don't care, it changes the feel of the team, it changes the way you play. You were winning, now you're losing.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
xk - Well said, those are p much my thoughts summarized. I even went one step further with the note at the, since I was originally really excited to get Game 4 tickets, but now I'm hoping to see something historic, like Amare's last home game in that building.

Vasco - The Camby rumors were originally pre-Shaq. Think about it.

And even if the Clippers could've provided the assets for the trade this year (unlikely), Portland seemed to do okay getting to the playoffs so...ya im just sayin. I'm just sayin to reread your post and see how hypocritical it is. The Suns can survive (thrive) without STAT's offense.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Doug Collins to coach the 76ers eh? I did not see that one coming. Can't make up my mind on if they'll be a better team or not.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
In any event, I just brought that point up because it seems a lot of people are wanting to talk about Lakers-Celtics matchups, and I see a lot of "Kobe vs Pierce" or "Fisher vs Rondo" comments, when they don't really apply. I wasn't trying to say Kobe will neutralize Rondo or anything, cause I have no idea how that will go.

Yeah, based on what I know of Phil Jackson, the matchups will vary based on the flow of the game...P-Jax is (in most cases) all about the subtle adjustments. But unless Pierce is going crazy and Kobe asks to check him, or vice versa, I don't expect to see much of Pierce versus Kobe. Historically, they don't go head-to-head regularly.

Anonymous Sorbo said...
Miami will give max money to A''''mare if they don't get Lebron. I'm a little shocked that I don't hear A'''mare's name more for New York: He'll be in the SSOL offense, won't be expected to play defense (thanks, Coach D'antonio), and he'll be reunited with said coach. Maybe there's some story I missed where the two hate each other?

But who cares about FA when we're going to be treated to Lakers-Celtics round 2. Can't wait to see Pierce flops, Kobe complaints, Gasol ugliness, and Garnett stare downs. These two teams are pretty evenly matched, so we may be talking about an actual competitive Finals.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I think we probably will see a fairly competitve Finals. Both teams (Celtics and Lakers, btw) are rolling right now, having long winning streaks ever since suffering blowout losses (Game 3 in the last round for Boston, Game 4 in the first round for LA). These teams are on a collision course and it should be interesting. 

As I said the other day, I think Boston's good play recently is more legit than LA's though, because I think the main reason the Lakers suddenly look so good has more to do with extremely favorable opponents than LA having "flipped the switch". Before the playoffs started if I could have picked LA's opponents from the other 7 Western playoff teams, I would have picked the three they ended up playing, as they have much more difficulty against Denver, Dallas, San Antonio, and even Portland (though w/o Roy maybe that one wouldn't have been so tough). But Phoenix and Utah are both too small for LA, and the Thunder had no experience. LA may be fooling everyone right now just because they haven't had much resistance (much like Orlando in the first two rounds). 

Boston, meanwhile, has really been challeneged and have responded better than I would guess even their strongest supporters could have expected. You could say that Boston will really be the first and only genuine test the Lakers will have in the playoffs. Home court advantage could really be huge for LA, cause I think they're going to need every edge possible to beat Boston. 

Blogger Unknown said...
Apparently I must be the only person who has not jumped to the conclusion that we will have a Lakers-Celts finals.

You know, a 2 game lead is pretty big, but until PHX loses at home, and until Orlando has a remotely decent shooting night and still loses, I think ORL and PHX are still in it.

AnacondaHL has beautifully detailed how shitty the Suns are playing, and there is a pretty damn good chance that they can win some games if they remove their collective head from their ass and try to put the round orange thingy into the white lacey-thingy and getting between the other team and the white lacey thingy on their end.

As for Orlando, I'm kinda stumped really. I don't think that there is any disparity in talent between ORL and BOS, but Orlando is just missing everything. Layups missed, 3's missed, dunks missed. I don't know. Yeah Boston plays defense, but to me, if Orlando loses this series, it will be from lack of desire and effort; not lack of height/talent/speed/length.

Anyway, I'm not sticking a fork in either team until they lose game 3.

Anonymous gebwel said...
can we change amare's nickname to STAT-UE, seeing that he's apparently having trouble moving his feet, esp. on defense?

also, amare's been a subpar rebounder throughout his career. check this data from basketball-reference:

he appears three times in the list of guys 6-10 or taller who play superstar minutes (>36 MPG) and play mostly on the inside (< 0.5 3PA/G) but failed to average double figures in REBS

Anonymous gebwel said...
oops, i forgot to put the link:


I'm a Suns fan. I dont know if you ever were a fan. If you're a fan, you support your team and hope for the best. That's a 101. Right or wrong - it's my team. But maybe it's different in America. Implementing law is considered racist (Arizona) and trying - wrong. Haven't you ever noticed how people change?

Anonymous bloggers...