20100228-atlanta-hawks I don't know about you, but I am in mourning after the US Olympic hockey team squandered an opportunity for gold last night. Zach Parise's overtime-forcing goal with just seconds left in regulation even had my dad (who never watches hockey at all) jumping up and down. Netminder Ryan Miller was playing out of his freaking mind and the US team had tons of momentum. Then they came out in overtime and looked a little sluggish, had a defensive lapse, and Miller let Sidney Crosby score on a relatively soft, sloppy shot. Sonofabitch. Thankfully, since I'm a Penguins fan, I can go back to not hating Crosby starting tomorrow. Meanwhile, the NHL trade deadline looms. I'm still exhausted from covering the NBA's trade deadline. (Thank God I've got a vacation coming up in just a few short days. Hello, Reno!)

In basketball blogosphere news, JE Skeets is leaving Ball Don't Lie. Well, there's one less reason to visit Yahoo. (Sorry, forgot the awful exclaimation mark that makes every sentence featuring that website name feel awkward as a Chuck Hayes free throw. Let's try this again) Yahoo! (Okay, there we go. I feel dirty now.)

Speaking of Ball Don't Lie, here's a story they passed along: Michael Jordan might rename the Bobcats once he completes his purchase of the team. The suggestions by the Yahoo! commentariat are, for the most part, horrifically bad. Anyone here have any good team name suggestions?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Caption This!
What is Scott Skiles doing?

Darko Milicic just makes everything better

"OOOOH I love my Abraham Lincoln neck tattoo!!"

Wow, this is really... awkward. And homoerotic.

This isn't really bawful, but I had to post it:
The Nyets actually successfully executing the high screen!!

Yet another reason to hate the Lakers...

"Look! My best years are way behind us!"

Terrell Owens on Kobe's ice-cold shooting performance:
"That's my shooting guard. *sniffle*"

"Ooh, look at the buns on that one..."
"Yeah, he must work out."

Nationally Televised Games:
Magic at 76ers: I went through every picture from Orlando's Sunday night game, and as surprising as this is, I was not able to find a single picture where icicicles were hanging off the Pumaman's hands. Weird.

All The Other Games:
Bricks at Crabs: Enjoy this one, New York fans. It's the closest you'll get to having LeBron for a long, long while.

Mavericks at Bobcats: The Bobcats have never beaten the Mavericks. Ever. Think about that for a second. That's kind of impressive, actually. You know, in an "impressive as a trainwreck" kind of way.

Spurs at Hornets: Both teams are not performing as well as they'd hoped before the start of the season, and both are 5-5 in their last 10 games. I'm just going to pick the home team on this one and be done with it.

Hawks at Bulls: Every time I see the Bulls' win/loss record, I always have to do a double-take. It seems like it should be a lot worse with their erratic bipolar play, especially considering that early winter stretch of games that was uglier than Joakim Noah's face.

Frail Blazers at Grizzlies: It's been an entire month since the Grizzlies won at FedEx Forum. Doesn't that make FedEx a delightfully ironic sponsor? FedEx delivers, but the Grizzlies sure as hell don't.

Raptors at Rockets: When Chris Bosh is not in the game, I think we can safely resume calling them the Craptors. No hard feelings, Toronto fans. It's just the truth. As Chris noted, "Chris Bosh remains on the shelf, an opportunity for Discount Store to anonymously redeem a coupon good for thirty points."

Nuggets at Suns: Jason Richardson on his blown dunk that effectively destroyed the Suns' chances of victory on Sunday: "I don't like to miss dunks." Really? Insightful.

Jazz at Clippers: Articles referring to the Clippers as "surging" following this game? Zero.

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Anonymous whataboutbob_cats said...
I've got some ideas.
1) Charlotte Flying Biscuits
- Flying because apparently Charlotte loves flying.
-Biscuits because Bojangles was started there and Charlotteans love comfort food.
logo: http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/389635/4395744677_66b6874cfa_o_medium.jpg
mascot: http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4002/4399543932_01b6622930_o.jpg
2) Charlotte Sprawl
-Charlotte's layout is very much a sprawl. Pretty self-explanatory.
logo: http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4057/4399323272_936d15701d_o.jpg
mascot: Sir Walter Sprawley

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Charlotte returns to being the Hornets.

New Orleans returns to being the Jazz.

Utah gets some crappy new name with a 'z' or two.

Blogger John said...
Charlotte General Lees

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Someone suggested "Air Charlotte" in the Yahoo! comments area.

I think that is actually fairly awesome. Pulls in the Wright brothers but sounds a lot better than Charlotte Flight. Plus ties in Jordan in a slightly less arrogant manner than Bob's Bobcat name.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous who suggested getting the names back where they belong -- How DARE you suggest something that actually makes sense and would be awesome? David Stern will punish you for this indiscretion with another awful slam dunk contest next year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Are the Mavericks the only team left that are undefeated against the Flying Biscuits?

Blogger Ash said...
When they were first doing the voting for the team name, one of the options was the Dragons.

If they do an appropriately demonic Dragon mascot (see the Grizz and the Bucks), I'm totally on board with that.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My bad. Can't wait to see Uri-Nate sleepwalk through another one.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
The Charlotte Looney Toons.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, Dan, it IS bawful for any team to give up a successful high screen to the Nyets, so...yeah.

Blogger Will said...
1. I see Jordan calling them the Michaelcats. How about the Charlotte's Web?
2. Scott Skiles is doing his best Stan Van Gundy impression (only in nice clothes).
3. How do we know Yi wasn't called for a moving screen?

Anonymous mguard said...
Scott Skiles, "Bogut, twist the nipples gently!"

Blogger Cody said...
Anon., Dan B. - Why does the Hornets name belong with Charlotte?

Blogger gordon gartrelle said...
The Charlotte Raes


Blogger jiggly16 said...
Dragons, using Trogdor as the mascot.

Blogger chris said...


Originally, the new team was to be named the Charlotte Spirit, but another name-the-team contest yielded "Hornets" as the winning choice. The name derived from the city's fierce resistance to British occupation during the Revolutionary War, which prompted Lord General Cornwallis to refer to it as "a veritable nest of hornets." The name had been used for Charlotte teams before; the city's minor league baseball teams had been called the Hornets from 1901 to 1972; there was a short-lived team in the short-lived World Football League; and NCAA basketball's Charlotte 49ers and Davidson Wildcats play annually for the Hornets' Nest Trophy.

jiggly16: I cannot wait for the inevitable scorebard A SPLODE graphics.

Anonymous Josh said...
How about the "Cougars", after the ABA's Carolina Cougars? As an added benefit, it's where Larry Brown started his coaching career, so there's that connection.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
74 points at the half?

We've ragged on Rivers and Brown, but 'Antoni deserves even more ridicule. Way to get your team motivated, _-bag.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Caption this: Skiles reminds his players to mind the balls
team name: Charlotte Swooshes

Anonymous Doctor Flarb said...
Skiles: Oooooh, take the idol, Indiana Jones! Nothing bad can happen!

Charlotte Hornets would be awesome to have again; complete with the Gran Ma Ma pin stripped uniforms. That buzzing noise the arena played whenever the opponents were running out of time on the shot clock brings back memories.

Anonymous Ak dave said...
Goran Dragic looking like a... respectable backup to Steve Nash.

I just saw him dunk a ball, and I just saw PHX play DEFENSE against Denver.

Is this Bizarro-world? WTH

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Mario West with a HYYUUUUUGGGEEEEE garbage time dunk on Joe Alexander!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
AK dave: It's been like that all season. Dragic has been awesome this season.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Seriously. I thought Dragic was a joke last year, but this year he's been like Mini Steve Nash who can dunk. I love watching that kid play.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Oh, Craptors. You suck so hard Sgt. Hartman couldn't find an apt simile for your sucking.

Blogger Unknown said...
Raptors get their lunch stolen by my Rockets. Way to ride the wave of their countries big hockey win.

Canada, Americas hat.

Blogger plonden said...
Unfortunate that Dragic had to be taken out of the game in the fourth quarter after that "accidental" elbow by Chauncey Billups.

Blogger tps_report said...
Scott Skiles is blowdrying his invisible blunt.

Anonymous Hajt said...
Blazers: 41 points in the first half, 41 points in the 3rd quarter. Unfortunately, they didn't get 82 in the fourth. Also, Nicolas Batum is the best thing out of France. Ever.

Blogger Ash said...
Don't look now, but the Clippers are surging!

Blogger Unknown said...


Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: And not surprisingly, Mr. Alexander is going to be in tonight's LACKTION REPORT!


Blogger chris said...
Dan B.: But is he as bawesome as MINI CLUTCH?

Nothing can beat the sheer ridonkulousness of Mini Clutch running around like Gary Coleman on energy drinks, as uncoordinated as possible, being chased around by Clutch at full speed.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Getting dunked on by the guy who invented the Mario... it's fail at it's finest.
Someone should put a McDonald's uniform on Alexander because that's where he belongs.

Anonymous Stockton said...
About the Jazz latest games: back to bipolar mode. Seven road wins followed by losses against Sucramento and LA Clipboards.

About the Clips/Jazz: F###, f###, f###ing balls of f###ing God, if Malone was there he would be so f###ed that he would f###ing spank one and all of your sorry a$$es. F###.
And you can quote me.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Oh my fucking God. I am so sorry, Jazz fans. This one is all on me after I got too cocky in my game preview. Here, go cheer yourself up by watching this classic Onion video.

Anonymous Stockton said...
poor brook Lopez... man, I would love him in jazz uniform. Is he really obligated to follow his contract with the Nets?
The league should create some special clauses which would allow players to leave a team before contract termination, such as:
- team wins less than 10 games one season
- your team mates bring guns to the locker room
- more than 50% of the roster has a criminal record (here only the ones without record could flee)
- your team has an injury rate above 70%
- your team hires Mike Dunleavy or Isiah Thomas

Anonymous Airball Men said...
CAPTION ON THE SKILES PIC: "This is how you milk a cat."

Anonymous Sorbo said...
In basketball blogosphere news, JE Skeets is leaving Ball Don't Lie. Well, there's one less reason to visit Yahoo.

That sounds like addition by subtraction, since Ball Don't Lie is turible, like all Yahoo!!!!! bloggers.