A very special thanks to ESPN's SportsNation for selecting Basketbawful as its Site of the Day for February 19, 2010! Thanks to an anonymous commentor for sharing the video of this segment uploaded onto SportsNation's Youtube. Sounds like my painstakingly detailed coverage of null-star trading action was an important part of their trade deadline coverage for some unknown reason.

But anyway, welcome to BAD. Finally, it's the weekend. About friggin' time! That trade deadline week wore me down. It's exhausting hitting the F5 key eight hundred times a day just to see Amar'''''e isn't going anywhere, and Nate Robinson is the best the Celtics could do. They could have just left a flaming bag of dog shit on my porch and been done with it, but nooo. That would be too quick! They need to extend the torture!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Looks like Sandy Goodman finally made up for those lousy Lakers tickets he gave Larry David that one time!

Somehow this is related to both of these guys bricking free throws all night

Craig Sager introduces his Hardcourt Camoflage line of blazers and ties, for when being invisible on the box score just isn't quite invisible enough

Paul Pierce prepares for a second career as an army drill instructor

(h/t Chris for covering the Friday games for me. I'm exhausted from covering yesterday's frantic trade deadline rumor-mongering and feeling pissed off about the trades (or lack thereof) that didn't help my teams. I only had the will to do the Saturday and Sunday games.)
Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Mavericks at Magic: Caron Butler will be looking for a prime opportunity to snipe Orlando on the scoreboard yet again, this time for Rick Carlisle and Mark Cuban.

Celtics at Frail Blazers: Little Nate Robinson will actually be getting playing time from Doc Rivers, who hopes that his ability to win ho-hum dunk contests can translate to taking advantage of the infirmary in Portland.

All The Other Friday Games:
Spurs at 76ers: Strangely enough the Spurs have 7 road losses on Broad Street dating back to 2000, despite winning several NBA titles in that span. Yet history really isn't on the side of The Cancer and that ragtag bunch in Philly, even accounting for the AARP passes that Duncan and Ginobili surely own these days...

Nuggets Wizards Generals Bullets: Fresh off of declawing the Crabs, Melo and Chauncey look to eviscerate Antawn Jamison's OLD null-star team.

Crabs at Bobcats: So a bunch of missed charity stripe opportunities boiled the crustaceans on TNT Thursday. No biggie, they now get to play a team that has lost TWICE TO THE NYETS!

Pacers at Hornets: The Pacers have almost as few road wins this year as the Nyets have any type of win, so look for them to be stung early and often - even considering the post-CP3 malaise that New Orleans has experienced as of late.

Bucks at Pistons: John Salmons vs. Charlie Villanueva. Oh, I'm soooo excited. [Dan B.: The NBA -- It's Faaaaaaaantastic!]

Bulls at Timberwolves: Scheduling like this is how Vinnie Smallz can be confident in his job security.

Raptors at Nyets: In two games against the dinos this season, New Jersey has failed to score 100 points against a defensively inept (but somehow winning) squad. Look for this trend to continue, as that Charlotte game is a likely aberration from history.

Heat at Grizzlies: In the wake of Dwyane Wade's injury, Pat Riley told reporters "We're a playoff team." Hey Pat, have you been hanging out with Devin Harris lately?

Hawks at Suns: Now that the Apostrophe is stuck in Phoenix, will he be motivated against another contending team?

Jazz at Warriors: Yay, the highly unanticipated rematch of 2007's Cinderella Team versus an actually well-coached squad that crushed them in five!


Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Heat at Mavericks: Okay, yes, Dallas has forgotten how to defend anyone. However, if D-Wade's still hurt, it can't be that hard to stop a glorified pick-up team like Miami basically has, right?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Bullets at Raptors: Artist's impression of the Bullets:
Thunder at Bricks: Mike D'Antoni says the tempo's going to come back up since their roster has changed. Great. Now we get to see them lose 130-110 instead of 110-90!

76ers at Bulls: Did you know the Sixers couldn't break 100 even against the decidedly defense-free Raptors just over a week ago? Ruh roh.

Pacers at Rockets: Has it really only been six years since the Pacers averaged a mere 85.6 points against per game?

Bobcats at Bucks: Watch out, now! The Bucks have John Salmons! Time to run the table!!

Kings at Clippers: Steve Novak versus Dominic McGuire! Feel the excitement!


Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Crabs at Magic: The battle of Superman versus Pumaman!

Celtics at Nuggets: Celtics coach Doc Rivers, players Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen, and even Lakers coach Phil Jackson are perplexed by the Nate Robinson trade. Do you now understand why I've been doom-and-gloom about this Celtics team lately?

Hawks at Warriors: Looking at all of the teams on national TV in one day, can you guess which one doesn't really fit?

Jazz at Frail Blazers: A national TV audience will get to see Marcus Camby's knees disintegrate one step at a time!

All The Other Sunday Games:
Spurs at Pistons: You mean they thought this game wasn't worthy of a national broadcast?? Shocking.

Grizzlies at Nyets: The Nyets are a trainwreck. Almost as big a trainwreck as this:

Rockets at Hornets: So, uh, when is CP3 coming back again?

Thunder at Timberwolves: I don't care if this is the second night of a back-to-back on the road. They're the Timberpoops. Durant goes off for 30+ easily, right?

Kings at Suns: Hey, maybe Amar''''e can actually pull down a couple rebounds this game and delude me into thinking he's going to actually try and play with some heart. I'll have a few brief moments of happiness before he shits on them again the very next game.

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Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so ... scared!

Blogger Unknown said...
Love the youtube clip

Blogger John said...
Fuck me, Lebron is so corny.

Anonymous Business Time said...
Found this amusing sight while browsing box scores on Yahoo...


Blogger Ash said...
Crabs lose. Love it.

What I love more is the new look Wizards! They're like the Rockets: east. A bunch of plucky guys who are going to play hard and prove they belong in the league. I like this new Bullet team!

Blogger Ash said...
Hm... I don't know the exact formula for a Voskuhl (or if Antawn is eligible... he's a PF), but is that a 12:9 one he posted???

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Jamison: 0-12, 5 BA, 3 PF. Can we give him a spiritual +20 suck differential?

Everyone in NY cheers. I think they can do it.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: We simply need to keep track of over-the-decade-mark all-masonry performances like this. There probably won't be many as epically bad!!!!

And it seems we know one reason why Shaq may have not played his heart out tonight: He was busy recording intro clips for this evening's edition of Friday Night Fights (which is being held in Cleveland) on ESPN2. No, SRSLY.

Blogger chris said...
Ash B: Voskuhl formula (usually only applies to big men, but it can be used to quantify anybody's suckage) -

Fouls and turnovers against points and boards.


Blogger chris said...
and the ESPN2 ticker reports...that is indeed Antawn's worst career shooting performance!

Not very surprising when you leave the aresnal on the Anacostia for the claws of Cleveland. :P

Blogger chris said...
Shaq sounding a little out of breath in his shadowboxing segment on Friday Night Fights. Yeah, too many trips to the local Tim Horton's can do that for ya.

Blogger Unknown said...
Re: Business Time's link -- I love how Shaq apparently managed to eat the Grizzlies' logo (and possibly their entire franchise?). Good times.

Anonymous MK_Laker said...
Also, another reason for Shaq's uninspired play: He IS the Memphis Grizzlies! http://www.flickr.com/photos/47666434@N05/4371378283/

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Wanna talk about bricked free throws? check out the Craptors' Box-score. Yeeeeech.

And yay for LeVain and the crabs being shucked twice in a row.

Anonymous OneZero said...
yahoo's boxscore for Heat vs Grizzlies has some very weird glitch

I hope it still there


(hint: look for shaq!)

Anonymous OneZero said...
check out this weird boxscore of Miami vs Memphis:

hint: find Shaq!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds like a bawfully generic site introduction though.

Anonymous elHans said...
the new memphis logo according to yahoo its a great achievement of design

Anonymous Mladen said...
I just have three important words for you guys:
You gotta guard Merv!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
^"All the trade deadline info that you needed..."

Aha, wow...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Doc Rivers deserves mention for putting in Veal to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1qPTATzegQ
At least he didn't foul and give up an And1

Anonymous Robert M said...
I absolutely love Steve Nash commercials... This is a new Olympic one I hadn't seen till right now.


Anonymous Shayan said...
HAHAHA that damaged car to represent the Bullets is jokes!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Uh, I can't get to a TV now, but is T-fucking-Mac in the Knicks starting lineup?!?!

Anonymous Torgo said...
In the starting lineup and killing it. my whole world has gone topsy-turvy, and I don't think I like it.

Blogger Fishy said...
That video of Scala-whatever by the last Anonymous is truly bawful

Anonymous Jai said...
"Can this one go the distance?... I guess not."


Blogger Unknown said...
Darko Milicic... +35. Hole-Lee Chit! If only the Bricks had been playing him this whole time, they would be in 1st in the east for sure!

Blogger chris said...
You know your team sucks bad when...for their game preview on the cable-system guide, the text Comcast has up talks about how the opposition (in this case, Phoenix) is looking to sweep your pathetic purple paupers (which, they did).


Blogger LotharBot said...
How about tonight's free throw bonkfest between the Nuggets and Celtics?

Blogger chris said...
Did anyone else other than me witness that facepalm in the front row on the sidelines after Boozer's game-tying shot (in a game in which the Frail Blazers led by 25)?!?! :D

Blogger sabonis said...

this is George Karl at his worst in their win against Celtics. I thought you could use it.

Anonymous DOH said...
regarding darko, from the ap recap:

For the Timberwolves, the biggest surprise of the night was the play of Darko Milicic. The former No. 2 overall draft pick was acquired from the Knicks in a trade last week and played for the first time in more than three months.

He was on the floor when Minnesota played its best basketball and finished with eight points and eight rebounds in a season-high 19 minutes of action. Despite the Timberwolves losing, Minnesota was plus-35 with Milicic, who is admittedly out of game shape, on the floor.

"I was trying to focus on breathing," Milicic said. "I was just focusing on breathing so I didn't die."