Bored announcers: From Basketbawful reader Nick: "I was watching the Suns-Nets game last night. During the game, the announcers got bored and started drawing on the screen (see above). You can see the clip on NBA League Pass (free to sign up until November 11th) on It occurs after the ad break, before the free throws, with 2:31 left in the first quarter." Nick was also kind enough to provide the accompanying dialogue. Update! The announcers have been credibly identified as Marv Albert and Mike Fratello by TehJay: "I can confirm that it was Marv, I watched this sequence happen. It was even more hilarious than it seems in text. Marv didn't really know how to react to the Czar's etch-a-sketches. He sounded like he was patronizing a little kid."

Marv Albert: It's time for our J&R Music and Computer World Upcoming Schedule. Following tonight, the Nets will finish up the home stands...that's, uh, very lovely. On friday night against Allen Iverson and the Detroit...what is that?

Mike Fratellow It's a car.

Marv Oh, Motor City, oh I got it.

Mike: It's a car.

Marv: So clever. You think about this for long periods of time? And then at Miami Indiana on Saturday, I'm sorry.

Mike: I didnt want to throw you off.

Marv: I, I know.

Mike: Okay.

Marv: All right. Indiana, what do they get? What's that? That's very creative. What is that? Is that a building?

Mike: It's a building.

Marv: For Indianapolis?

Mike: It is.

Marv: And then at Miami on Monday night.

Mike: You know Miami gets, they get another, ohh yeahhh.

Marv: Oh very cute, yeah, all right and then back home for the Pacers next Wednesday. but frankly we've seen enough.

Mike: Okay.

Marv: The J&R Music and Computer World Upcoming Schedule. The Nets playing four games in five nights.

Mike: I was trying to think of how to draw a hurricane for Miami, not sure how to do that.

Marv: I'm sure you'll come up with something. Iittle box for the city of Indianapolis
Broadcasting action. It's BLAND-tastic. (Actually, I have to admit, this was pretty funny...)

The New Jersey Nets' defense: The only thing in New Jersey that was worse than the announcers' banter was the Nets' D. The Suns shot 63 percent from the field (43-for-68) and 67 percent from downtown (12-for-18). And, as Basketbawful reader Garron pointed out, they hit 77 percent of their shots (23-for-30) in the first half! The only reason that New Jersey kept it close in those opening two quarters was because Phoenix committed 16 first-half turnovers, which led to 14 points for the Nets. Once the Suns stopped bumbling the ball away -- they had only 4 turnovers in the second half -- the game turned into a laugher. Memo to the Nets players: It's called "a hand in the face," guys. You should really try it some time.

The New Jersey Nets' offense: Sure, they scored 55 points in the first half, but 14 of those points were handed to them by the Suns on a silver turnover platter. In the second half, New Jersey scored 31 points...and only 9 in the fourth quarter. For the game, the Nets shot 33 percent (28-for-83). Oh, and as was mentioned above, this was a home game.

Random aside: The Suns are actually playing defense this season. It's not just a rumor. I don't think I've ever seen Steve Nash work so hard to stay in front of his man. And Shaq was really closing off the paint in the first quarter. Phoenix still isn't a great defensive team by any stretch of the imagination, but at least they're trying. Well, except for Amare Stoudemire, who let rookie Ryan Anderson walk right by him. Amare's like a dog...he can't walk sideways.

The Lopez twins: This game featured the first pro matchup between the Lopez twins -- Brook of the Nets and Robin of the Suns. They each finished with 2 points and combined to shoot 2-for-10 from the field. Oh, and Brook committed 4 turnovers. This is what I imagine would have happened if Greg Ostertag had a twin and they played against each other. While dressed as giant pieces of fruit.

Lopez twins
This was the first of many Titanic clashes. And
when I say "Titanic," I mean like the ship.

Yao Ming: The Great Wall scored 8 points on 4-for-14 shooting. He never got to the line, collected zero assists, turned the ball over twice, and had three of his shots blocked. Or (as Basketbawful reader Michael pointed out) four, if you count the dunk he clanked off the rim...again. Has Yao jumped off the ground this season? Has anyone actually seen him do it? I mean, at one point, Glen "Big Baby" Davis went over Yao for a MAN-type rebound. If you can't out-jump Big Baby, it might be time to invest in some Strength Shoes.

Update! Ron Artest: Almost forgot this one. Ron-Ron -- who ball-hogged his way to 3-for-16 shooting -- received an emergency ego-ectomy from Dr. Kendrick Perkins. (Note that Basketbawful reader AK Dave reminded me that I once vowed to refer to all "merciless blocked shots against unsuspecting and/or inferior opponents" as Code Reds. So the following video is an example of both an ego-ectomy AND a Code Red.)

Missing persons: From the game notes in the AP recap: "Houston guard Steve Francis, out with a knee injury, arrived at the arena wearing a red velvet sport jacket with 'Barack Obama' spelled on the back in sequins. Francis said he would try to attend Obama's presidential inauguration. 'Today is a transitional day in my career and everybody else's career,' he said before the game." Wait...Francis is still in the league?! Nice jacket, though. I imagine it's what a pimp would have worn to the Democratic National Convention this year.

Fittingly, Steve is shown walking away...

Brian Scalabrine: The Lord of the Rings earned a DNP-CD last night. Random question: Which group of words is more horrific to you on a personal level: "Antoine Walker, NBA Champion" or "Brian Scalabrine, NBA Champion"? Discuss.

Chris Duncan, AP sports writer: In the early version of last night's AP writeup of the Celtics-Rockets game, Chris referred to Eddie House as "Kevin." This was pointed out to me by Basketbawful reader Mark, who said: "Maybe Kevin is Eddie's evil twin?" Actually, I would say Eddie is the evil twin. After all, he's the one who shoots all the time. I'll put an abbreviated screen shot below. Here's the full version that Mark sent in.

You go KEVIN!

The San Antonio Spurs: They are now 0-3. Two of those losses took place in San Antonio, where the Spurs have been nigh-invincible the last 10 years. It's the team's worst start since opening the 1973-74 ABA season at 0-4. For the sake of perspective, that was their first season in San Antonio after playing in Dallas as the Chaparrals. (The Spurs joined the NBA in 1976.) The team seemed lifeless, which makes sense since their "heart and soul" player, Manu Ginobili, is still rehabbing his ankle. But seriously, even with Manu, this team looks weak. Matt Bonner (zero points, 0-for-5 and 5 boards in 20 minutes) started at center last night. Michael Finley shot 1-for-3 and finished with 3 points. Ime Udoka was 0-for-4. George Hill was 3-for-7. Kurt Thomas played 12 minutes without scoring a single point (he was 0-for-1) or snaring a single rebound. The Fabulous Oberto returned to play 14 reboundless minutes. Frankly, if it wasn't for Roger Mason, the Spurs might have lost by 30 instead of "only" 17.

Sure, the Spurs will likely make a strong second-half of the season push, but they've officially slipped down a notch from contender status. They just don't have the talent.

James Singleton and Jose Juan Barea: From Basketbawful reader Noah: "There were TWO two trillions on the Mavs tonight, J.J. Barea and Singleton. I dunno about you...but I've never seen a double two trillion before." That is two scoops of poop right there. If the Mavs were the Super Friends, then Singleton and Barea would be the Wonder Twins...otherwise known as "the only heroes Aquaman got to make fun of." And in case you're wondering, the answer is: Yes, Jose would be Jayna.

Stephon Marbury: From Basketbawful reader Michael Mach: "Quote of the night from Starbury: 'Looking back at the last two years, I kind of liked Larry Brown,' Marbury said with a laugh. 'I kind of liked Larry Brown. I'm like, 'Man, I wish this guy was here to drill me now.' I didn't know Marbury liked to be drilled, especially by Larry Brown." Wow. Looking past the rather obvious homoerotic overtones for a sec, just think about that statement. Considering the way Larry Brown got run out of New York, that would be like the villagers from Frankenstein saying, "I kind of liked the monster. Man, I wish that beast was here to strangle me to death right now!" Here's the rest of what Starbury had to say.

WNBA ad placement: From Basketbawful reader Sun Devil: "Saw this little gem on Facebook. Is association with sex the new way the WNBA is being marketed? I'm not so sure. But I'm concerned that Facebook had a WNBA fan page and send-her-panties-once-a-month ads targeted at me. Clearly, I must fall under the women's athletics perv demographic." Quick quiz: Have you ever purchased a poster of Sporty Spice and/or Kendra from the Girls Next Door and prominently displayed it in your house/apartment/parent's basement? If the answer is "yes," then you definitely fall in that demographic category. And you will never have sex with a woman without first giving them your credit card number. Anyway, Sun Devil also provided the pictorial evidence:


Kobe Bryant: He checked out in the "10 items or less" aisle despite the fact that he had almost 20 items in his cart. He also talked on his cell phone the whole time, and insisted on paying in exact change...using all pennies. Update! AND bitched to the manager about how his groceries were bagged (according to Basketbawful reader BJ).

Update! Unintentionally funny typos: Ben from the Raptors' blog Prehistoric Hoops drew my attention to this typo on the preview for the Raps-Pistons game...BUT TICKETS! Man, if they were going to make this mistake, couldn't they have at least added another "t"?

but tickets altered

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Isn't it worth mentioning that one of the bored announcers was the great Marv Albert?

Blogger BJ said...
"He checked out in the "10 items or less" aisle despite the fact that he had almost 20 items in his cart. He also talked on his cell phone the whole time, and insisted on paying in exact change...using all pennies."

And bitched to the manager about how his groceries were bagged.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Gerald Green was two shots away from a 2 trillion as well. How do the Spurs lose to an almost triple two trillion team? Having Bonner as your starting PF is a good start.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If Singleton and Barea are the Wonder Twins, who would be Gleek, their blue monkey?

I'd say DeSagana Diop.

Blogger Hersey said...
The Suns/Nets feed I had was Marv Albert and Mike Fratello.

Blogger Reebok1303 said...
"Well, except for Amare Stoudemire, who led undrafted rookie Ryan Anderson walk right by him."

Anderson was actually picked 21st overall this year out of Cal.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
on the issue of championship guys, i'd like to say that antoine walker at least played (literally) for that ring while scalabrine was, well, a human victory cigar.

Blogger Barry said...
"Brian Scalabrine, NBA Champion"

I can't really wrap my brain around that, however hard I try. That gaze by Pruitt in the background is gold though.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
wait, what is this true? when did this happen

Blogger XForce23 said...
Wow Perkins has some hops, never realized. That was a pretty dirty block

Blogger Cortez said...
"Which group of words is more horrific to you on a personal level: "Antoine Walker, NBA Champion" or "Brian Scalabrine, NBA Champion"?"

Antoine Walker, not even close.

He's what I like to refer to as a skilled bum.

Others that fall into this category...

S. Marbury
J. Crawford
T. Thomas
D. Coleman

And if you knew him personally you wouldn't have even ask the question.

I actually feel good for Scalabrine, in a similar sense that I feel good when I see a guy I don't even know (or girl!) score with a good looking chick.

A loveable lunkhead living the dream!

Kudos to him!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Brian Scalabrine, NBA champion is way better than Toine. Why? Because when you hear scal, you know he was the 12th man. But toine actually played...and started...with significant minutes....

let that soak in for a little longer and your brain will explode.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Come on Cortez did you really have to put DC in there? Hearing/reading that really hurts. DC let me down...........

Blogger XForce23 said...
@garron: In Toine's defense, even he knew that the gameplan was to get it to Wade and not for him to jack up 3s at first touch of the ball. He wasn't THAT bad during the finals

Blogger Five Pound Bag said...
Scalabrine's new nickname is "Ginger Ninja" because you never see him on the floor.

And even when he's on the floor, he still manages to be invisible in the box score. It's amazing, really.

wv: miate - Eddy Curry's status on the Knicks this year

Blogger Timmothy said...
"Antoine Walker, NBA Champion"

Blogger Unknown said...
i gotta say toine. scalabrine sucks and he knows it. not his fault ainge threw money at him. he'll set picks, shoots the 3 only when he's open, goes in for the rebound. he would at least contribute to the game. let's not kid ourselves, he not a good player but he knows his role whereas toine would do the Wiggle, take bad shots, complain to the refs. toine would need the ball to be effective and sometimes it's better he doesn't get the ball at all

Blogger chris said...
All this Scalabrine/Walker talk reminds me of NorthMass's awesome NBA cartoons on Youtube. There can only be one Brian Scalabrine Antoine Walker's championship 4 pointer.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I believe the term for that ruthless block of an unsuspecting or inferior opponent is a "Code Red"

And THAT, my friends, was a Code Red!

Blogger Wang McMuffin said...
"Antione Walker, NBA champion" could be the most offensive thing on the planet, especially since I had to watch him play significant minutes on my beloved heat championship team.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
tehjay -- I watched most of the game last night, but I didn't see this part...seems like their might have been another feed with local announcers.

bj -- Updated.

lord kerrance -- Green is such a gun, no way he's going to be on the floor for two minutes without taking a shot. Not unless he was handcuffed or in a straightjacket.

baguete -- Yup. It would be Diop. And the blue monkey's name was Gleek. You know, like that little spitting thing kids do in middle school.

hersey -- Now, see, me too. I kept flipping around to the Celtics game and election coverage, so I didn't see the event. I really think it must have been a local feed.

reebok1303: Ryan's Yahoo player page says "None" after "Draft."

steve -- Yeah. Scal was a scab, but 'Toine is a hoser. What's better? What's worse? I don't know.

barry -- Gabe's look has "Oh no he didn't..." written all over it.

anonymous # -- Which thing?

kevin -- You know, sometimes Perk looks so slow and ponderous, other times he seems powerful and athletic. He's a mystery to me. I mean, he coule be Erick Dampier in a contract year, or Erick Dampier now. Make up your mind, Perk.

cortez -- Hm. You make a convincing argument. I guess it's Scal's flaunting, particularly his post-game comments after the C's won the championship, that made me start targeting him for scorn.

garron -- I...I...POP!!

anonymous #2 -- Well, he sort of had to. I mean, DC is going to top the list of the All-Time "Skilled Bums." But I suppose that's better then Ostertag heading the list of "Just Bums." By the way, Coleman remains the only former athlete to ever get injured on Pros versus Joes.

kevin -- Sadly, he had a few decent Finals moments. Which makes the whole thing more galling.

five pound bag -- See, I prefer "White Ghost." Only Scal's so pale he's practically transparent.

chris -- AWESOME.

ak dave -- Ah, Code Red...a new term!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually... an old term :)

I just can't get enough of that video!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can confirm that it was Marv, I watched this sequence happen. It was even more hilarious than it seems in text. Marv didn't really know how to react to the Czar's etch-a-sketches. He sounded like he was patronizing a little kid.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
wang mcmuffin -- First off, awesome name. Second, I'm sorry. But not that sorry. I had to watch 'Toine play for my Celtics and NOT win a championship. Saaaaad trombone.

ak dave -- Dear lord. I've officially reached the point where I'm forgetting my old posts...I used to have them all memorized word-for-word. Eh, mind is the first thing that goes. Well, thanks for sending in that video originally, AND for bringing the Code Red! back into my vocabulary.

tehjay -- Confirmation! Excellent!

Blogger Alex said...
Oh God, as a life-long New Englander and Celtics fan, I have to say that I can deal with Scal having a championship more than Antoine Walker.

When Walker had one and Pierce didn't, it bothered me even more.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
A little AI for you...,119835


Blogger chris said...
I'm glad you enjoyed those toons, my best friend introduced me to NorthMass's "Shaq & Nash" series but the rest of his (shorter) clips are just as amazing. The one on Baron Davis's neckbeard is pure gold, man.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Brian Scalabrine: The Lord of the Rings earned a DNP-CD last night. Random question: Which group of words is more horrific to you on a personal level: "Antoine Walker, NBA Champion" or "Brian Scalabrine, NBA Champion"? Discuss.

hm.... 3 time all star or a perrenial 12th man

Brain scalabrine NBA champion... I...I think I just coughed up a little blood

Anonymous Anonymous said...
before I checked the site(I already typed the adress) I went for a drink in the kitchen and i was hoping you would make another Kobe Bryant-reference, and so you did! I'm a Kobe-fan (is this still going to get posted??) but I like the jokes anyway!

A worst of the night for tomorrow:

Kobe Bryant: Injured Baron Davis with still 6 minutes to go in the first quarter

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
(I watched The Suns-Nets on YES as well). Text cannot properly convey the awkwardness and unintentional comedy off the charts around the "building for Indianapolis" part. And then not being able to think of anything for Miami and just drawing another sun.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
You sort of touched on this already with your Kurt Thomas mention, but PTR reported that last night Oberto and KT combined for 0 rebounds, or as they put it, the "'starting' centers COMBINED for zero rebounds in 26 minutes. SERIOUSLY." When you can't get even one rebound from the center position you can't expect to win much of anything.

That's almost as bad as having a 7'6 center who can't win jump balls, gets his shot blocked by 5'7 Nate Robinson, and gets hung up on the rim repeatedly while trying to dunk. Oh well, at least Yao's backup is... wait, who's his backup again? Good thing Yao's proven himself to be so durable over the years when he has an undersized power forward as his backup (especially when said undersized power forward, Landry, is mainly used as Scola's backup at power forward). Seriously, anyone who thinks the Rockets as currently constructed are serious threats to win it all this year needs to take a long hard look at the woeful lack of size and depth in their frontcourt.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"the game turned into a laugher"

From Bob Uecker: "And that's with two "Fs"!"

Good experience for the Suns' rooks. Every time a blowout happens without steve and amare (and hill and shaq) playing 40 minutes is grrrreat.

Steve Nash on Jim Rome tommorow, it might actually be bearable to watch.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hate to disagree with Basketbawful, but the description of the Marv/Czar dialogue sounds pretty hilarious.

But then again, I'm pretty biased towards Marv - I think he's the best play-by-play guy in all of sports. I lived in NYC for three years and I'd watch Knicks games on MSG only because they had Marv and Clyde on the booth.

Blogger Joe said...
Dogs can't move sideways???!! You learn something new everyday

Anonymous Anonymous said...
'Which group of words is more horrific to you on a personal level: "Antoine Walker, NBA Champion" or "Brian Scalabrine, NBA Champion"?'

I disagree with all of you about Antoine. At least I remember him hitting some shots at key moments when he got his ring. How many total minutes did Scalabrine play in the Finals? The 2008 playoffs? If chia pets came in red, that would be Scalabrine.

And regarding the Spurs, it's like in Planet of the Apes: the rest of the league woke up from suspended animation and their crewmember is a dessicated skeleton.

Finally, I contest the Kobe evil: Clay Bennett has trumped him, and should be awarded with a lifetime membership in WotD. Like Kobe, the man is a snake. How about "White earthworm?"

Nah, you need a Clay Bennett nickname competition. I think you should devote your life to heckling the asshole.

Blogger m. Alana said...
I said before the season started that Robin is the more attractive of the two, and, damnit, I stand by it. Though the turnovers make it pretty difficult.

And if I had to call a game as boring as that, I would doodle too.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
to Wang McMuffin

walker was 6th man material with the heat (yr 1). He actually shot good (by his standards) from the field and was our 2nd leading scorer on the finals team.

hell last year was so abysmal I wanted to take back the ricky davis trade and have walker star on the d-league squad and take 30 shots a game

and my god...that spurs stat is staggering. I've never seen a team with two stars and a bunch of scarecrows

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My dog can totally walk sideways

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You people know nothing. Dog's can't _look up_.

You know what Steph is really saying, of course: "Larry Brown was the biggest bastard I ever played under, but then Isaiah turned this place into a mental asylum, Donnie Walsh is acting like a nine-year-old who won't share his toys, I'm in the best shape of the last three years and no doubt the most ballinest dude on the team but they won't play me out of spite... Larry, in contrast, seemed like a fucking dude-and-a-half in comparison to the clowns of the last two years."

Blogger Barry said...
Horses can move sideways - are dogs just retarded ponies?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
As far as I know, dogs can't lick their own balls... oh, wait, that's me...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess you've already seen this but in losing to the Knicks (ahem) last night, the Bobcats made a valiant effort to trump Dallas' double two trillion by coming heartbreakingly close to a TRIPLE THREE TRILLION!

Linton Johnson provided an actual three trillion, Nazr Mohammed was 0-for-1 with no other contributions in three minutes, and Shannon Brown's three minutes contained... a personal foul. And nothing else. Wow.

The Knicks had a four trillion of their own from Malik Rose, which might go some way to explaining why they were only able to beat Larry's Bobcats by three points. That and Quentin Richardson's 1-for-9, no assists, six turnovers "performance."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bawful, looking forward to your next progress report regarding your training with the goofy-shoes.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
the thing about kobe paying with exact change...whered u get that

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What's the point in always talking about Kobe when he's not even playing that night? It's not that funny.