Perverts of the world rejoice! A UK-based grad student named Joe Malia has invented a device that will allow you to post to your sports blog at work or view online porn at the public library. It's the Techno Privacy Scarf!!

Hood 1
Who needs dignity and self-esteem
when you have porn and privacy?

Want to send a naughty text message on the train? Maybe watch two frisky co-eds make out while sipping coffee at your local Starbucks? Or read last night's NBA capsules over your lunch break? You can do all this and more while both maintaining your privacy and making a fashion statement. Sure, that statement is "I will die very, very alone" but why should you care? You can watch Internet porn whenever you want. They're called priorities. Look them up.

I showed these pictures to a friend, and he brought up an excellent point: What happens if you sneeze? Which led me to wonder, how the hell do you breath in that thing? Well, it just so happens that the scarf provides zippered flaps for air intake and (presumably) mucas expulsion:

Hood 2
See that little flap? That'll be your
only contact with the outside world.

Mr. Malia really thought of everything. He even included a special speaker in the back of the hood so that you can maintain some form of contact with your friends (if you have any left) and loved ones (assuming they still love you). Of course, that "contact" will be bizarre and dysfunctional, eventually transforming your existence into a shadowy, isolated half-life that will no doubt lead to institutionalization or suicide. I'm so glad we have people like Mr. Malia around to empower you people.

Hood 3
Nothing says "personal" like a speaker
in the back of your privacy hood.

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Blogger Flud said...
Ha ha ha hahahahaha!! A mega-hippie-nerd friend of mine once made somethin like that outta black plastic bags so he could work on his computer in the garden. He's not my friend anymore. Tragic stuff all round.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I thought it was a public facesitting device for those girl on girl moments that just can't wait.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hunh. From the pics, I thought it was a public facesitting device, for those girl-on-girl moments that just can't wait.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
as an ergonomist this pic troubles me, his monitor is way too low, that hood has to be putting undue strain on his neck, between all that and the carpal tunnel syndrome from furiously rubbing one out, this guy is well on his way to a short term disability claim.