Remember the science kits we had as kids? All they allowed us to do was induce sad little "chemical reactions," most of which involved transforming a poop brown substance into a poop green substance. If you were really lucky, you maybe got to make water bubble. And sure, you could have accomplished the same things by slightly altering your diet and farting in the bathtub, but this involved SCIENCE.

Kids today have it so much better than we did. For example, they can use the Smithsonian Crime Lab Investigation Kit to figure out who beat them up and stole their lunch money. Or they can use the CSI Facial Reconstruction Kit to lovingly recreate an image of Heather, the little girl they had a crush on but wouldn't return their feelings, then disappeared and was never seen or heard from again. You know, for example.

But this...is just amazing:

Find out who your dad really is.
That's right. Kids from ages 10 and up can use the Discovery DNA Explorer Kit to "extract, view and map real DNA the way forensic scientists do." Sure, sample experiments include looking at plant DNA, but with a little creativity and ingenuity, you can finally track down your real biological father. Personally, I plan to clone an army of unstoppable Wonder Women warriors/sex slaves. So if you don't want to gift me with this wonderful miracle of science, could you at least forward me Lynda Carter's current home address? Thank you.

Labels: Christmas list, cloning, DNA, Lynda Carter, Science, Wonder Woman