Thanks to Ruben for today's picture.

The New Jersey Nets: Another night, another loss at home for the Nets, who are now 9-13 at the Izod Center. And the seldom-used Jerryd Bayless -- who's collected 20 DNP-CDs so far this season -- put them into the basketball-equivalent of the testicular claw by dropping in a career-high 23 points. A 30 percent shooter, Bayless went 6-for-9 from the floor and 11-for-11 fromt he line. Prior to last night, he had never scored more than 8 points in a game.

The Nets were actually in pretty good position to win the game until they got outscored 37-28 in the fourth quarter. Yeah. Defense: It's still pretty important. The loss was particularly bitter, coming as it did following a 32-point loss in Boston. Said Devin Harris: "It's frustrating. This is one we could have won and we let ourselves down in the end. It's tough defensively when we don't get stops and they get a high percentage of their shots to go in."

LeBrick James: His line -- 28 points, 14 rebounds and 7 assists -- looks pretty good...until you look a little more closely. King Crab also bricked 20 shots, clanked five free throws, and committed 8 turnovers. And let's talk about that 8-for-28 shooting. He missed four layups (three of which were blocked) and hit only three of his 16 jump shots. He also bricked his final 12 field goal attempts in regulation, including a 21-foot bailout shot that would have won it at the buzzer. (Thanks to Stephanie G. for the following graphic.)


On the subject of his shooting, broadcasters absolutely freak out when 'Bron nails an outside shot, but according to 82games.com, he's hitting only 41 percent of his outside shots compared to 74 percent of his inside attempts. So instead of crowding him, as the Bulls did for most of the game last night, wouldn't teams be better served to just back way off and let him fire away at will from the outside? Not only would that deny him the high-percentage chances he thrives off of, but it would help reduce the need for defenses to double-team and/or collapse him off of drives, which is how LeBron gets most of his assists (and how his teammates get most of their wide-open shots). I'm just sayin'...that's how I'd do it. And if he gets on a roll from outside, well, kudos to him. But the King and his Craboliers are much less dangerous when LeBron is jacking 'em up from distance.

Oh, and I guess you can kill all the Michael Jordan comparisons for a moment or too, since LeBron blamed his poor performance on his stuffy head and runny nose: "I absolutely had no lift tonight. Every time that happens, when I get sick, I miss layups -- layup after layup, things I usually make." So we finally know what can stop LeBron: The common cold. Just like those aliens in War of the Worlds! Wait...could James be part of the upcoming alien invasion?! Klaatu barada nikto, LeBron!

The Chicago Bulls: Big, huge, enormous win over the Cavs. No question about it. BUT...they needed a complete meltdown by LeBron and a couple "where did THOSE come from?!" threes from Luol Deng -- including one that bounced up five feet at least before dropping straight back down into the hoop -- to pull out an overtime win at home. (On the subject of Deng's two triples: He was only 4-for-13 from downtown this season coming into last night's game.) And the Cavs were without Zydrunas Ilgauskas (fractured left ankle), Ben Wallace (flu-like symptoms!) and Delonte West, who broke his right wrist in a collision with Derrick Rose in the first quarter. So give them credit for some scrappy play, but take note of the unusual circumstances.

Derrick Rose: I don't want to crack on the rookie too hard, since he had two huge three-point plays -- one with 4:50 left in regulation and another 52 seconds into overtime that gave the Bulls the lead for good. However, he also shot 6-for-20 and, even worse, he botched a chance to tie the game at 87 with 1:32 left...but bricked two free throws. And those misses could have cost his team the game.

The NBA Cares program: During last night's game, NBA Cares decided to highlight Larry Hughes' charitible work in the Chicago community, leaving the broadcast team in the uncomfortable position of having to explain why Big Shot Larry was rooted firmly to the Bulls bench. Thanks for everything you've done for Chicagoland, Larry. I hope you're as giving in the city you'll soon be traded to!

Reggie Miller, quote machine: I got the following email from Jeff R.: "Hey man, not sure if you caught the Cavs/Bulls last night, but Reggie Miller continued to baffle with his inability to speak English. Late in the game after LeBron beat Deng on a jump ball, he slipped retrieving the ball. They showed the replay and zoomed in on a two-foot long black skid mark Bron's shoe left on the floor. To which Reggie said: 'You can see the skid mark from his shoe calling the time out.' Now the Bulls did call a time out after LeBron fell and lost the ball, but it certainly wasn't LeBron's shoe or skid mark calling it." What can I say? I love Reggie Miller.

Chauncey Billups: Mr. Big Shot scored five of his game-high 26 points in overtime to lead the 'Melo-less Nuggets to a win over the Shaq-less Suns. And he did it, apparently, despite a flu bug he's been fighting since...the end of December?! Said Billups: "Just trying to get through it. Once the game starts you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do." Uh, Chauncey, last time I checked, it's not normal for the flu to last more than two weeks. (But, according to one source, the "malaise" from the flu can "persist for more than two weeks.") I guess it just seems like Billups is being a little dramatic about being sick at a time of the year when pretty much everybody is suffering from flu-like symptoms. I'm sorry about the malaise, though, Chauncey.

Shaq: The Big Coffee Break had what Suns coach Terry Porter referred to as a "routine night off" and Robin Lopez (4 points, 2-for-5, 2 rebounds, 3 turnovers and 4 fouls in 22 minutes) didn't exactly fill his pretty pink tutu. His absence opened up the paint for Nene, who critically wounded the Suns with 17 points and 14 rebounds.

The Phoenix defense: In addition to Chauncey Billups' plague-ridden mastery and Nene's dominance in the paint, the Suns' D revived Linas Kleiza, who was 1-for-12 in his previous two games. Kleiza nailed his first five shots -- four of which were dunks -- and finished with 18 points on 8-for-11 shooting off the bench.

Terry Porter: I already mentioned Robin Lopez's 'bawful game. What I didn't mention was that Louis Amundson logged eight fewer minutes than Lopez but played much better: 6 points (2-for-3), 6 rebounds and 2 blocked shots. He even went 2-for-2 from the line! Which begs the following question: Why didn't Amundson start, and why didn't he get more PT than Lopez? At this point, Big Lou is the better player. How can Porter not see that?

Leandro Barbosa: This guy never fails to confound me. Some nights he's brilliant, some nights he plays like a special needs child. Last night was one of the latter occurences, as Leandro went 1-for-11.

Home cookin': It's reached the point where crying foul for the Suns earns people the "creepy leper" treatment. But really: Grant Hill was fouled on the final play of regulation and didn't get the call, putting a dirty cigarette butt into the skunky beer of a night in which the Nuggets enjoyed a 43-31 advantage at the line. Said Grant Hill: "Dahntay stuck his leg out and tripped me and I lost my balance. I ran into Nene at the same time. It was pretty obvious there was something there, but I guess the officials were scared to make that call. It's really disheartening for a team to go out and play hard as we did and it comes down to a play like that where an official has the right angle. He kind of swallowed his whistle."

The standard argument in these situations is that game-deciding calls aren't made in game-deciding moments. But it sure happened with Roger Mason the other night. Point is, a fouls is a foul is a foul. And they should be called equally at all times, not selectively based on the situation. And leastways, if anybody deserves some justice, it's Grant Hill. Hasn't the poor guy been through enough over the years?

Lacktion report: Looks like Chris got off easy last night...but a couple unfortunate players did not.

Blazers-Nets: Chris Douglas-Roberts is starting to become a rather predictable face in the lacktion report, throwing one brick for +1 in 3:40 of unproductivity for New Jersey.

Cavs-Bulls: Even in an overtime game, there's still room for fire flowers, fungi, and gold coins, as evidenced by the Crabaliers' Tarence Kinsey and his 19-second Mario.

Mark Cuban: This is a few days late, but, still...what a douche.


Kobe Bryant: Damn him for making me laugh against my will. (Thanks to Reef for the link.)

Labels: Chicago Bulls, daily Kobe, Lebron James, Mark Cuban, NBA Cares, New Jersey Nets, officiating, Phoenix Suns, Reggie Miller, Shaq, Terry Porter, Worst of the Night

I call this photo "The Joy of the Human Victory Cigar."
The Detroit Pistons: There aren't any Bad Boys on this Pistons team. Heck, there aren't even any Moderately Rude Boys. (Okay, okay. Rasheed Wallace probably falls into the "moderately rude" category.) Basically, Detroit got pushed around and beaten up by the Celtics last night. You won't see it in the box score, but that's what happened. There was very little defensive toughness and even less in the way of interior defense. The need for Antonio Keithflen McDyess -- yes, his middle name really is Keithflen -- hadn't yet been so obvious and glaring. Rajon Rondo got to the cup at will. Boston got to the boards whenever they wanted. None of the Pistons were able to fight their way through a pick...and Allen Iverson kept getting knocked around like a ping pong ball by them (particularly when KG's butt was involved). Doug Collins said it best: Detroit is now a finesse team. I'm not saying it can't work -- it did against the Lakers and Cavaliers -- but it sure hasn't worked against the Celtics (as two losses by a combined 30 points can attest).

Honestly, I could probably write an entry for most of the Pistons (Rip Hamilton was 4-for-9, Tayshaun Prince was 2-for-9, Walter Hermann looked like Fabio's evil, greasy twin, etc.) But let's just focus in on...

Allen Iverson: He was torched so badly by Rajon Rondo (game-high 18 points, 7-for-11, 8 assists, 3 steals) that he'll probably be penciling in his eyebrows for the next six to eight weeks. It was stunning to see someone as quick as Iverson get beaten so badly off the dribble. He also made several unfortunate gambles for steals that aided and abetted some of the Celtics fast breaks. The 5-for-13 shooting and 4 turnovers didn't help either.

Rodney Stuckey: From AnacondaHL: "Rodney Stuckey was 1 rebound and 2 assists away from a 15 minute +11 suck differential (0-2, 5 TO, 1 BA, 3 PF)! DAMN IT!" Yeah. Remember, Joe Dumars expects Stuckey to be The Next Big Thing in Detroit. I guess the key word there is "Next"...as in "Not Yet."

I don't care. I'm saying it: Om nom nom nom
Kevin Harlan: During the game, Harlan was presiding over a 'Sheed Watch, trying desperately to predict when Wallace was going to receive a technical foul...even though it never happened. After one call that didn't go his way, Wallace was calmly discussing the situation with an official when that official signaled that Boston had called a timeout. Harlan then exploded with giddy excitement: "Oh! He just got T'd up!" He sounded quite dejected when he had to explain that the ref had simply been signaling for a timeout.


Robert Sarver, Steve Kerr and Terry Porter: I've tried to be patient. I've tried really hard not to overreact. But last night, watching the "Suns" play the Lakers, I became filled with a white-hot rage over what these three men have done to a team I used to love. In their desire to remake the Suns into the Phoenix branch of the San Antonio Spurs (a.k.a. Spurs: Part II), they have transformed something magical into something painfully, achingly ordinary. Apparently, they believe that a Shaq-centric offense is still the foundation upon which championships are built. It is not. And I guess they want Steve Nash to become a latter-day Brevin Knight, dutifully distributing the ball to the team's big men, spotting up, and shooting only when necessary or as a last resort. That's like only using your Lamborghini to do the grocery shopping.

Mind you, Porter claims his team is free to run. Selectively. But that's not how he's calling the shots, so when the Suns do run nobody is filling the lanes or spotting up the way they need to. Nash can't drive baseline or get anywhere near the basket -- which used to be the go-to maneuver from which he found many an open shooter or cutter -- because the paint is now chock-full of Shaq (and often times Amare too). Furthermore, Porter has, amazingly, managed to do something no opposing coach has been able to do for four years: Stop the Nash-to-Stoudemire pick-and-roll. Seriously, Sun Tzu used to get four or five dunks/alley-oops per game. Now it feels like ages between slick pass-and-dunks.

I'm officially living a nightmare...watching a once-beautiful thing suddenly become monstrous and ugly. It's like falling asleep next to Scarlett Johansson but waking up next to Alan Greenspan. Do not try to comfort me. I cannot be consoled. Not only is one of my all-time favorite teams dead, I only just realized that I missed the funeral.

By the way, watching the devolution of Nash -- which, make no mistake, has more to do with how the team is being forced to play than his relative athletic senescence -- made something pop into my head. During Steve's second MVP season, I got into a series of rather heated debates with the Kobe-4-MVP crowd. One of the main arguments that kept getting thrown in my face was Kobe's higher PER (28.0 to 23.3). This was supposedly an indicator that Kobe was making a greater overall contribution to his team's success than was Nash. But I've always argued that a player's PER can be deceiving because it is lowered by the increased productivity of a player's teammates. To wit: Do you know what Kobe's PER is this season? It's 23.3 -- the same as Nash's in '06 -- which puts him at 14th in the league...right behind Al Jefferson. Yet I would be willing to bet my collection of brass Larry Bird door knockers that the same people who used the PER argument against me would totally ignore the fact that Dwyane Wade (33.2), LeBron James (33.1), and Chris Paul (32.3) are light years ahead of Kobe in terms of PER this season.

Don't mistake me, here. I'm not even remotely trying to start an MVP debate this early. In fact, I'd punch myself in the groin if I were. I'm just expressing my continued annoyance at the people, and there are still plenty of them, who use PER without context or perspective.

Amare Stoudemire: I don't know whether he's Standing Tall And Talented after scoring 21 points on 21 shots, but he probably shouldn't be. He would be so much better if he could develop one post move. Just one.

The Phoenix "home crowd": Late in the game, the crowd was cheering for the Lakers and somebody tells me that there was an "M-V-P!" chant for Kobe. Dear God.

Pau Gasol: From Basketbawful reader Jordan G: "My eyes are burning out of my sockets, now oozing down my skin. WHAT THE HELL WAS PAU GASOL DOING?! Was I the only person in the entire world who saw Pau Gasol push Matt Barnes face-first into the hardwood while Stoudamire was at at free throw line? Straight up. Fourth grade bully status. And as he ran down the floor you could hear someone yelling out from the crowd "You pushed him!" and he just gave a shoulder shrug like "Yo no do nada, senor." You could almost read Gasol's mind as if he said, "Dude...you're arguing with the guy that got away with the Chinaman face...didn't you see the Chinaman face?" Yeah, I noticed. But I was too busy hating Terry Porter at the time to care.


Kobe Bryant: His final line looked pretty decent (24 points, 5 rebounds, 3 assists), but he shot 8-for-23 (and 1-for-5 from distance). And, frankly, that percentage was only partly due to the Suns' defense (such as it was). I don't know if Mamba wanted to prove something to Shaq or whether he was having flashbacks to the 2006 playoffs, but he forced up some really TURRIBLE shots last night. Even the broadcast team noticed it. Kobe is currently shooting 44 percent from the field...his worst percentage since 2004-05 (the Lakers' first post-Shaq season). That strikes me as more than a little odd considering how talented the team is. Based on his level of skill and abilities, I would think Kobe should be shooting a much better than that. But, as has always been the case with him, that percentage is often an extension of the kind of shots he takes (read that: forces). Yes, I know he draws a lot of defensive attention, but what superstar doesn't? Even guys without jumpers -- D-Wade (48 percent), LeBron (49 percent) and Chris Paul (50 percent) -- are doing better than that. I'm just sayin'.

Sasha Vujacic: This is belated by a couple days. It's Sasha boning a breakaway layup during the Bulls-Lakers game. Many thanks to the Anonymous commenter who left the link.


Another stupid fan: From Basketbawful reader Alexis: "It's only the first quarter, but I'd like to vote for the guy sitting courtside wearing a Lakers' Shaq jersey. Maybe sit one row back and spend the remaining cash on a current jersey. Get it together." Agreed. He and the "Iverson Who?" fan should get together and have a pajama party. Update! I didn't recognize the fan, but Clifton did: "The guy wearing the Shaq #34 Lakers jersey courtside was Michael Clarke Duncan (picture there). And as far as I'm concerned, if Michael Clarke Duncan wants to wear a two-teams-outdated Shaq jersey, Michael Clarke Duncan can wear a two-teams-outdated Shaq jersey. Sir." Uh, totally agreed.

Awesome jersey! Love it! Wear it often, sir!
Gilbert Arenas, quote machine: Don't worry, Wizard fans! Gilbert will be back soon to save the day! Or...will he? From Basketbawful's faithful Romanian reader Alex B: "Not sure if you've seen this one yet, but here goes. From Gilbert Arenas' new book, Tanking 101 (via the nba.com website): 'I don't want to see them struggle,' Arenas said Thursday at Madame Tussauds, where his wax figure was unveiled, "but if this is one of those years where we don't make the playoffs or we finish in last place...that's what happened to San Antonio and that's how they got Tim Duncan and look at them now...and that's for the better." Uh, Gil, isn't it a little early to start thinking about tanking? Geez.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns, Robert Sarver, Rodney Stucky, Steve Kerr, Terry Porter, white-hot rage

An artist's interpretation of our interview with Henry.
ESPN's TrueHoop is as routinely awesome as a Tim Duncan bankshot or a Phoenix Suns fast break. TrueHoop's founder and man of fortune is Henry Abbott. Fair-minded and well-spoken, Henry provides a continuing commentary not about the game of basketball, but about the essence of basketball: Its players, events, and culture. Yesterday, he was kind enough to answer a series of questions that were designed to delve into his heretofore untapped dark side. Unfortunately, the interview didn't lead to Henry choking people with his mind or executing order 66. But we did learn -- among other things -- that he loves t-shirt cannons, watches HBO serial dramas, knows what solipsism means and can use it in a sentence, and thinks that Larry Bird is...not pretty. Read on to find out more about the things Henry doesn't like about basketball, and a few things he does.

Basketbawful: You love hoops. That much is obvious. But there must be something you hate about basketball. A pet peeve. An annoyance. A perturbation, if you will. What is it?

Henry Abbott: Oh, I sound like an old man with this I'm sure, but I get so tired of going to an NBA game, and being directed by the Game-Ops people to be UP AND INTO IT at every stupid moment there's a dead ball. I think events need to have a certain pace -- exciting times, and more restful times. Times you stand up, and times you sit down. Times you talk to your friend, and times you scream your guts out. I'd rather have the wild and exciting parts coincide with the most exciting parts of the basketball game -- not the timeouts.

Basketbawful: Red Auerbach is resting peacefully in his grave now that you've said that. I hate the manufactured excitement, too. Do you participate or tune out?

Henry Abbott: Usually I'm in the media section, where you pretty much are required to look glum. It's the code. If I'm with friends, though, I'll try to make the best of it.

I should make a side note: I love the t-shirt cannon. Don't want the t-shirt. Don't care about the hoopla. I just think the t-shirt, tumbling high as hell through the air, is beautiful, in the sense that that kid in American Beauty loved his video of a plastic shopping bag swirling around in the wind. Somebody needs to make a scene in a movie where time stops as we watch that little bundle of t-shirt make its way through stadium space. It's amazing, somehow.

I'm also kind of partial to the parachute drop.

But I will not abide people telling me to stand up during the timeout, when we were all seated during the game. If the game requires it, I'm up.

Basketbawful: What annoys you most about basketball players? This can be a generalization, or something specific regarding a particular player or group of players.

Henry Abbott: A fair percentage of all celebrities are so self-centered it hurts. Many are not, but some are. I learned the fantastic word "solipsism" in a Korean Civilization class in college, it was describing the former Korean dictator Kim Il Sung, but you could also use it on some NBA superstars.

Word-tastic Trivia: Solipsism is the theory that the self can be aware of nothing but its own experiences and states. It's the educated man's way to say that people are, by nature, selfish bastards.

Basketbawful: Same question, but replace "players" with "coaches."

Henry Abbott: Some coaches feel emboldened to scream at people and demean them. I accept that happens sometimes, but I think it's good if we agree that is not the best part of sports, and is worth avoiding.

Basketbawful: On the flipside, how can certain coaches deal with players who won't listen? Particularly players who you know are going to play? (Like when Chris Ford tried to put the clamps on Allen Iverson.)

Henry Abbott: That's the deal, right? They won't listen. I'll tell you that right now, before you take your coaching job. None of them will, unless you have something special to tell them. They don't have to. You make x and have a non-guaranteed contract. They make 10x and have guaranteed contracts. Ergo, you can lead them only as far as you can entice them. They are mice. Your coaching plans better smell like cheese.

Honestly, though, I was thinking more of, say, Gregg Popovich ripping some foreign reporter a new one.

Basketbawful: Random question: Favorite superhero?

Henry Abbott: Terry Porter. Don't even tell me he's not a superhero.

Basketbawful: I wouldn't dream of it. I loved Terry on those late 80s / early 90s Blazers teams. But what was up with that scar on his arm?

Henry Abbott: I asked him about that! I always assumed he was in some fearsome Wisconsin street gang. (That was always faulty logic.) The truth, he says, is that he was "a Curious George" one time when his mother was cooking, and a huge pot of boiling water dumped on his arm. Terrifying moment of his life -- and he says he's still a little wary approaching hot things on stoves.

Basketbawful: Okay, what annoys you about team owners / general managers / etc.

Henry Abbott: Owners are typically billionaires living out their dreams. Many are great, obviously. But that unrestrained, bigger than life feeling can lead to the same kinds of harassment, DUI, and sexual weirdness stories that dog superstar athletes. Thrown in some obscure transactions starring taxpayer dollars, and I'm sure there's plenty of reason for concern.
Basketbawful: What kinds of things do basketball fans do or say that gets you riled up?

Henry Abbott: Drunk idiots yelling, in any environment, can be annoying. It doesn't bother me much, but I imagine it will start to as my kids get older and I start taking them to games.

Basketbawful: What about fans in non-game situations? Particularly the increasing scads of bloggers and commenters. They / we can be pretty reactionary at times.

Henry Abbott: Oh, yeah, but what did you expect? I have low expectations for the level of discourse, and have pleasant surprises day in and day out.

Basketbawful: I know you're a Portland Trailblazers fan. What's been your worst, or most painful moment (or moments) following the Blazers?

Henry Abbott: Probably that moment when Shaquille O'Neal threw down that monster alley-oop, all but assuring Portland would not make the 2000 Finals. That collapse was dreadful to watch. That team didn't deserve it, but I had defended Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire and the like in stupid sports discussions for years. Then they just lost their minds. And if they had held on to their massive fourth-quarter lead, they would have won a title. A title!

Basketbawful: Hey now, hey now! Don't go disrespecting my Pacers. They may have lost to L.A. in the Finals that year, but they matched up better against the Blazers (if only because Rik Smits' corpse was trying, and failing, to defend Shaq) and in fact swept the season series against them. I don't think the Blazers winning the title was a foregone conclusion.

Henry Abbott: Must you take that from me, too?

Basketbawful: Right. Sorry. Uh, moving on then...what has been your overall worst moment as a basketball aficionado, period?

Henry Abbott: Times 1-100 that I have been stood up by some big shot who promised to meet or call at a certain time. A lot of people in the NBA work on their own schedule, and if they're famous, that's something you just have to kind of roll with.

Basketbawful: Random question: Favorite movie?

Henry Abbott: Does The Wire count as a movie? I was raised on stuff like The Life of Brian, Apocalypse Now, The Fugitive, and The Empire Strike Back. I have seen a million better movies since those days, but nothing has nestled so deeply in my soul.

Basketbawful: No, The Wire doesn't count. It's great drama, though. Speaking of drama, have you ever felt the glorious power of hatred toward a particular player or team? Even if that hatred didn't last. Like maybe an old Trailblazer rival?

Henry Abbott: No, honestly, the Blazers are the best entertainment I know of, but they're still only entertainment. In a world with wars and shootings, I can't bother to hate someone for how they play basketball.

Basketbawful: Okay, okay. Maybe you've never hated anybody. But has there ever been a team or player that just got under your skin, and that, on some level, you enjoyed seeing them be defeated (fairly, in a good game)?

Henry Abbott: I grew up in Portland! So the only real answer is the Lakers. But I don't really dislike any of the Laker players, and at this point they're not so terrible to me.

Basketbawful: That was a beautiful answer. Down with the Lakers! Uh, anyway. On the subject of Trailblazer rivals...everybody knows how Michael Jordan tormented Portland in the '92 Finals. But Larry Bird tormented Portland throughout his entire career. He averaged over 30 PPG a game against them. There was one four-year stretch (1984 through 1988) that he averaged over 40 PPG against them. He had two games against them in which he had over 40 points and a triple double (47 points, 14 rebounds, and 11 assists on February 14, 1986; and 49 points -- the record for most points scored while recording a triple double -- 14 rebounds, and 12 assists on March 15, 1992). He beat the Blazers with buzzer beaters in '85 and '86 (in the '86 game, he hit buzzer-beaters in both regulation to tie it and overtime to win it). He also had the famous buzzer-beater in '92 that you see in almost every Bird highlight reel. Were you aware of this? Do you have any idea why Bird hated the Blazers so much? Did rampaging Trailblazers attack his hometown when he was growing up or something?

Henry Abbott: In basketball terms, consistently playing your best against a certain opponent is not hatred. That's respect. That means he circled those games on his calendar.

Basketbawful: Back in middle school, I could not beat the first Mega Man game on the original Nintendo Entertainment System. I got so mad that I put the game away and swore I'd never play it again. Of course, I played it again later that same day. Have you ever felt that way about basketball? Like you didn't want to watch it anymore? Or maybe you didn't want to watch a particular team or player anymore?

Henry Abbott: Honestly, no. There are moments I'm dissatisfied with this or that thing about basketball. But I know not how to quit it. Never occurred to me.

Basketbawful: Who, in your opinion, is the worst player in the NBA today? In your lifetime? In NBA history?

Henry Abbott: Honestly, I don't even know how you judge that. Presumably it's some lumbering center -- seven-footers have the fast-track to NBA contracts -- who almost never saw the court.

Basketbawful: I'll translate that answer to "Greg Ostertag," then. How about this. Who was the worst player you remember for a team you actively rooted for? Somebody you prayed wouldn't get any PT, and who made you cringe any time he touched the ball.

Henry Abbott: It made me cringe to watch Patrick Ewing shooting all those jumpers against smaller defenders. But he's not close, obviously, to terrible. If I had a functioning memory I could probably give you a better answer.

Basketbawful: Name the top five ugliest basketball players you've ever seen.

Henry Abbott: Larry Bird. Larry Bird. Larry Bird. Larry Bird. And Larry Bird.

Basketbawful: Ouch. Was that really necessary? Okay, look, I'll admit that Larry was not an attractive man. Yes, his face would melt cheese. But is he really uglier than Gheorghe Muresan? Or Popeye Jones? Jake Tsakalidis? Mengke Bateer? Chris Kaman? Admit it. You're still bitter about how Bird used to scorch the Blazers.

Henry Abbott: I'm not trying to be mean. In fact, I feel bad. Bird never did anything to me. An Eastern team you see twice a year, max, on TV? They barely even touch your season record. If you're a kid who loves the Blazers and the NBA, you hope to see a big show from the Birds of the world. It's not like we saw him in the playoffs. That's when enemies are made. So, to clarify, he really is that ugly. I hate to say it, but that is my belief.

Basketbawful: You know we all love you, Henry. But occasionally someone disagrees with you. Sometimes strongly. What's the worst e-mail / comment / response from a fan you've ever received?

Henry Abbott: Oh, just about every day I get something from some nut job teenager calling me the worst names said teenager can possibly imagine. Teenagers are pretty imaginative these days!

Labels: Henry Abbott, Larry Bird, Portland Trailblazers, Terry Porter, TrueHoop, Worst of