Today's nutshot pic was brought to you by Basketbawful reader Mladen.

Derrick Rose: The rook was turrible both on offense (6 points, 3-for-16) and defense, where fellow rookie D.J. Augustine ate his lunch (29 points, 13-for-13 from the line). The great Poohdini also had six of his shots blocked. Despite that, the Bulls still would have won if not for...

Home cookin': The Bulls were leading by three points with 19 seconds left when Rose "fouled" D.J. Augustine on a three-point attempt. Only, you know, there was less contact on the play than most people make with a homeless person when they drop change into their Styrofoam cup.

Said Rose: "I must have blinked too hard. I didn't even jump. I put my hand up and that's what they called. You cannot call that, especially not at the end of a game. But it is what it is. We lost. He (referee Ely Roe) said I hit him on the arm. It must have been in motion or something." When asked if he'd ever been that upset in a game in his life, Rose replied: "No. Never. Not at all." He then added: "It really got to me. I felt, 'I can't believe it.' I was in awe. I didn't believe you can make a call like that. I guess he did."

Augustine, who flopped like a fish while shooting in order to draw the foul, was asked where Rose hit him. His response: "My elbow. My hand. That's why it was short. The ref called a good call, so I shot the free throws." Uh huh.

Meanwhile, Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro had to choose his words carefully, since Big Brother Stern is a Dark Lord who's ever watchful: ""I didn't think Derrick...we watched the film. I thought Derrick was right on him. I didn't think he hit him. Augustine's legs came out to get the contact. We can't worry about it. We can't put ourselves in that position. No question it was a tough call against us. You move on."

Raja Bell: From Mark L: "He got ejected a little less than 8 minutes into the first quarter against the Bulls, after fouling Ben Gordon. Apparently he used a few too many four-letter words while complaining. I don't blame him for wanting to leave though. The Bobcats were shooting 2-14 at that point with 7 turnovers." Bell was already 0-for-5 when he got tossed. It's worth noting, also, that the ref who gave Bell the bronz boot was Ely Roe...

The Okafor Watch: Emeka had another fantastic game -- 20 points, 13 rebounds, 3 steals, 4 blocked shots -- but he also went another 42 minutes of game time without an assist. Although I'm sad to report he notched 3 assists since the last update. The current Watch numbers are: 26 games, 892 minutes, 224 field goal attempts, 113 free throw attempts, 50 turnovers and 10 assists.

Random statistical note: Basketbawful reader Junokasm sent me the following email: "I saw Drew Gooden foul out. The stat line: 14 points, 9 rebounds. I had just witnessed my first Calvin Murphy! I rejoiced." For those of you who might not remember, we coined the term Calvin Murphy to denote 14/9 games in honor of Murph, who was thought to have had 14 kids with nine different baby mamas. Thanks for the head's up, Junokasm.

The Klahma City Thunder: They committed 20 turnovers and missed 10 free throws in a 10-point home loss to the Clippers. The defeat dropped them to large-crocodile-tear-rolling-down-my-face 2-24. It was their 11th straight loss at home. Said Chris Wilcox: "We need to be better consistently. Right now, anything that we're doing on the road or at home is not working. We've got to come together, keep our heads up and just keep lifting each other up." Man, even their post game comments have that "going through the motions" feel to them.

By the way, has anybody noticed that Zach Randolph is fitting in really well with the Clippers? In point of fact, he's playing a lot better than post-surgery Elton Brand. And the Clips have won three in a row. Who knows? It could turn out that Brand leaving was a good thing for the other L.A. team.

The Enver Nuggets: Okay, okay. I know they've been getting it done on D since Chauncey Billups arrived, but I'm missed the reference. Plus, as Basketbawful reader Tiberious Sparkles pointed out, their defense was a little lacking last night: "The Enver Nuggets didn't record a single block last night against the Rockets. Somewhere, Marcus Camby is crying and eating and eating." The Nuggmeisters also let the Rockets shoot 55 percent from the field and had only 5 steals. Personally, I think the lapse was caused by stories like this one praising the D in Denver...it's like a stat curse.

Steve Francis: Every time I see his name at the end of a Rockets' box score, I think "why?" Then I think "If he were a little crazier, he'd be getting the Marbury treatment." Speaking of which...


Stephon Marbury: He paid his way to watch his sorta-kinda team play the Lakers in L.A. And people were falling all over themselves to interview him, during the game, at halftime, after the game. Here are a few choice quotes: "I didn't create this, this is all their doing. I'm still earning my check by doing nothing. I'm staying in shape. My mind-set is to enjoy my life." And: "I don't even worry about it. They're going to do what they're going to do, and when they're ready, they'll make a decision. All I've got to do is get free. Once I get free, the team I'm going to go to, I think a lot of people will be shocked. All the people that say nobody wants me on their team...I'm all of these different things...Frank Isola said I'm a cancer...I'm doing my thing though." Ah, Starbury. Bringin' the crazy everywhere he goes.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Yes, I know they won, and they're 21-3 which should be good enough, right? Well, their lackadaisical approach to defense -- which has been a growing problem lately -- was on full display last night. It sure seemed to me like they were indifferent on defense because they knew the Knicks weren't going to stop them on offense. And some of their post-game quotes seem to bear that out. Said Lamar Odom: "We know we can score. It doesn't matter what team you put in front of us, we can score. We've got 12 guys who can hit shots. We can do it offensively. We just have to focus on defense." Added Andrew Bynum: "We're still 21-3. We're going to be able to go out there and execute the defense later on as we build together as a unit. I think everybody in here is pretty happy."

You know who else is pretty happy? The Celtics and Cavaliers, who sure don't have to worry about developing the necessary defensive attitude "later"...whenever Bynum thinks that is.

Lamar Odom, bravery machine: He played through his flu-like symptoms to finish with 17 points, 12 rebounds and 4 assists. Which even I could probably do against the Knicks "defense," but still. And after the game, L.O. got a little dramatic. "I think I have the flu. Who knows? Pau was out and I kind of willed myself to do it. Football mentality. Luke (Walton) was sick, Trevor and Josh (Powell), Pau. Like kindergarten." I love this guy. I really do.

The Sacramento Kings: From Basketbawful reader Eric G: "The Kings lost by 32 last night despite the fact that the Blazers only shot 41.4 percent and 4-for-15 from three. Why? Because the Kings were 13-for-61 (21.3%) from the field in quarters 2-4. At one point they went on a 7-47 stretch from the field. That's not even acceptable in the WNBA!" Well, Eric, I agree with everything except the "not even acceptable in the WNBA" part. The Kings finished 24-for-76 (31 percent).

So the dead coach bounce lasted only one game, huh? And that game was against the Timberwolves. Yikes. Interim coach Kenny Natt said: "Guys started hanging their heads and feeling sorry for themselves. My job is to try to keep these guys motivated and try to encourage them as much as possible. Unfortunately this was one of (the Blazers') nights where they played their best." Sure, Kenny. It was just the Blazers playing awesome. Whatever you say.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba kept interrupting his teammates during the morning shootaround to quote long sections from various Harry Potter novels, and he insisted on making finger quotes the entire time.

False attributions (Updated): Several readers informed me that the The BS Report "introduced" the Club Trillion blog that we mentioned last month. The interview with Mark Titus, the blog founder, starts around 42:40. Now, Bill Simmons seems to think that Titus invented the trillion, and Mark, for his part, claims that he and his friends "devised" the trillion. Which is funny, considering that I've been using the term for years on this very blog. However, I did not coin it. The word was, in fact, invented by Scott Hastings...way back in 1990: "Scott Hastings, little-used Piston forward, who claims to lead the NBA in a category that he calls the 'trillion': 'That's when the box score reads one minute played followed by 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0 0 0.'"

This was further expounded on in, of all things, a 2006-07 NBA Media Guide: "Some years back ex-player Scott Hastings devised the Trillion Club. To become a member you must play in an NBA game (no minimum time) and do absolutely nothing since 15 zeros follow the minute column. (A commitee voted to allow a player to join the club if he only had a personal foul.)" So yeah: Hastings had a Trillion Club waaaay before their was a Club Trillion.

The term was also explained in a 1999 Sports Illustrated article called Garbage Time. It says: "Avoid the dread 'trillion.' In other words, if for some reason you can't get off a shot, do something. In garbage-time lingo, trillion is the line in the box score a player gets when his minutes-played stat is followed by zeros in the nine other categories. 'A trillion means you played, but you didn't do anything,' says Vancouver Grizzlies assistant Lionel Hollins, who was an NBA guard for 10 seasons. 'No shots attempted or made, no assists, no rebounds, no fouls, nothing.' If he still has a trillion in the final seconds, the experienced garbage-time player will commit misdemeanor assault to break up his zeros with a '1' in the personal foul column." For the record, Henry Abbott -- who emailed me about this article -- remembers hearing references to the trillion back in the 80s.

Anyway, I'm glad their blog -- which is pretty funny -- is getting attention and that guys like Simmons are finally aware of it. But c'mon. The trillion is not a new thing. You won't hear be going around claiming I invented the question mark, you know? (Unless, of course, I'm 5+ pints of Guiness into my night. Then all bets are off.)

Labels: Charlotte Bobcats, Chicago Bulls, Denver Nuggets, home cooking, Houston Rockets, Oklahoma City Thunder, Sacramento Kings, Steve Francis, Worst of the Night

Note: The steaming portrait of man love displayed above was provided by J Men.

Darko Milicic: I was a little late getting to last night's games, and when I finally got to the computer I had two Darko-related emails. The first, from Brian S., said: "One minute, 24 seconds into the game, WHILE THE ANNOUNCERS ARE SAYING HOW WELL HE GUARDS YAO, Darko has committed 2 fouls and is now out of the game. He can't even do well during the 1 minute and 24 seconds people are talking nicely about him." This was almost immediately followed by a very excited email from Quinton A., which said: "DUDE!!!! MILICIC!!!! JERSEY!!!! Just coming out of halftime, Darko picked up his fourth foul gaurding Yao, which he responded to by promptly getting a tech then going to the bench and ripping his jersey straight down the middle, Serbian Superman style." Oh yes he most certainly did.


Darko finished with 5 points, 5 rebounds, 5 fouls, and two jersey halves in 10 minutes. Although Victor correctly pointed out that: "Poor Darko. That's 15 and 15 if you extrapolate to 30 minutes!" He only needed more time. Alas. Also, Trev provided the following graphic, which he found on SpursTalk.com: The Incredible Darko. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Or, frankly, any other time.


The Houston Rockets: They were down 32-19 after one quarter. To the Memphis Grizzlies. From that point forward, it was an uphill battle...which they lost, mostly on the defensive end, where they gave up 51 percent shooting and 109 points while forcing only 6 turnovers (only one more than Dwyane Wade had by himself against the Bobcats).

Said Rockets coach Rick Adelman: "They were the aggressors all the way. They got the rebounds and got to the basket. They just outworked us. They came out much more aggressive to start the game." True enough.

Mind you, there were some circumstances. Ron Artest missed the game with a sore right foot. Tracy McGrady, of course, is still out with that sore left knee. Oh, and Brent Barry was in civvies due to a right leg injury. In total, the Rockets had only 10 players in uniform...including Steve Francis, who hasn't played all year but still managed to have his picture taken last night. Here it is:

Steve Francis: More jerseys chewed on (1) than minutes played (0) this season.
Luther Head: With all the missing peeps, Head got what was, for him, some extended PT last night (24 minutes). His response: 2 points on 1-for-8 shooting, an assist and a foul. Oh, and one of his shots was stuffed. Glad to see you making the most of the opportunity, Luther.

Jason Richardson: He led his team with 24 points and hit four of his five three-point attempts. Here's the "but": He missed two free throws that would have tied the game with 32.3 seconds left. Said J-Rich: "Anything could have happened had I made those free throws." True. Sort of like how I could be playing in the NBA right now...if I was Dwyane Wade. Or, to be fair, even if I was Mark Blount (who was 0-for-1 and finished with a rebound in just under three minutes of lack-tion last night).

I should also point out that, late in the game, with his team in the midst of six straight misses, Yakhouba Diawara covered Richardson like a 10-ton blanket, forcing him into an uuuuugly shot as the shot clock buzzed. And, uh, it didn't go in.

Emeka Okafor: Toll the bells! Throw some confetti! Emeka registered his 7th assist of the season last night! The numbers now read: 21 games started, 712 minutes played, 172 field goals attempted, 90 free throws attempted, 43 turnovers committed and 7 assists dished out. And, according to Basketball-Reference.com, Okafor easily has the fewest assists of any player who has logged at least 600 minutes this season. The next guy is Luc Mbah a Moute Jean Luc Richard, who has 20 assists in 602 minutes. He also has the lowest Assist Percentage -- which measures the percentage of teammate field goals assisted while on the court -- by a lot: Okafor is at 1.9 percent and the next guy, Udonis Haslem, is at 5.2 percent. (Haslem has 24 assists in 740 minutes.)

And Yinka Dare's soul rests peacefully.

Update! In the spirit of dissing Emeka, Murcy nominated last night's posterization by Dwyane Wade. Initially, I left this out because D-Wade has been posterizing the entire league lately. However, I changed my mind both because of how helpless Okafor looked during the play and because Murcy knows how to rock the pirate hook.


Daequan Cook: Got this email from Tom of Clutch City Hoops: "Daequan Cook: nine trillion. Killed my fantasy team." I don't know what mystifies me more: How Cook managed to do nothing in nine minutes of PT or why Tom has Daequan on his fantasy team.

Michael Beasley: My preseason pick for ROY had his second straight single-figure scoring game with 9 points on 4-for-13 shooting to go along with 6 rebounds and an assist. My contention that the Bulls should have taken Beasley over Rose is looking more laughable by the game. Speaking of Rose...

Derrick Rose: He didn't play yesterday (the Bulls had no game) and, in fact, he didn't practice either. Why, you ask? Because, as many of you have pointed out in comments, emails, and smoke signals, Rose cut himself under the elbow on his left forearm. In bed. From a knife he used to slice an apple. Said Rose: "Silly accident this morning. I went to get a bottle of water, forgot the knife was there and sat down and sliced my arm. I panicked when it first happened. I called [Bulls trainer Fred Tedeschi]. We got it stitched up about 8 [a.m.]. It was a large wound, but they healed it up. I'm good. I could have practiced, but they told me to wait until [today]. I can still dribble, shoot, do all that stuff. I'm hoping they'll let me play."

Of course, a lot of people are already questioning what "really" happened, since Rose's story sounds too bizarre to be true (kind of like the time I got run over by a horse while riding my bike). But, in my experience, it's the weird stories that totally ARE true. And Rose isn't worried about what other people think. "It's the truth, so I'm not worried about [people not believing him]. I called my mom, and she was like, what are you doing? It was just a freak accident. I was very scared. I'm going to get somebody else to cut [the apple]. I'm not cutting it no more." Ah, to live in a world where, after a freak apple-cutting accident, you can respond not by simply being more careful next time, but by hiring someone to peel apples for you for the rest of your life. Awesome.

Anyway, I will soon be adding this to my comprehensive list of stupid basketball injuries. I'm thinking it could be a Top 5er. Easily. Without question.

The Klahma City Thunder: Holy rusted metal, Batman. The Golden State Warriors, losers of nine straight games, stumbled into the Thunder's home arena without their two leading scorers -- Stephen Jackson (20.1 PPG) and Corey Maggette (19.1) both sat out with injuries -- and it didn't matter. They won anyway. The Thunder are just that bad. The Warriors played eight guys, seven of which scored in double figures...and the eighth guy, Ronny Turiaf, finished with 9. The Thunder were down by as many as 21 in the second quarter and by 19 at halftime. They tried to rally, but of course that rally came up short. Kevin Durant, who played great (41 points, 10 rebounds) against the Warriors non-defense, said: "In this league, when you get down by 20 it's hard to come back." Wow! His basketball IQ is off the charts!

Meanwhile, Golden State's sad season was best summed up by Don Nelson, who had this to say after his team beat the 2-20 Thunder: "We didn't win the world championship but it sure felt like it." And that's what we call "lowered expectations," folks.

Animal stylin': Basketbawful reader Josh wrote in about Dwight Howard using what will soon become a Word of the Day: "Dwight Howard sent the Los Angeles Clippers home with another L tonight courtesy of one of his patented "Double-Double Animal Styles": 23 points, 22 boards and for the F of it he tossed in 6 blocked shots. He's starting to make this routine..." You heard it here first, people. 20/20 aren't just MAN-type games, anymore. They're Animal Styles! Rowr! Speaking of the Clips...

The Los Angeles Clippers: Meh. They are who we thought they were.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba forced his daughters to sing a self-penned song until their little voices were hoarse and raspy. The lyrics? "Ko-BE, if I could BE Ko-BE! Gotta BE gotta BE Ko-BE! Ko-BE, if I could BE Ko-BE!"

Labels: Darko, Emeka Okafor, fan submissions, Houston Rockets, Jason Richardson, Oklahoma City Thunder, Steve Francis, Worst of the Night

The Bulls pounded the Knicks 98-69 last night, strengthening their hold on the second seed in the Eastern Conference playoff race and helping to ensure that New York will remain a lottery team (which is important since the Bulls get to swap draft picks with the Knicks as part of Eddy Curry trade). The Knicks, of course, got all pissy after the game, but not because their pride was hurt by the 29-point loss, the near-destruction of their waning playoff hopes, the probable loss of their lottery pick, or the fact that they just flat-out suck. They were upset that the Bulls were trying to feed their fans.

Like many teams, the Bulls run countless promotions, using sexy cheerleaders, hilarious fat guys, and dancing old people to shill t-shirts, drink cups, bobbleheads, and even Chicago Bulls-themed drinking water. One of their many game-night promotions is free food any time the team reaches 100 points (redeemed by presenting the game ticket). Sometimes it's a burrito from Taco Bell, sometimes it's a personal pizza from Pizza Hut. Last night, fans would have recieved a free McDonald's Big Mac (with a side of clogged artery) if the Bulls reached the century mark.

Mind you, the Bulls scored their 98th point with almost two minutes left in the game. They then took four more shots, one of which was a tip-in attempt of a missed shot. Considering the fact that there's a 24-second shot clock, basic math tells me that they probably would have put up three or four shots even if the additional two points wouldn't have rewarded their fanbase with a delightfully fat-filled mega-sandwich. But of course the Knicks felt that the Bulls were trying to run up the score, which, naturally, showed a lack of respect.

Steve Francis, a model citizen who had decided to pull the plug on the season until an injury to a teammate ensured him more playing time, was one of a group of Knicks shouting at the Bulls on the way to the team locker rooms. Said Francis: "I've been in the league long enough; I know when teams are trying to run up the score. I don't respect nobody trying to do that to my younger players."

Jerome James, who in the summer of 2005 signed a 5-year, $29-million contract with the Knicks and then promptly began to suck, was one of the aggrieved parties and actually had to be restrained by teammates. James apparently was going after the Bulls' Tyrus Thomas, who aggressively defended a Nate Robinson layup attempt in the closing seconds. When asked about it after the game, James pulled out the Kobe Bryant "I don't know this kid" defense. Said James: "Oh, the little jumpy kid? No, I don't even know him." What? You didn't know James played for the Knicks? Well, it's true. Go check the box score. He's the guy near the bottom with the "DNP - Coach's Decision" next to his name.

For the record, Nate Robinson, who's involvement in the infamous Knicks-Nuggets Brawl is well-documented, also participated in the verbal sparring. That fight, by the way, erupted because the Nuggets were still playing some of their starters while ahead 19 points with a couple minutes to go. And, like last night, the Knicks played the Lack Of Respect card as a means of justifying their behavior.

But honestly, what should the Bulls have done? Stopped shooting and just let the shot clock expire? They weren't playing their starters. The Bulls' reserves were in the game, and reserves don't get a chance to play all that often. Can you really blame them for taking shots? Especially when your fans are cheering you on? You'll also notice that the Knicks were still trying to score right down to the wire. But I guess that's okay when you're down 30, and wrong when you're up 30. I guess the Bulls didn't get that memo.

The bottom line is this: the real problem is that the Knicks suck. So my message to the Knicks is that, if you don't like getting blown out by 20 or 30 points every night, just stop sucking. Until then, take your beating like the group of fat, lazy, malcontent men that you are.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Jerome James, Nate Robinson, New York Knicks, promotions, Steve Francis