Indiana Pacers:  The Best Kept Secret decided to keep their offense a secret in the first half, scoring a whopping 31 points (while letting their opponent rack up a 20 point halftime lead). The bench was a sparkling 6-for-22 from the field (1-for-6 from long distance). Of course, hope was not lost, because they had the good fortune to be playing…

…The Generals:  Who decided that they had done enough scoring in the first half and made only 11 field goals in the second. They gave up three offensive rebounds in the final minute to a guy who had dislocated a finger in the previous quarter. And, in the most General-ly way possible, they lost the game when Wall decided to put up the game-tying shot (which was successful) after the game clock had run out. Enjoy the clip here (fast-forward to the 1:27 mark) -



Fortunately, Wall was kind enough to throw his teammates under the bus, with the following quote:

"I tried to create something," Wall said, "but there wasn't enough spacing for me to create."

I'm not sure what Wall was seeing, since his teammates seemed to be running the four corners offense without the ball. Maybe if he hadn't dribbled from the foul line to 30 feet from the hoop back to foul line in the final three seconds, he might have had time to get the shot off before the buzzer.

Wizards basketball: It's FAAAAAN-tastic!!!!!

The Clippers:  Are they becoming the team we always thought they were, but then thought they weren't, but now we think they are again? Chris Paul does understand that he doesn't still play for the Hornets, right? Maybe he should have done all the fancy handshakes and bro-hugs before the game instead of during (five personal fouls). The Clips did have a three point lead going into the fourth quarter, but then somebody messed with the rims or something, because they shot an outstanding 4-for-23 in the final quarter. Overall, they shot less than 40% from the field, less than 20% from 3-point range, and less than 65% from the line. It's like they decided to be the opposite of Steve Nash.

Jason Smith: 


    Sheesh, I think Smith would have been whistled for two minutes for boarding if he tried this stunt in the NHL. According to Smith, he was just trying to cut off his lane to the basket. You know, by hip-checking him from behind.

DeAndre Jordan:  With the shot clock running down, everyone knows that DeAndre Jordan is the guy you want taking the shot. Assuming, of course, that "everyone" means "the opposing team".  I may not be the best player in the world, but I can hit the rim from three feet away. Alas, that was too much to ask of Mr. Jordan. (yes, I know he hit his other seven shots, but c'mon…)

Golden State:  One game after snapping a four-game losing streak, the Tru Wariers decided there was no time like the present to start a new one. They were only down eight at the half, but were outscored 53-36 in the second half to lose going away. Outrebounded 48-31, nobody on the team had more than six rebounds. To rub salt in the wound, Samuel Dalembert had this to say after the game:

"I saw an opportunity to go in and just go out there and kill them on the boards."

When Dalembert is licking his chops at the prospect of rebounding against you, you know you've got a problem.

Chase Budinger:  0-for-7 in 26 minutes is no way to go through a game against the Warriors, son.

Milwaukee Bucks:  That crashing sound you heard was the Bucks' six game winning streak ending. Of course, since they were playing the Celtics instead of the Little Sisters of the Poor like they had been for the past half-dozen games, it wasn't that much of a surprise. Also not a surprise:  Ellis shooting 6-for-18. Hey, his position ain't "making guard".

Memphis Grizzlies:  Fighting for a playoff spot against a team that had lost eight games this month by double digits (and an average deficit of 20 points in those losses), the Care Bears lost. They did this despite having more points in the paint, more fastbreak points, more rebounds, and fewer turnovers. They just picked a bad time to let Portland make every shot (literally) from the free-throw line. C'mon, Grizzlies, you gotta put a hand in the face at all times. You can't give them that much space when they're shooting from the charity stripe!

Mormon Musicians:  They got dominated on the boards (giving up 18 and 15 to Cousins and Thompson, respectively), gave up 70 points in the paint and went only 3-for-17 from deep. Jamaal Tinsley had the Tinsley-est game ever (3-for-10 with eight assists and one turnover). Down the stretch, they went almost nine minutes without making a field goal, but escaped with a win when Devin "Playoffs" Hester airballed a shot that Jefferson gathered and put in with less than a second to play. Of course, Harris claimed that it was a pass all along. I do that in my pickup games and nobody believes me there, either.

Excremento Kings:  Of course the Kings lost this one. Despite so many stats  (12-for-21) being in their favor, I just can't figure out how they could have let this one slip away  (12-for-21).  Maybe I should take a (12-for-21) closer look at the box score. Hmmm, I wonder how they shot from the free throw line? In a one-point game. I wonder.

Keith Smart:   Assessed for a technical foul in the fourth quarter while your opponent is struggling to score. In a one-point game. That's not smart, Keith!

Darko Milicic:

Labels: Blake Griffin, guest author, Jason Smith, Worst of the Night

September 22 UPDATE!!!

Looks like Blake Griffin has done a whole slew of short films for funnyordie.com. So, at some point in the future, are we going to be like, "Hey I just saw Blake Griffin on TV. You know, that comedian who used to play basketball?" Enjoy this take off of the Lil Penny Hardaway commercials. It appears to be the best of the bunch.

EXHIBIT A:

Lil' Blake from Blake Griffin

So how long before a hilarious basketball player stops being hilarious? Oh, THIS long:

EXHIBIT B:

Flight of the Griffin from Blake Griffin

Ok, this next one is the one that gets me concerned. This is just a man with nothing better to do. I mean, I know they have camera tricks to make this not really take take up 45 minutes of real time, but honestly, at what point does Blake say "Uhm, yeah, I think we might be saturating the public with my face. Let's give it a rest. People are going to realize I really don't have one single thing to do with my time, and they're going to think I'm a little sad."

If there is a compelling argument to the NBA owners / management why the lockout needs to end at all costs, I present Exhibit C. Blake Griffin needs an outlet, David Stern! And saturation-bombing comedy bits ain't it! End this madness!!! If you manage to make the very-likable Blake Griffin not funny, I will never forgive you for it.

EXHIBIT C:

Live Blake Griffin Intern Cam from Blake Griffin

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ORIGINAL POST:
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And you thought D-West applying to Home Depot was something...

As much as I would love to have Blake Griffin at my disposal to work on comedy bits - because he clearly has a sense of humor - only the folks at funnyordie.com actually have the power to get him to do stuff, like his current, and apparently crappy, internship at their offices:

24/7 Blake Griffin: Intern from Blake Griffin

And if you haven't yet seen this sensational Blake Griffin bit from the (short-lived? Is it still on?) Norm McDonald sports show, you're in for a juicy, delicious treat:

Labels: Blake Griffin, funnyordie.com, internship

Stop looking so surprised. The Clippers define fail.
I couldn't help but spit up a little when I read this part of Bill Simmons' 2009-10 NBA preview:

The Clippers are going to be good. The parts fit. They have size, shooting and rebounding. They can play fast or slow. Their best player (Baron Davis) is motivated again. They have the Gordon/Griffin combo, only the NBA's best young inside/outside combo. They have a bench. They have cap flexibility (only $36 million committed next season). This is a playoff team. I'm telling you. And as I've written many times, Clipperland remains the most logical 2010 LeBron destination on paper. It's true.

Mind you, this is the same guy who wrote an open letter to Blake Griffin warning him about the dangers of playing for the Clippers. His exact words:

Run. Just start running. Run for your life. Run like the star of a horror movie. Don't turn around. Run and keep running.

Well, Simmons was right to warn Griffin (and laughably wrong to predict they'll be good)...because this year's number one overall draft pick will miss up to six weeks weeks with a broken knee cap:

Griffin apparently broke his kneecap during the Clippers' final exhibition game against New Orleans last Friday, perhaps after a dunk that left the power forward wincing in pain. The team initially said Griffin only had a sore left knee, making him questionable for the opener, before revealing the break.

Mind you, "back in six weeks" does not mean "back to 100 percent in six weeks." For the last time: Can we all just stop being surprised when this stuff happens to the Clippers?

Bonus quote: If you check out Kevin Arnovitz' season preview at ClipperBlog, you'll notice the following quote from yours truly in the "No You Can't" section: "The best thing the Clippers can say about the last 25 or so years is 'At least some terrible hell beast hasn't risen from the sea and eaten our team.' Yet." See? Even a month ago when I wrote that line, I already knew they are who we thought they were...

Labels: Bill Simmons, Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers, they are who we thought they were