The magic of J.R. Smith made me forget all about Serge whacking Blake in the nuts. My bad, everyone. My bad. Here's a video in case you wanna see a guy getting hit in the nuts, and who doesn't?


The league chose not to suspend Ibaka, instead fining him $25,000. In contrast, after a very similar play earlier this season, the NBA suspended DeMarcus Cousins a game without pay. Dividing the Boogieman's yearly salary by 82 yields $47,326 and 83 cents. I'm not sure if this is the formula the NBA would use, but if it is I think it's obvious that they consider O.J. Mayo's huevos to be twice as valuable as Mr. Griffin's.

Some might speculate that this difference in punishment was do to the different reputations of the assailants. However, the NBA has made it clear, as explained in their rationale for giving Kobe and Noah different fines for using the same slur, that the fine for a transgression is determined by the victim, not the transgressor.

Theories vary for why the NBA would put a lower price on the family jewels of their more marketable player. and the matter is further confused by David Stern attaching an even higher value to the groin of Ramon Sessions.


By getting in the way of Wade's foot, the current Bobcat's groin cost Pookie an estimated $209,536 and 59 cents. In other words, each one of Ramon's gonads is worth approximately 4 times both of Blake's high flying pair.

In a televised interview conducted with esteemed members of the press and several members of congress, Blake Griffin's nuts had this to say.
More Coconut Oil!
When informed there was none available, Blake Griffin's scrotum ran amok and killed three pedestrians in downtown Los Angeles. Fortunately for the murderous scrotum, given the amount of pedestrians mowed down daily by LA's public buses, nobody really took notice.
   
Can you ever have too much?


Stranger still, the NBA seems to think neither Steve Nash or Chris Paul's testes are worth diddly squat. Although it's worth noting, the NBA deemed pretty much anything Bowen ever kicked or kneed to be worthless. That especially goes for Wally Szczerbiak's face.




In summary, when financially appraising the carnal kernels of NBA players, the league votes Ramon Sessions > O.J. Mayo > Blake Griffin > Chris Paul. 

3 Comments:
Blogger Savio said...
I do not care, Griffin is one of the dirtiest player in the league, he got what he deserved. Go Air Congo!

Anonymous msk said...
This is genius. Thank you.

Blogger Glenn said...
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.

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