Thanks for the gif, anonymous

Holy beak-ed squid balls, Mike Brown's been fired. I guess I can't say that I didn't see it coming, but I had just thought up the gag of starting to refer to coach Brown as couch Brown, so I guess I won't be doing that as often as I might have. Although, now I can use couched Brown, so, just like the Lakers are saying, it's no big loss

This news broke while I was writing the WoTN, meaning I don't address it below. However, you're in luck. Chris broke the news for Basketbawful a few hours ago, so everybody should scroll down and read all about it.


Worst of the Night:

Kevin Garnett, interviewee: We stand at a changing of the guard. The generation of players who watched Jordan play amongst them in awe (I'm talking about when he was on the Bulls) are aging out of the NBA, while a younger generation has momentarily assumed the top spot in the league's hierarchy. Players even younger than the '03 draft class are clamoring to dethrone them, and some would say that even that younger group has gotten past that legion of '70s born players who were standing at the gates.

If you're not into the whole super-friends movement, and like your basketball with a little more "nasty", never fear because Kevin Garnett is here with a foul mouthed tirade to put a little spit in your eye. Mmmmm, spit.


Thanks, KG. I genuinely just burst into laughter watching that video.  Who else is going to say some shit like that while looking so GQ smooth. Kevin Durant may be super-humble, but there's no way in hell he's gonna cuss out Comcast randomly while discussing team chemistry. Quotes don't get much better than this:
Did I just take a shot at Comcast? Fuck it, I did it. So what? I’m a DirecTV guy anyway. This is what this is. I’m not helping myself, am I? Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Who cares? Anyway, that’s what this is. We totally messed that up, right? Goddamned, we just totally messed that up. 
I'd also like to add, as part of my continual soapboxing against the fat cats, that Comcast is the network that's blacking out Rockets games for everybody in Houston who has a different provider. You know, like DirecTV guys. Thank you Kevin, for championing this important issue.

Dirk Nowitski: Uh...



I don't think that's the type of nasty Pop was talking about, Dirk. I'd say you should stick to Hasselhoff, but you probably shouldn't do that either.

Worst of the Night:

Thabeet: I don't know who was more afraid before the collision, the cameraman or the tumbling giant, but it's the 7'4 guy who ended up on the ground in agony.

Aaaaah! I can't wait for HBO's Girls to premiere any longer!
 
These cameramen are taking our NBA athletes apart like they've been trained and excommunicated by the League of Shadows. I'm sure 6er fans are already aware of this. Hi J-Rich.

There is another reason I'm bringing Thabeet up, and no it's not one of the usual suspects. Attentive fans may have noticed this season that Thabeet is sporting an odd orange patch of hair on the back of his head. At first, I thought this was just his show of support for the return of piebald Rasheed Wallace, but apparently there is a real explanation.

Wtf?
Unfortunately, thanks to the wandering mind of announcer Kevin Harlan, we may never know what that explanation is. He began offering a much needed answer to this urgent mystery, "you see that little, uh, orange patch on his head, that is...uh...", and then he mumbled some half-assed segue and read a NBA Challenge question. I can't provide a video for this, but follow the link and you can see that I'm not making this up for my own amusement.

Speaking about my own amusement, the program I'm writing on doesn't recognize half-assed as a word, and offers half-sassed and half-gassed as acceptable substitutes. I might have to start using those.


I came to party

Ronny Turiaf, posterity machine: The Clippers bench let Meyers Leonard (pictured) get buck last night, and as we all know, when you let Meyers Leonard get buck, bad things are going to happen.

Bad things like this:



You know what they say, though. You mess with Meyers Leonard and...uh... Well, you mess with Meyers Leonard and he's gonna...uh... OK, fine. They don't say anything like that. In all seriousness though, one day they might. The kid's over 7 feet tall and in addition to being able to throw it down, he has a smooth shooting stroke and moves with a fluidity rare for big men. When I was watching the game, I assumed that he was a much smaller player from his quickness, that is until I saw him standing next to somebody. I'm not the only one who's noticed this either, as illustrated by the question that Matt Norlander posed the center in September:
You're notable because of your size and ability to move about the floor like a guard. Has that come naturally, or did you have coaches who instilled that in you?     
So, sorry Ronny, you still get a WoTN, but maybe a few years from now you can say you were one of the first to be posterized by this developing force in the pivot.

Blake Griffin: In scoring only 7 points, Blake Superior had his Great Lake status downgraded last night to Blake Huron, signifying a loss 8,500 cubic kilometers of water. That's what happens when you are outscored by quarry Meyers Leonard, and equal dingy puddle Willie Green.
 
LaMarcus Aldridge: I guess that 14 points on 7 for 17 shooting with 5 assists and 4 rebounds, isn't a terrible line, but last year LA was in the conversation of best power-forward in the Western Conference, and therefore the league. So far this season, Aldridge is shooting in the low forties. Maybe with Kevin Love out and Blake Griffin scoring 7 points against him, he just doesn't momentarily feel the burning fire of competition.

I thought people loved Ingmar Bergman movies
 
Thomas Robinson, amusing apology machine: As condolences go, "I hope everything is okay with whatever area I attacked on him" isn't about to appear on any greeting cards. Although, it should. I'm sure that Jonas Jerebko's heart is now filled with a warm fuzzy feeling, but that's probably just a symptom of blunt trauma to whatever area it was that got attacked. I believe it was the neck, but it could have also been the head.

The Bulls: This was actually a pretty good game, but the Bulls doomed themselves in the final few minutes with some poor decision making. With the score tied at eighty-five and only three and a half minutes left, Kirk Hinrich decided that it was a great moment to heave up an awkward three with plenty of time on the clock. Noah almost tipped it in and then struggled to corral a rebound that went to the Thunder.

Noah, clearly angry, didn't make much of an attempt to hide his frustrations as he walked across court to the home-team bench. However, since he's not Kobe Bryant, and therefore doesn't flood the internet with gifs and videos every time he rolls his eyes, I can't provide you with a video of this. If anybody can find one, I'll post it.

After that, Noah got blocked by Serge, the Bulls missed a few shots, and Kevin Durant decided he'd had enough of this nonsense and canned a few jumpers. 



Isn't that a lovely impression of Dirk's signature one-legged fadeaway? I wonder if Dirk is miffed that so many players are borrowing his move. Kobe's already gone on record that his version is the best.

Fan violence: Which I'm sure is an opinion shared by a group of his rabid devotees who recently caused a ruckus in Salt Lake City. I know I'm assuming that these guys were specifically Kobe fans, but c'mon, you don't go to Salt Lake City and start shit wearing a Pau Gasol jersey. Detective Josh Ashdown of the SLCPD described the recent melee to the Salt Lake Tribune.
The discussion escalated and the Lakers fans challenged the Jazz fans to a fight, which they declined, Ashdown said. Security threw the two Lakers’ fans out of the game, but they apparently decided to stick around to continue the confrontation with the Jazz fans, he said.
The Lakers’ fans spotted the Jazz fans standing on the corner of 100 South and 400 West and started trash talking again. At that point, one of the Lakers’ fans pulled out pepper spray fogger and let loose with it, police said.
When I first read that report, I found myself asking "What the hell is a pepper spray fogger?". Well, apparently it's fairly popular, available through Amazon.com, and looks like this:

What the hell is wrong with people?


The police have stated that the suspect has medium length brown hair and is about 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing approximately 150 pounds. He was spotted in a Dodge Charger. Less helpful, is their description that he was wearing a Lakers jersey. If you can't make out the numbers 2 and 4 in giant lettering on a jersey, it kind of throws the whole accurate assessment of the suspect's possible weight, height, and car model into question. Potential vigilantes should be advised, he's probably disguised himself in the number 8 by now.  

Lacktion:
Thunder-Bulls: Before heading to the locker room Thabeet found time for the elusive 3:2 Voskuhl that he's been dreaming about. On the opposing side, Vladimir Radmanovic fouled somebody in 16 seconds for a +1 suck differential and a Mario, while Nazr Mohammed washed down his delicious Wilsonburger with a couple of liquified bricks for a +3 suck differential. I doubt it was refreshing, unlike these hilarious Van Damme commercials from the UK.
 Clippers-Blazers: Lacktion regular Will Barton struck again with a +1 suck differential in a minute and a half; he exchanged his regular brick for a personal foul. Meanwhile, Sasha Pavlovic milked his NBA career a little longer with a turnover in five minutes, giving the Blazers another +1 suck differential for the night.
Of course none of this stuff really matters anymore because, as Chris has just posted, the Lakers have shown Mike Brown the door. Evidently, that really was the death stare Kobe gave him. I guess the Laker front office has learned to interpret Kobe's various icy gazes over the years. Read on for details, I know I'm about to...

12 Comments:
Blogger John said...
your Thomas Robinson section has me in tears. Nice work!

Blogger Glenn said...
Thanks John, that's great to hear. It had Jonas Jerebko in tears too.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
you're doing a good job posting on this site glenn...really appreciate the time you take to humor us all..

Blogger stephanie g said...
Glad to see this community is still alive and well and rolling around in the delicious schadenfreude. Is Mike Brown getting booted out after five games the fastest firing ever? Maybe my memory is fuzzy, but usually it seems like they'd just replace him in the offseason if they didn't like him that much. Even blatantly horrible coaches would usually last at least another half season or so it seems to me.

An amusing historical reinterpretation to come from this is people being more impressed by LeBron and Cleveland's success despite Mike Brown. It was the East, but still.

Blogger Barry said...
Man, you put in all this work in the offseason and whatnot and you get booted because the bench is crap and nobody can close down a shooter.....that's gotta sting.

That KG video is gold though, probably ranks just under the "ethering Craig Sager on national tv" video in the KG pantheon of amusing videos.

Anonymous tjr said...
I'm not sure if they've fixed it by now, but hoopshype have Eddy Curry as the fired Lakers coach.

This would explain a lot. Or nothing at all. PLus I took a screen grab but am not sure how to put it up here.

http://hoopshype.com/transactions.htm

Blogger LotharBot said...
Denver @ GS was one of the bawfulest games I've ever seen!

Denver on a 4th in 5, GS on a back to back. It took 2 OT for either team to break 100. Both teams shot 38% from the field. Warriors missed 9 free throws (including Landry's 2 bricks with a 4 point lead and a minute left in the second OT). Nuggets missed 11.

For the Nuggets, Andre Miller took 15 shots to get 15 points, which was better than most guys. Gallinari had 21 points on 22 shots (0 points on 9 first half shots), Lawson had 9 points on 13 shots, and Iggy had 19 points on 24 shots. This would be good for a loss in most circumstances, but the Warriors were just as bad. David Lee had 18 points on 19 shots, Klay Thompson had 23 points on 26 shots, Jarrett Jack had 8 points on 11 shots, and RJ had 2 points on 6 shots. Kobe would be so proud.

Some of the mental mistakes were staggering -- like the Warriors with a 2 point lead and a foul to give with 2 seconds left in the first OT, letting Gallinari go untouched for a dunk. And there was the total lack of boxing out by Golden State on a number of key possessions; the Nuggets totaled 23 offensive rebounds. Ty Lawson had one of the dumbest turnovers I've ever seen in the second OT, just jumped in the air and tossed the ball to nobody.

The league should've just stopped this game after the first OT and awarded a win to a team that actually played good tonight.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Yeah, cops really do suck at IDing suspects:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHnUPofJjU

Blogger Barry said...
Man, did Pringles lose a bet or something? No good can come of this.

Blogger Glenn said...
Wormboy, great link, as soon as I read the phrase, 'cops really do suck at IDing suspects', I was already thinking "suspect is hat-less, repeat hat-less." Classic.

Thanks for the link, tjr, I took a screen grab of that.

Stephanie G, mmmmm, schadenfreude... According to USA Today "Mike Brown is now the victim of the fastest in-season coach firing in NBA history".

Barry, I think the loser of the bet was Kupchak and/or the Buss family. It's a good thing the Lakers have found one who isn't only competent at one end of the court. Oh wait... When I first read 'KG ethering Craig Sager on national tv', I got a picture in my mind of KG sneaking up behind Sager with a rag soaked in ether and then covering his mouth and nose with it and waiting for Sager to go limp. I guess that would've resulted in a fine for the Big Ticket.

LotharBot, I saw that game too, hilarious stuff. There were a couple of moments towards the end where Andre Miller forgot he was old, and tried to do some CP3 dribbling before losing the ball. I'll see if I can find a video. Even after that, the announcers were still saying w time running down that the ball had to go through Miller.

If anybody has pictures they want to provide a link to, I'm gonna try to whip a Worst of the Weekend together.

Anonymous JJ said...
Lakers getting D'Antoni??? I'm not sure what's worse. The rumor that Phil Jackson got greedy and wanted executive control (when Kupchak seems to be doing a pretty good job) so it didn't work out. Or that Lakers decided to settle so quickly on D'Antoni whom I doubt will take Lakers to the next level.

Blogger Wormboy said...
My bet is that Phil over-reached with the executive control thing. Stupid. Just tell him no and that he gets to coach four hall-of-famers at once, with crazy stipulations about letting his assistant coach against bad road teams. Still a great deal all-around.

Can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to see the Lakers screw it up.

@Glenn: my wife and I have been trading that line for years. One of the all time best Simpsons scenes, along with this:

Mr. Burns: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

Smithers: "You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir."

Sadly, I couldn't find this latter bit on youtube. keyboal











Whoops, sorry, my bad. This:

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