I know I said I'd post Monday, but there were some picture issues to resolve. Hopefully, however, you find this to be worth the wait:
I present to you our submission from Jason (who's Bawful persona is custom made to adopt the surname of Voorhees, complete with the hockey mask pic and...whatever it was Jason carried around to kill people...This dude may have the stuff. He already has one vote (mine), which fortunately for him is worth 10 (maybe 20)...
...anyway, enjoy this. I laughed out loud several times.
The 2011-2012 NBA Regular Season
The abbreviated NBA season has come and gone we (most of the Heat hating public) are left in a rage filled semi daze. The Miami Heat are two days removed from hoisting their second NBA Championship. Lebron has quieted the naysayers (except for most of the Bron hating public), and thousands of Chris Bosh related gifs have launched onto the interwebs. As I write this, I sit alone, in a dimly lit room, hoody pulled overhead, with an empty bottle of Captain Morgan by my side, wondering what went wrong. The bad guys won, justice was not served, and the evil empire has begun their reign of terror on the world.
Pictured: Pure. Fucking. Evil.
The 2011-2012 NBA season finally began after the new collective bargaining agreement was signed. We fans missed 16 games as the players union and the owners struck out a new deal. During that time players were not allowed access to NBA facilities, spawning YouTube mixes of John Wall and Brandon Jennings crossing over a bunch of no names on blacktops across America. The only thing we had to look forward to were highlights from the Drew League and the occasional yet hilarious Michal Jordan outfit.
During the offseason, Mike Brown, Mark Jackson, and Lawrence Frank were hired as head coaches…Yes, that actually happened. Wikipedia confirmed it. In December, Lord Stern famously nixed a three way deal between the Lakers, Hornets, and Rockets that would have sent Chris Paul from the league owned Hornets to the Lakers. In the aftermath, Lamar “The Lamb” Odom was so distraught at the thought of the Lakers trading him, that he…um...demanded a trade. David Stern later sited “Basketball reasons” as to why he canceled the deal.
Bow before me
Christmas rolls around and we are treated to a rematch of last season’s finals. The Dallas Mavericks versus the Miami Heat.
Please allow me to vent for a moment.
I am a lifelong Maverick fan. I have had to endure years of embarrassments and ridicules as I watch my hometown team get bounced in the first or second round eight times out of eleven years (2001-2011). In 2011 we finally climb that mountain, we overcame that hurdle. The Mavs made one of the more impressive runs in recent memory. Dirk and the little Mavs defeated Lamarcus Aldridge, Andrew Bynum, Pau Gasol, Kobe Bryant, James Harden, Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant, Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, and Lebron James. All while claiming the ultimate prize over the same team that stole it from them five years earlier. It was one of the most beautiful sports moments that I have ever known. An event that will live in my heart forever…And then this guy happened…
If I call everyone stupid, maybe I’ll look smart
Mark Cuban let Tyson Chandler, Caron Butler, JJ Barea, Deshawn Stevenson, and Corey Brewer all walk away, so that the Mavs could have a chance to acquire Deron Williams and Dwight Howard. By doing so, the Mavs Cuban threw up the white flag without even attempting a title defense. Markey Mark tries to save face by accepting a freshly butt hurt Lamb Odom from the Lakers. FUCK!!!
EDIT: I forgot to mention one key free agent that the Mavs managed to resign over the summer.
Don’t worry Mavs fans, I got this one.
The mavericks proceed to get steamrolled by the Heat on opening day, setting up the theme for the rest of the season.
Chris Paul eventually made his way to Los Angeles. Only this time it'd be for the other pro basketball team. A team so filled will flubs, follies, and fuck ups, that they could have their own wing in the Bawful Hall O Shame. Blake griffin was seen on video dancing in joy at the news of his newest teammate's pending arrival. Lob City was born. Chris Paul turned the Clippers from joke to contender overnight. Fans, new and old started to pour out of the woodworks. And due to the rise in national TV games, I realized that the corpse of Brian Cook was still in the NBA. In his unofficial rookie season, Blake Griffin was beloved, he could do no wrong. This past season, he has received harsh criticism about his game (rightfully so at times) and honestly, he really does himself no favors. I mean, I didn’t think that Chris Paul would ever have a teammate that could manage out flop him. Not to mention, work the refs the entire game yet hardly see a technical called against him. I submit to you, the many faces of Blake Griffin:
Jeremy Lin saved the Knicks. Maybe not literally anyway. The Knicks weren’t on a Sacramento Kings-esque brink of leaving town or anything. But he did save the season. As of February 4, 2012 the Knicks were 9-15 and had dropped 11 out of their last 13 games. The two wins coming against the Detroit Pistons and the Charlotte Bobcats. New York’s Big Three didn’t seem to be working out and the only thing bigger than Mike D’Antoni’s teeth were the beads of sweat on this forming on his forehead. After nearly being waived, Lin burst onto the national scene with a 25 point explosion against the Deron Williams and the New Jersey Nets. He followed that up with a 28 point outing against the Jazz, and a 23 point game against the Wizards. Before his game against the Lakers, Kobe Bryant stated “I don’t even know what he’s done” Oooohhh Snap son!!!.... But in fairness I don’t think this was some form of psychological gamesmanship on Kobe’s part. I don’t think he or any of the other Lakers knew a damn thing about him. There’s no way they could have, judging by the way Lin sliced up the defense the way he did. That or Mike Brown is just that bad of a coach…
Just play it cool and maybe they won’t realize I don’t really know what I’m doing.
After a six game losing streak in March, Mike D. was fired decided to resign as head coach of the Knicks. Seems like not even Linsanity could prevent the looming termination resignation. The only bawful thing about Jeremy Lin’s season was that it had to end so abruptly. (That and the excessive turnovers) News came of a torn meniscus and that was the end of Linsanity, for now anyway.
I’ve had the unfortunate fortune of rooting for some truly pathetic Mavericks teams. Particularly during the 90’s. But something should be said for anyone who was a season ticket holder for the Charlotte Bobcats. They should be given some type of award. Or possibly a charitable donation. The Billy Crystal Fund for Fans of Horrible Franchises. Bad, terrible, pathetic. These words just don’t seem to do this team justice. We may need to create a new word. Megasucktastic. Ubershit. Facepalmerific. This team has mastered failure in a way we have never seen before. They’re the MacGyver of failure. When you enter the season as Corey Maggette as your leading scorer, you’re in for some dark days. Not only were the Queen City Kitties losing, they were losing by league leading margins. (-13.9 point differential). Yikes. Btw, can someone please explain to me how Boris Diaw can come into that league playing small forward as a rookie, and then ends up playing center by his 9th season. I know crepes are delicious and all, but geez. Seeing as how all of their suckage didn’t win them the number 1 overall pick in the 2012 draft, I think bawful should bestow them the honor of having their logo enshrined to the collage on the home page.
The lockout ended, David Stern flexed his muscles, The Clippers were relevant, We saw a spike in “Lin” related words, and the Bobcats showed us the true meaning of bawful. All in all, this was one of the more memorable NBA regular seasons. Even for the lone fact that we had professional basketball every night. (Excluding all Bobcats, Pistons, Kings, and Wizards games). Stay tuned for my review of the 2011-2012 NBA Playoffs.