"Oh God he's talking about his neckties again..."

A couple of extremely bawful stories are up on Deadspin right now:

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I will hang you out to dry on my clothesline!"

Kris is apparently happy at this point to have any physical contact with a human being

"Gah! His beard is like a Brillo pad!"

Might want to check the color of Marresse Speights' shorts after this...

Nationally Televised Games:

Lakers at Celtics, TNT, 8:00pm: Heads-up for anyone who missed it: Larry Bird was on Bill Simmons' podcast this week.

Thunder at Kings, TNT, 10:30pm: Since 2008-09, Kevin Durant is averaging 32.8 points at Power Balance Pavilion. Obviously it's the magic of Power Balance helping him make his shots.

Also, via Chris, John Salmons clothing line! John Salmons clothing line! No word on whether they only look really good in a contract year.

All The Other Games:

Warriors at Nuggets, 9:00pm: (looks at Denver's list of injuries) When did this team turn into the new Frail Blazers???

Rockets at Suns, 9:00pm: If the Suns win tonight, it'll be only their second back-to-back home win situation of the season. Free Steve Nash.


Anonymous Silvio said...
Celtics are good in preventing fast breaks They're dead last in offensive rebound (8.8, more than 20% less than league average of 11.1), it is by design, not being lazy.
Howeevr, that won't good weapon against Lakers, as LA team doesn't intend to run anway, they start two 7-footers plus Fisher-Kobe-Metta that combined must be 120 years old. Lakers are averaging 4.7 fast break points over last 10 games (9.9 over first 15 games, 7.8 for the season).
Gonna be boring 5-on-5 game which suits Lakers. Celtics are going to be overrun ... sorry ... overwalk - unless Rondo gets crazy and produces quadruple double. Yeah, chances are slim for that to happen, so probably easy route for Lakers.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
OK, not Basketball, but does anyone feel like some MMAwful? This has to be one of the stupidest things in the history of professional sports, and I want to share.

First off, Dramatis personæ:

Georges St-Pierre (henceforth to be known as GSP): Current UFC Welterweight champion, he's riding a streak of 8 straight title defense (not far behind the record) and is arguably the most well-rounded martial artist in the history of the sport.

Nick Diaz: Strikeforce Welterweight champion, recently returned to the UFC. tough as nails, spectacular volume puncher, outspoken stoner.

Carlos Condit: Former WEC Welterweight champion, primarily a Muay-Thai fighter, exciting finisher with 28 wins, only 2 via decision.

So here's how it went:
Nick was supposed to challenge GSP for his belt last October 29th. But he decided to blow off a presser before the fight, and the powers that be got pissed. They decided to give his title shot to Carlos, and have him fight on the co-main event.

However, GSP blew his knee and his fight with Carlos had to be postponed. Nick's fight (against a former contender) was turned into the main event. Nick made short work of his opponent (his opponent was short, and Nick went to work) and called out GSP after the fight.

The official version is that GSP was upset and asked to the powers that be to fight Nick instead of Carlos, and Carlos agreed to waive his shot. My version is that it was all a publicity stunt.

Either way, the showdown was set for last Saturday.

But GSP aggravated his knee injury and had to get surgery.

So they decided on an interim title. Carlos vs Nick. Two exciting strikers going to war. Fans were excited, Bookies were excited, I was excited.

But Carlos' camp had different plans. Instead of slugging it out with Diaz, he chose to put on a clinic of movement and kicking, abusing Nick's legs and not staying in one place for Nick to throw combinations at him. He won a unanimous decision as a significant underdog.

Once the winner was announced, Nick complained about the rules and announced his retirement. Numerous fans and pundits complained about the decision, Carlos' tactics, and the sand in their vaginas.

With nothing to gain and everything to lose, Condit's camp offered Diaz a rematch. heel-dragging ensued. Confusion followed.

And today the reason became clear. Diaz's urine sample tested positive for THC. The moron couldn't even stay sober while training for a title fight, and whined after he lost it.

The whole thing is so stupid it makes Javale McGee look like Newton by comparison.

Blogger kazam92 said...
Shall we begin the All-Star reserve debates?

Roy Hibbert is the Magloire of this all star game, yet the Center position is so weak, he's the right pick.

The East has only one PF (Bosh). Josh Smith is an idiot (why do you shoot threes????), but he should've gotten the nod over his overpaid friend.

Luol Deng? Really? He's a nice player, but he's had better years in the past (Scoring, FG% are down). Why pick him now?

I hate Paul Pierce more than anyone else in the NBA, but I can't deny how he picked up the assist and rebounding slack in Rondo's absence. Still his Efficiency this year leaves a bit to be desired.

Jennings was a pretty bad snub.

As for the West, many are up in arms about Rudy Gay and rightly so. Dirk has no business on that team (that has a glut at PF anyways).

I fail to see why the TNT crew is bitching about Nash. He's 38 and shooting 56% from the field while maintaining his MVP numbers. It's an all-star game. Not a "nice role players on top 3 seeded teams" game.

Also feel bad for the Jazz. Millsap and Jefferson have been nice.


Anonymous Silvio said...
Lakers are bawful, they barely won C's (overtime 88-87, 175 points only in 53 minutes) ... and it's not all Kobe's fault - other players are so static in offense. It is unclear if they're not moving because they're sure Kobe would shoot anyway, or he shoots because they're covered all the time (I am not talking based only on this game, it is recurring theme). Who would know, was chicken first or it was egg? After rethinking: Mike Brown was first, guy doesn't know anything about basketball, maybe only something about ball (namely, its shape and color).
Metta is so bad, Barnes is out of form, yet zillion times better than fatass.
If not for some nice 2nd chance points by Gasol and Bynum they'd actually lose to bawful Celtics (that are great matchup for them). Old men can't jump, KG and JON are so pathetic to the point that Derek Fisher won jumpball versus Garnett.
In short, Lakers are in so bad shape that playing Steve Blake for 32 minutes had neutral effect on them (most teams it would damage unrecoverably). It means they had crossed the Godzilla Threshold.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Suns were up in Q1 all the time, and when I glanced at game again, I saw Rockets are up 43-32 in Q2. WTF? I looked into boxscore - Steve Nash's backup Telfair managed to amass +/- of -14 in his 6 1/2 1st half minutes. At same moment (middle of Q2), Goran Dragic was at +/- of +14. Irony being Suns in fact traded useful Dragic plus 1st round pick to Rockets for Aaron Brooks.
Suns lost game where Nash was at +/- of +12, he and Dragic (year ago pair of Phoenix PGs) combined for +/- of +39 and 24 assists (Dragic 11), while Brooks is injured all the time. Well, that's some even-worse-than-Steve-Kerr management. I believed it's impossible to reach such level of bawfulagement, but it seems nothing is impossible if one tries really hard.

Blogger Paul said...
Celtics 5 free throw attempts??? !!
I'm not even gonna ask why they lost.

Anonymous John said...
"Pau Gasol stuffs Jesus for the win". Now there's a headline...

Blogger Bing said...
Cannnnnnnn....... I take the voodoo needles out of my Pau doll? Dude was solid against the Cs today.

Anonymous Matt said...
Not to sound like a Pissed-Ons homer, but I think Monroe is having a better season than Hibbert (up to this point, at least).

More PPG, better shooting percentage (from the field and the line), more APG, and about one more steal per game.

Their turnovers are about the same, rebounds are almost identical and they play about the same number of minutes. Hibbert blocks over one more shot per game, but that's about the only place where he has an edge.

Still, I wouldn't consider either of them an All-Star, but I'd certainly rather have Monroe on my team going forward as opposed to Hibbert.

Anonymous Team_BC said...
@Silvio--Not only is Brooks injured all the time, he's in CHINA!!! Sarver is such an idiot. FSN!

Anonymous Stockton said...
I was thinking about Hibbert, and he is in fact the best center in the East (Howard aside).
He's ok, I guess...

Point is: how bad is this League when an "ok guy" is an indisputable all-star?

And Dirk? C'mon... I love the guy, but seriously?

Blogger kazam92 said...
Matt. Monroe is a very very good young big man. I think he's easily better than Roy.

But alas, the All-Star game is more about being an ok player on a good team than a great player on a terrible team, which I think is asinine, but whatever.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Prediction - there will be no worst of the night because the Celtics got bitch-slapped at home, with Kevin Garnett taking home the "I'm a useless chucker" trophy to the tune of 6-23.

Anonymous ada said...
Their turnovers are about the same, rebounds are almost identical and they play about the same number of minutes. Hibbert blocks over one more shot per game, but that's about the only place where he has an edge.

Hibbert also plays for a winning team that actually warrants some representation at the all star game. An all star coming from a .259 team better be pretty spectacular. Monroe doesn't deserve to be an all star just for being the shiniest turd in the pile of shit that is the Detroit Pistons.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Oh, thanks, Team_BC. Brooks is in China.
I see he's not around, so I assumed he's injured. My bad.

Anonymous Matt said...
Believe me, I'm not saying that it would be a travesty if Hibbert makes the All-Star team ahead of Monroe (the only travesty is that one of them has to make the team), but to say that someone is an All-Star because he has better teammates is almost as dumb as the MLB All-Star game requiring that every team be represented.

I know that kazam isn't saying that, but to think that anybody's teammates should impact their All-Star candidacy is foolishness.

Of course, that kind of thing happens all the time (especially with MVP voting), so I can't be surprised that some people think it's a viable point of view.

Anonymous Matt said...
Also, what is that flying off of Humphries' chin? Saliva? Sweat? And whose was it?