The Orlando Magic: Seriously, Orlando Magic? Seriously? This game was so ugly for the Celtics I stopped watching in disgust part way into the third quarter when Paul Pierce and, like, three Celtics I barely recognized were running around like little, headless chickens. Later, I texted a friend something along the lines of "Fuckin' Celtics" and receilved the following reply:

Celtics won.

(Actually, the reply said "Clerics won." Thank you, Autocorrect.)

I was stunned beyond words. And so were the Basketbawful faithful:

You wanna talk bawful? Orlando has blown a 27-point lead and is now down 3 with 7:33 to go, to the Boston Geezers-I mean, Celtics. Can the Magic successfully turn this into a loss, and snatch wretched defeat from the jaws of a blowout? Stay tuned! Glen Davis is currently building his CV, he apparently is interested in switching careers from "professional cryer/eater" to "master bricklayer".
--The Other Chris

This is a truly auspicious and magnificent bawfulcomplishment by the Magicians. Their last possession featured Hedo "Ball" Turkopoopoo dribbling around aimlessly for a while, almost turning the ball over, and then getting his terrible 20-footer blocked as the shot clock expired. The Celtics defence is fantastic, but ye gods the Orlando offense is.. well, offensive.
--The Other Chris (again)

The Celtics were behind 58-37 at halftime. They proceed to dominate in the fourth quarter 27-8, with Orlando only scoring 5 points for the first 11:15 of the 4th. No, none of these are typos. And did anyone else witness that great moment in inbounding with about 30 seconds left? :D

Oops I Did It Again should become the Magic's official team song.

Magic are up 27 points Vs. the Celtics and end up losing by 8. I'm sure Dwight is just itching to sign a long term deal with them after this crap. And oh yea, guess Kryptonite isn't the only green thing that can stop Dwight Howard.

Magic's FG% was way too high this game. If they really want to out do their previous bawful effort, they need to suck for full 48 minutes instead of pretending to play for first 2 quarters. Seriously though, sad Orlando is sad.
You wanna talk bawful fail of epictacular proporations? Boston ripped off a 15-1 run to start the fourth quarter. During that montage of crap, Orlando shot 0-for-7 from the field, went 1-for-6 at the free throw line, and bumbled the ball alway three times.

That 27-point choke was the Magician's biggest gag-job since losing a 22-point lead to the Mavericks...back in 2001.

Did I mention that the Celtics were still without Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen? (And Jermain "The Drain" O'Neal for that matter.) Or that Boston rookie E'Twaun Moore scored as many points (16) as Dwight Howard?

Said Stan Van Grumpy: "Their pressure, again, really pushed us sideways. We got frustrated with the officials and we got totally off our game."

Frustrated with the officials. Despite a 31-19 free throw advantage. And Boston's last eight FTAs were forced fouls. I'm just sayin'.

More facts from ESPN Stats and Information:

The Boston Celtics overcame a 27-point deficit to beat the Orlando Magic on Thursday, the largest deficit the Celtics have overcome and the largest lead the Magic have blown in any game in the past 16 seasons (as far back as we can go).

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, NBA teams had won their previous 282 games in which they led by at least 27 points, dating to December 21, 2009.

This comes three nights after the Magic scored a franchise-low 56 points on a franchise-low 24.6 percent shooting -- in another loss to the Celtics. Orlando scored 58 points in the first half alone on Thursday, but the second half more resembled Monday’s awful performance.

Elias tells us the Celtics allowed only 45 second-half points over their past two games combined: 20 on Monday and 25 on Thursday, both against the Magic. That’s the fewest second-half points allowed over a two-game span in the NBA’s shot-clock era. The previous low was 46 second-half points allowed over a two-game span by Detroit in 2003-04.

Orlando led 32-16 after the first quarter, but scored fewer points in each successive quarter, tallying just eight in the fourth. That’s the fewest fourth-quarter points they’ve scored in the past 15 seasons.

The Magic are averaging just 69.5 points per game in two games against the Celtics this season and 97.3 ppg in their other 16 games.

Lastly, Elias tells us that it’s just the third time in the shot-clock era that an NBA team scored more points in the first half than they did in the entire game in their previous matchup against that team that season.
Said Howard: "We thought it was going to be easy after the first two quarters."

And this is also why you fail:

Kevin Garnett, quote machine: Two words: Bar fight.

The Memphis Grizzlies: Let's see:

35.7 percent shooting? Check.

Giving up 24 points off 17 turnovers? Check.

Yeah, that'll earn you a loss on the road against the Clippers.

Said Care Bears coach Lionel Hollins: "We couldn't get any stops down the stretch. We were within three, and every time they came back down, they got it back to five. We never got a stop where we could get a chance to take the lead."

Huh. I guess I see what he's sayin'...but when your team shoots less than 36 percent from the field and gives the opposition a quarter of their points by throwing the ball away, your down-the-stretch defense is probably the least of your problems.

Rudy Gay, "I'm not givin' the other guys any credit" machine: "None of it was their defense. It was us. I mean, they do have some long athletic big men that alter a couple of shots. But for the most part, we were getting good shots and just weren't knocking them down."

Chris' One-Line Lacktion Ledger: Greg Stiemsma barely assisted with Boston's big comeback, putting up a paltry assist and two blocks in 7:18 that were easily countered by a turnover and four fouls for a 5:0 Voskuhl.

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Anonymous JJ said...
I thought previous Orlando-Celtics game was going to be the most bawful game this season. But, thank you Orlando for reminding me that things can always go even more downhill so we can look forward to many more bawful games.

Blogger kazam92 said...
God I hate KG so much

Anonymous Bond said...
I knew Pau Gasol was a big pussy, but not this literally...


Anonymous Czernobog said...
Bond, I can't be sure from the gif, but it does look like Griffin picked his pivot foot before dribbling, which would make Gasol correct.

Anonymous Bond said...
I don't doubt he was right, its just his dramatic way of object reminded me of a little kid playing a cat (hence: Big Pussy). It just made me chuckle.

Besides, they never call travel in the NBA.

Blogger stephanie g said...
The Memphis throwback uniforms were so hideous that Stern retroactively removed their Western conference semi-finals appearance from last year. Now the Spurs lost to OKC in a gritty seven game series.

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
To be fair Gasol was motioning to the unseen ref that Blake double dribbled and that was his handmotion.

It does look pretty funny from that angle though.

Blogger JohnSmith said...
E'Twaun Moore.

An apostrophe is supposed to replace a letter (or a sound), am I right?

I'm = I am; should've = should have;
your/ur/you're = you are (sorry, couldn't....eeerrm...COULD NOT help)


Any guesses what this missing letter/sound could be?

Blogger Mean1 said...
Wow, KG has turned into Mike Epps from Friday After Next. "Bar fight, Craig!"

Anonymous Robert M said...
Czern, Gasol tips the ball away from Griffin, who then gets the ball, sets, then starts his dribble towards the basket. Totally within the rules, but it WAS hard to see Gasol's tip on the ball. Oddly enough, the Laker announcers noticed it immediately and commented that Gasol shouldn't be complaining, and that he should have known better since he was the one to tip it.

Anonymous Jabari said...
Um, can we PLEASE free Steve Nash now?

(Not too many comebacks from 40 down with 2 minutes left, I'm afraid...)

Anonymous Reid said...
Well Orlando and Phoenix sure didn't show up friday night...

I don't know what part of the phoenix-portland game was worse; the suns following a 9 pt 2nd quarter up with a 12 pt 3rd quarter or letting Marcus Camby get 20 boards in 23:40 of playing time.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
As a Blazer fan, I'd just like to say FREE STEVE NASH!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Finally i understand why Orlando is the "Magic", they disappeared a 27 point lead, that's MAGIC!!

Anonymous Silvio said...
Gasol is flopping and whining, when his right and when he's not. Most of Spanish players do. In fact, he's one of lesser offender among them. I suppose they teach them so in basketball school. I mean specifically Spanish, not all European, but of course some non-Spanish too.
So what? It doesn't take away from him being one of the all-time great and future hall of famer.

Anonymous Silvio said...
First game was
Bobcraps lost 72-89 at 76ers
were down by 26 already in Q2 ... though Sixers were not even playing seriously. Rest of game was formality.
Give MJ roster of 12 all stars (for sake of argument let's assume there' no salary cap). Through trades/draft in 3 seasons he'll make it be lottery team. Give him 3 more seasons and he'll transform it into bawful team, almost as bawful as current Bobcraps.

Last game was
Thunder 120-109 @Warriors
Was not game of some quality ... but it was ... dynamic. I mean, guys moved around like real basketball player ... not as in those bawfully boring East games where players move like un-ninjed ninja turtles.

* un-ninjed ninja turtle
ninja = big
turtle = slow
un-ninjed = no mojo, being it stollen or whatever other reason
to play like un-ninjed ninja turtle = to play like Orlando Tragic team plays currently ... or like Jermain O'Neal plays all the time

In between there was 11 games, tried to watch some of it, but it's insane, too many of it.
I only remember Bricks were competitive at Cheaters, not so much thanks to Carmela's absence, but more thanks to insane good 3-points shooting.
And Rubio had double-double again, while his countrymen Fernandez finally had good game, 23 points on 9-11 shooting with five 3-pointers. He'll have another good one ... in April, or maybe in March already.
Detroit Chokers led by 6 with 39 seconds to go - only to allow Hawks two 3-pointers in last two possessions. Then Chokers lost in overtime, of course.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Said New Orleans GM Dell Demps : "We had a conversation with Chris and expressed that the Hornets are going in a different direction. We mutually decided for a number of reason that we are not going to play Chris as we pursue a trade. Chris has been the ultimate professional during this process and we thank him for the way he has handled the situation."
So, David Stern owned Hornets traded away best PG in the world for 2 good players plus some bawful fill-ins. Now out of those two good ones, Gordon is injured all the time, while Kaman is healthy scratch in foreseeable future. And yeah, over summer they lost second best player (David West) through free agency. What a management, students should learn from it. I mean, those with clinical psychology as a major.
Still not Isiah-bawful managing ... but rapidly catching up with MJ.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Looked into boxscores now:

Nyets won 99-96, but scored only 26 points in the paint to 50 by Cadavers. Guards Deron (27 pts), Morrow (22) and Farmar (11) scored 60-of-99 Nyets points. Such strategy worked vs poor Cleveland, but I doubt it brings long run success.

Houston 41 points out of Generals' season-high 24 turnovers (WAS 19 pts from 16 TO). Though w/o late scratch Kevin Martin - Rockets won by 27, 2nd half 59-35. I don't know why Rockets can't play good for all 48 minutes ... or at least, suck for all 48 minutes.
nba.com The Wizards trailed by only two points, 57-55, just past the midway point of the third period before Houston finished the quarter on a 21-7 run to put the game out of reach.
Generals should change coach, it must be their main problem.

Bricks only 5 points from turnovers, Cheaters 26. Basically game was. NYK 3-pointer, MIA dunk, NYK turnover, MIA dunk - and slowly but surely Cheaters built cushion. Wade dunked too, and with ease, he didn't look injured to me at all. Carmela is probably not injured either, she shot 40-126 over previous 6 games, so probably simply was afraid to suck even more vs Crab King = Anthony - DNP - Lebronitis.
Bricks 14 points in the paint, Amare scored 2 points in 1st half, missed first 5 shots.

Orlando Tragic, team with Dwight Howard and Big Baby: points in paint 24 to 46 by Hornets.
Hornets carried 9 game losing streak into game, also losing 15 of last 16 games ... yet they destroyed Orlando by 26 point difference. So much of a mess Tragic is now.

In Blazers 38-point win over Suns stats must be one-sided, but this is kind of bizarre: Blazers scored 19 second-chance points, the Suns none.

Points in the paint: Thunder 50, Warriors 22, free throws OKC 32, GSW 15 -o from three point land + long jumpers: OKC 38, GSW 72. Warriors possess potential, only if they'd have coach. I mean on paper they have one, but ... you know what I mean.

I remembered two more things from a mess of watching multiple games at same time:
Al Harrington and Kleiza started altercation and kind of a mini-brawl with 30 seconds to go and Nuggets 15 points up. Game lasted some 10 minutes more because of it. Perhaps they're payed by hour.

Dirk jumping and cheering after Yi posterized Kanter. He looks better wearing suit than in uniform. And definitely better than in a white robe while dramatically reading. Anyway, I want to say, obviously he's not really injured, he's just resting. That's what this insane schedule does to old people.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Congratulations to the Magicians for continuing to turn the suck up waaaay past 11 by getting blown out, again, by.. the New Orleans Hornets?!? Without Eric Gordon?

Are you fucking fisting me?

Enjoy the lottery once Dwight Howard leaves this bloated mess of a team.

Howard for Bynum, Goudelock, Ebanks, Morris and some bags of money. Do it, the world needs a Laker evil empire to hate... something doesn't feel right with them being so mediocore.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Silvio, I've got a story to relate to you that's pretty much the epitome of Basketbawful. One of our sports journalists here in Israel was on the u19 national team before he tore his ACL and pretty much retired. He wrote this not too long ago about one of the drills they ran in NT practice - The coach would line all the players up and he and an assistant would walk in front of and occasionally tap one of them on the chest by surprise. Upon contact, they player who was touched had to "sell the contact" by flopping on the ground. If the act wasn't convincing enough, they'd do it again and again.

That same coach is now our actual National team's coach, after doing a stint in Belgium.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Also, Silvio, I'm pretty tired of repeating this, but here goes: The Hornets traded for expiring contracts. The league is trying to sell the franchise, which is why they want as small a payroll as possible.

The Chris Paul trade wasn't just good, it was fucking brilliant.

Blogger Brian said...
"According to the Elias Sports Bureau, NBA teams had won their previous 282 games in which they led by at least 27 points, dating to December 21, 2009."

I knew exactly which game they were referring to when I read this.


Why? Because it still pisses me off. Thanks for reopening that wound.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Given these bizarre accidents, I'm feeling less critical of Carolos Boozer than I once was:


Anonymous David said...
As a Warriors fan in a place far, far away I say trade Monta. J-Rich was supposedly traded so he could have room to develop - If I could go back in time and become the Warriors GM at the time Richardson was traded for Brandan mother****ing Wright I would have traded Monta for a conditional second round pick instead.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Finally, one day I have time to look into matchups BEFORE tip-off. Kids and wife are out, some neighborhood child having birthday party. They don't call me anymore. Why? Imagine dr. House coming to children birthday party - he would probably insult kids and inevitably make them cry. Exactly. They don't invite me anymore to such events.

What a treat today. Generals at Bobcraps. Bottom of the bottom of the bottom of the barrel. Two teams that are combined 6-39. It's 5-39 if we don't count in Generals win over very same Bobcraps 3 days ago, unfortunately one team had to win in that one. And one of those two teams have to win today. :sad:
In last 3 games without DJ Augustin Bobcats are scoring 75 points on average. I told you so. In same period they allowed 97 point per game - which is in line with their season average of 101 point allowed. In short, w/ DJ 91-101, w/o him 75-97, it get even worse when it looked there is no way it could. I told you so.
Another win for new Generals' coach? Not so fast. Wizards are 0-8 on the road, only team out of 30 with no road win this seasons (Bobcraps, Piss-Ons, Clippers and Lakers all already nabbed 1 road win) . With last seasons' historically bawful 3-38 on the road, Generals now won 3 times in last 49 road game. After tonight's game they'll be either at 6.00%, either at 8.00% road wins over last 50 games. Either way: they suck on the road, are megabawful road team.

New York Bricks lost 8 of last 9 games and are now 10th in East standings, half a win behind Bucks and Cadavers and half a win ahead of Nyets. In company of Cadavers and Nyets, please let someone calculates "return of investment" in A''''''''mare and Melo.
If Bricks (as expected) lose at Houston tonight, they'll be at 7-13, identical score as Nyets. And as Nyets host lowly Craptors sans Bargnani at Sunday, in less than 48 hours Brooklyn Nyets could be NY team with best current record.

Sixers are 9-2 at home and Pistons are 1-8 on the road (sole win came againt Bobcraps, of course).
But 76ers are without starting center Hawes for some 2 weeks now and w/o his backup Vucevic for few games now. In that period came one of two home losses, shocking overtime loss to Nyets. Still, I doubt Sixers would shoot themselves in leg for 2nd time in short period, so probably nothing to see here, this should be ueber-boring game ... unless 76ers overlook Piss-ons, then we might have a game.

Bucks are 4-2 at home. Lakers are 1-6 on the road.
But Bogut is out again (multiple weeks this time) and without him Bucks defense was god damn awful last night. Rose torched them for 34 points, Boozer added 20 and even w/o Deng and Hamilton Bulls scored 107 on them. Bucks scored 100 point versus highly ranked Chicago defense, yet lost relatively easy. Go figure.
In any case - Go Bucks. I'd say "Go Lakers" only in case if they'd play vs themselves. Plus I like Skiles.

Suns lost 8 of their last 10 games, they won Bricks (so what, everyone did it lately, even Bobcraps) and Celtics (in their first game w/o Rondo). Phoenicians are averaging 83 points over last 4 games since those wins. Suns are now bellow 100 points per 100 possession for first times in many years, they're actually bottom 10 offense. And they play Grizzlies - not top defense, but still in top 10. Slugfest. Clankfest. Long gone are days when before game between this 2 teams we expected 230 point and hoped for 250.

Excremento Kings are 2-9 on the road, 6th worst road record, and Jazz (that are also bad on the road, see yesterday's spanking from Dirkless Mavs that very early in the game lost Jason Kidd too) are unexpectedly great at home, 8-3.
Probably another game where bawful Sacto defense (allowing sick high 117 points average over last 3 games) is easily dismantled. But another game where home team could overlook poor visitors and thus make things somehow interesting.

Blogger Bing said...
Bynum was great (again) vs the Clips. Dunno if I really want Dwight to come and gut what's left of the Lakers.

Blogger Colorful_queen said...
Too tired to write. And am boring to death anyway.

But must post link for Tyreke Evans' monster dunk, for those that didn't watch the game
Tyreke Evans Explodes to the Rim

Tyreke: 31 Pts, 6 Reb, 9 Ast
Jazz led by 13, but then almost gave away game with very bawful Q4.

Blogger Wormboy said...
"When asked if [Antoine] Walker still showcased his famous shimmy on 3-point attempts, Livingston said, “We haven’t seen it this season because he’s only shooting 15 percent from the 3-point line.”



Anonymous Sturla said...
Looks like lack of loyalty runs in the Boozer family...

Anonymous Kenneth said...
Bawful, Friday and Saturday the Rockets hosted the Wizards and Knicks, respectively. Matadors use game film of the Wizards and Knicks playing defense to take their game to the next level.

Blogger chris said...
Brian: Too bad for my Paupers that that game was a total fluke. Le sigh.

Anonymous grizzly said...
Best Free throw ever