"No more jumpers, Tyrus. Do you hear me? Tyrus? Hello...?"
The Indiana Pacers: One night after the worst offensive performance in franchise history, the Magic blew out of the Pacers in Indiana. In the process, Dwight Howard becamse Orlando's all-time leading scorer.
Said Pumaman: "It's a humbling experience. It does mean a lot. Not too many players in this league can say that they were their franchise's leading scorer."
And even fewer players can say it happened while they had an outstanding "Trade me the hell out of here!" request with said franshise.
As for the Pacers, they shot 39 percent, went 3-for-11 from downtown and committed 19 turnovers. But remember: They are, according to Roy Hibbert, the NBA's best kept secret. So we should assume this all part of the team's plan to remain shrouded in a cloak of mystery.
Said Paul George: "We just have to take this loss and move on. It's a long season. We must continue to grow and help each other."
Good luck with that, Paul. You check the schedule lately? Your next three games are at Chicago tonight, at Boston on Friday and at Orlando on Saturday. I'm just sayin'.
The Charlotte Bobcraps: The good news: Charlotte held Carmelo Anthony to a career-worst 1 point last night...and that single, solitary, sad point was scored via a technical free throw. So it's safe to say his ass got shut the hell down.
The bad news: The Bobcraps lost by 33 points anyway. In Charlotte.
Charlotte shot 33 percent and made Tyson Chandler (20 points and 17 boards) look like Dwight Howard.
Said Byron Mullens: "It's a (self-) check. I didn't come out to play. Tyson Chandler had 17 rebounds. That can't happen. I'll take full responsibility for that."
Said Bobcraps soon-to-be-fired coach Paul Silas: "I didn't like our softness. Eight offensive rebounds? That says we didn't play hard or tough. If I'm a 7-foot guy, do I let a guard push me under the basket? I tell these guys, 'You're coming out if you do that again.' There's not much else to say.
"We just didn't have enough. We had really two players that played tonight, that's Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson. I think Brown scored a little bit there at the end but that was it. When Carmelo Anthony goes 0 for 7, come on, you know? We should at least be in the game."
Carmelo Anthony: Here's some historical perspective on 'Melo's 1-point outing courtesy of ESPN Stats and Information:
From Elias: Carmelo Anthony did not make a field goal yet his Knicks won by 33 points. It's just the 5th time since the ABA-NBA merger in which a player was 0-7 from the field and that player's team won by at least 33 points:
Gerald Wallace SAC 0-9 2001-02 Johnny Davis POR 0-9 1976-77 Carmelo Anthony NY 0-7 Tuesday Troy Hudson MIN 0-7 2004-05 Scott Meents SEA 0-7 1990-91
Melo went 0-7 from the field, the first time in his career that he's played more than 2 minutes and made no field goals. He's had one other game without a field goal, when he sprained his ankle 1:09 into the game in a 101-92 Nets win over the Nuggets on November 28, 2005.
Carmelo Anthony was held scoreless in the first half. It was just the fifth time in 607 career games that Anthony failed to score before halftime.
The Cleveland Cadavers: Dwyane Wade was out, LeBron James had a bad night (8-for-21 with 5 turnovers), and the Cadavers had a legitimate chance of pulling off a win against the cHeat in Miami. Then...Chris Bosh happened:
The RuPaul of Big Men scored 17 of his game-high 35 points in the fourth quarter. He went 10-for-16 from the field and 14-for-14 at the line. It was the third-highest fourth quarter explosion of his career and the 35 points represents his highest scoring output since joining the Nazgul in Miami.
Cleveland lost in part because they were in such a giving mood.
Said Kyrie Irving: "We kind of beat ourselves tonight. We had 22 turnovers and we lost by seven points."
Added Cadavers coach Byron Scott: "Stayed in the game for 48 minutes. And the only thing I'm disappointed in is the fact that we had 22 turnovers. That's killing our young team."
I'm not saying the 22 turnovers didn't hurt. I'm not. But allow me to provide some perspective: Miami committed 18 turnovers and Cleveland scored 22 points off of them. Meanwhile, the Cadavers gave up only 13 points off their 22 turnovers. So, you know, I'm just sayin'.
The Phoenix Suns: Free Steve Nash for fuck's sake! Free him! For the love of God! Please! Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!
Okay. So here's the deal. The Craptors showed up in Phoenix with an eight-game losing streak and one of the bawfulest rosters in the league. What's more, Toronto hadn't beaten the Suns since February 10, 2004, a losing stretch of 14 games.
It looked like that fail streak might reach 15 until the Craptosaurs outscored the Suns 31-19 in the third quarter. Andrea Bargnani, in his return from injury, dropped 18 points over that 12-minute span. Bargs finished with a season-high 36.
Meanwhile, the Phoenix starters combined for five free throws. Total. And Marcin Gortat had all of them.
Said Nash: "Obviously we were struggling for energy, and I think that was the key, especially in that third quarter. They beat us on all the second-effort plays. They made a lot more of the plays, hustling for loose balls or running the floor, little things like that."
Nut-crushing reality: This was Toronto's first win over the Suns since Captain Canada joined the team.
Said Channing Frye: "We're professionals and we have to figure it out, take the criticism and keep moving forward."
In possibly related news, Frye went 1-for-7 from the field.
Added Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "We've got to continue to work. We've got to continue to be united. We've got to continue to try to get better. That's the only thing as a coach that I know how to do.
"There's nobody that's going to quit. We're not going to let anybody quit. We'll continue to try to figure it out and try to turn our season around. Nobody is going to throw in the towel, I know that."
The Minnesota Timberwolves: According to the AP game notes for the Craptors-Suns game: "Entering the game, the only active win streaks longer than the Suns-Raptors were Portland's 16 straight over Minnesota and the Los Angeles Lakers' 15 in a row over Minnesota."
The Memphis Grizzlies: So much for that seven-game winning streak. The Care Bears shot 38 percent from the field and made Marcus Camby (22 rebounds plus 5 blocked shots) look like the second coming of Bill Russell.
It took the Griz more than nine minutes to hit a shot to start the second half, going 0-for-12 during that span of time.
Said Memphis coach Lionel Hollins: "When you're a little bit fatigued, it's hard to keep attacking. You want to settle, and we did settle too much."
Chris' Lacktion Ledger:
Magic-Pacers: Louis Amundson amounted to very little, despite five boards in 13:11 - three fouls and turnovers each led to a 6:5 Voskuhl. Fellow Indiana resident Jeff Pendergraph cashed in after just 85 seconds for a 1.4 trillion!
Cavs-Heat: Ryan Hollins negated a three-point performance in exactly 12 minutes with a quartet of fouls for a 4:3 Voskuhl.
Raptors-Suns: Robin Lopez laid an egg from the field in 3:46 and added two fouls for a +3 and a 2:0 Voskuhl!!