kobe shoes
Worst of the Night is back. You're welcome.

The Boston Celtics: The Celts were playing at a disadvantage. After all, Paul Pierce was sitting out with...

Paul Pierce: ...a bruised right heel. Wait, what? Isn't this the same guy who got cut in half pretty bad right before the 2000-01 season but went on to play all 82 games that year? Does that mean a bruised heal is worse than getting stabbed 11 times in the face, neck, and back and having a bottle smashed over your head? That's it. I'm gonna start taping my heals before playing in my pickup league. But I digress.

The Boston Celtics: So, yeah, Boston was behind the eight ball, considering their starting SF missed the game and their backup SF is out for the season due to heart surgery. Enter Sasha Pavlovic: Starting small forward for the Boston Celtics.

Oh God.

Sasha Pavlovic: His line: 15 minutes, zero points, 4 fouls, -4. On the bright side, he didn't commit a single turnover. Moving on.

The Boston Celtics: So the Green Machine actually shot 51 percent from the field, plus they were +18 in points in the paint, +11 on assists, +10 on the boards, +8 points on the fast break, and they led by as many as 10 points in the fourth quarter. And lost. Mostly 'cause their hands couldn't locate the faces of Toney Douglas (19 points, 8-for-19, +12), Amar''''''e Stoudemire (21 points, 8-for-11, 2-for-2 on threes) and especially Carmelo Anthony (37 points, 10-for-17, 4-for-7 from downtown, 13-for-15 from the line). 'Melo also hit what turned out to be the game-winning free throws with 16.3 seconds left.

And, for a team with a strong veteran presence and championship experience, Boston's attempts to tie the game were pretty poor. And then there was...

Kevin Garnett: Aw, man. Not again.

Kevin Garnett, quote machine: "They seem to have a little swag and confidence behind them. It's good for the city. It's good for the Knicks. I'm going to see how consistent they are with that, but for the most part Carmelo played really well."

Doc Rivers, quote machine: "I thought we were as soft as you could be in the first quarter and then I thought we joined in to the 2011-12 season, and from that point on I was pretty happy with the way we played."

The Dallas Mavericks: After years and years of overpaying -- with his one forway into frugality being letting Steve Nash walk and using the Nash money to sign Erick Dampier -- Mark Cuban finally started pinching some pennies, letting key players from last year's title squad walk (most notably Tyson Chandler and J.J. Barea) and replacing them with Vince Carter and Lamar Odom. Which would have been a freakin' coup in 2005. But it's about to be 2012.

Said Dallas coach Rick Carlisle: "We're going to have to forge an identity with this team; it's a different team. That's work, and it's going to take honesty, and it's not going to be easy."

No kidding. The Heat -- who got clowned by the Mavs in the Finals last season -- punked Cuban's Cowboys on their own home floor. Miami went up by 15 after one quarter, by 21 after two, and led by as many as 35 points in the second half.

How bad was this ass-kickin'? The Heat outscored the Mavericks 18-0 in the paint in the first quarter alone. For the game, they outrebounded the champs 51-31. Oh, and the Floridians had 97 points through three quarters.

Yeah. The Mavs might be missing Chandler. Just a little.

Vince Carter: This excerpt from the AP recap says it all: "[Vince] Carter took Dallas' first two shots, an 18-footer and a layup. Both missed. [Delonte] West started the second half in his place and finished with 10 points. Carter had five points, two rebounds and three assists in 21 minutes."

Let's put it this way. There were Christmas turkeys that have already been digested and shat out that have a better chance of making a comeback than Vinsanity.

Chris Bosh: Despite his team's overpowering win, the league's reigning powerless forward was nowhere to be seen, finishing with 4 point on 2-for-9 shooting in 24 minutes of lacktion. According to ESPN Stats and Information, those were Bosh's fewest points in a game in which he played at least 20 minutes since December 19, 2004 against the New Jersey Nets.

Jason Terry: "Thirty-one years you waited -- 31 years! -- to call your team a champion, ladies and gentlemen. A champion!"

The Los Angeles Lakers: At the moment the Lakers forged a 11-point lead with 3:44 to go, the Bulls were shooting 6-for-41 in the second half. Seriously, Chicago's offense was so stinking it up so bad it shaved half a point off Michael Jordan's career scoring average. Still...

...the Bulls went 6-for-7 in the final three and a half minutes to stun the Lakers on Derrick Rose's Christmas cookie to end all Christmas cookies:

Kobe Bryant: Yes, he had a strong game (28 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 2 steals) and canned a clutch jumper with just under a minute to go despite a bum wrist. But he also made some plays that helped get the Bulls back into it.

Mamba got stripped by Joakim Noah with 3:13 left, and his turnover turned into a breakaway dunk for Luol Deng. Then he committed a foul on Deng with 1:58 left, and Lu knocked down both freebies. He missed an 18-footer with 24 seconds left and followed that up with another (really dumb) foul on Deng, who once again drilled both freebies. On L.A.'s next possession, out of a timeout no less, Kobe's pass was stolen by Deng, leading to Rose's game winner. Then Bryant had his last-second shot stuffed...by Deng.

And here's some extra fodder from ESPN Stats and Information: "Kobe Bryant really struggled in isolation play types against the Bulls, scoring just 6 points on 13 plays. He shot 3-11 including a combined 1-8 on isolations from the top of the key and the right side of the court."

The Orlando Magic: Look, the Thunder are a good team, and they were playing at home, so Orlando's lopsided loss doesn't look all that bad on paper.

But watching it was telling. This team is not together, and Dwight "I demand to be traded" Howard is the reason why. They're going to suck with him. They're going to suck without him. This team is stuck in that dreaded basketball limbo from which there is nearly no escape.

Dwight Howard: 11 points on 4-for-12 shooting, 3-for-8 from the line, 0-for-1 on threes. They're called "motions," and Dwight is goin' through 'em.

David Stern, quote machine: On the Howard situation: "That's the beauty of the soap opera. How it plays out, we'll wait and see."

The Golden State Warriors: Could it be? Are the Clippers no longer who we through they were? In their 105-86 road win over the Warriors, The Other L.A. Team scored 64 points in the second half and played nearly flawless basketball down the stretch. And Chris Paul was awesome, especially in the final four minutes.

Still...they were playing the Golden State Warriors. And according to ESPN Stats and Information: "The Clippers probably wish they could start every year off with the Warriors. They are a perfect 4-0 vs Golden State in season openers winning by an average of 12.3 points. Against the rest of the league, the Clippers are 8 games below .500 and giving up nearly 107 points per game."

So. You know. Let's wait and see.

Chris' Lacktion Report:

Celtics-Knicks: Avery Bradley labeled himself the first lacktator of the 2011-12 season, bricking twice in 8:48 and adding a rejection and turnover for a +4 suck differential. Fellow Bostonian E'Twaun Moore mired himself amongst mushrooms in just four seconds for a Super Mario.

For New York, Bill Walker went to work with one brick from Broadway in 14:43 as well as three giveaways and four fouls for a +8! (Not to mention a Christmas gift of a throat shove by the amiable Kevin Garnett.)

Heat-Mavs: Shane Battier bricked once from the Stemmons Freeway for a +1 in 4:03, while Mickell Gladness cheerfully fouled twice in 2:56 for a +2 and a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Dallas's Brendan Haywood countered 3 boards in 13:38 with four fouls and two lost rocks for a 6:3 Voskuhl.

Magic-Thunder: Quentin Richardson spelled one foul in 4:41 for a +1.

Clippers-Warriors: Dominic McGuire made it back into the lacktion report, this time providing East Oakland with a 3.5 trillion (3:29) worth of server applications. $7 million dollar man Kwame Brown countered a made free throw and board in 6:49 with a trio of fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, the Warriors also produced a pair of conventional Mario Brothers (Charles Jenkins at 58 seconds despite an assist, and Jeremy Tyler at 22 seconds).


Anonymous Anomynous said...
Yay! Basketbawful returns in full force. So glad all you guys are back, following this game just wouldn't be the same without this.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
So good to have you back, Mr. Bawful!

While Dallas played way below their talent level (the new guys seemed completely lost out there, Lamar Odom laughably so) Miami looked scary good. They are finally pushing the ball and running every chance they get, Lebron is actually trying to play off the ball and I was even impressed by his flawless face-up jumper from the post. As a hater, I am greatly displeased.

I wasn't able to watch more than the first quarter of the Clippers-Warriors game but what I saw from Billups was pretty bawful. He was shooting it every change he got, taking lead guard duties while Chris Paul was in the court, disrupting any kind of offensive flow the team was trying to establish and just plain old sucking. For the Clippers to be at their best they are going to need (aside from a bench) Billups to be mostly a catch-and-shoot player which is probably why his attempts to seemingly recapture his lost youth were so distasteful to me. Then again, it could also have been sleep deprivation. In any case, he shot 6-19 (3-10 from 3 point land) against a starting backcourt of Monta Ellis and an injured Stephen Curry while getting his shot blocked 3 times.

Anonymous Stockton said...
How bawfull is to say something like "Lakers really need minutes from Troy Murphy"?

Blogger Dan B. said...
1) To be fair, Dwight Howard's lone three point attempt was a three-quarter court heave at the buzzer. But still, to also be fair, yeah, totally going through the motions.

2) So, nice coaching debut for Mark Jackson, eh? His "Wired" segments sounded as generic and bland as you could ever hope from someone who has never in his life been a coach.

Welcome back, I cant express how much I missed you, I love you.

Blogger LotharBot said...
NBA ref behind the back pass fail:


Word verification: sturbl. As in, Charles Barkley thinks that pass was sturbl.

Blogger kazam92 said...
Pretty much what Anon said.

Blogger Dick Sullivan said...
It's the morning after, where I feel better about Delonte West than Lamar Odom. I think maybe I'll just skip all the games and spend the season watching Vince "Lowered Expectations" Carter jump over Weis on Youtube.

Blogger gregsgourmet said...
Glad to have Worst of the Night back. I missed it so very much.

Blogger TransINSANO said...
How could you leave Pau Gasol out of the festivities? Not only was he 6-14 for the game, but like Kobe he was instrumental in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. First he misses two freebies with a minute and change left that would've basically iced the game. Immediately on the other end he lets Boozer blow right by him for a four point swing. After the Lakers regain their doomed 6 point lead he weakly fouls Deng for an and 1 to cut it in half. Finally, he and Kobe make the bawful play of the game when Bryant allows himself to be trapped and makes a bad pass equaled only by Gasol's non-catch swat down to the waiting Bulls. Add in his couple of bricks and he basically turned into Kawame Brown down the stretch. Mitch Kupchak is probably considering whether to move Pau for a draft pick or just a trade exception.

Blogger chris said...
Paul Pierce: ...a bruised right heel. Wait, what? Isn't this the same guy who got cut in half pretty bad right before the 2000-01 season but went on to play all 82 games that year? Does that mean a bruised heal is worse than getting stabbed 11 times in the face, neck, and back and having a bottle smashed over your head? That's it. I'm gonna start taping my heals before playing in my pickup league. But I digress.

Well, this is the same guy who did the Wheelchair Flop of 2008, so yeah...somewhere between the start of that decade and now, The Truth's...um...evolved to meet the requirements of successful star play in the Association.

Anonymous Mc Ejnar said...
Bawful being back = my life being better!

Blogger Bing said...
Ditto what TransINSANO said.

For someone who should be playing well to save his job in LA, he really didn't.

Anonymous world. b free said...
What inserts did Kobe have in those kicks? He should have had the other ones in.

And can evilted get the bawful inserts put into his keyboard?

He turned into the vince carter of this blog, if carter were bigoted and actually cried when people noticed how horrible he is.

Anonymous Silvio said...
There's not much Gasol can do if he doesn't get ball. In first quarter he scored 8 points on 7 shots, in other 3 quarters he scored 6 points on just 7 more shots.
All the time ball was in hands of that rapidly declining SG, which refused to share it with others, particularly with Pau.

Blogger Jason D said...
Bawful is back! Woo!

Can we get a special mention for Metta World Peace? He was horrible in the preseason, and wasn't any better last night. Seriously, he should've gotten the DNP-CD, not Barnes. Oh yea, Rose made Fisher look like an even worse version of Fisher. The collective thoughts of us Lakers fans right now is this:

...Help me D12, you're our only hope!

Anonymous POINT 3 Basketball said...
Very entertaining post. We look forward to reading more as the season progresses.

We've got just one issue with what you wrote... Kobe had a "bum wrist"? A "bum wrist"?!?! He tore ligaments in his wrist the week before, and was still out there doin' work!

Blogger TransINSANO said...
Bing - Maybe he's trying to lower his trade value.

Silvio - As I chronicled, down the stretch Pau wasn't doing anything good with or without the ball.

Jason D - Metta World End should have been a DNP-AC (Amnesty Clause). Yet the Lakers didn't use it on him or Luke Walton's lifetime contract. Either the Lakers don't know how this works or they're planning on signing some even worse deals in the next decade. Or they're simply saving it for the day Kobe is no longer profitable.

As for Dwight Howard, it'd be nice to have him and all, but lord is he an obnoxious flake.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Welcome back, Matt!

David Stern's control of the league is so complete that he converted it to the world's second Jewish state! I wasn't the only one who noticed on Christmas Day: my father, who never watches NBA, said, "What's with the Star of David on everybody's uniforms?" It was creepy as hell. I haven't seen that many people together wearing the Star of David since I watched "The Holocaust" as a kid.

Jewish Rondo:

Blogger The Sports Hayes said...
KG's stunt was absolute bush league. I don't condone what he did at all and Billy Walker had every right to get up in his grill. First he misses the game winner then attacks Billy Walker, the hell is the matter with you?

With that said, why doesn't Joey Crawford just wear a Knicks jersey while he officiates. His old pal Dick "Knick" Bavetta would have been proud. He called 2 techs and 3 bogus fouls on the Celtics in what ended a 2 point game.

Still, the Knicks played well especially anthony with 37 points. The big however is it would be a lot different with Pierce defending him, especially in a 2 point game. The Knicks fans better savor a victory because payback will be a bitch.

Anonymous Ignarus said...
So good to be able to read through your WotN posts again.

Great stuff. Thanks :)

Blogger Clifton said...
So glad the site is fully back and complete. The way the Suns have played so far, I'ma need the chance to laugh a little. *tear*