holy fuck the Bricks suck
Could the Knicks possibly upstage a 3-40 team for "Absolute Worst
of the Weekend" honors? I'll let this pic answer that question...

I traveled to Indianapolis this weekend to celebrate a buddy's 35th birthday, so Saturday was spent suffering from, ahem, flu-like symptoms, and then Sunday got gobbled up by visiting with Grandma Bawful and then watching the AFC and NFC championship games. So this week's WotW post is going to be a quick-hitter. That means 75 percent fewer penis and/or fart jokes. Sorry.

==FRIDAY==

The Sacramento Kings Their 100-84 loss to the Magic in Orlando was Sacto's sixth straight loss. The Kingas have now lost 15 of 17 games since their 35-point comeback against the Bulls in Chicago. Both wins they have in this stretch came against the Denver Nuggets, who were without Chauncey Billups in the first game and minus Carmelo Anthony in the second.

Dallas Mavericks: After the Mavs lost to by double-digits to the Sixers in Philly, Dallas coach Rick Carlisle said: "They're a talented team, certainly better than their record." Ever notice how players and coaches on good teams always say stuff like this after they lose to a crappy team? By the way, All-Star Allen Iverson scored 11 points on 4-for-14 shooting, while fellow All-Star Dirk Nowitzki had 15 on 4-for-13 from the field.

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: So after winning by 30 and then losing by 39, the Heat beat the Bullets by 24 in Washington...and so their Bipolar Girlfriend Season continues. Meanwhile, David Stern is looking into changing Washington's team name to "the Struggling Wizards" for the rest of the season.

Said Andray Blatch: "They came into our home laughing, dunking and just making it seem like we shouldn't be on the same court as them. That should touch some people. It touched me." Added Antawn Jamison: "They came out aggressive, knocked us in the mouth and we just stood there and took it."

And yes, those quotes could come from virtually any games the Bullets have played this season. Speaking of quotes...

Mike Miller, quote machine: Seriously, any Washington player who utters phrases like "We've got a lot of firepower in that locker room" during this particular season...SHOULD BE SHOT. Get it?! Sorry, I was just channeling my inner Gilbert Arenas. Many thanks to Basketbawful reader Olivier K. for passing this quote along.

The Charlotte Bobcats: The 'Cats had had won nine of 10 -- including the last six to tie a franchise record -- and were coming off the biggest victory in team history (that 39-point blowout of the Heat I mentioned earlier). Those good times came to an end after their 103-89 loss to the Hawks in Atlanta. Said Charlotte coach Larry Brown: "We take bad shots and turn it over. That's incriminating." So's giving up 51+ percent shooting when defense is supposed to be your team's bread and butter.

The Boston Celtics: Let's just say that barely beating the Brandon Roy-less Frail Blazers at home in overtime in Keven Garnett's comeback didn't exactly make me think, "Yes! They're back!"

By the way, Basketbawful William W. wrote in with the following talking points from Blazers-Celtics:

1. Sheed's headband "style.". Get a photo of that. Complete with a "ball don't lie" if you get video.

2. Bayless leaving with a bum ankle. Blazers injury woes continue.

3. Refs hating on the Cs; especially the play where Fernandez tripped over his own teammate's foot and a foul was called on Rondo, trailing the play. You could tell from the position of the ref who called it he saw nothing. Rudy gets up and laughs. Replay was blatant. Heinson says "way to guess Ed".

4. Aldridge makes a bid for worst possesion of the year, jacking it with 4 on the shot clock from ~30 feet.

Paul Pierce, quote machine: Regarding Ray Allen's go-ahead three-pointer near the end of overtime: "Ray is one of the great shooters of all-time -- right behind me. I told him that in the huddle."

The Detroit Pistons: The final score (105-93) doesn't indicate how badly the Pistons played at home against the Pacers. It was a blowout. Said Detroit coach Kuester: "I'm very disappointed. We talked about this before the game, and it shouldn't have happened."

How disappointed was Kuester? Well, he got into a "heated exchange" with Tayshaun Prince during a fourth-quarter timeout. Said Prince: "Don't even ask me about that. Y'all will just change my words anyway."

One big, happy family.

Ben Gordon didn't play and Charlie Villanueva -- who after Detroit's recent win over the KG-less Celtics said, "Charlie V's here!" -- went 1-for-9 and finished with 3 points. So much for Joe Dumars' big offseason acquisitions. Way to spend $90 million, Joe.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: With the score tied and 3.5 seconds to play, James Posey took the inbound pass from Chris Paul, faked a handoff to Paul and then spun past Corey Brewer for the buzzer-beating layup that dropped the Timberpoops to 9-35 on the season.

Talk about deja vu all over again. According to the AP recap: "The play came two nights after he did the exact same thing with 1.1 seconds to play to beat the Memphis Grizzlies and was nearly identical to the one the Hornets beat the Timberwolves on back on Dec. 9. On that play, Paul inbounded to David West, before streaking to the hoops and taking a backdoor feed to give the Hornets a 97-96 win at Target Center."

Said Al Jefferson: "It's amazing we got beat with it twice. It was the same play, different option. Two games, two layups that were buzzer beaters."

Corey Brewer: See above.

The San Antonio Spurs: Tim Duncan barely missed scoring his 20,000th point in a home loss to the Jazz only to score it in a home loss to the Rockets. Bummer. By the way, those of you who asked why I wasn't giving the Spurs credit after back-to-back wins against the Lakers (who were shorthanded) and the Thunder? This is why.

Aaron Brooks: Regarding Duncan's historic moment: "You know what it was? He scored the basket and everyone yelled and it was like, 'Dang. Why's everybody yellin?' Did Eva [Longoria] come in or something?"

The New Jersey Nyets: The tragic comedy that is the 2009-2010 New Jersey Nyets continued with a 111-79 loss to the Golden State Warriors. Make it 3-39.

The Phoenix Suns: They basically conceded open jump shots to the Chicago Bulls, who attempted 69 of their 85 field goals from the outside. It worked. For the Bulls. Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "Chicago did the unexpected. They hit shots. Added Grant Hill: "Our game plan was to make them jump shooters and keep them out of the paint. For the most part, we did, and for the most part, they made their shots."

I know Chicago is one of the worst shooting teams in the league and everything, but when your entire defensive game plan is "Let them shoot jump shots and hope they keep missing," your strategy is kind of effed up.

Friday lacktivity update: How Chris maintains his pleasant disposition -- not to mention lacktion reporting -- during Sacramento's current fail streak is beyond me:

Heat-Bullets: Despite blocking four shots in 8:23, JaVale McGee fired off three blanks and took a foul to blast into the lacktion ledger tonight with a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Bucks-Raptors: Patrick O'Bryant is back to lacking it up a bit, as he negated a board and assist in 3:27 for the dinos with a foul and giveaway to earn himself a 2:1 Voskuhl!

Mavs-Sixers: Quinton Ross and Matt Carroll can now order a subscription to HDNet from their team owner, as they earned themselves vouchers of 3.1 trillion (3:05) and 1.2 trillion (1:12) respectively!!!!

Thunder-Grizzlies: Byron Mullens fouled once for the Thunder for a +1 suck differential in 4:53, as well as a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Although teammate Serge Ibaka brought down a pair of boards in 10:05, he also bricked thricely and dropped down two fouls with a giveaway for a 3:2 Voskuhl. And in what may be a record, Oklahoma City brought out a third Voskuhl ratio tonight, with Nick Collison negating five boards with five fouls and two losses of the rock for a 7:5 score in 17:54!

Hornets-Wolves: Sean Marks brought a Kiwi flavor to the lacktion report tonight by being the first New Zealander on the report this calendar year, with a +1 via foul in 2:12 for the insects that also counts as a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. However, this paled in comparison to Ryan Gomes' epic extended line as starting forward for the Timberpoops - in 20:15 (possibly the longest lacktive single stint for ANYONE this year), he dropped four bricks (one from the Mary Tyler Moore statue) and was clotheslined by three fouls for a +7!!!!!!!!

Nyets-Warriors: As the mob from East Rutherford remains perfect for the decade, Chris Quinn once again made a mighty effort to lack for the second straight gfame, fouling and losing the rock once and tossing a brick from Lake Merritt for a +3 in 8:19.
==SATURDAY==

The Sacramento Kings Their 115-84 loss to the Heat in Miami was Sacto's seventh straight loss. The Kingas have now lost 16 of 18 games since their 35-point comeback against the Bulls in Chicago. Both wins they have in this stretch came against the Denver Nuggets, who were without Chauncey Billups in the first game and minus Carmelo Anthony in the second.

Golden State Warriors: I know he's been playing better this season, but if I told you that Goran Dragic exploded for 18 points in the fourth quarter -- going 4-for-6 from the field, 3-for-5 on threes and 7-for-8 from the line -- you'd just know it happened against the Warriors, wouldn't you? Dragic also had 2 steals and blocked a breakaway layup attempt by C.J. Watson in that final period. Without even bothering to double-check, I'm going to go ahead and assume those were the first three defensive plays of his NBA career.

C.J. Watson: See above.

Don Nelson, quote machine: This is what Nellie had to say after the Suns made their fourth-quarter comeback with a lineup of a lineup of Dragic, Earl Clark, Channing Frye, Jared Dudley and Louis Amundson: "I have no complaints about what we did." This quote goes a long way toward explaining why the Warriors are 13-29.

The New Jersey Nyets: The tragic comedy that is the 2009-2010 New Jersey Nyets continued with a 116-83 loss to the Utah Jazz. Make it 3-40.

Some other random numbers: New Jersey went 0-4 on their Western Conference road trip, losing by an average of 22 points. THe Nyets are now 0-18 against the West and 1-23 on the road. New Jersey let the Jazz shoot over 60 percent for the game, got outscored 70-34 in the paint and 27-5 on fast break points, and was outrebounded 46-31.

Kiki Vandeweghe, quote machine: Regarding all those numbers I just listed: "Things like that happen and it's just unfortunate that we're not playing with enough effort to win a basketball game or come close."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: After losing to the Hornets on a buzzer-beating layup on Saturday night, the Timberpoops travelled to Milwaukee and got crushed 127-95. They have now lost seven of eight and 12 of their last 14 games. They are 9-36 on the season.

Whew! It's a good thing they fired Kevin McHale!

Said Minny coach Kurt "Clothesline" Rambis: "Our guys aren't able to sustain the energy, focus and intensity particular after coming off tough losses. They have a difficult time being able to muster up the energy." Sounds like a job for 5-Hour Energy, coach. Speaking of which...

5-Hour Energy Commercials: As most of you already know, I swear by this stuff...but they have pretty bawful commercials. I saw one of the bawful-est on Saturday. In it, some tired-looking dude downs the contents of a generic can labeled "Energy" and instantly transforms into a fat slob. The following disclaimer was immediately displayed at the bottom of the screen: "Appearance changes for comedic effect only, not to imply actual changes." I shit you not.


Thanks for the warning, 5-Hour Energy people. I was seriously afraid sipping from a Red Bull might turn me into that fat, bearded guy from The Hangover.

The Detroit Pistons: In a battle between two M.A.S.H. units, the Frail Blazers came out on top...which is kind of sad since Portland was missing more and better players than the Pistons were. It's especially damning because the Pistons were playing the second of back-to-back home games, whereas the Frail Blazers had to travel to Detroit after three starters logged 40+ minutes during the previous night's overtime loss in Boston.

The Pistons were down 56-42 at halftime before rallying to lose by only 4 points...so they had that going for them, which is nice. But it would have been nicer if, you know, they could have played hard for two halves instead of one. Said Charlie Villanueva: "I don't know what it is. I can't really put my finger on it but we showed a lot of fight in that second half, which is encouraging. If we play like that a whole game, I am telling you we are tough to beat."

Then play like that the whole game, okay? Problem solved.

Fun extra: According to the game recap, Steve Blake led the Blazers with zero blocked shots.

The Associated Press: Check out the first line form the Sixers-Pacers AP game recap: "Allen Iverson's 'team first' approach with the Philadelphia 76ers has earned him respect from his teammates and fans."

...

The Indiana Pacers: Losing by 10 points at home to a crappy team like Philly is what you'd call "a bad sign." So is committing 21 turnovers. But what can you expect when the coach is saying bull poopy like this...

Jim O'Brien, excuse machine: "Our guys played exhausted and we got outplayed, no question about it. Our guys are exhausted and they should be. We just played a five-week schedule that is taxing."

Because...nobody else in the NBA plays a taxing schedule?

The Houston Rockets: The Bulls entered the game 5-15 on the road and 2-7 on the second night of back-to-back games. Plus, they found out Joakim Noah couldn't play about 10 minutes before tipoff. Should have been an easy win for the Rockets, right? Only Chicago shot 53 percent from the field (including 58 percent from downtown), held Houston to 40 percent shooting and won 104-97. And Brad Miller owned the Rockets. Yes, Brad Miller. Yes, owned. Starting in place of Noah, Miller scored a season-high 25 points in only 26 minutes, going 9-for-14 from the field, 2-for-2 from downtown and 5-for-5 from the line.

Mind you, Miller declared "legally immobile" back in November.

New York Jets fans: Somehow, in one short evening, Jets fans replaced Lakers fans as the "Fanbase I would Most Like to Kick Squah In Duh Nuts." They decended on downtown Indy en masse, dissing Colts fans and basically acting like complete jackasses. I probably could have overlooked all that if they hadn't driven me and my buddies out of our go-to bar by sheer force of numbers. I think I heard enough chants of "J-E-T-S! JETS!!" to destroy large sections of my brain. On the up side, I did come this close to talking a hot waitress into spiking the drinks of every Jets fan in her bar for the rest of the night. Like, she was chewing on her necklace and really thinking about it. The funny thing is, when we were discussing what she'd put in their drinks, she said she'd feel morally better about spiking them with dirty kitty litter than her own spit. That's...kind of backwards, right?

Saturday lacktivity update: Regarding Chris: See above.

Sixers-Pacers: Rodney Carney clubbed a foul for a +1 suck differential in 2:38.

Kings-Heat: Miami brought forth two bawful big men tonight, with Joel Anthony countering two boards in 18:24 with three fouls and two lost opportunities at charity for a 3:2 Voskuhl, and Jamaal Magloire negated a board with three fouls and two bricks for a 3:1 Voskuhl in 7:12.

Blazers-Pistons: In the Not So Anticipated Rematch of the 1990 NBA Finals, Austin Daye dropped a brick on a Woodward Avenue cruise and added two fouls for a +3 in 4:11.

Bulls-Rockets: Jannero Pargo twiddled with his thumbs on a Nintendo DS for 1.1 seconds at the end of the first half, earning a Super Mario!!! For Clutch the Bear's theme, Chuck Hayes negated a field goal and assist in 9:51 with three fouls and a giveaway for a 4:2 Voskuhl. (Thanks to AnacondaHL for discovering NBA.com Play-By-Play, which

Wolves-Bucks: Since the Timberpoops seem to bark away from wins, they instead have taken a bite into the ledger - at least the Voskuhl segment for Ryan Hollins (7:1 ratio in 8:52 by countering a free throw and assist with a foulout and giveaway) and Oleskiy Pecherov (4:2 ratio in 5:07 by negating two boards with a pair each of fouls and giveaways).

Nyets-Jazz: Despite three boards in 8:36, Kosta Koufos made the ledger with four turnovers and a foul for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Crabs-Thunder: UPDATE from Will in comments - a two trillion (2:02) previously unnoticed by myself, by the equally unnoticed Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson! Could this be Darnell's long-lost brother of non-productivity!?
==SUNDAY==

The New York Knicks: A 50-point home loss? To a Dallas Mavericks team missing two starters (Jason Kidd and Erick Dampier)? Yes. Yes. Sweet Jesus, yes.

The Bricks suffered their worst home loss at Madison Square Garden ever, and the second-worst loss in franchise history. The worst was a 62-point loss to the Syracuse Nationals (now the Philadelphia 76ers) on Christmas Day 1960. Said Mike D'Antoni: "They took our heart out of us."

No kidding.

Seriously, does anyone still think LeBron is going to sign with the Knicks this summer?

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: If the Clippers were going to break their eight-game road losing streak, they were going to need to visit the Bullets, Nyets or Timberpoops. Fortunately for them, they spent Sunday in D.C. and came away with a 92-78 win.
WHY DO YOU GUYS SUCK SO BAD, ANTAWN JAMISON?!

Replied Antawn: "It's not like we're doing it on purpose. If I knew the answer to it, the solution to it, it would have been done a long time ago. We preach about it before every game, and we still get the same results."

The Los Angeles Lakers: If somebody was going to ask me what could possibly impove a sports day in which my two favorite NFL teams made the Super Bowl, I would probably say something about the Lakers losing. And that's what I got! Hedo Turkoglu got fouled with 1.2 seconds left and hit the ensuing freebies to give the Toronto Craptors a 106-105 win over the defending champs. Meanwhile, Pau Gasol -- the man who fouled Hedo -- was left to bitch and moan in his very own special, marshmallowy way: "It was a questionable call. I don't think I pushed him at all. My arm was on his back but I never pushed him. A tough call at a critical part of the game."

Just a hint, Pau. If you don't want a foul called, you probably shouldn't have your arm on somebody, whether your pushing him or not. By the way, Basketbawful reader Czerbobog asked me to give Gasol and Bynum special mention for this.

The Lakers are now 5-5 in their last 10 road games.

(Chris: And apparently no less an authority than Chris Kaman thinks that Gasol shouldn't be an allstar!!!!!!)

Kobe Bryant: This nomination comes from Lord Kerrance:

I was at the Raptors/Lakers game last night, and let me tell you, it was a Kobe Klassic. During the first half, Kobe drew doubles, made passes and racked up 8 assists. But the Raptors tied the game with a little left in the second quarter, so guess who took (and to be fair, made) the last three shots of the quarter?

The second half was all Kobe. After sitting out the first half of the 3rd quarter, Kobe came back in and did what he does: forced up shots against double teams and carped on the officials. Highlights included protesting a non-call by sitting on the offensive baseline and letting his teammates play 4 on 5 defence at the other end, ignoring a WIDE open Bynum under the hoop to go 1 on 2 against Bargnani and Wright, and doing the same to Farmar in the corner on a different possesion. After finishing the first half with 8 assists, Kobe's final tally was 9.
Chris Bosh: In the first quarter, the RuPaul of Big Men tipped a Gasol miss into his own basket. I imagine he might have taken some heat for that had the Craptors gone on to lose by one instead of winning by a point.

Vikings-Saints: You'd think a game featuring two of the top three teams in the league that ended 31-28 in overtime would have been pretty fun to watch. And if that's the case, you'd be totally wrong. Dear God in heaven, this game was ugly. Between all the dumb penalties, ridiculous turnovers and each team's inability to capitalize on the other team's mistakes, I was seriously wondering whether anybody actually wanted to win this one. By the way, everybody is going to talk about Brett Favre's interception near the end of regulation, but Favre -- whom the Saints almost killed with brutal hits throughout the game -- was the only reason Minnesota was even in this one. Adrian Peterson sucked all kinds of ass. Yes, he ran in a few short TDs, but the dude was straight up awful. I cannot stress this enough.

Boo ya for the city of New Orleans, by the way. Speaking as someone who visited the city about six months after Hurricane Katrina, it is literally impossible to overstate how catastrophic the damage done to that city was. I've seen less depressing scenes in zombie apocalypse movies. It seriously looked like 20 Godzillas stomped their way through the city, Giant Monsters All Out Attack-style. I don't usually go for cheesy storylines, but seeing the Saints make the Super Bowl made me a little misty-eyed, and not only because I have a man crush on Drew Brees. The Saints helped save the hearts of New Orleans citizens during as bad time as any U.S. city has ever suffered through. It's really nice to see fate throw them a bone. It helped, of course, that the San Diego Chargers and Miami Dolphins were stupid enough to let Brees slip through their fingers.

The San Diego Chargers and Miami Dolphins: See above.

Things I never, ever, ever want to think about: Basketbawful reader Jonathan Chuongco sent in the link to this injury report that lists Sebastian Telfair as out with a RUPTURED GROIN. If you need me any time in the next two hours, I'll be huddled in the corner with my hands cupping my crotch.

Sunday lacktivity update: One last quick hitter from Chris:

Clippers-Bullets: Steve Novak fired off a response to Dominic McGuire's recent lacktion hot streak, keeping himself in the Association lead for non-productivity with the help of fellow plumber DeAndre Jordan. Novak and Jordan appeared as Mario Brothers with sints of 10 and 17 seconds respectively!

For the folks from within the Beltway, Fabricio Oberto plinked a foul for a +1 suck differential in 6:10 that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Tiny Earl Boykins tossed a brick from Farragut Square for his own +1 in 3:57.

Lakers-Raptors: Sasha Vujacic took a singular foul for a +1 in 1:29.

Labels:

41 Comments:
Blogger chris said...
We SO need a link to Chris Kaman calling Pau Gasol "not an all star" right now... :D

Blogger Adam said...
Raptors enjoying a 26-9 free throw advantage? Mmmm, home cookin'.

Also what was up with that BS "continuation" call when the player managed to take like three whole seconds after the whistle blew to even bother to start going into a shooting motion?

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Lakers fans complaining about the officiating? Honestly and truly?

Blogger Adam said...
When it's bad, it's bad. Honestly and truly.

Anonymous DKH said...
Adam,

You do realize the Lakers got 16 more shots off, right? Even though they only had 6 more OREBs (but also 2 more TOs). So, roughly, the Lakers got 12 more shots off because they were fouled less.

That doesn't mean the calls weren't bad. I'd really like to see a video of the continuation call you cite.

Blogger Adam said...
DKH,

Yeah, this is where me not having a DVR (or League Pass Broadband, I guess) is a detriment. I *think* it was somewhere in the 3rd quarter. It was definitely in the second half because of the location of each team's basket.

I can't help thinking that if Odom didn't have his hissy fit and get T'd up he would have contributed a little more.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I can't help thinking that if Odom didn't have his hissy fit and get T'd up he would have contributed a little more.

Actually, Odom has taken a step back this season. He's averaging under 10 PPG, shooting only 42 percent, his PER has fallen from 16.6 to 14.7, his usage rate is down...he is rebounding better, but he's worse in most other categories.

Heeeeeeey...didn't Lamar sign a new contract over the summer...? Dismissed as coincidence.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Do they have to euthanize Brett Favre now? There's a great picture circulating around of his wife facepalming. Bawfulness like that transcends sports boundaries.

Blogger Adam said...
bawful: Too early to start cursing Khloe? ;) Ah well.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
It should also be noted that the LAL were chirping about every single foul they got.

Kobe definitely got some ref love. When he entered in the 3rd, Belinelli grabbed his jersey and Kobe swung a hard elbow. Belinelli got called for the hold, but Kobe got nothing for the retaliation.

Additionally, during the aformentioned sit-down protest one of the refs actually stayed behind and talked to Kobe as he sat on the floor. This was while play continued on the other end.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
chris -- If you want to add an update...

stephanie g -- Well, at least she was facepalming out of worry for his physical safety. I assume...

Link, btw?

Adam -- Too early? No, not at all.

Blogger DocZeus said...
You missed the quote of the weekend from Shaq: "The only skeptics than can skepticize me are the skeptics that have been where I've been.That's a Diesel quote."

Granted, this was after a seaason-high, 22 points, but still...'

And I'm definitively pro-Shaq.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
DocZeus -- Damn. I'll have to add that. Shaq is definitely the best quote in NBA history...maybe the best quote in the history of Western Civilization...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The booing during the Knicks 50 pt loss was amazing. I mean Jared Jeffries was the leading scorer, that's a lot of booing!

All I gotta say is, Childress and Favre were way overdue. The Favrewife facepalm was after his injury, but is beautiful out of context.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
Think fast: Whats worse, missing 20 of 40 free throws or losing to a team who missed 20 free throws? Maybe I should ask the Thunder, who allowed exactly this to happen on Saturday night. So how did they lose while winning the TO battle 17-8? Ill tell ya, missing about 27 shots from inside 6 feet ain't going to win you many games, especially against the likes of the Crabs.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Think fast: Whats worse, missing 20 of 40 free throws or losing to a team who missed 20 free throws? Maybe I should ask the Thunder, who allowed exactly this to happen on Saturday night.

Ever heard of mass hypnosis? That was mass Shaqnopsis.

Blogger Will said...
"Shaq is definitely the best quote in NBA history...maybe the best quote in the history of Western Civilization..."
That comment was sponsored by Bill Walton.

In regards to the Cavs-Thunder game, a C. Jackson managed to earn himself 2 trillion that game.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/boxscore?gid=2010012305

Blogger Dan B. said...
Think fast: Whats worse, missing 20 of 40 free throws or losing to a team who missed 20 free throws? Maybe I should ask the Thunder, who allowed exactly this to happen on Saturday night.

Ever heard of mass hypnosis? That was mass Shaqnopsis.


They heard the Shaq "skepticize" quote DocZeus mentioned, and it shut down their central nervous systems for a couple hours while they tried to process what the fuck he said.

Blogger chris said...
Will: Thank you for finding that, I think the world state of shaqnopsis has skepticized us into somnambulence.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Obama just called Jordan Farmer, "Jordan Farmer". I lol'ed.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
They heard the Shaq "skepticize" quote DocZeus mentioned, and it shut down their central nervous systems for a couple hours while they tried to process what the fuck he said.


First a guy argues with me over at TheClevelandFan that it would be stupid for the Cavs to get rid of JJ for Amare or Jamison, then I had to reread the Shaq quote about 3 dozen times to make sure I got it all. At this point, blood is going to start shooting out of my eyes like I was reading the old game recaps at www.pleaselarryhughesstoptakingsomanybadshots.com

Blogger chris said...
Tragic fact:

While the Kings are 100% better than the Nyets this decade, this is ONLY because the purple paupers managed a win against the Nuggets. One win so far for 2010.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Antawn Jamison recorded his fifth consecutive double-double against the Clippers with 20 points and 10 rebounds, and Brendan Haywood added 18 points and 12 rebounds, but they were unable to keep the Clippers from sweeping the season series against Washington for just the third time in franchise history -- and first time since 2005-06. 'I'm not embarrassed about losing to the Clippers,' Haywood said.
---

Not embarassed about losing to the Clips? Why is this not on the Bawful list?

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous: I think after everything this year, playing for the Washington Bullets ranks as much more embarassing than losing to the Team That Is Who We Thought They Were.

Blogger DocZeus said...
I think what really sells that Shaq quote is "That's a Diesel quote" part. I'm going to start introducting "That's a Zeus quote" into my speech patterns.

And who in the world was arguing against trading J.J. "Viking Hands" Hickson in a trade for Amare or Jamison? The Cavs would have to have unbelievable luck for J.J. to hit the level that either one of them is playing at now.

Blogger chris said...
And Javaris Crittenton is slated to plead out soon...

Blogger chris said...
Disorder in Denver according to Yahoo -

DENVER (AP)—The Denver Nuggets are talking about a possible punishment for sulking guard J.R. Smith(notes), whose behavior has rubbed management the wrong way.

Smith didn’t attend an optional practice Sunday, after which coach George Karl described his behavior on the bench Saturday night as “eclectic.” Karl said he would meet with the team’s brass before deciding what to do.

One possibility is a suspension for Smith, who has been mired in a season-long slump and evidently was pouting Saturday night when he played a season-low 12 minutes in Denver’s 116-110 win over New Orleans.


Um, "eclectic?" I DON'T think that's a negative adjective, Mr. Karl...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
BTW, now that the Amar''''''e trade rumors have upgraded to national reporting and shopping, I'm a pretty happy guy. The PHX medical staff basically saved his career. Advanced apologies to the team that pays him the max.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Ya mean that his time not wearing those goggles was ill-advised, and that the Frail Blazers really should consider poaching the miracle workers in Arizona?!

Blogger chris said...
Fun fact:

With one more loss, the Nyets will match the total they had AFTER Devin Harris's non-Nostradamic prediction, last year!

Right now, since the prediction, the Nyets are an amazing 26-79. SO...with three more losses, they will have lost a full season's worth of basketball matchups since the utterance of fail!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
So who do you think the Suns might get for Amar''''''e?

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
@DocZeus

That's what I was trying to get across and the poster's take was that TMLP would have to cater to LeBron's demands as far as building a future beyond 2010. Personally, I think if LeBron could be handed the finals trophy on a silver platter with the signing of Amare or Jamison, he wouldn't give a fuck about any 2010 signings. Thats what hurt the Cavs last year. They failed to trade potential for Shaq or another big name to help compete against the Magic.

Now, if a team like Phoenix demands multiple 1st round picks, then I back off. Phoenix has the bargaining power because Amare is expiring anyways and they don't want to resign him. No reason to give up that kind of talent without getting gold in return. As for Jamison, his contract/age scares me (2 more years at 12 mil at age 34) but he would put the Cavs over the top this year if they stayed healthy. No ifs ands or buts. Getting a bonafide PF to stretch the floor and/or create 1 more mismatch presented by the Cavs and you can roll the red carpet to the finals.

Anonymous Adrià said...
Could it be that the stepback of Lamar Odom is more related to having Ron Artest in the lineup?

I'm asking it seriously.

Anonymous Shayan said...
You guys should've seen Bargnani abusing Pau Gasol, especially in the fourth quarter where he took turns taking Gasol and Odom to school. He had a sick reverse dunk in the first quarter too. This guy's finally turning into the player he was believed to be.

Blogger chris said...
Surprising absolutely nobody, here's yet another piece concluding that the Grizzlies improved by subtracting Iverson.

Blogger gordon gartrelle said...
Ever heard of mass hypnosis? That was mass Shaqnopsis.

Have you ever heard from anyone who actually owned the shoes? I used to work at a sporting goods store and along with the Olajuwon Spauldings, the (Shaqnosises/Shaqnoses?) were the only shoes that no one ever bought. There were boxes of them piled up in the store room.

Blogger Will said...
gordon- I'm pretty sure I had a pair back in the 6th grade.

Anonymous Ian said...
I know this is late but I felt it needed a nomination, last night during the Raps-Lakers game on the Score, they had a highlight package showing Pau dominate on the inside. That's all fine and good except that the text to introduce the highlights clearly said Kareem Abdul-Jabaar and not Pau Gasol, I mean Kareem hasn't even played in almost 20 years, why would they have his name ready to be broadcasted? If anyone has a picture of this that would be just superb.

Blogger lordhenry said...
"By the way, everybody is going to talk about Brett Favre's interception near the end of regulation, but Favre -- whom the Saints almost killed with brutal hits throughout the game -- was the only reason Minnesota was even in this one. Adrian Peterson sucked all kinds of ass. Yes, he ran in a few short TDs, but the dude was straight up awful. I cannot stress this enough."

Thank-you for this. I've been a Brett Fan for a long time, and he was the first football player that I really enjoyed watching and would watch football games solely for him. I know he has commited assholery with his retire/not retire schtick, but I never turned on Michael Jordan for that and I don't see much difference here. I followed the Vikes all year long hoping that he would get to play in one more superbowl, win or lose. It's tough to see home-field advantage basically decide the game, but hats off to the Saints-they have been one of the best teams in football and they have never ever been.
You can't expect to win on the road with 5 turnovers, and my beloved #4 was responsible for two picks, and unfortunately, that is how everyone will try to remember him-the guy who always tries to too hard to force the pass, and makes the dumb turnovers and costs his team the game. But I will choose to remember how #4 continued to get hit brutally after every play, and continued to come back, even after going to the sidelines. I know football is a contact sport, but to me, it looked like the Saints were trying to send Brett home before the game even ended, and he kept coming back for more. And through all that he kept Minnesota in the game with a chance to win.

No doubt Drew was the better quarterback that day, but Brett was as fun to watch as he has ever been. I really hope he at least gives the Vikes one more year, he is still one of the best.

Congratulations to the Saints, your reward is to face Peyton Manning, good luck.

Blogger DDC said...
I place more blame on Brad Childress than Brett Favre. What the hell kind of 2 minute drill was that? Oh well, you can't expect a guy that looks like Mr. Noodles from Sesame Street to lead to team to the Super Bowl. Meh.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think you should seriously consider mentioning Basketbawful in your column for projecting the Bulls to go 0-7 on their current road trip after their losses @ the Warriors and the Clippers. The Bulls have gone undefeated since then and are playing their best basketball for the season

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